I finally made it to the fields yesterday and it was gorgeous! This is the beginning of my fourth week after the operation and things seem to be going fine except for a headache now and then. That bothers me as I never get headaches so I’m wondering if something could be wrong or I’m just a worrywart? I think it could be the worrywart part.
Anyway, I made it to the top of the hill and the view was spectacular. The sky was a bright blue with streaks of white and the mountains were visible in the distance. The trees were holding their own in colors of gold and yellows but the reds were nowhere to be seen. It didn’t matter as I was simply glad to be out there and if I spread my arms like wings, I would fly away! Exactly how I felt. Nature gives me the freedom to fly and my mind clears up from all the clutter that I carry around with me.
As usual, it was quiet there. The apples have been harvested, the crops too. The field was barren and the new haircut seemed to suit it well. I could see for miles around with nothing blocking my view, exactly the way I like it. It was cold but I had my Sherpa-lined jacket on and a scarf around my neck but I forgot my gloves so I shoved my hands in my pockets and that was enough to keep me warm.
I didn’t need the warmth as my heart was singing again and there was a glow surrounding me. I walked to the top of the hill and I didn’t feel any twinges, meaning the pain in the side where I have the wound that is still healing, so I crossed my fingers and hoped it would stay that way. At the top of the hill, I decided not to push my luck and turned back down. It was enough for today and I was happy to see my old friend, “the fields” again.
Tomorrow is another day and if the weather holds, I plan to go further, just a tad further, to see if the herons have gone into hiding. I wonder if the geese and ducks have flown south because it was awfully quiet where I was. There were no V formations flying overhead and no noise to catch my attention. Maybe I’ve missed their annual flight out of here before the cold arrives.
Oh well, I’m grateful that I got to make it out there yesterday and to take a deep breath of whatever nature puts out when the seasons change. Each season has a distinct scent and fall is filled with pumpkins, hay, and apples. A wonderful scent of good things to come.
I walked back feeling elated and nature does that. It gives me a sense of peace but more than that clarity and it was no different yesterday.
Sometimes the unexpected happens and it shows up when you least expect it. Wednesday dawned like any other day and I told myself I was going to have a nice day, not great, that would be asking too much of “life.”
Anyway, I headed out and did my shopping for things I needed. Everything was fine and I was feeling good so I went looking for a birthday gift. My girlfriend had her birthday last Saturday and since I couldn’t make it, she decided to take me out today to any place I wanted. I got her a pretty bracelet, some skincare items, and a bouquet of flowers. The flowers are sitting in water and it still looks good so I think she will be pleased when I hand it over later today.
Coming back to the unexpected stuff. I got my shopping done, had the gifts I needed and the flowers as well and I even had time to stop for a cup of coffee. I was feeling good about myself when I walked in the front door. Nothing new, Chachi was at his usual place in the kitchen window and gave me one of his looks. This one said, “About time you got home!” Yes, the little brat is lording it over me these days so what else is new.
I went upstairs and changed into my sweats and I heard a noise. It wasn’t loud but it was a noise that signaled something was wrong. I turned on the computer and everything seemed to be fine. Then I noticed the red light blinking on the router. Two lights were off! This was trouble. My phone wasn’t working and the internet was off. I thought this has happened before and it will be back in record time. Think again!
It was a major problem according to what I read online. My cellphone was still working so that was a godsent. It seems my provider had big problems. An excavator at a major construction site had destroyed a fiber optics cable and 28,000 households were without internet, telephone, and TV!
They didn’t know how long it would take and I was climbing walls again. I DON’T like the unexpected but I had to bite the bullet and wait it out. Still nothing at midnight and the news said, they should have it back up and running by 2 in the morning. I went to bed early and hoped by morning everything would be fine again. No such luck.
Morning showed up and that red light was still blinking! Then at 3 in the afternoon, I walked into the office area and there it was, back to normal again! However, there were others out there who were still without TV and the rest of the stuff. It seems that even today, some people haven’t got their regular service back.
You say, “Things happen?” I say, “Bah Humbug!”
It is easy to take things for granted and as a given until something like this happens. I didn’t realize how dependent I was until my TV stopped working! I was running around like a little Chachi not knowing what to do and how to occupy my time! I settled down but by then “STRESS” had taken hold and I was pulling my hair out!
Weirdo? I agree but that is just me, what can I say? I’m back to normal again and I have my smile plastered on my face and I’m binge-watching everything that looks and sounds interesting on TV!
The recluse habit is slowly taking flight and I’m moving again. I don’t think I got tired of being a recluse and spending time by myself but after the second OP, something changed. I wanted to move and I wanted to fly again.
Thoughts of traveling has crossed my mind again. Nostalgia is kicking in and I can see myself visiting unknown places or even places I’ve been to before. I talked to a friend about it and she wanted to be a willing participant in my escapades.
Then I came up with a brilliant idea to meet new people, not on the dating app but in person. An English conversation group sounded like a fantastic idea so I put the plan in motion. I didn’t expect that much would come out of it but lo and behold, I surprised myself. Lots of people wanted to be a part of this group and today we had our first meeting.
Most of the people are Germans but there were others like me living in Germany and missed speaking English. It was a mixed crowd of more women than men. The two men who showed up were really nice. One couldn’t speak English that well and the other was a banker. The banker had lived stateside for a long time and spoke English fluently. The tennis coach had traveled a lot but his English was passable.
The women were a feisty lot and they loved talking! The hour and a half went by quickly and we knew more of each other than at the beginning. We’ll meet again next week and there will be more men joining in and a husband and wife pair as well. It should be interesting.
Other than that, I’ve decided to meet men again. Dating has been on the backburner since the two surgeries but I was still getting offers to just meet and talk, I think it should be an ok thing. Any viable candidates? I don’t think so but who knows they may just surprise me. It hasn’t happened so far and I’m not holding my breath!
I may resort back to my “recluse” ways if it gets to be too much. For now, I’m moving in the right direction I think but we shall see.
It is absolutely awful outside. Rain has moved in and it is gloomy, wet, and enough to make your mood dip if you let it.
I took the trash out because it needed taking out and dashed back in because the rain was picking up speed. It’s a day for cozying up with Chachi, the cat, but it looks like he has other plans. The Little Buttercup is curled up in his basket by the window. He complained that his TV wasn’t working right this morning because it was still dark outside when we got up and he couldn’t see a thing. After it righted itself out, he stared outside for a little while and then decided that it was time to catch up on his sleep since he kept me up most of the night with his antics!
The thing is even the nastiest of days have something of beauty within them. Instead of diving into my everything is bad mode, I decided to look at what I can be grateful for and there is plenty to be thankful for.
My warm bed with the thick soft blankets is one thing.
The new pillow that cradles my head and neck perfectly and has been a godsent after the surgery. I don’t get up with a backache anymore so thank you.
Thank you for the warmth in the room. The heater seems to be working fine and that is a good thing.
The TV that keeps me occupied when I have nothing better to do.
Food that nourishes my body and soul and is getting me back on my way to being fit and healthy again.
Of course, my body, the incredible body that has taken a beating and is fighting back. It is resilient and I am thankful for that.
It is raining outside but I’m in a warm, dry, place and I have love, Chachi, by my side, coffee to keep me going, and a positive mindset that will take me through this day and for that I am truly thankful.
There is always something to be thankful for and you don’t have to look far either. It’s there if you look with a positive mindset. I hope you find plenty to be thankful for.
“It’s up to you to find the beauty in the ugliest days.” Unknown
I was sad when my little Italian cafe closed. I’ve written about the little place in the city many times. A great place to have breakfast, meet friends, or to just sit and people watch.
They left a month ago. The place is closed, the furniture removed, and there is no sign that they will ever return. What happened? That is the question on everyone’s mind, the regulars anyway. I was more than sad when a girlfriend took me to another place. It is further away, a twenty minute drive, and I had already made up my mind that nothing was going to replace MY cafe.
We popped in one morning and the place was jam-packed. It had an American feel about it but mixed in with European as well. The interior was pretty small and it was loud. People were chatting, laughing, and looked like they were having a great time. I told myself, “Too loud, too crowded, and not my kind of place.” I hate changes and I wasn’t about to give up on my non-existent place yet. We took a seat and the menu came. To my surprise, it had Chia pudding with berries, scrambled eggs with salad and bacon, avocado toast, done different ways and a whole host of other stuff. We ordered and the food came. It was delicious, the service fantastic, except for the music. It matched the noise level in the cafe! Yup, I wasn’t about to give in that quickly.
Yesterday, we went there again and it was just as crowded. I decided to give it another try. I ordered avocado toast again and it tasted great. The coffee tasted better this time around and the music didn’t sound that bad at all. My girlfriend had a bread roll with butter and strawberry jam. It looked great and I made a mental check to have it the next time around.
Is this my favorite place now? Not quite but it is growing on me. Honestly, the food was much better than the Italian place and the variety exceptional. Never say never, I suppose.
It came in a vintage jar, the contents a dark burgundy red, and I could see big chunks of cherry staring back at me from the interior. This wasn’t store-bought but homemade. The woman across the street handed it over with love in her eyes and even though it was a nasty day out with fall trying to make a showing, that glass of cherry jam brought some sunshine into my life.
I took it with gratitude because I know her cherry jam making skills. She does it beautifully and the taste is out of this world! A spoonful on my toast this morning had me singing her praises! She is sweet, well into her 80s but the lady never stops. She is on the go from morning to dusk doing everything necessary to keep herself moving. Working in her garden is something she loves doing, baking is her other love. Her son still comes over for lunch and dinner since he works from home. I don’t know what the deal is with him. He is good-looking, has a great job,has a nice looking sports car but I have never seen him with a woman or a man for that matter.
Who am I to wonder when mine hasn’t called or written in two weeks! I’m a helicopter mom but I’ve retired that helicopter and it is no longer working. I heard from my ex that he has a girlfriend. He went through a breakup three weeks ago and has been down in the dumps ever since but the man in the know, my ex, says that he is up and running again. Yes, girls do have that kind of effect on the young and not so experienced. So, I guess his life is revolving around her now. The good thing, he made it through his probationary period and is now a full-time employee and it is a big deal because that job is hard to come by. It also involves lots of traveling so I HOPE, I cross his mind now and then and he lets me know how he is doing although I am chomping at the bit to ask. I have to be patient but that is hard.
Coming back to that glass jar of jam. The neighborly gesture of caring brought more than just a jar of jam. It was sunshine, love, and caring all wrapped up in that jar of goodness. The fact that she took the time to show she cared mattered to me, and when she handed it over, she said, “Stay off your feet. No cleaning, no bending over, drink lots, and take care of yourself. You know what will happen if you don’t.” I nodded and I’ve been taking her advice although this time around, I do have slight discomfort and it is bugging me. Google says, “It is absolutely normal. You’ve gone through two surgeries, both big ones so give it time, about three weeks, and it will get better.” From Google to God’s ears!
It wasn’t just a glass of cherry jam, it was much much more and she knows it and I know it too. Kindness doesn’t appear everyday but sometimes it shows up in the form of a glass jar of cherry jam when you least expect it.
Are you? Do you jump in with both feet when someone, a buddy, a family member, and or a stranger needs your help? Do you wear yourself out trying to help them? Do you forget about yourself in the process? Do you wonder what happened when after all the trouble you went through to offer help, you find out that it was all for nothing? The people you chose to help did not show any gratitude and you were left feeling like it was all for nothing?
Welcome to the club of being “Too Available.” Not all of us are built that way. Some of us are and others live to people-please and we take it to a whole new level. I was talking to a friend recently about this problem and he said, “Everybody’s darling is everybody’s a**hole.” It is a well-known idiom meaning, “that trying to please everyone all the time is impossible and ultimately makes you inauthentic or disliked by all.” This phrase is associated with figures like Franz Josef Strauss, and it means”that bending over backward for universal approval leads to a loss of integrity.”
Today’s Lesson:
“Stop being always available to people who are just there for you when it’s convenient for them.” Unknown
I know plenty of said people. Some are close friends and others family members. Knowing that, it doesn’t make the pain any less hurtful, instead I question why some people are made that way. I guess the answer lies in the fact that people are people and each one is wired differently. The friend went on to say, “Nice people usually get the wrong end of the stick.” Well, he’s German so I think that this is what he meant. There maybe some truth to that assumption. I looked it up and this is what I found.
People-pleasing usually fails because you change your behavior to match whatever everyone else wants. By doing that, your boundaries suffer and there is no clear demarcation or lines drawn.
The truth is you can’t please everyone. Coming back to how people are wired and how each one has opposing values, expectations, and in trying to satisfy everyone, you end up satisfying no one.
You lose respect because by trying to accommodate everyone, you are seen as someone who agrees to everything and therefore not someone with clear principles. Basically, too much availability kills your value.
“Make yourself unavailable for unavailable people, who are only available when they want you to be available.” Mintu Kumar
What to do about this problem?
Never Forget This…..
If you’re always available – people stop valuing you.
If you constantly help – they start using you.
If you stay silent when it hurts – they’ll hurt you more often.
If you settle for less – they’ll never offer more.
If you don’t set limits – they’ll take control.
I don’t know who wrote that but he/she hit the nail on the head. The problem is knowing that, are people-pleasers ready to take that advice and learn from it? Or will it go in one ear and out the other when the next people-pleasing situation arises?
I don’t know but I think it takes practice to say NO or to look away and to stop from rushing to help. I’m not there yet but in time I hope I’ll be wearing a different tag and stop being, “Everybody’s darling” and “not everybody’s a**hole!” It is tiring, it is exhausting, and it hurts when things don’t turn out the way you want it to do and some kind of “thank you” is offered, which usually doesn’t happen.
“Stop being available for people who don’t prioritize you and your time.” Unknown
