mindfulness – Site Title

Let It Go (Archives)

Letting go is one of the hardest lessons to learn in life. Holding on is somehow innately built into the human system and we are wired to hold on when things go wrong. At least, that is the case with me. If only I had the ability to “let go” when I knew that there was no point in holding on. Life would be so much easier right? Knowing that doesn’t make it any easier. I am an overthinker, an overachiever and a hold on with a death grip type of person. At times I am well aware that the ship has set sail and is out of sight but I keep looking longingly out to sea hoping it would return and everything would be alright but most times, it never does and still I refuse to let go.

“One of the hardest lessons in life is letting go. Whether it’s guilt, anger, love, loss or betrayal. Change is never easy. We fight to hold on and we fight to let go.” Unknown

The hard thing about letting go is the fear factor. The unknown is always scary. We tend to fixate on what was instead of realizing that it is done with, a thing of the past and it’s time to move on. The pieces remain of what once was, be it a lesson learned or pieces to build a future with but only if we stop looking at that closed door and turn towards the one that is open BUT going through that door is like leading a horse to water but making it drink is another story altogether.

Shannon Alder says:

“Forget what hurt you but NEVER forget what it taught you.”

If only it was that easy. Speaking from experience and being the proverbial holder on, I know that there were times when I dug in my heels and refused to budge because it was what was behind that closed door that I wanted. It didn’t matter that it was bad for me and it didn’t matter that it was gone, water under the bridge so to speak and still I held on for dear life. I cried a waterfall when I could have saved those tears if only I had taken the first step to go through that open door. Freedom comes in letting go which in turn gives you the ability to fly because nothing is weighing you down anymore. I am learning not to stay in one place too long, to look back and to gather the lessons I have learned and when the time is right to keep moving forward. Life is for living, not just existing and being stuck in one place is an absolute no go. It is in moving forward that you learn the power of letting go, the power of living again.

“Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure.” Oprah Winfrey

LET GO!

Have an amazing day.

The Light?!!

Dare I say it without jinxing something that is on the way? I’ll go ahead and do it because I can’t keep it to myself anymore!

The “light at the end of the tunnel” is a classic idiom that signals something positive is about to happen. There are four different takes according to one source.

The Realistic Approach:

“The light at the end of the tunnel is just the light of an oncoming train.” James Russell Lowell

The Empowered Approach:

“I stopped waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel and lit that b**ch up myself.”

The Pessimistic Approach:

“The good news is the tunnel has an end. The bad news is more tunnels before it.”

The Absurdist Approach: “When life gives you lemons, at least you know you are out of the tunnel.”

Hmm….where does my news fit in? I don’t really know but here goes. Some of you who read my posts on a daily basis know that I have two temporary residents who have moved in for about six months. They are Shiro, a Persian cat, and Gallahad, a long-haired British variety. They took up residence about a month ago and life hasn’t been the same ever since! They belong to my son and since he has started a new job and pets are not allowed in his current apartment, his only choice was to leave them with me.

A month later, I am ready to throw up my hands and to give up! It’s not that they are not cute and sweet. They are all of those things and more. However, they require a lot of time, energy, and looking after. Not only that, they think they’ve moved into a 5 star resort and “demands” are at the top of their list. No longer satisfied with the cheap stuff their daddy (my son) used to feed them, they want top-notch and nothing less! They have a maid (me) who is at their beck and call and if that’s not enough, they want a play buddy as well. Chachi, (my little guy) loves and hates them. So, they have to be separated at intervals, this approach seems to be working but it is taking a toll on me.

The news I am about to tell you couldn’t have come at a better time. My son, who I am very proud of, not only landed his dream job but has gone on to secure a much bigger apartment. This is next to impossible in a city where apartments are very expensive and they get grabbed up as soon as they appear. Anyway, he went to look at the apartment, talked to the owner, asked intelligent questions I presume, and snapped it up! He got the call the same day and was offered the place if he wanted it. A roomy place with a built-in kitchen with all the amenities. The best part, they accept cats! A dream come true? He thinks so.

Now comes the part of signing the contract, giving up the old one, moving his stuff in and maybe, just maybe, the cats are out of here in about two months! He’ll be happy to have them back, I’ll be happy to have my life back although I will miss them, and Chachi, the little macho, will be king of the castle again.

I’ll take a different approach. “If it’s meant to be, it will be.”

Fingers, toes, and everything else crossed!

Have an amazing day.

Pay Attention

Life often speaks in whispers at the beginning, it stomps its feet if you don’t listen and it screams to get your attention when you’re heading towards a head-on collision. Through it all, it has your back and is on your side if only you are willing to pay attention to what it has to say. And that is the hard part.

“Consider for a moment what you pay attention to all day long. What seems important to you, what do you take for granted and hardly attend to at all? Write it down. Do not judge your answers. Be honest and simple. As you keep track all week long, you’ll be amazed at what claims your attention what you give your precious life force to.” Brenda Shoshanna

The truth is as “humans” we march to our own drumbeat. We see what is not good for us, we know it spells trouble and we know if we keep going down that path, it will take us to exactly where we don’t want to go BUT we are hell-bent on doing it anyway. Are we wired for destruction, is that what we seek? At times, it seems that way but luckily for us, life comes in and shows us the way out but only if we pay attention.

“Pay attention to the signs. Stop making excuses for people. Stop defending their inconsiderate ways. Start taking care of you and your own needs.” Unknown

I do that all the time. Make excuses for inconsiderate people that is, BUT there comes a point in time when I say enough is enough and then I shut the door behind me but unfortunately, it is always a day late and a dollar short. I’ve learned my lessons the hard way but most of us do. Don’t ask me why but we just do. Do we get a thrill out of pain? I don’t know but not paying attention when life is screaming seems to be the problem.

When we don’t pay attention to love, it has a tendency to bring us down to our knees and then we ask what happened? We know exactly why. The answers have been staring us in the face even before the collision happened.

Pay Attention To Her:

When a woman is “tripping” she cares, when a woman is “mad” she believed in you and you let her down, when she is “asking questions” she is trying to gain clarity, when she is “quiet” and letting things slide she is giving up….And when she is not doing all of the above…just know you have lost a good woman.” Unknown

AND

“Sometimes you have to put aside what you feel for them, and PAY ATTENTION to what their actions are saying they feel for you.”

Finally, paying attention seems to be the key to a better life, better relationships and a better way through the intricate maze we call life. Pay attention to the signs before it is too late. Not easy to do but there is no other way it seems.

Listen to the wind, it talks.

Listen to the silence, it speaks.

Listen to your heart, it knows. Native American Proverb

Have An Amazing Day

Self-Love (Archives)

According to one source, “Self-love means having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness. Self-love means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others.”

That said, when was the last time you talked to yourself with compassion? When was the last time you gave yourself some extra care and when was the last time you took care of your needs first. I don’t do those things often enough but it is necessary for your total well-being. Some days, I’m running around like a chicken with its head cut off taking care of others and on other days, I am my own worst critic. I am quick to blame and I stay there for a while to my own detriment. When I emerge from this destructive behavior, I am usually in a bad mood or everything seems just a tad gloomier.

We need to be nicer to the person we carry around. Compassion is needed and positive self-talk as well. Start by loving yourself first and it will create a ripple effect in the world around you. I think women are natural caregivers and in the process we forget to take care of ourselves. It’s time to stop and smell the roses even if it’s only for a little while. Enjoy the following quotes that bring “self-love” to the forefront and try to shine the spotlight on “YOU” for a change.

FRIENDLY REMINDER:

“It’s perfectly okay if the only exercise you get today is flipping the pages of a book or stirring your tea or smiling with friends. Well-being means your WHOLE body. Make sure your soul is getting as much exercise as your glutes.”

I sometimes forget to give my “soul” the same kind of attention I give to my body. Time to take note and do different.

“Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how you use it. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept.” Anna Taylor

Another important point here. Set those boundaries so you know in which direction you’re headed.

“Self-confidence is a super power. Once you start to believe in yourself, magic starts happening.” Unknown

“Be proud of who you are, and not ashamed of how someone else sees you.” Unknown

It’s true isn’t it? How someone sees you is not your problem. You are enough as you are and always remember that.

Here are a few more for good measure.

“Don’t let your mind bully your body.”

“Remember how you show up for yourself is how you teach others to show up for you.”

“Choose yourself more.”

“Life is too short to be mean to yourself.”

“Less self judgment and more self compassion.”

“Choose people who choose you.”

“Live your life like the story you want to be in.”

And finally:

LOVE YOURSELF

YOU ARE ENOUGH AS YOU ARE!

Have an amazing day.

Letting Go of Control (Archives)

Most of us are “control freaks” when it comes to controlling outcomes. I know I am. We want to take whatever comes our way, things of the unsavory nature and we want to change it or we spend time, sometimes lots of it, mulling over what we cannot control and instead of letting go or accepting it as a lost cause, we try to control the narrative.

“To find calm, let go of the need to control every outcome.” Unknown

I had a tough day yesterday and “calm” had flown the coop and was nowhere to be seen. I kept playing scenarios over and over again and no matter how many times I kept playing it over, the outcome was the same. It was done and dusted and there was nothing I could do about it but to let it go. The only thing I could do was to control my feelings and how I viewed the situation. The other thing that was staring me in the face was that I had no control over the events of the day, only in how I dealt with it. It was time to let it go and I did.

“When you release expectations, you are free to enjoy things for what they are instead of what you think they should be.” Mandy Hale

I spent most of yesterday getting angry, agitated, frustrated, and whatever else you could throw into the pot, I was ready to take it all and to run with it! Human nature is such that we love to entertain problems. Truth is, problems do show up when we least expect them and they throw us for a loop when we come face to face with them. More often than not, anger and frustration accompany problems. Not knowing how to deal with them is why they appear in succession. In my case, it is the opportunity to fall off from the path of self-discovery I was on and to VENT for all its worth! Ok, it’s alright for awhile but I see the toll it takes on my psyche and even then, I refuse to stop, hell-bent on wrecking havoc as I go along on my path of self-righteousness! The good part is, I’ve learned when to put a stop to it. It took me most of the day but when evening rolled around, I was ready to come to my senses and to look at it with a clear head.

“One of the most rewarding and important moments in life is the moment you finally find the courage to let go of what you can’t change.” marcandangel

Learning to let go of control is not easy because letting go of whatever it is means that you no longer have control over the situation. However, sometimes that is a good thing. You need to step back, view it from a distance and come up with solutions to break down the problem and to make it solvable. Yes, it takes time and it takes focus but it is better than going off the deep end as I did yesterday.

“Real strength isn’t control. It’s knowing when to let go.” Christopher Barzak

Have an amazing day.

Unwinding After a Demanding Day

Those high-pressurized days are over with. I’ve taken time off to concentrate on writing and I have all the time in the world to work on what I’m working on. No more churning out articles to meet deadlines and all the pressure that comes with it. These days the only form of stress that comes my way is dealing with what needs to be fixed around the house, Chachi, the cat’s demands, and stress of my own making! Let’s also add the two cats who have moved in temporarily and are adding to the stress factor and you get the picture.

When stress shows up, my go to method of unwinding is to take a walk in the garden which is geared for relaxation. It has a whimsical quality about it and just watching the butterflies moving from flower to flower is soothing and calming. Listening to the birds is something that helps me unwind as well. The bedroom is an oasis for relaxation and it is kept dark and cool. I never have the heat on in the bedroom, I like it cold with lots of blankets! Sometimes listening to music helps but nothing jarring. It has to be soft and mood inducing. If that fails, stand-up comedy helps to bring out the laughter and this definitely does the job of soothing a frazzled nerve.

Meditation and yoga are two of my current methods of winding down for the evening. I’ve always turned to yoga but took a break after hurting myself doing a pretzel move! No more twisting and turning or headstands for that matter. These days I listen to my body so 30 minutes of slow languid moves helps to tone the body, calm the mind and to restore the soul. Meditation and deep breathing combined are major when it comes to getting ready for bed. It never fails to calm my mind and to put it to bed. Not always an easy thing to do since my mind has a mind of its own!

Daily writing prompt

How do you unwind after a demanding day?

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Taking Care of Yourself (Archives)

“Taking care of yourself doesn’t mean me first; it means me too.” L.R. Knost

Taking care of yourself should be at the top of your list but it rarely is. We pull ourselves in different directions trying to appease others and we put ourselves where we are barely visible at times. I do. “Me too” is not what I think of when I go about trying to help someone else and often, I forget myself in the process. I forget that I need nurturing too, I need taking care of, and I am important too.

“Remember to take care of yourself. You can’t pour from an empty cup.” Unknown

Take care of yourself. You can’t be much help to anyone else if all you’re doing is looking to see how you can put yourself out there being the “angel” who is there for the calling, the helping, and one who comes to everyone’s call of distress without thinking about the toll it is taking on your being. I did that three years ago when I came to the aid of a sick friend and I put myself through hell and high water to care for him only to find out that even though it was a good deed, the price you have to pay is a high one as far as your own well-being is concerned. Will I do it again? It is a definite NO!

“Take care of your body, it’s the only place you have to live.” Jim Rohn

Taking care of your body is a must. You don’t do it to look good for others, it is a necessity to survive in a world where much is needed from you, and if you don’t take care of yourself, no one else is going to do it for you. Do whatever is necessary to put yourself first, take care of yourself first and the rest can follow.

“Take care of yourself. Go for a walk, eat your favorite food, get a haircut, cry if you need to, read a book, take a vacation, have a drink, do what you need to do. Take care of yourself, because at the end of the day you’re all you’ve got.” Unknown

As the year draws to a close, the one resolution that matters for next year is to take care of myself first. I do that religiously, but sometimes I forget when life rolls around with its demands and I forget about “me” in the process and take off to do whatever is necessary for someone else. A helping spirit is a good one but not when it is to the detriment of your own well-being. I’m going to remember that as I move forward into the new year. It is not being selfish, it is called self-preservation.

“When you start taking care of yourself you start feeling better, you start looking better and you start to attract better. It all starts with you.” Unknown

AND

“Change the changeable, accept the unchangeable and remove yourself from the unacceptable.” Jane Travis

That last one speaks to the heart of the matter. Removing yourself from the unacceptable can mean many things. Toxic people, things that drain your energy, and people who don’t give two hoots about your well-being. Put them into context, take a long hard look at what you will accept and what you won’t and go from there. Most of all, you MATTER!

Have an amazing day.

When Silence Speaks

Sometimes we think that silence is just that, a certain quietness where nothing happens. It is a void that is soothing but nothing much comes out of it. I beg to differ. I have found that if you listen carefully, “silence” has much to say.

“It’s been said that actions speak louder than words, sometimes, it’s what you don’t say or do, that sends the loudest message.” Carlos Wallace

Quite often when something doesn’t go our way and we are hurt by another’s actions or words, the first reaction is to let it rip. Let it all out and show them how you feel and during those moments, words are aplenty and so are emotions. However, when all is said and done and you are wrung dry, more often than not you realize that you didn’t achieve anything through those outbursts of the unsavory kind.

“Once you’ve matured, you realize silence is more powerful than proving a point.” Unknown

Maturity doesn’t show up wearing bells and it does not say, “Here I am, take me and use me.” It shows up when you least expect it and when you’ve gone though the growing up process. The one that takes you on the ups and downs, the one where you find yourself down on your knees and the one that shows you there is a better way of doing things without going ballistic. It is the quiet gentle knowledge of knowing that you deserve better and you will move on with grace. No shouting or being loud needed.

“And suddenly I stopped explaining, stopped fixing, and just moved on. I learned that silence speaks louder than words. No response is a response. Now, I don’t chase. I don’t care and I let people feel the weight of their own choices.” Unknown

Easier said than done? I know because I’ve been there. Things are hard and life is harder still but learning to navigate choppy waters is a must if you want life to let up on you. If something doesn’t go your way, take it in stride. If someone doesn’t choose you, let him or her go. If life isn’t going like it’s supposed to, stop, take note, and then move on knowing that whatever it is that life throws your way, you are fully capable of handling it. Let silence be your guide and your best friend. There is much to be learned during your bout with silence if you’ll only listen.

“Silence is not empty, it is the loudest answer.” Unknown

Not only that, it gives you the ability to get your message across WITHOUT SAYING A WORD!

Try it the next time you want to let someone have what is coming to them or you are chomping at the bit to say your piece. Stop and move in silence.

Have an amazing day.

SPICE UP YOUR DAY!

Feeling down? Nothing’s going right? You’re in a down phase? The world’s a cruel place? Prince Charming is a no show?

You’re not alone. Give it time, work on yourself but in the meantime here are some tips to pep up your mood and get you soaring again.

MEDITATION

It’s been around for a long long time and it still works today. Just five minutes a day will quiet the mind and send those endorphins spiraling upwards. Try it. Close your eyes, go within. Take a breath, hold for 4 counts and let it out for six. Watch the transformation take place. You’ve got to keep at it to reap the benefits.

NATURE

It is my all-time favorite activity. Nature soothes, nature calms and it teaches how to give those stress hormones a run for the money. Just 10 minutes a day should do it. You’ll come back feeling refreshed and ready to tackle anything the world throws your way. A cup of coffee later and I’m raring to go!

GRATITUDE

This is an important mood booster. Never underestimate the power of gratitude. It has the power to change your mindset and to take you from the glass is half empty to the glass is all kinds of full! Try it. Think of three things you are grateful for right now. Not that bad is it?

LAUGHTER

Find something to laugh about everyday. It has been said, laughter is the best medicine. It really is. I watch standup comedies or funny movies to boost my mood and to release stress. Laughter also strengthens the immune system and releases cortisol and adrenaline, two main stress hormones. Chronic stress puts your health at risk so laugh it away. Aim for a dose of laughter each day.

JOURNALING

It is “the practice of regularly writing down your thoughts, feelings, experiences, and reflections.” This is my way of getting my pent up emotions out in the open. Believe me, it’s a miracle worker and once you get them out, you do feel a lot lighter. Write it down, get it out, do the dance and set it free! It’s a definite pep me up!

SMILE

This one comes naturally to me. I smile a lot. Just having a smile on your face tricks your brain into thinking you’re happy and it releases the “feel-good” chemicals like dopamine and serotonin. These are needed in your arsenal to add to your overall well-being. So, SMILE for all you’re worth!

Just a few tips to rev up your mood. These methods work for me and I hope it does for you as well.

“Be so positive that negative people don’t want to be near you.”

I say, “Aye, aye Captain!”

Have an amazing day.

My Happiness List

First on the list is Chachi, the cat. I can’t do without him and he is my buddy, a close confidante and a joy maker. Just seeing him walk into the room with that John Wayne walk puts a smile on my face. Spending time with him brings happiness as well.

Writing is next on the list. Right now, I am drawing blanks but that happens and it is a momentary lapse. Soon my head will be raging with ideas and I will be ready to get it out and I will. I think my brain is saying enough already! It’s time for a break. I LOVE writing and it is a joyful thing to do.

Walking is naturally on my list. Not a day goes by without a walk in nature but I missed it today. I seem to have caught a cold so it was plenty of rest, liquids and TV time! It’s okay to have downtime now and then.

Meditation brings benefits I never thought was possible. I have a mind that jumps around and doesn’t sit still so meditation has been a good way to reel it in and to make it behave. It is a hard ask but it (my brain) is learning to toe the line or perhaps just pretending to do so! Meditation not only brings joy into my life but it is my safety net when I need peace and quiet.

Workouts are good for the mind, body and soul. I’ve always worked out so why stop now? However, I need to remember that I’m no longer a spring chicken but sometimes I forget and my body reminds me later. It’s all fine and good because I take it in stride although I’ve backed off from kickboxing but all the others are par for the course.

These are my methods for achieving happiness and believe it or not, it works. What about cheesecake? Okay, just a slice puts a smile on my face but it has been a game of tug of war since I started down that road, the cheesecake fetish path I mean, so I’m going to leave it out for now but I hear it CALLING!

Daily writing prompt

What are 5 everyday things that bring you happiness?

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