family – Site Title

I’m Not Feeling Well!

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This is an excuse my ex uses to his advantage. He has been using it for a long time now. The man is not only a cheater, a liar, and an all-around two-timer, he pulls out this one card every time he doesn’t feel like doing something.

The man doesn’t realize that “crying wolf” too many times doesn’t work to his advantage. He is very intelligent, a physicist, and anything to do with science he has a handle on but when it comes to the social stuff and how you should handle people he is clueless!

“I’m not feeling well,” is his get out of jail free card so to speak. I know it well, I’ve lived with it for a long time picking up the slack when he was too busy pretending to be sick and galavanting to his heart’s content. No, he is not a good person. What did I see in him? Nothing much at first but he was quite good at pulling the wool over my eyes that I believed every word he said.

Coming back to the question at hand. This is his best excuse and the one he uses often. It means he is too sick to do anything he doesn’t want to do. The problem is, his son is catching up on what this is about as well. The ex was supposed to do something important, had promised (he never keeps his promises), but at the last minute backed out using his worn and tattered card once again. “I’m not feeling well.” The son finds out that he is well enough to go on vacation with his current fling. Anger? Yes, he feels it and so do I. However, there is nothing much you can do with someone who is remorseless and is all about himself.

It takes work on my part to cool the situation down which I have been doing for a long time now. This doesn’t mean I don’t feel the anger, the hurt, and the pain my son feels. There is not much I can do about that GUY! I can only see what I can do to make my son feel that he is important because he is far from feeling that at the moment.

“I’m not feeling well.”

To cry wolf means “to raise a false alarm or give unnecessary warnings.” It also destroys your credibility of which he has none I might add. One day when an actual emergency arises, no one will believe a word he says and that day couldn’t come soon enough!

Now that I’ve had a full-on vent session, I’m feeling so much better!

Next question please……

Daily writing prompt

What is the best excuse you have heard lately?

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The Hard Years

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It was hands down the time during the breakup of my marriage. I didn’t know “HARD” until then. I was caught between a rock and a hard place and there was no escaping the pain, the confusion, the insecurities, and the feelings of loneliness that followed.

The adulterous affair he had tore our marriage apart but I think it started way before that. Success got to his head and arrogance did the rest. The problem was I was still caught up in being his wife and mother to our little boy. I didn’t see it coming. When it did I was broken beyond belief. Should I walk away? Can we mend what was broken? What about trust? Can I ever trust him again? That last part gave me the answers to my other questions. I couldn’t and without trust we were going nowhere. Divorce was next on the line. It was a very painful time because I believed in forevers and “forever” was lying in pieces around my feet along with my broken heart.

The thing that got me through the ordeal was my little boy. I saw the pain every time he looked at us. His world was changing and he wanted it to remain the same. However, there was no going back. I became his rock in more ways than one. His father was off and running. Any woman was fair game and we were left on the backburner or rather as an afterthought.

I took on the role of mom and dad and I stood by my boy like a lioness guarding her cub. Did it lessen his pain? I don’t think so but it did help him to know that he was loved and no matter what I was there for him.

The “angel” walked in after that and slowly but surely, I learned to stand back up again. No, I wasn’t fully healed, that took a long time and I couldn’t love him like he wanted. Every time he got close, I shut the door behind me! The thing about him was that he had both feet in and wasn’t about to leave. He stayed until it was his time to go. He showed me there is better out there. The kind of love that doesn’t take you for granted, the kind of love that doesn’t buckle at the slight suggestion of a storm, and the kind of love that didn’t ask but was willing to give selflessly. The sad thing, I wasn’t ready to accept it at the time.

I call him “my angel” because I truly believe that he was sent in to help me find my way again. He got me through the “the hard years” and just when I was finding my feet again, he left. His job was done.

Daily writing prompt

What’s a chapter of your life you’d title “The Hard Years” — and what got you through it?

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The Helicopter Has Crashed!

The definition of a helicopter mom is, “a mother who takes an overprotective or excessive interest in the life of her child or children.” Furthermore, “helicopter parents are so named because, like helicopters, they hover overhead, overseeing every aspect of their child’s life.” Guilty as charged!

My son, the one and only, has managed to do well. He has finished his studies and after landing two jobs but not to his liking, he has landed his dream job or so it seems. He is going into his third month and according to him, “Work is good.” That’s about as much as I can get out of him these days. Just short answers that don’t tell me a thing! I WANT MORE! Yes folks, the helicopter is going down fast and it is not going to be up there anytime soon and it probably never will again.

He’s on the way and keeping everything close to his chest. The problem is I am having a hard time with being fed just morsels! The first time it happened, I thought I would go crazy not knowing where he was, how he was doing, and especially when the trains stopped running and he was left to find his way home on his own! I had to learn to deal with that.

It got easier as time went on. The less he told me, the more I believed that he was alright and doing well. It was my way of surviving the inevitable. He was a young adult and he was ready to fly the coop and mom just had to deal with it. Then I wouldn’t hear from him for a few days and I would ask my ex if he had heard from him. “No, I haven’t heard from him for about a week now.” What?!! That set all the alarm bells going and needed looking into! When he was good and ready, he wrote me a few words, the emphasis being on few! “All good.”

I am writing this because he has a move coming up next weekend. He is moving to his new apartment and he will be able to have his cats with him. I thought it would take place the moment he moved in but I was told from a third source, the ex, that he has a two or three week business trip coming up and it can only happen after he comes back. Why didn’t he tell me?!! The helicopter is going down fast.

He just wrote a few minutes ago saying, “Packing.” I thought he was talking about the move coming up. Nope, he was talking about a trip coming up next week and he will be gone for a week. Where is he going? He doesn’t want to say and I have to step back and not push. The helicopter has CRASHED!!!

I see the same thing with a girlfriend. She has a ten-year-old and she does it one better than me. She is up there flying the skies and I wish I can go back to the times when I knew anything and everything like she does!

The thing is I have to accept that he is growing up fast and is leading a life of his own. So far, he has done well on his own and I will trust that I’ve brought him up well and he knows what he is doing.

By the way, that “helicopter” did a good job of raising the kid!

Have an amazing day.

It Took Courage

I don’t know if I would call it a risk but perhaps it was. I lost a friend a couple of years ago. We were very close and our lives revolved around each other. He was a good person with a very good heart and he taught me how to live again after the divorce.

However, his life on earth was short. He got very sick and his body was shutting down. There was no cure in sight and the person I once knew, the tall, strapping giant of a man was down to skin and bones. He was unrecognizable but the spirit remained. He gave me the task of pulling the plug when the time came. I couldn’t do it but there was no other choice. It meant pain, lots of it and him lost in a world that was unknown to me if it continued. Finally, I said go ahead. It took tremendous courage and the risk? I wasn’t sure if the decision was the right one.

The meds were stopped and it was just a matter of time. It took two weeks until his heart stopped beating. I hugged him the day before but he was already gone. I’ve asked myself this question many times, “Did I do the right thing? Could I have kept him here a little longer?” More importantly, “Do I regret giving them the go ahead?” Part of me still fights with the answers coming back but the part that knows better is at peace with the decision. I know he is in a better place and pain is a thing of the past for him. These days I see him flying with full-fledged wings as he was meant to be. They say the good die young and in his case that’s a true statement.

RIP

Daily writing prompt

Describe a risk you took that you do not regret.

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A Random Encounter

I don’t remember his name but it is not important. The meeting took place while I was in high school. He was the caretaker’s son and I met him one day during break time. We were playing some silly game and there he was sitting on a bench staring into space. I recall the smile on his face as he sensed my presence. It was big and bold and somehow didn’t quite fit that small face. I stopped and stared and he said, “Hello!” and that was the beginning.

He was born blind and his eyes looked clouded like there was a veil over them. I was fascinated by them and we talked for a while. The friendship took off and everyday at break time, I was at his place asking questions and listening to him play the piano. One day he played this beautiful melody and called it my song. He had dreams of being a famous pianist and I could see him achieve that dream. He was very talented. We talked about many things and I think I was the only friend he had. Some days after school, I would practice walking around the house with my eyes closed just to see what it felt like to be him. Summer rolled around and there was a break for some time. When school started back up, I couldn’t wait to see him again. The bench where he usually sat was empty. I looked around and there was no sign of him. Then his mother told me he was gone. I didn’t know what that meant at the time but I felt the pain of losing a friend.

Looking back, it was the awakening of compassion and empathy within me. I didn’t know him well but there was a definite connection between us. A chance meeting that would change my life for the better. I would go on to help others but it all began right there when compassion took hold for a fellow human being and empathy did the rest.

Daily writing prompt

Describe a random encounter with a stranger that stuck out positively to you.

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Something Positive

Both mom and dad have done positive things to further who I am and how I react to the world around me. However, I think it is dad who did something I will never forget and taught me to respect each and every individual regardless of skin color, ethnicity or race.

I remember I was fifteen at the time just emerging out of my tomboy phase. My close girlfriend was a Hindu. She invited me to go along to her temple for Pooja. It stands for worship and paying homage to the gods. I was into different cultures and learning as much about them was my goal at the time. I went along but it was very different from what I was used to as a Christian girl. Church was a sedate affair, however, the temple was different. It was noisy and the colors boomed with vibrancy and it was very crowded. Statues caught my eyes and they were painted in bright colors as well. We walked in and immediately we had to remove our shoes, then we had to break a coconut. It was followed by lighting incense and bowing to the deities and there were other things but I don’t quite remember them all now.

I did what was asked of me but I couldn’t wait to get back home. Once home, I walked in and blurted out to my dad, “It was so strange! I don’t know about Hinduism but it is not my thing!” Actually I used the term, “pagan” to get my point across, belligerence showing on my young face. Dad pinned me with his no nonsense gaze and said, “It is no different from our religion. Yes, they do things a little differently but they are praying to God. It’s all the same.” That took the wind out of my sails! I spent the rest of the evening thinking about what he had said and unknown to him he had taught me “tolerance” that day and that lesson has stood the test of time.

Perhaps, he taught me a bigger lesson and that is to RESPECT every person, every culture and every religion. I’m teaching my son to do the same thing. Here’s the thing, tolerance is not taught in schools, it begins at home.

Daily writing prompt

Describe a positive thing a family member has done for you.

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LOL!

I wasn’t in a good mood yesterday so I went looking for something to lighten the mood and came up with these. It sure did the job so thought I’d share.

Wife: “How would you describe me?”

Husband: “ABCDEFGHIJK”

Wife: “What does that mean?”

Husband: “Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot.”

Wife: “Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?”

Husband: “I’m just kidding!”

Do you think he lived through it?

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Q: Is Google male or female?

A: Female, because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.

Hmm?

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A lady comes home from her doctor’s appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, “Why are you so happy?” She says, “The doctor told me that for a forty-five-year-old woman I have the breasts of an eighteen year old.”

“Oh yeah?” quipped her husband. “What did he say about your forty-five-year- old a**?

Wife: “Your name never came up in the conversation.”

That’ll teach him to be quiet the next time around.

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Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn’t wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn’t wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said “Happy Birthday boss!” I felt so special. She asked me out to lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, “Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?”

“Okay,” I said.

She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, and my colleagues all yelling, “SURPRISE!!!” while I was waiting on the sofa…..naked.

Obviously she wasn’t that kind of secretary but he obviously was that kind of boss!

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Have an amazing day and HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE! Hope you have a peaceful one.

A Gift Like No Other!

This one makes me emotional. As gifts go this gift didn’t cost any money but it went straight to the heart and has stayed there through the years.

I remember my five-year-old son was late coming home from kindergarten. It was a short walk from there to the house but he was about an hour late and needless to say I was climbing walls! I was ready to give him a piece of my mind when he rang the doorbell. A sigh of relief rushed through me but there was anger still there or fear or both. I opened the door ready to let him know that it wasn’t ok when he looked at me with those big innocent eyes of his and handed me something he was holding in his hands. It was a small bouquet of wild flowers and they were crushed and there was no life left to be seen in them! “For you mommy,” he said. “I picked them on the way back from school.” He took the wind right out of my sails and I was left speechless which doesn’t happen often. I hugged him tightly and the smile he wore said it all. He was in love with his mommy and I was the most important person in his life at that point in time. I took those flowers carefully and put them in a small glass of water with tears in my eyes as he watched me with love in his.

It was the start of many more gifts to come. The next one came when he went on a school excursion to a zoo. I had given him some money to get an ice but instead he bought me a necklace. It was the ugliest necklace I had ever seen. Some wooden pieces were strung together and in the midst was a wooden turtle! He made me wear it for days on end and I DID. Even though I had received much more expensive gifts from others, that simple ugly piece still has a warm place in my heart and takes the place of best gift of all time, right up there with those crushed flowers.

The gifts have stopped coming , he is a young man now but once in a while he still surprises me. Sometimes it isn’t about how much money is spent on a gift to make it special, all it takes is thought and caring to show someone how much they mean to you. And those gifts did exactly that.

Daily writing prompt

Share one of the best gifts you’ve ever received.

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My Favorite Sports?

I don’t do competitive sports so there is nothing I watch or play. I used to do fast walking in competitions but that was years ago. Now, it is just walking for exercise to keep fit and to get out in nature.

Men are into competitive sports I think. Tennis, football and golf just to name a few. When I was married, I used to watch football not because I was interested in it but because I kept him company and went through the motions of liking what I saw especially when the ball made a goal. Those days are done with.

When I was a kid, I used to play in the boy’s football team. Dad was the coach so he let me even though I was the only girl in an all boy’s team. I don’t think he liked it that much but dad being dad decided, “this too shall pass” and bit the bullet and said nothing much to it. It did pass. I’m a quieter version of who I used to be and if you’re looking down on me, mom and dad, go ahead and smile, I’m the “lady” you wanted me to be!

Daily writing prompt

What are your favorite sports to watch and play?

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Christmas Adieu! (Archives)

This post was from last year but I wasn’t alone this year either. My son decided to visit and it was nice. We had an alone mom and son time. Food was great, at least he thought so and he got all his favorites at one go! Well, two of his favorites, just the tuna stuff he loves and lasagne with a salad to tone down the high-carb intake. Anyway, Christmas is over and time to bid it Adieu again!

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It has come and gone. The time of year where some wait religiously to put on their best light show and see who can outdo whom! The festival of lights in the Christian sense is now more about presents, presents, and more presents. Add the food fest and raucous family gatherings and you have the Christmas of today.

Never mind about that. It has come and gone and for some, it was a dreadful time especially if you are faraway from family and loved ones and had to spend it alone. It brings home “loneliness” and being “lonely” to another level. I hope you survived it as I did.

I was going to spend it alone and was prepared to do so with no problems at all. However, a friend was going to be alone as well as he had decided not to spend it with his son and family. Misery loves company as they say. He came over armed with roses and presents and even a present for Chachi, the cat!. How thoughtful but Chachi wasn’t buying any of it! He kept his distance and his mistrust showed in those big eyes and sweet face of his.

“Hey buddy, don’t try anything with my mommy!” was the message he gave and it came across loud and clear.

Dinner was nice. It was a low-key affair although he came dressed to please and I stayed in my sweats! I did deliver a good one. The menu consisted of wild boar in chestnut sauce, red cabbage and dumplings. Dessert was cookies and cake. You guessed it. It was cheesecake! We called it a night at 8 p.m. and Chachi, the cat, became the “main man” again. Exactly how he likes it.

If you’re wondering if he’s the one, it’s a definite no. He’s nice enough but there’s something missing and something else keeps telling me NO! It must be my usual, “No one is good enough,” stance or my intuition is working overtime to guide me in the right direction. Let’s hope it’s the intuition part.

Christmas Day found me in my pjs all day and breathing a sigh of relief that I didn’t have to bother with cooking and putting on a spread. It was leftovers and that was perfectly fine. I watched stand-up comedy which kept me laughing and I had Chachi, the cat, cuddled up next to me. It was a nice Christmas but I’m glad it has come and gone. Next up is New Year’s Eve but I’m opting for the quiet variety as well. A recluse? Seems that way doesn’t it? I’m loving it and that’s all that matters.

Have an amazing day.