There are good people, bad people, kind people, caring people, cruel people and the list goes on. All just labels? I don’t think so. There are reasons why those labels exist, it is because such people do exist. Just listen to the news of today, the labels we place on people because bullying is seen as a rightful act where some are concerned, and is a norm today. The “ugly people” carry on with their daily bashing of others simply because social media has given them a platform to do so. It is more than cringeworthy and sometimes downright mean and cruel. I don’t need to name names but it is plain to see if you follow the news.
Coming back to being a good person and the question at hand, I think being a “good person” carries a lot of weight. I also believe that a good person acts with moral integrity. It means matching your words with your actions. This is hard to do but a good person has it ingrained within them. Secondly, a good person has empathy. It is not always about them. viewing life from another angle or from another person’s viewpoint is at the core of their being. Finally, I believe that a good person knows how to act with compassion towards others, and takes responsibility for their mistakes and tries to do better the next time around.
Am I good person? I think I am or at least I try to be. I have those core values ingrained within me through practice but as they say, practice makes perfect but it takes time and that is understood as well.
Yes, I’ve been obsessing about life and all its idiosyncrasies. It never stays the same, does it? Sometimes, it is up and you’re flying high, other times it is down and you hit rock bottom. Is there an in-between? I suppose like everything else in life, you get the in-between where you’re not sure if you’re up or down and wondering when one or the other is going to hit!
Anyway, here are some of my favorite quotes about life and it does speak volumes as far as “life” is concerned.
“Sometimes life doesn’t give you what you want, not because you don’t deserve it, but because you deserve more.” Unknown
I get it but where is my more part? It sure is taking its time!
“Sometimes, life gives you a second chance, because you weren’t ready the first time.” Unknown
Hmm….I am ready now. I don’t need second chances, just show me the way to where the price is!
“Life is sometimes just like a WILLY…..It can be UP, it can be DOWN, but won’t be HARD forever.”
I agree and moving on.
“Sometimes in life, you have to make things happen. That you can change your life if you’re willing to let go of the old and actively look for the new. That even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” Jane Green
You mean like hiding out and pretending to be a recluse? I’m thinking that I need to get rid of that “recluse” habit and start moving!
“Sometimes, life will kick you around, but sooner or later, you realize you’re not just a survivor. You’re a warrior, and you’re stronger than anything life throws your way.” Brooke Davis
I’ve lived through the being strong part, let’s see the rewards start pouring in. Still waiting…..
“Sometimes life doesn’t unfold the way you want. But the detours, heartbreak and closed doors often leads you to something better, It’s not failures – It’s redirection guiding you toward the path you are meant to walk.”
I’ve been walking that path for a long time now, redirect please…..
“Sometimes in life your situation will repeat itself until you’re learned your lesson.” Unknown
OH GOD! That repetition part scares me. Are you telling me that I’ll never get out of this maze that we call life?
AND
“Sometimes what is leaving you, is actually giving you the freedom to fly.” Unknown
I like that one. Freedom to fly is a good thing right? Can we do it without the pain first part?
No can do? I thought so. Enough of “sometimes” for today.
Are you? Do you jump in with both feet when someone, a buddy, a family member, and or a stranger needs your help? Do you wear yourself out trying to help them? Do you forget about yourself in the process? Do you wonder what happened when after all the trouble you went through to offer help, you find out that it was all for nothing? The people you chose to help did not show any gratitude and you were left feeling like it was all for nothing?
Welcome to the club of being “Too Available.” Not all of us are built that way. Some of us are and others live to people-please and we take it to a whole new level. I was talking to a friend recently about this problem and he said, “Everybody’s darling is everybody’s a**hole.” It is a well-known idiom meaning, “that trying to please everyone all the time is impossible and ultimately makes you inauthentic or disliked by all.” This phrase is associated with figures like Franz Josef Strauss, and it means”that bending over backward for universal approval leads to a loss of integrity.”
Today’s Lesson:
“Stop being always available to people who are just there for you when it’s convenient for them.” Unknown
I know plenty of said people. Some are close friends and others family members. Knowing that, it doesn’t make the pain any less hurtful, instead I question why some people are made that way. I guess the answer lies in the fact that people are people and each one is wired differently. The friend went on to say, “Nice people usually get the wrong end of the stick.” Well, he’s German so I think that this is what he meant. There maybe some truth to that assumption. I looked it up and this is what I found.
People-pleasing usually fails because you change your behavior to match whatever everyone else wants. By doing that, your boundaries suffer and there is no clear demarcation or lines drawn.
The truth is you can’t please everyone. Coming back to how people are wired and how each one has opposing values, expectations, and in trying to satisfy everyone, you end up satisfying no one.
You lose respect because by trying to accommodate everyone, you are seen as someone who agrees to everything and therefore not someone with clear principles. Basically, too much availability kills your value.
“Make yourself unavailable for unavailable people, who are only available when they want you to be available.” Mintu Kumar
What to do about this problem?
Never Forget This…..
If you’re always available – people stop valuing you.
If you constantly help – they start using you.
If you stay silent when it hurts – they’ll hurt you more often.
If you settle for less – they’ll never offer more.
If you don’t set limits – they’ll take control.
I don’t know who wrote that but he/she hit the nail on the head. The problem is knowing that, are people-pleasers ready to take that advice and learn from it? Or will it go in one ear and out the other when the next people-pleasing situation arises?
I don’t know but I think it takes practice to say NO or to look away and to stop from rushing to help. I’m not there yet but in time I hope I’ll be wearing a different tag and stop being, “Everybody’s darling” and “not everybody’s a**hole!” It is tiring, it is exhausting, and it hurts when things don’t turn out the way you want it to do and some kind of “thank you” is offered, which usually doesn’t happen.
“Stop being available for people who don’t prioritize you and your time.” Unknown
This is an old saying that holds more than a modicum of truth within its confines. When the good times are there, we forget about impermanency and quite often we think that it is going to last forever and it doesn’t always go that way. When the bad times come around, we think it is going to stay until it turns tail and leaves the same way it came in. Nothing lasts forever and understanding this concept is what this saying is about. This well-known adage reflects on the temporary nature of the human condition.
“Two years ago you had problems you don’t even remember. But it seemed like such a big deal at the time, didn’t it? And yet – here you are. This, too, shall pass.” Unknown
I don’t recall when but I’ve been through the cycle of thinking it was a big deal at the time and like that quote, it vanished without a trace.
It takes different forms. Sometimes love moves in and you think forever is in the cards but sometimes that “forever” is just in the imagination. It was never meant to last. Sometimes, one door closes and you wait for that door to open back up but it stays shut and in its place another one opens but not before you learn what pain is about. It comes when you least expect it and it leaves when it sees fit. Sometimes life is on an even keel or so it seems until it turns the tables on you and you are faced with turmoil and chaos.
This too shall pass? Absolutely. It always does if you wait long enough and you give it time.
“Change is never painful. Only resistance to change is painful.” Buddha
Don’t I know it! I hate change but it arrives whether I want it to or not. I am learning to let go of resistance but it will take time.
This next one I love!
“This too shall pass…
It may pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.” Unknown
I’ve never had one of those but I’ve heard it’s painful. Too painful!
“Breathe darling. This is just a chapter. It’s not your whole story.” S. G. Lourie
Good one to remember when a painful episode decides to pay you a visit. It’s not the whole chapter and there’s more to the story so let it unfold as it will if you allow it.
This last one I like a whole lot!
This too shall pass….
“The heaviness. The confusion. The days that feel like they’ll never ease. Nothing stays the same forever, not the pain, not the doubt, not the storms in your head. You’ve made it through hard seasons before, even when you thought you wouldn’t. Hold on. Keep going. What you’re feeling right now isn’t the end of the story, it’s just a chapter.” Unknown
I know this all too well, however, this too shall pass is the last thing on my mind when things go down south but slowly and surely it is taking form and HOLDING so that the next time something unsavory happens I will remember,
Well, I thought I was going to die but that was just the fear factor within me. It kicks in when the unknown faces me and the surgery was an unknown factor of the worst kind.
It is over. I am back home and need to recuperate for about two weeks. The same old stuff like the last time. Take it easy, no workouts, light walking, and keep away from caffeine and spicy foods. Ok, I can handle that.
I went in at 11:30 and didn’t wake up till 3:15. A pretty long time but when I came to, I was groggy. It wore off and I was back to myself and walking the corridors two hours later. I’ve got my body to thank for its resilience. It is strong and capable of withstanding trauma and I am thankful for that. What’s next? A checkup in four to six weeks to make sure everything is ok and I can resume my normal life again. Fingers and toes crossed! Until then, COOL IT and don’t run before you can walk.
Hard to do but I will try. The funny thing about fears, no matter how often they appear, I never learn and I run with them. This time around I ran the gamut and once again, I came out on the other side without anything happening. I am thankful and I thank the angel and the one who moves mountains for their hand in this one. Also, the surgeon was exceptional.
Thank you to all involved. Now, rest up and take it easy. Will do or at least I will try!
“F-E-A-R has two meanings: ‘Forget Everything and Run’ or ‘Face Everything and Rise.’ The choice is yours. Unknown.
Most of us cringe at the thought of doing the hard things. Be it a break-up, walking away, losing a job and letting go of things that no longer serve us, it is an exceptionally hard thing to do. It is not something we look forward to because it means taking the bull by the horns and waging war on what seems to be an impossible task at first. Given time, patience, perseverance and a hard-headed look at what needs to be done to get to the other side, we find it is doable but not easy.
Easy is not what life is about. If anything, easy is not in its vocabulary. It seems at times that “living” is about going through the hard stuff. Sometimes one and sometimes a string of unsolvable and often times impossible situations but you and I know that it is those hard times and how you deal with them that brings out the strength in you. Sure, it would be easier if we didn’t have to deal with them but when has that stopped life from throwing it our way?
Where would we be without them? Probably having a great time without having to walk through the minefield of the hard stuff all equipped and designed to bring you down to your knees if you make a false move. There is no right or wrong way of going about it, it is trial and error and an undying resilience to take what is handed to you and to make it work for you. We’ve all made those false moves where we’ve crashed and burned and just when you think there is nothing left to do except to pick up the pieces and make the most of it, there is light at the end of the dark tunnel. There is that open door that beckons because as you know when one door closes, another one opens but it is human nature or at least it is mine to look past it and back at the one that has closed and is no longer available.
“Hard things are hard because there are no easy answers or recipes. They are hard because your emotions are at odds with your logic. They are hard because you don’t know the answer and you cannot ask for help without showing weakness.” Ben Horowitz
The hard stuff has kept me captive for longer than I want to admit. Truth is, I don’t do “HARD” well. Holding on is my nemesis, letting go of things that no longer serve me is harder still and moving on, well that is an impossible task at times. I hold on hoping that changes will come my way but it never does. Things happen for a reason, people are the way they are because they are wired that way and looking and hoping is not going to change things. However, whatever life throws your way, there is a lesson in there somewhere but it is hard to see when it first hits you. I think we fail miserably at times because we walk in circles, bang our heads on that closed door and refuse to move on until we are drained of energy and there is nothing else to do but to walk through that open door. Human nature at its best? I think so.
We are fully capable and have the strength within to meet the hard stuff head on and to tame it if necessary. It is the fear of the unknown in sync with the weakness within that works hand-in-hand to stop us in our tracks, makes us tremble where we stand as we whisper, I can’t. You and I have had our baptism by fire in one form or another, of this I am sure. The hard thing is just one more obstacle to overcome, nothing more, nothing less. We tend to make it more than what it is. Life is a never-ending circle of challenges in the form of “hard things” to overcome. It is mixed in with the good stuff but it is the hard stuff that brings forth the real you. Your strength, your power and most of all your ability to slay it where it stands takes courage, growth and an attitude of never giving up which will put the “hard stuff” in its place. Who knows if shown the door more often than not, it might decide to stay away. We can hope can’t we?
“I see your fear, and it’s big. I also see your courage, and it’s bigger. We can do hard things.” Glennon Doyle
Most of us are “control freaks” when it comes to controlling outcomes. I know I am. We want to take whatever comes our way, things of the unsavory nature and we want to change it or we spend time, sometimes lots of it, mulling over what we cannot control and instead of letting go or accepting it as a lost cause, we try to control the narrative.
“To find calm, let go of the need to control every outcome.” Unknown
I had a tough day yesterday and “calm” had flown the coop and was nowhere to be seen. I kept playing scenarios over and over again and no matter how many times I kept playing it over, the outcome was the same. It was done and dusted and there was nothing I could do about it but to let it go. The only thing I could do was to control my feelings and how I viewed the situation. The other thing that was staring me in the face was that I had no control over the events of the day, only in how I dealt with it. It was time to let it go and I did.
“When you release expectations, you are free to enjoy things for what they are instead of what you think they should be.” Mandy Hale
I spent most of yesterday getting angry, agitated, frustrated, and whatever else you could throw into the pot, I was ready to take it all and to run with it! Human nature is such that we love to entertain problems. Truth is, problems do show up when we least expect them and they throw us for a loop when we come face to face with them. More often than not, anger and frustration accompany problems. Not knowing how to deal with them is why they appear in succession. In my case, it is the opportunity to fall off from the path of self-discovery I was on and to VENT for all its worth! Ok, it’s alright for awhile but I see the toll it takes on my psyche and even then, I refuse to stop, hell-bent on wrecking havoc as I go along on my path of self-righteousness! The good part is, I’ve learned when to put a stop to it. It took me most of the day but when evening rolled around, I was ready to come to my senses and to look at it with a clear head.
“One of the most rewarding and important moments in life is the moment you finally find the courage to let go of what you can’t change.” marcandangel
Learning to let go of control is not easy because letting go of whatever it is means that you no longer have control over the situation. However, sometimes that is a good thing. You need to step back, view it from a distance and come up with solutions to break down the problem and to make it solvable. Yes, it takes time and it takes focus but it is better than going off the deep end as I did yesterday.
“Real strength isn’t control. It’s knowing when to let go.” Christopher Barzak
I was waiting for this one, I mean for a genie to show up and grant whatever my heart desires. Oops, sorry, genies are not that generous, they grant a few wishes and not an unlimited amount. Why is that? Have you ever had a genie grant you a wish? Never? Me neither.
This is the time to take advantage and to ask for whatever I want right? Bummer! Nothing comes to mind. Rubbing Chachi’s head and thinking hard!
Ok, genie if you’re listening, I want that guy to show up.
What guy?
The one I’ve been dreaming of.
Hmm….keep rubbing Chachi’s head! He’s lost somewhere and I can’t help you there. Taking directions is not his thing and if you think you’re stubborn, wait till you meet him! That is if he finds his way to you but I’ll say keep on dreaming! Next wish please….
You’re no fun!
Fun is not part of my repertoire! I grant wishes not some impossible dream you’ve come up with. That guy doesn’t exist….next wish please.
You do have an attitude!
Try living in a lamp and let’s see how you feel!
Okay, let’s try this one. How about a happy life?
That’s another impossible dream where you’re concerned. Again my dear, you have no idea what “happy”means. Can’t do that either!
ENOUGH! Chachi, go get him!
Gladly mommy. I didn’t like the looks of him anyway. Come here guy…..I’m in the mood to play!
That was the end of the genie…..next time send me a genie that will play ball and not one that comes up with excuses!
