Tag: fear

The Fears Didn’t Materialize?

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Well, I thought I was going to die but that was just the fear factor within me. It kicks in when the unknown faces me and the surgery was an unknown factor of the worst kind.

It is over. I am back home and need to recuperate for about two weeks. The same old stuff like the last time. Take it easy, no workouts, light walking, and keep away from caffeine and spicy foods. Ok, I can handle that.

I went in at 11:30 and didn’t wake up till 3:15. A pretty long time but when I came to, I was groggy. It wore off and I was back to myself and walking the corridors two hours later. I’ve got my body to thank for its resilience. It is strong and capable of withstanding trauma and I am thankful for that. What’s next? A checkup in four to six weeks to make sure everything is ok and I can resume my normal life again. Fingers and toes crossed! Until then, COOL IT and don’t run before you can walk.

Hard to do but I will try. The funny thing about fears, no matter how often they appear, I never learn and I run with them. This time around I ran the gamut and once again, I came out on the other side without anything happening. I am thankful and I thank the angel and the one who moves mountains for their hand in this one. Also, the surgeon was exceptional.

Thank you to all involved. Now, rest up and take it easy. Will do or at least I will try!

“F-E-A-R has two meanings: ‘Forget Everything and Run’ or ‘Face Everything and Rise.’ The choice is yours. Unknown.

The Preparation

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One week to go and I’m climbing walls again. A friend told me that he would bring a ladder the next time he comes to visit instead of flowers since I love climbing walls so much!

What can I say? I’m a wall climber! Well, only when the unexpected is facing me and I don’t know what the outcome will be. Google is telling me, “You’ll be fine. You are well-prepared.” Yes, they’ve been a big help but still the worries are there. What if I get a surgeon who had a bad night the evening before and took to the bottle? What if I get an apprentice who doesn’t know what he/she is doing? What if……God these what ifs are driving me up the wall. There’s that wall again!

Thursday I have the pre-op. I will get a chance to ask all the questions I want. I have another problem, my throat is acting up. Not sure why but I just did a saltwater gargle, hope that helps. I think I’m just nervous and my body is saying, “I can’t take this STRESS anymore!”

My overnight bag is packed, just in case I have to stay in the hospital. I have a long list of stuff to get tomorrow. I never leave anything to chance so a friend is coming over and we will do the rounds of getting everything I need for when I come back home. I’ll invite her out to lunch as a big thank you.

Other than that, I’m trusting and believing that all will go well. I hope I don’t freak out and call the whole thing off! The doctor has already warned me that if I do that, it will be to my own detriment. “Get it done,” was what he said and the other two doctors agreed.

Looks like it is a go. I’ll just have to bite the bullet, gather up my strength and courage, believe that I’m in good hands and go through with this. What could go wrong? P L E N T Y! That is the problem.

Ok, taking a deep breath. I seem to be doing that a lot these days. Taking another one to calm myself down and another one for good measure.

Wow, this is hard but I can DO HARD THINGS. Didn’t I write a post about exactly that? Someone else told me to take my own medicine meaning the posts I put out with the help advice. Agreed, BUT I know that I’ll be climbing walls as it gets closer and there is nothing anyone can do about it. It’s just the way it is and I’m a worrywart so it comes with the territory.

Bah Humbug!

Two Weeks to Go!

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Time sure does fly but I’m not having fun! It is four weeks after my first operation and things are going well. When I bring up the second OP to friends and how nervous I am they say, “You’ll be just fine! Look at how well you did with the first one.”

My thought, “Please don’t jinx it!” Yeah, I’m superstitious but more than that this second one coming up is bugging me. It will be a similar procedure and they’ll be going in the same way so this means the healing that has taken place so far will be disturbed once again and that is a scary thought. What if it doesn’t heal this second time around?

Yes, those “what ifs,” are more than scary. I’ve packed my bag, a smaller one than the last time since I didn’t use most of the stuff I brought with me. I hung out in the hospital “Krankenhauskittel” as they call it here with a kimono thrown over for modesty. A kittel is a hospital gown,that has a gaping opening at the back. I hated it but it did the job well enough and I felt as free as a bird as well! Just kidding.

If I’m lucky they’ll let me go home the same day after the operation. What?!! Exactly what I said but the doctors think that I should be okay. If anything like severe bleeding happens, call emergency services immediately and come back in was what they said. I’m a worrywart so all kinds of things are going through my head. What if I have severe bleeding? What if my blood pressure dips? What if I lose consciousness? What if? What if? What if? Get the picture? I am a doctor’s worst nightmare!

Anyway, next week I will meet with the doctors for a last minute talk so I can ask away to my heart’s content. No, actually they will do the prep which will take about 3 to 4 hours. Why that long? The last time I went through this, I met with different people, had a needle stuck in me, blood was taken, urine sample was next and then the doctors came in. I had a whole lot of questions for them all compiled by my Google doctors and by the time I left, they had heard an earful! This time around will be no different. I am prepared and I have a pageful of questions!

Google doctors are NOT real people!

I know but I like them a lot and I think they like me. Keeping them busy is what I do on a daily basis and I will say this, they know what they are talking about. I got loads of help from them this last time and they helped with the healing process.

I can hear my friend screaming, “I still hate them!” He means Google.

I don’t, I have a love affair going with all of them or is it just one? I don’t know and I don’t care!

The question I left out this time is, “Will I die?!!” Otherwise, I have all the pertinent questions, at least I think they are. I am pepping myself up, working out, yes working out. I am up to 30 minutes now with the walking and I have started strength training as well. So far, so good.

I haven’t taken a walk to the fields yet. That might be pushing it so I’ll leave it out for now. I went grocery shopping with a friend today and she did all the heavy lifting since I am still watching that part of it carefully. I walk up and down the stairs with no problems and I’m basically doing the mundane day to day stuff with no problems. Of course, I’m watching my diet but I did buy two slices of cheesecake and I took one tablespoon of it and knew it was a mistake so they are still sitting in the fridge. My Chilean friend, Max, will be coming by later this morning to help me with something so that will be his reward along with a nice cup of coffee.

I hope I don’t start climbing walls again when the time draws closer. Knowing me I’ll not only be climbing walls but staying up there once I get there!

Let’s see how this goes.

Have an amazing day.