It was hands down the time during the breakup of my marriage. I didn’t know “HARD” until then. I was caught between a rock and a hard place and there was no escaping the pain, the confusion, the insecurities, and the feelings of loneliness that followed.
The adulterous affair he had tore our marriage apart but I think it started way before that. Success got to his head and arrogance did the rest. The problem was I was still caught up in being his wife and mother to our little boy. I didn’t see it coming. When it did I was broken beyond belief. Should I walk away? Can we mend what was broken? What about trust? Can I ever trust him again? That last part gave me the answers to my other questions. I couldn’t and without trust we were going nowhere. Divorce was next on the line. It was a very painful time because I believed in forevers and “forever” was lying in pieces around my feet along with my broken heart.
The thing that got me through the ordeal was my little boy. I saw the pain every time he looked at us. His world was changing and he wanted it to remain the same. However, there was no going back. I became his rock in more ways than one. His father was off and running. Any woman was fair game and we were left on the backburner or rather as an afterthought.
I took on the role of mom and dad and I stood by my boy like a lioness guarding her cub. Did it lessen his pain? I don’t think so but it did help him to know that he was loved and no matter what I was there for him.
The “angel” walked in after that and slowly but surely, I learned to stand back up again. No, I wasn’t fully healed, that took a long time and I couldn’t love him like he wanted. Every time he got close, I shut the door behind me! The thing about him was that he had both feet in and wasn’t about to leave. He stayed until it was his time to go. He showed me there is better out there. The kind of love that doesn’t take you for granted, the kind of love that doesn’t buckle at the slight suggestion of a storm, and the kind of love that didn’t ask but was willing to give selflessly. The sad thing, I wasn’t ready to accept it at the time.
I call him “my angel” because I truly believe that he was sent in to help me find my way again. He got me through the “the hard years” and just when I was finding my feet again, he left. His job was done.
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