More than a year has passed since we said our goodbyes. Another year is coming to an end and perhaps before too long the memories will start to fade as it always does with time.
Every journey has a beginning, middle and an end it has been said and I met you in the middle of mine. Fresh out of a divorce with both wings clipped, I wasn’t looking for anyone special. It was too soon. I needed time to heal and I knew it was going to take forever.
You walked in like a breath of fresh air. Tall and handsome with your Irish good looks of reddish blond hair and green eyes which made me take notice. I moved cautiously but you took the lead and before too long “forevers” became a part of the conversation from your end. I kept my distance because I sensed something just wasn’t right.
The friendship flourished. You became the wind beneath my wings and I slowly but surely learned to fly again. We were the best of friends and I became your priority. You were there every step of the way, through the good and sad times and each time I took a dive you were there to pick me up. You never asked for anything in return. It was a joy filled time of laughter shared, hugs, caring and love of course but when I found the secret you were hiding mine changed to love of a friend but yours remained steadfast. I was your girl and you wouldn’t have it any other way.
Last year, the secret you were hiding took your life. You were a full-blown alcoholic and as your body slowly started shutting down, we knew the end was near. I stood by you, held your hand and we talked of death and the inevitable. You didn’t want to leave but it was out of your hands and there was nothing anyone could do.
I watched as the once tall and well-built guy with the lean and tough physique become someone else. You aged overnight. Your gait became slow and unsteady, your face scrawny with loose hanging skin and your physique changed to that of an old man. I kept the tears at bay as I rallied around you and became your one man army. I remember the last time I saw you. Your body was pumped full of morphine and you were staring into space. I walked into the room and suddenly you smiled and said, “I like you with your hair down,” and then floated away. I stood watching as they laid you on the bed and your eyes turned to me. It felt as if you wanted to say something but I’ll never know what. The next morning they told me you were gone. I stood in the garden and watered the roses you loved.
They say the good die young. I believe that you were an angel sent down to help me. I also know why you crammed so much into that short space of time. Your time was short here on earth. I want you to know that I felt safe within the cocoon you spun around me.
Today I was going through your phone and found the messages you wrote to me. Your day began and ended with me. “Good morning lovely,” and “Good night lovely,” were the messages you sent and you never missed a day until you couldn’t do it anymore, your fingers were too swollen and you couldn’t type anymore.
After the divorce, I felt ugly and thought of myself as being ugly. They say beauty lies in the eye of the beholder and I want you to know that you made me feel beautiful again.
I remember your kindness.
I remember the way your face would light up when you saw me.
I remember the things you did to show you cared.
I remember the walks, the laughter and the quiet times shared together.
I remember the quiet evenings spent infront of the TV as you rubbed my feet.
I remember the numerous calls made from your office just to ask, “How are you doing babe?”
Most of all, I remember I was loved.
Thank you for the love you showed me.
Thank you for showing me that I was special.
Thank you for taking care of me.
Thank you for the sunshine filled days.
Most of all, thank you for being you.
You will be a hard act to follow.
Fly high with the angels for your work on earth is done and the pain is forever gone.
Love Always
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