mindfulness – Site Title

Letting Go of Control (Archives)

Most of us are “control freaks” when it comes to controlling outcomes. I know I am. We want to take whatever comes our way, things of the unsavory nature and we want to change it or we spend time, sometimes lots of it, mulling over what we cannot control and instead of letting go or accepting it as a lost cause, we try to control the narrative.

“To find calm, let go of the need to control every outcome.” Unknown

I had a tough day yesterday and “calm” had flown the coop and was nowhere to be seen. I kept playing scenarios over and over again and no matter how many times I kept playing it over, the outcome was the same. It was done and dusted and there was nothing I could do about it but to let it go. The only thing I could do was to control my feelings and how I viewed the situation. The other thing that was staring me in the face was that I had no control over the events of the day, only in how I dealt with it. It was time to let it go and I did.

“When you release expectations, you are free to enjoy things for what they are instead of what you think they should be.” Mandy Hale

I spent most of yesterday getting angry, agitated, frustrated, and whatever else you could throw into the pot, I was ready to take it all and to run with it! Human nature is such that we love to entertain problems. Truth is, problems do show up when we least expect them and they throw us for a loop when we come face to face with them. More often than not, anger and frustration accompany problems. Not knowing how to deal with them is why they appear in succession. In my case, it is the opportunity to fall off from the path of self-discovery I was on and to VENT for all its worth! Ok, it’s alright for awhile but I see the toll it takes on my psyche and even then, I refuse to stop, hell-bent on wrecking havoc as I go along on my path of self-righteousness! The good part is, I’ve learned when to put a stop to it. It took me most of the day but when evening rolled around, I was ready to come to my senses and to look at it with a clear head.

“One of the most rewarding and important moments in life is the moment you finally find the courage to let go of what you can’t change.” marcandangel

Learning to let go of control is not easy because letting go of whatever it is means that you no longer have control over the situation. However, sometimes that is a good thing. You need to step back, view it from a distance and come up with solutions to break down the problem and to make it solvable. Yes, it takes time and it takes focus but it is better than going off the deep end as I did yesterday.

“Real strength isn’t control. It’s knowing when to let go.” Christopher Barzak

Have an amazing day.

Pay Attention (Archives)

Life often speaks in whispers at the beginning, it stomps its feet if you don’t listen and it screams to get your attention when you’re heading towards a head-on collision. Through it all, it has your back and is on your side if only you are willing to pay attention to what it has to say. And that is the hard part.

“Consider for a moment what you pay attention to all day long. What seems important to you, what do you take for granted and hardly attend to at all? Write it down. Do not judge your answers. Be honest and simple. As you keep track all week long, you’ll be amazed at what claims your attention what you give your precious life force to.” Brenda Shoshanna

The truth is as “humans” we march to our own drumbeat. We see what is not good for us, we know it spells trouble and we know if we keep going down that path, it will take us to exactly where we don’t want to go BUT we are hell-bent on doing it anyway. Are we wired for destruction, is that what we seek? At times, it seems that way but luckily for us, life comes in and shows us the way out but only if we pay attention.

“Pay attention to the signs. Stop making excuses for people. Stop defending their inconsiderate ways. Start taking care of you and your own needs.” Unknown

I do that all the time. Make excuses for inconsiderate people that is, BUT there comes a point in time when I say enough is enough and then I shut the door behind me but unfortunately, it is always a day late and a dollar short. I’ve learned my lessons the hard way but most of us do. Don’t ask me why but we just do. Do we get a thrill out of pain? I don’t know but not paying attention when life is screaming seems to be the problem.

When we don’t pay attention to love, it has a tendency to bring us down to our knees and then we ask what happened? We know exactly why. The answers have been staring us in the face even before the collision happened.

Pay Attention To Her:

When a woman is “tripping” she cares, when a woman is “mad” she believed in you and you let her down, when she is “asking questions” she is trying to gain clarity, when she is “quiet” and letting things slide she is giving up….And when she is not doing all of the above…just know you have lost a good woman.” Unknown

AND

“Sometimes you have to put aside what you feel for them, and PAY ATTENTION to what their actions are saying they feel for you.”

Finally, paying attention seems to be the key to a better life, better relationships and a better way through the intricate maze we call life. Pay attention to the signs before it is too late. Not easy to do but there is no other way it seems.

Listen to the wind, it talks.

Listen to the silence, it speaks.

Listen to your heart, it knows. Native American Proverb

Have An Amazing Day

Human Nature

What is human nature? One explanation refers to “the fundamental characteristics, ways of thinking, feeling, and acting that are generally considered to be inherent to human beings.” One can say we are pre-programmed to act in a certain way when faced with certain situations but nurture and social experiences do play a part in shaping individual behaviors as to how we react to certain outside stimuli.

Here are some quotes that speak to the heart of the matter.

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity and I ‘m not sure about the universe.” Albert Einstein

“It is human nature to think wisely and act in an absurd fashion.” Anatole France

I totally agree with this assumption. Been there and done that many times over!

“Human nature is deeply ingrained despite our best efforts difficult to change.” Unknown

This one shines the spotlight on the problem itself. Stupidity and stubbornness sometimes or often go hand-in-hand making it a lose-lose situation.

“It’s human nature to remember only what you want to remember and forget what you want to forget, or transform it into a different story.” Unknown

We are all good storytellers so I definitely agree with the transformation part so much so to our own detriment.

“I hate it when people argue in public and I’ve missed the beginning so I don’t know whose side I’m on.” Unknown

This too is human nature.

“People will question all the good things they hear about you but believe all the bad without a second thought.” Unknown

Human nature at its best?

“I chose the road less traveled and now I don’t know where I am.” Unknown

ME TOO!

“Even if you give them everything that they ask for, it’ll never be enough.” Unknown

Are we talking about men here?

Finally….

THE LAWS OF HUMAN NATURE

“You are not a pawn in a game controlled by others; you are an active player who can move the pieces at will and even rewrite the rules.” Robert Greene

There you go. You are not stuck where you are and you have the ability to change your life. You just need to start moving in the right direction. What about human nature? Tell it to take a hike!

Have an amazing day.

When Silence Speaks (Archives)

Sometimes we think that silence is just that, a certain quietness where nothing happens. It is a void that is soothing but nothing much comes out of it. I beg to differ. I have found that if you listen carefully, “silence” has much to say.

“It’s been said that actions speak louder than words, sometimes, it’s what you don’t say or do, that sends the loudest message.” Carlos Wallace

Quite often when something doesn’t go our way and we are hurt by another’s words or actions, the first reaction is to let it rip. Let it all out and show them how you feel and during those moments, words are aplenty and so are emotions. However, when all is said and done and you are wrung dry, more often than not you realize that you didn’t achieve anything through those outbursts of the unsavory kind.

“Once you’ve matured, you realize silence is more powerful than proving a point.” Unknown

Maturity doesn’t show up wearing bells and it does not say, “Here I am, take me and use me.” It shows up when you least expect it and when you’ve gone though the growing up process. The one that takes you on the ups and downs, the one where you find yourself down on your knees and the one that shows you there is a better way of doing things without going ballistic. It is the quiet gentle knowledge of knowing that you deserve better and you will move on with grace. No shouting or being loud needed.

“And suddenly I stopped explaining, stopped fixing, and just moved on. I learned that silence speaks louder than words. No response is a response. Now, I don’t chase. I don’t care and I let people feel the weight of their own choices.” Unknown

Easier said than done? I know because I’ve been there. Things are hard and life is harder still but learning to navigate choppy waters is a must if you want life to let up on you. If something doesn’t go your way, take it in stride. If someone doesn’t choose you, let him or her go. If life isn’t going like it’s supposed to, stop, take note, and then move on knowing that whatever it is that life throws your way, you are fully capable of handling it. Let silence be your guide and your best friend. There is much to be learned during your bout with silence if you’ll only listen.

“Silence is not empty, it is the loudest answer.” Unknown

Not only that, it gives you the ability to get your message across WITHOUT SAYING A WORD!

Try it the next time you want to let someone have what is coming to them or you are chomping at the bit to say your piece. Stop and move in silence.

Have an amazing day.

Showing Up

Photo by Anastasiya Lobanovskaya on Pexels.com

“Sometimes the bravest and most important thing you can do is just show up.” Brene Brown

It is also the hardest thing to do. Pulling the covers over your head, staying in bed and letting the day carry on without you is the norm and putting all your attention on the one thing or couple of things that tell you, not showing up is the way to go. I think we’ve all had those days and for some, it is a daily existence and for others it is a short stop before we pick up and carry on. Whichever the case may be for you, staying put is not going to do it. It takes courage to move on.

“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.” Brene Brown

Your first step to showing up for yourself is to show up as you are, fears and all. “Showing up is the act of being present and vulnerable, and courage is the ability to do so despite being afraid.” I realized that I haven’t been showing up for myself these past two weeks. Fear has stepped in and peace of mind is nowhere to be seen. I seem to be wading through thick gooey mud and each step is painstakingly slow if at all. I want the day to go away and staying under the covers is where I would like to spend my days. However, something stopped me in my tracks yesterday. Call it courage, call it intuition, or just my mind telling me to “BUCKLE UP!” and MOVE! It worked.

Today is another day and I am moving for all I’m worth. It’s not the physical kind of moving I’m talking about but the mental and emotional kind. Enough of the self-pity, the negative self-talk, and the “I can’t do this” mentality. I know I can and I will!

“No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, show up and never give up.” Unknown

It is exactly what I’m doing today.

I’m on the move again and I intend to show up for myself with bells on! Taking your power back from whatever is holding you back is a necessary step, letting go of people who bring you down is important but more than that, knowing that you are fully capable of handling whatever comes your way is one big leap towards moving on with life.

“There will be moments in life when showing up for yourself will mean leaving behind those who don’t.” Alex Elle

Show up, take life by the horns, and move forward decisively. Exactly what I’m doing today. The sun is showing up after the storm last night and it seems to be a clear signal to get MOVING!

Have an amazing day.

The Three Update

They are still here. Shiro, the white Persian, and her big brother Gallahad. I think they love it here. They have everything they need and throw in a maid at their beck and call, and life couldn’t be better for them. I’m learning about their personalities as well.

Shiro is the princess or so she thinks! She loves anything that smells sweet and wonderful but that doesn’t stop her from cavorting in the litter box! She uses that box about 10 times a day! A little much? Tell me about it. I’m the one with the scooper keeping things clean and some days it is exhausting. She is also the ringleader. The “macho” pants are on, she got them off Chachi and is wearing them with pride. The little Shiro is also a drama queen. If she doesn’t like something, she lets it be known. The meows kick in and she doesn’t stop until I say, “Enough!” Most days, she is my companion. What happened to Chachi? Well, he not only gave up his macho pants, he is content sleeping the day away and keeping his distance from her!

Galahad is the guy who is all about the food. His life revolves around food. The minute he sees me, his high-octane purring takes off. It is not because he is happy to see me or that he loves me, maybe a little of both, but because he sees “food” flashing past his eyes. You wouldn’t believe the number of kisses I get from Mr. Roly Poly. It stops when he has achieved his goal. Yes, he plays me like a well-worn fiddle! He has grown close to my heart and I will miss him royally.

Chachi is getting used to them. His world revolves around them now. Some days he has a hissy fit and on other days he watches them like a hawk. Galli is his best buddy. Shiro is his arch rival. He still shows his tiny teeth whenever he walks past her. Lately, he is reeling that in. Shiro is the smart one. She wants to take his place so she PRETENDS to like him. My poor little guy doesn’t stand a chance but I know that it will never happen. Replacing him is an impossible thing to do but he doesn’t know it. So he watches her and when she snuggles up to me, I hear a growl coming from the little guy.

Here’s the thing. They were supposed to go back to daddy, my son, at the end of this month. My son has moved in to his new apartment. It was a stressful time. It still is. He is doing his business trips as well. After the move, he was off to a city in Germany for a week. He is back now but off again next week for another week. I asked, “What happens when the cats get there and you have to be gone for a week or more?” He says, “I’ll ask a colleague to look after them.” Not sure about that but we’ll cross that bridge when the time comes. Now, I find out that the cats can only be there on the 15th of August because his dad has more important things to do!

I don’t mind watching over them. They are sweet and cute albeit a handful at times. Chachi loves the company and I’m getting used to their ways. However, I need a break so they need to go. I know that Chachi will miss them as well and he will be back to being the ONE and ONLY!

That’s one way of looking at it.

Have an amazing day.

Gut Feeling or Intuition

I would like to think that a gut feeling and intuition are the same but it seems that there are subtle differences. They are closely related and a “gut feeling is typically an immediate physical and emotional reaction driven by survival instincts and past trauma. Intuition is a calmer more cerebral knowing that subconsciously synthesizes experience to offer wise guidance.” I don’t know guys, it seems like it is the one and the same to me. Basically it is that feeling within that tells you you’re going the wrong way! Quite often we choose to ignore the voice that wants to do right and we walk our own path knowing full well that it is the wrong one.

I’ve done that many times over. I remember a time when my “gut feeling” screamed, “STOP! You’re headed the wrong way, he’s not the right one.” I heard it loud and clear, I saw the signs being paraded in front of me and still I ignored and carried on heading into the danger zone!

However, the journey of self-discovery I am on has taught me to pay heed to those gut feelings and to take them seriously. Not too long ago, I dated someone who seemed to be the perfect guy. Let’s just say, he ticked all the right boxes. It started out like a dream. We connected, we had the same interests, and it felt like HOME! However, my gut was telling me something else. It said, “Watch out! Things are not as they seem.” This time around, I chose to listen and it turned out for the best.

The loser was a cheater just like my ex. He played a good game and it looked like he had done it many times before. The good part, I walked away before more damage could be done. My gut feeling was exactly right and I did right by following its advice.

So the next time your gut tells you something is not right, pay heed. It has your best interests at heart just like intuition does.

Daily writing prompt

What’s a time you followed your gut and it turned out to be exactly right?

View all responses

LOL!

The old man and the beautiful young blonde.

A balding, white-haired man from Sherman Oaks, California walked into a mall jewelry store on Friday evening, accompanied by a much younger woman. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler showed him a nice ring for $5,000.

“No, I’d like to see something more special,” the man replied.

The jeweler then presented a stunning $40,000 ring. The woman’s eyes sparkled, and she trembled with excitement at the sight.

The old man smiled and stated confidently, “We’ll take it.”

When the jeweler inquired about payment, the man replied, “By check. I realize you’ll want to check on the funds, so I’ll write it now and you can call the bank on Monday. I’ll return to collect the ring.”

On Monday morning, the jeweler furiously called the old man. “You have only $25 in your account!” he shouted.

“I know,” replied the old man with a laugh. “But let me tell you about MY GREAT WEEKEND!”

You must admit the old man knew what he was doing and that blonde didn’t stand a chance! 🤣🤣🤣

Courage in Practice

Courage is not being, “fearless.” Courage is shaking at the knees, choking on your words, heart gripped by uncertainty, but stepping forward on your journey anyway. (Unknown)

That quote right there says it all. Courage doesn’t arrive with grand gestures but in small steps. It means showing up for yourself even if you don’t feel like it. It means getting up in the mornings and saying, “I’m going to try again.” It means staring whatever is holding you back right in the face and daring to take that first small step forward. It means moving towards that mountain top not knowing what is waiting for you there but trusting that it will be better than where you’re at right now.

“Courage isn’t having the strength to go on – it is going on when you don’t have strength.” Napoleon Bonaparte

How often have you thrown up your hands and said, “I give up!” I’ve been there and so have you. However, it is those very moments that call for courage to step up and to put fear in its place. It is easy to run and hide, to not show up for yourself and to wear the mantle of defeat proudly. Moving on becomes heavy and each step forward, sometimes next to impossible. Courage needs practice like anything else in life. It doesn’t happen overnight and neither is it easy. Each time you face defeat as you inevitably will because life is about overcoming obstacles and nothing is going to be made easy and handed to you on a silver platter. The truth of the matter is, it takes work and sometimes hard work to achieve what you want. On your way, you will meet fear (my constant companion) and you will meet defeat. However, you are made of stronger stuff and you, my friend, are capable of showing up, time and time again until one day you are holding the letter “V” in your hands and giving whatever is holding you back a run for the money!

“COURAGE DOESN’T ALWAYS ROAR. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says, “I will try again tomorrow.” Mary Anne Radmacher

Remember practice makes perfect and “courage” in small doses is what it is about. Make a list and start with the smallest thing on that list. Work your way up one step at a time putting fear where it belongs. Good luck on your journey.

Have an amazing day.

Let It Go (Archives)

Letting go is one of the hardest lessons to learn in life. Holding on is somehow innately built into the human system and we are wired to hold on when things go wrong. At least, that is the case with me. If only I had the ability to “let go” when I knew that there was no point in holding on. Life would be so much easier right? Knowing that doesn’t make it any easier. I am an overthinker, an overachiever and a hold on with a death grip type of person. At times I am well aware that the ship has set sail and is out of sight but I keep looking longingly out to sea hoping it would return and everything would be alright but most times, it never does and still I refuse to let go.

“One of the hardest lessons in life is letting go. Whether it’s guilt, anger, love, loss or betrayal. Change is never easy. We fight to hold on and we fight to let go.” Unknown

The hard thing about letting go is the fear factor. The unknown is always scary. We tend to fixate on what was instead of realizing that it is done with, a thing of the past and it’s time to move on. The pieces remain of what once was, be it a lesson learned or pieces to build a future with but only if we stop looking at that closed door and turn towards the one that is open BUT going through that door is like leading a horse to water but making it drink is another story altogether.

Shannon Alder says:

“Forget what hurt you but NEVER forget what it taught you.”

If only it was that easy. Speaking from experience and being the proverbial holder on, I know that there were times when I dug in my heels and refused to budge because it was what was behind that closed door that I wanted. It didn’t matter that it was bad for me and it didn’t matter that it was gone, water under the bridge so to speak and still I held on for dear life. I cried a waterfall when I could have saved those tears if only I had taken the first step to go through that open door. Freedom comes in letting go which in turn gives you the ability to fly because nothing is weighing you down anymore. I am learning not to stay in one place too long, to look back and to gather the lessons I have learned and when the time is right to keep moving forward. Life is for living, not just existing and being stuck in one place is an absolute no go. It is in moving forward that you learn the power of letting go, the power of living again.

“Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure.” Oprah Winfrey

LET GO!

Have an amazing day.