medicine – Site Title

SPICE UP YOUR DAY!

Feeling down? Nothing’s going right? You’re in a down phase? The world’s a cruel place? Prince Charming is a no show?

You’re not alone. Give it time, work on yourself but in the meantime here are some tips to pep up your mood and get you soaring again.

MEDITATION

It’s been around for a long long time and it still works today. Just five minutes a day will quiet the mind and send those endorphins spiraling upwards. Try it. Close your eyes, go within. Take a breath, hold for 4 counts and let it out for six. Watch the transformation take place. You’ve got to keep at it to reap the benefits.

NATURE

It is my all-time favorite activity. Nature soothes, nature calms and it teaches how to give those stress hormones a run for the money. Just 10 minutes a day should do it. You’ll come back feeling refreshed and ready to tackle anything the world throws your way. A cup of coffee later and I’m raring to go!

GRATITUDE

This is an important mood booster. Never underestimate the power of gratitude. It has the power to change your mindset and to take you from the glass is half empty to the glass is all kinds of full! Try it. Think of three things you are grateful for right now. Not that bad is it?

LAUGHTER

Find something to laugh about everyday. It has been said, laughter is the best medicine. It really is. I watch standup comedies or funny movies to boost my mood and to release stress. Laughter also strengthens the immune system and releases cortisol and adrenaline, two main stress hormones. Chronic stress puts your health at risk so laugh it away. Aim for a dose of laughter each day.

JOURNALING

It is “the practice of regularly writing down your thoughts, feelings, experiences, and reflections.” This is my way of getting my pent up emotions out in the open. Believe me, it’s a miracle worker and once you get them out, you do feel a lot lighter. Write it down, get it out, do the dance and set it free! It’s a definite pep me up!

SMILE

This one comes naturally to me. I smile a lot. Just having a smile on your face tricks your brain into thinking you’re happy and it releases the “feel-good” chemicals like dopamine and serotonin. These are needed in your arsenal to add to your overall well-being. So, SMILE for all you’re worth!

Just a few tips to rev up your mood. These methods work for me and I hope it does for you as well.

“Be so positive that negative people don’t want to be near you.”

I say, “Aye, aye Captain!”

Have an amazing day.

LOL!

ADAM AND EVE

God was just about done creating humans. He was feeling pretty satisfied with his work, but he had two parts left over.

He couldn’t decide how to split them between Adam and Eve, so he thought he might just as well ask them.

“I’ve got two things for you, but you’ll have to decide who gets what. The first thing is the ability to pee standing up….”

Adam interrupted, “Oh please give that to me! I’d love to be able to do that! It seems like just the sort of thing men should have. Please! Give it to me Pleeease!”

On and on he went like an excited little boy, bouncing up and down. Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, he could have it. So God gave Adam the ability to pee standing up.

Adam was so excited that he just started whizzing all over the place – first on the side of a rock, then he wrote his name on the sand, and then he ‘did the helicopter’ with his thing.

“Look Eve, I’m a sprinkler!”

God and Eve watched him with amusement and then God said to Eve, “Well, I guess you’re kind of stuck with the last thing I have left.”

Eve asked, “What’s that?”

God said, “BRAINS.”

Ladies be happy we didn’t get that thing and how do you do a helicopter anyway?!!

Have an amazing day.

LOL!

Here are two more jokes to tickle your funny bone. I think they are funny but you may think otherwise.

A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decides to test it at dinner. He asks his son, “Son, where were you today during school hours?”

Son: “At school.”

The robot slaps the son. “Okay, I went to the movies!” The fathers asks, “Which one?”

Son: “Harry Potter.”

The robot slaps the son again. “Okay, I was watching porn!” The father replies, “What?” When I was your age I didn’t even know what porn was!” The robot slaps the father. The mom chimes in, “Haha! After all, he is your son!” The robot slaps the mother.

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A man is driving down the road. A woman is driving down the same road from the opposite direction. As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window and yells, “PIG!” The man immediately leans out his window and yells, “BITCH!” They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next curve, he crashes into a huge PIG in the middle of the road.

MORAL OF THE STORY:

If only men would listen.

Amen to that!

LOL!

I wasn’t in a good mood yesterday so I went looking for something to lighten the mood and came up with these. It sure did the job so thought I’d share.

Wife: “How would you describe me?”

Husband: “ABCDEFGHIJK”

Wife: “What does that mean?”

Husband: “Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot.”

Wife: “Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?”

Husband: “I’m just kidding!”

Do you think he lived through it?

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Q: Is Google male or female?

A: Female, because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.

Hmm?

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A lady comes home from her doctor’s appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, “Why are you so happy?” She says, “The doctor told me that for a forty-five-year-old woman I have the breasts of an eighteen year old.”

“Oh yeah?” quipped her husband. “What did he say about your forty-five-year- old a**?

Wife: “Your name never came up in the conversation.”

That’ll teach him to be quiet the next time around.

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Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn’t wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn’t wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said “Happy Birthday boss!” I felt so special. She asked me out to lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, “Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?”

“Okay,” I said.

She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, and my colleagues all yelling, “SURPRISE!!!” while I was waiting on the sofa…..naked.

Obviously she wasn’t that kind of secretary but he obviously was that kind of boss!

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Have an amazing day and HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE! Hope you have a peaceful one.

LOL!

A child asked his father, “How were people born?” So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.”

The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.”

The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me!” His father replied, “No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.”

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Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him, “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!”

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back to the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

Yup that will do it!

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A woman was taking an afternoon nap. When she woke up, she told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace. What do you think it means?”

“You’ll know tonight,” he said. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled, “The Meaning of Dreams.”

I bet he’s missing too!

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Have a day filled with laughter.

LOL!

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

It’s the start of another brand new week and what better way to get it going than with a bit of laughter. I found the jokes below hilarious and it certainly tickled my funny bone! Hope it lightens the load.

When women fall ill:

“It’s ok. I’m just a little tired.”

When men fall ill:

“Listen to me carefully woman, these are my last words.”

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Men used to say, “Why marry the cow when the milk is free?”

Ladies, these days I think the real question is: “Why take home the whole pig when all you want is a bit of sausage?”

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One big difference between men and women is that if a woman says, “Smell this, it usually smells nice.”

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A husband asks his wife, “Will you marry after I die?”

The wife responds: “No, I will live with my sister.”

The wife asks: “Will you marry after I die?”

Husband: “No, I will also live with your sister.”

Guess who died first!!!

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I got all dewy-eyed when I saw my husband looking at our marriage certificate for half an hour. Then I found out he’s been searching for the expiry date!

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A wife texts her husband on a cold winter morning.

“Windows frozen, won’t open.”

Husband: Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and tap the edges with a hammer.”

Five minutes later

Wife: “Computer really messed up now.”

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Have an amazing day.

LOL!

Did you know that women use about 30,000 words a day while men use only 15,000?

Woman: Yes because we have to repeat everything!

Man: What?

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The Woman’s Guide To Love AND Lasting Relationships

Find a man who makes you laugh.

Find a man who has a good job and can cook.

Find a man who is honest.

Find a man who will pamper you and give you gifts.

Find a man who is awesome in the bedroom.

Most of all it is very important that these five men never meet!

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Nurse: The doctor would like a stool sample, a urine sample, and a sperm sample.

Husband: What did she say?

Wife: They want your underwear.

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A good man can make you feel sexy, strong and able to take on the world…..oh sorry……that’s wine……wine does that.

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A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mentioned it.

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What women think of their a**:

10% think it is too small.

30% think it is too big.

AND

60% said they love it and wouldn’t trade HIM for anything!

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Ladies, have you ever noticed that all your problems start with Men?

MEN-opause

MEN-strual cramps

MEN-tal illness

MEN-tal breakdown

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Have a great day.

LOL!

A man bought a Mercedes and took it out on the interstate late that night for a test drive to see what she could do so he decided to open her up. As the needle went pass 90 mph he suddenly saw flashing lights behind him. Thinking that a police car couldn’t keep up with a Mercedes he rapidly speeded up to 100, then 110 and finally to 120 with the flashing lights still behind him. Finally, he came to his senses and pulled over. After a minute or two, a big grumpy state trooper came up to the car and after taking his licence and registration said, “I’ve had a really tough shift and this is my last pull over. I don’t want any more paper work tonight, so if you can give me an excuse for your excessive speed that I haven’t heard, I’ll let you go.”

The man said, “Well, last week my wife ran off with a police officer and I was afraid you were trying to give her back.”

What do you think? Good enough excuse? I would have let him go!

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A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, “Sir, I asked to see your ticket, not your stub.”

One smart cookie!

LOL!

A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, “Ribbit 9 iron.” The man looks around and doesn’t see anyone. Again, he hears, “Ribbit 9 iron.” He looks at the frog and decided to prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs a nine iron. BOOM! He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog, “Wow that’s amazing.” You must be a lucky frog, eh?” The frog replies, “Ribbit lucky frog.”

The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. “What do you think frog,” the man asks. “Ribbit three wood.” The guy takes out the three wood and BOOM! Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn’t know what to say. By the end of the day, the man shot the best game of his life and asks the frog, “OK, where to next?” The frog replies, “Ribbit Las Vegas.” They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, “OK frog, now what?” The frog says, “Ribbit Roulette.” Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks, “What do you think I should bet?” The frog replies, “Ribbit $3000, black 6.” Now, this is a million to one shot to win, but after the golf game, the man figures what the heck. BOOM! Tons of cash come sliding back across the table. The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sets the frog down and says, “Frog, I don’t know how to repay you. You’ve won me all this money and I am forever grateful.” The frog replies, “Ribbit kiss me.” The guy figures why not. After all the frog did for him, he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl.”

“And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room.”

What do you think? “Ribbit, Ribbit, did he get away with it?”

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The couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, “I’ll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday.”

Well, you can imagine her disappointment. The next year, her birthday rolls around again and he doesn’t give her anything. She says, “Why didn’t you get me a birthday present?”

He says, “You didn’t use what I got you last year!”

MEN!

LOL!

God promised man that good and obedient women would be found in every corner of the earth. Then he made it round.

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A man told his wife that he had invited a friend home for dinner. His wife said, “Are you crazy, the house is a mess, we don’t have any food in the house, and I don’t feel like cooking anyway. Why would you do that?”

He replied, “Because the poor fool is thinking about getting married.”

🤣🤣🤣

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A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband. Now he had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to his senses, he motioned for her to come near him. As she sat by him, he said, “You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?”

“What dear?” she asks gently.

“I think you bring me bad luck.”

MEN!

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