Tag: love

The Glass of Cherry Jam

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It came in a vintage jar, the contents a dark burgundy red, and I could see big chunks of cherry staring back at me from the interior. This wasn’t store-bought but homemade. The woman across the street handed it over with love in her eyes and even though it was a nasty day out with fall trying to make a showing, that glass of cherry jam brought some sunshine into my life.

I took it with gratitude because I know her cherry jam making skills. She does it beautifully and the taste is out of this world! A spoonful on my toast this morning had me singing her praises! She is sweet, well into her 80s but the lady never stops. She is on the go from morning to dusk doing everything necessary to keep herself moving. Working in her garden is something she loves doing, baking is her other love. Her son still comes over for lunch and dinner since he works from home. I don’t know what the deal is with him. He is good-looking, has a great job,has a nice looking sports car but I have never seen him with a woman or a man for that matter.

Who am I to wonder when mine hasn’t called or written in two weeks! I’m a helicopter mom but I’ve retired that helicopter and it is no longer working. I heard from my ex that he has a girlfriend. He went through a breakup three weeks ago and has been down in the dumps ever since but the man in the know, my ex, says that he is up and running again. Yes, girls do have that kind of effect on the young and not so experienced. So, I guess his life is revolving around her now. The good thing, he made it through his probationary period and is now a full-time employee and it is a big deal because that job is hard to come by. It also involves lots of traveling so I HOPE, I cross his mind now and then and he lets me know how he is doing although I am chomping at the bit to ask. I have to be patient but that is hard.

Coming back to that glass jar of jam. The neighborly gesture of caring brought more than just a jar of jam. It was sunshine, love, and caring all wrapped up in that jar of goodness. The fact that she took the time to show she cared mattered to me, and when she handed it over, she said, “Stay off your feet. No cleaning, no bending over, drink lots, and take care of yourself. You know what will happen if you don’t.” I nodded and I’ve been taking her advice although this time around, I do have slight discomfort and it is bugging me. Google says, “It is absolutely normal. You’ve gone through two surgeries, both big ones so give it time, about three weeks, and it will get better.” From Google to God’s ears!

It wasn’t just a glass of cherry jam, it was much much more and she knows it and I know it too. Kindness doesn’t appear everyday but sometimes it shows up in the form of a glass jar of cherry jam when you least expect it.

Have an amazing day.

LABELS

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There are good people, bad people, kind people, caring people, cruel people and the list goes on.   All just labels?  I don’t think so.  There are reasons why those labels exist, it is because such people do exist.  Just listen to the news of today, the labels we place on people because bullying is seen as a rightful act where some are concerned, and is a norm today. The “ugly people” carry on with their daily bashing of others simply because social media has given them a platform to do so.  It is more than cringeworthy and sometimes downright mean and cruel.  I don’t need to name names but it is plain to see if you follow the news.

Coming back to being a good person and the question at hand, I think being a “good person” carries a lot of weight.  I also believe that a good person acts with moral integrity.  It means matching your words with your actions.  This is hard to do but a good person has it ingrained within them.  Secondly, a good person has empathy. It is not always about them. viewing life from another angle or from another person’s viewpoint is at the core of their being.  Finally, I believe that a good person knows how to act with compassion towards others, and takes responsibility for their mistakes and tries to do better the next time around.  

Am I good person?  I think I am or at least I try to be.  I have those core values ingrained within me through practice but as they say, practice makes perfect but it takes time and that is understood as well. 

What does it mean to be a good person?

View all responses

Too Available?

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Are you? Do you jump in with both feet when someone, a buddy, a family member, and or a stranger needs your help? Do you wear yourself out trying to help them? Do you forget about yourself in the process? Do you wonder what happened when after all the trouble you went through to offer help, you find out that it was all for nothing? The people you chose to help did not show any gratitude and you were left feeling like it was all for nothing?

Welcome to the club of being “Too Available.” Not all of us are built that way. Some of us are and others live to people-please and we take it to a whole new level. I was talking to a friend recently about this problem and he said, “Everybody’s darling is everybody’s a**hole.” It is a well-known idiom meaning, “that trying to please everyone all the time is impossible and ultimately makes you inauthentic or disliked by all.” This phrase is associated with figures like Franz Josef Strauss, and it means”that bending over backward for universal approval leads to a loss of integrity.”

Today’s Lesson:

“Stop being always available to people who are just there for you when it’s convenient for them.” Unknown

I know plenty of said people. Some are close friends and others family members. Knowing that, it doesn’t make the pain any less hurtful, instead I question why some people are made that way. I guess the answer lies in the fact that people are people and each one is wired differently. The friend went on to say, “Nice people usually get the wrong end of the stick.” Well, he’s German so I think that this is what he meant. There maybe some truth to that assumption. I looked it up and this is what I found.

People-pleasing usually fails because you change your behavior to match whatever everyone else wants. By doing that, your boundaries suffer and there is no clear demarcation or lines drawn.

The truth is you can’t please everyone. Coming back to how people are wired and how each one has opposing values, expectations, and in trying to satisfy everyone, you end up satisfying no one.

You lose respect because by trying to accommodate everyone, you are seen as someone who agrees to everything and therefore not someone with clear principles. Basically, too much availability kills your value.

“Make yourself unavailable for unavailable people, who are only available when they want you to be available.” Mintu Kumar

What to do about this problem?

Never Forget This…..

If you’re always available – people stop valuing you.

If you constantly help – they start using you.

If you stay silent when it hurts – they’ll hurt you more often.

If you settle for less – they’ll never offer more.

If you don’t set limits – they’ll take control.

I don’t know who wrote that but he/she hit the nail on the head. The problem is knowing that, are people-pleasers ready to take that advice and learn from it? Or will it go in one ear and out the other when the next people-pleasing situation arises?

I don’t know but I think it takes practice to say NO or to look away and to stop from rushing to help. I’m not there yet but in time I hope I’ll be wearing a different tag and stop being, “Everybody’s darling” and “not everybody’s a**hole!” It is tiring, it is exhausting, and it hurts when things don’t turn out the way you want it to do and some kind of “thank you” is offered, which usually doesn’t happen.

“Stop being available for people who don’t prioritize you and your time.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

A New Day

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“Every day is a new beginning. Take a deep breath, smile, and start again.” Unknown

I’m sitting in the office area and looking out the window. It’s a brand new day and I’m thankful and grateful. There is a storm raging outside, the weather has turned and fall is moving in, not slowly but as quickly as it can. The wind is blowing and the bamboo fronds in the neighbor’s garden are bending under the weight of gale force winds but its resilience to spring back is amazing.

Sometimes we can take lessons from nature. We too are resilient and no matter how life tries to bend or to break us, like the bamboo we too can spring back to life when the storm has settled and move on from there. It is not the end of the world, it is, if we tend to think it is.

“With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts.” Eleanor Roosevelt

There is new strength coursing through me today. I went through major surgery on Monday and came out of it with little to show for it. The pain was nowhere to be found except for a little discomfort I feel just fine. I’ve made up my mind to embrace life and to open a brand new chapter. The pages are empty but I plan to write in them pretty soon. I have a plan in mind and it will be put into practice once my first week of recuperation is over.

I hope my body heals quickly. It is already showing signs that it is on exactly that path. I did the wash today, no big deal but going down to the cellar was but I did it with no problems. I’ve been walking up and down the stairs and cleaning up as well. The cat sitter said, “You are one fit person!” Well, I don’t want to jinx it but I would like to think that there is another hand at play in all of this.

“Every sunrise is a reminder that yesterday doesn’t have the final word. You can begin again, make a new choice, and write a better chapter. Your story is still being written.” Unknown

Exactly right! Yesterday doesn’t have the final say and you are fully capable of writing another chapter, one with a better ending.

“Every morning starts a new page in your story. Make it a great one today.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

God Hear My Prayer

It’s here and in a few hours I’ll be on the operating table. Scared? Absolutely. I feel my heart trying to climb those walls I always keep talking about but I’m strong and with two heavyweights on either side holding my hand, my angel on one side and the one who moves mountains on the other, I know that I have nothing to fear. However, my being is still having a hard time but I know this, I’m a fighter. So God hear my prayer as I surrender and believe that all will go according to plan.

The Hard Things (Archives)

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Most of us cringe at the thought of doing the hard things. Be it a break-up, walking away, losing a job and letting go of things that no longer serve us, it is an exceptionally hard thing to do. It is not something we look forward to because it means taking the bull by the horns and waging war on what seems to be an impossible task at first. Given time, patience, perseverance and a hard-headed look at what needs to be done to get to the other side, we find it is doable but not easy.

Easy is not what life is about. If anything, easy is not in its vocabulary. It seems at times that “living” is about going through the hard stuff. Sometimes one and sometimes a string of unsolvable and often times impossible situations but you and I know that it is those hard times and how you deal with them that brings out the strength in you. Sure, it would be easier if we didn’t have to deal with them but when has that stopped life from throwing it our way?

Where would we be without them? Probably having a great time without having to walk through the minefield of the hard stuff all equipped and designed to bring you down to your knees if you make a false move. There is no right or wrong way of going about it, it is trial and error and an undying resilience to take what is handed to you and to make it work for you. We’ve all made those false moves where we’ve crashed and burned and just when you think there is nothing left to do except to pick up the pieces and make the most of it, there is light at the end of the dark tunnel. There is that open door that beckons because as you know when one door closes, another one opens but it is human nature or at least it is mine to look past it and back at the one that has closed and is no longer available.

“Hard things are hard because there are no easy answers or recipes. They are hard because your emotions are at odds with your logic. They are hard because you don’t know the answer and you cannot ask for help without showing weakness.” Ben Horowitz

The hard stuff has kept me captive for longer than I want to admit. Truth is, I don’t do “HARD” well. Holding on is my nemesis, letting go of things that no longer serve me is harder still and moving on, well that is an impossible task at times. I hold on hoping that changes will come my way but it never does. Things happen for a reason, people are the way they are because they are wired that way and looking and hoping is not going to change things. However, whatever life throws your way, there is a lesson in there somewhere but it is hard to see when it first hits you. I think we fail miserably at times because we walk in circles, bang our heads on that closed door and refuse to move on until we are drained of energy and there is nothing else to do but to walk through that open door. Human nature at its best? I think so.

We are fully capable and have the strength within to meet the hard stuff head on and to tame it if necessary. It is the fear of the unknown in sync with the weakness within that works hand-in-hand to stop us in our tracks, makes us tremble where we stand as we whisper, I can’t. You and I have had our baptism by fire in one form or another, of this I am sure. The hard thing is just one more obstacle to overcome, nothing more, nothing less. We tend to make it more than what it is. Life is a never-ending circle of challenges in the form of “hard things” to overcome. It is mixed in with the good stuff but it is the hard stuff that brings forth the real you. Your strength, your power and most of all your ability to slay it where it stands takes courage, growth and an attitude of never giving up which will put the “hard stuff” in its place. Who knows if shown the door more often than not, it might decide to stay away. We can hope can’t we?

“I see your fear, and it’s big. I also see your courage, and it’s bigger. We can do hard things.” Glennon Doyle

Have an amazing day.