LOL! (4)

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It’s the start of another brand new week and what better way to get it going than with a bit of laughter. I found the jokes below hilarious and it certainly tickled my funny bone! Hope it lightens the load.

When women fall ill:

“It’s ok. I’m just a little tired.”

When men fall ill:

“Listen to me carefully woman, these are my last words.”

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Men used to say, “Why marry the cow when the milk is free?”

Ladies, these days I think the real question is: “Why take home the whole pig when all you want is a bit of sausage?”

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One big difference between men and women is that if a woman says, “Smell this, it usually smells nice.”

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A husband asks his wife, “Will you marry after I die?”

The wife responds: “No, I will live with my sister.”

The wife asks: “Will you marry after I die?”

Husband: “No, I will also live with your sister.”

Guess who died first!!!

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I got all dewy-eyed when I saw my husband looking at our marriage certificate for half an hour. Then I found out he’s been searching for the expiry date!

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A wife texts her husband on a cold winter morning.

“Windows frozen, won’t open.”

Husband: Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and tap the edges with a hammer.”

Five minutes later

Wife: “Computer really messed up now.”

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Have an amazing day.

What If….

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I’m not sure how or why I got into this “what if” mood. Perhaps it’s because it’s been raining all day and I had nothing better to do. I was coming up with hypothetical situations and really enjoying them until I decided to see what other people had to say. Seems like lots of people have the same preoccupation with the “what if” scenarios. I found some good ones. Enjoy.

“What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.” Woody Allen

Nutrition labels should include an, “What if I ate the whole thing” section. Unknown

I totally agree, I have a cheesecake fetish and I try not to but what if….

“What if common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.” Unknown

“What if you are in hell and you’re mad at someone where do you tell them to go.” Unknown

“What if there was no Google? Good question….I’ll have to Google it.” Unknown

That’s my worst case scenario! They call me the Google Queen!

“So what if you fail? At least you’ll know what not to do when you try again.” Venus Williams

I like this one. Try and try again is my motto too.

“What if instead of focusing on what you don’t have, you concentrate on what you’ve got?” Jodi Picoult

Not that easy I say.

“Ask yourself: If I can’t avoid it, change it, or make it go away, what if I changed my response to it? What if I decided to stop letting it bother me?” Al Siebert

“What if someone gave a war and Nobody came?” Allen Ginsberg

That would be Trump’s worst nightmare!

“What if I’m a Princess on another planet? And no one on this planet knows it.” Candace Bushnell

Probably why they never treat me like a princess here!

“What if God exists except it turns out he doesn’t really like people very much?” Douglas Coupland

We’d be in trouble!

“But what if music is what escapes when a heart breaks?” Unknown

Hmm….I’ve heard that music once or twice.

“The end justifies the means. But what if there never is an end? All we have is means.” Ursula K. Le Guin

Oops! Houston we have a problem!

“What if I slept a little more and forgot about all this nonsense.” Franz Kafka

“I’d say you’ve made a perfect end to the “what if” saga!

Have an amazing day.

What If….

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

I’m not sure how or why I got into this “what if” mood. Perhaps it’s because it’s been raining all day and I had nothing better to do. I was coming up with hypothetical situations and really enjoying them until I decided to see what other people had to say. Seems like lots of people have the same preoccupation with the “what if” scenarios. I found some good ones. Enjoy.

“What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.” Woody Allen

Nutrition labels should include an, “What if I ate the whole thing” section. Unknown

I totally agree, I have a cheesecake fetish and I try not to but what if….

“What if common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.” Unknown

“What if you are in hell and you’re mad at someone where do you tell them to go.” Unknown

“What if there was no Google? Good question….I’ll have to Google it.” Unknown

That’s my worst case scenario! They call me the Google Queen!

“So what if you fail? At least you’ll know what not to do when you try again.” Venus Williams

I like this one. Try and try again is my motto too.

“What if instead of focusing on what you don’t have, you concentrate on what you’ve got?” Jodi Picoult

Not that easy I say.

“Ask yourself: If I can’t avoid it, change it, or make it go away, what if I changed my response to it? What if I decided to stop letting it bother me?” Al Siebert

“What if someone gave a war and Nobody came?” Allen Ginsberg

That would be Trump’s worst nightmare!

“What if I’m a Princess on another planet? And no one on this planet knows it.” Candace Bushnell

Probably why they never treat me like a princess here!

“What if God exists except it turns out he doesn’t really like people very much?” Douglas Coupland

We’d be in trouble!

“But what if music is what escapes when a heart breaks?” Unknown

Hmm….I’ve heard that music once or twice.

“The end justifies the means. But what if there never is an end? All we have is means.” Ursula K. Le Guin

Oops! Houston we have a problem!

“What if I slept a little more and forgot about all this nonsense.” Franz Kafka

“I’d say you’ve made a perfect end to the “what if” saga!