Both mom and dad have done positive things to further who I am and how I react to the world around me. However, I think it is dad who did something I will never forget and taught me to respect each and every individual regardless of skin color, ethnicity or race.
I remember I was fifteen at the time just emerging out of my tomboy phase. My close girlfriend was a Hindu. She invited me to go along to her temple for Pooja. It stands for worship and paying homage to the gods. I was into different cultures and learning as much about them was my goal at the time. I went along but it was very different from what I was used to as a Christian girl. Church was a sedate affair, however, the temple was different. It was noisy and the colors boomed with vibrancy and it was very crowded. Statues caught my eyes and they were painted in bright colors as well. We walked in and immediately we had to remove our shoes, then we had to break a coconut. It was followed by lighting incense and bowing to the deities and there were other things but I don’t quite remember them all now.
I did what was asked of me but I couldn’t wait to get back home. Once home, I walked in and blurted out to my dad, “It was so strange! I don’t know about Hinduism but it is not my thing!” Actually I used the term, “pagan” to get my point across, belligerence showing on my young face. Dad pinned me with his no nonsense gaze and said, “It is no different from our religion. Yes, they do things a little differently but they are praying to God. It’s all the same.” That took the wind out of my sails! I spent the rest of the evening thinking about what he had said and unknown to him he had taught me “tolerance” that day and that lesson has stood the test of time.
Perhaps, he taught me a bigger lesson and that is to RESPECT every person, every culture and every religion. I’m teaching my son to do the same thing. Here’s the thing, tolerance is not taught in schools, it begins at home.
Daily writing prompt
Describe a positive thing a family member has done for you.
Sitting outside in the garden is just as nice as taking a walk out in nature. Today, it is exceptionally wonderful because the sun is out, there is a cool breeze blowing and a cloudless blue sky adds to the pretty picture. I’ve got my second cup of coffee on the table, a notepad and pen just in case I get some bright ideas. I love jotting them down before it flies out of my head never to be seen again.
All is quiet where “the three” are concerned. I’m talking about Larry, Curly, and Moe! Just kidding. I’m talking about the three cats, Chachi, Galli, and Shiro. They’ve had their food, have been cleaned and brushed and are taking their midday naps. It is peaceful for a change.
The garden is looking fantastic in all its spring glory. The cherry tree has lots of blooms, the fig tree is greening, the Magnolias have done blooming and the petals are now lying like a carpet of pink and white on the grass. It means work clearing them up but each year they put on a show and the neighbors appreciate their beauty as well. My neighbor told me last week that she loves standing at her kitchen window with coffee cup in hand and looking at that tree. According to her, it brings or rather puts a smile on her face. I can understand that because nature has a way of doing that if you just stop and stare for a while.
The Camelia bush is in full bloom dripping with white blossoms. It’s interesting how this plant stays green all winter and when spring creeps around, the blossoms arrive. They are gorgeous. The tulips are in full bloom as well in a myriad variety of colors. The apple tree is greening and it will just be a matter of time before it starts blooming as well. Last year, it was a bumper crop. Maybe, this year it will take time out. Two years ago, I planted some ground crawlers as they are called here and each year they take my breath away. This year is no different. When they bloom, the ground is nowhere to be seen. It is covered in shades of pinks, purples, and whites. It’s the same this year and it is beautiful. The roses are budding as well and when they do arrive in different shades, the garden will be filled with the scent of vanilla and something sweet. Another thing to look forward to.
The insects are not out in full force yet but they will show up sooner or later. For now, I am enjoying the quiet, the peace, the sounds of nature all around me and I can stay here forever but it’s time to go see what the little rascals are up to.
According to one source, “Self-love means having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness. Self-love means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others.”
That said, when was the last time you talked to yourself with compassion? When was the last time you gave yourself some extra care and when was the last time you took care of your needs first. I don’t do those things often enough but it is necessary for your total well-being. Some days, I’m running around like a chicken with its head cut off taking care of others and on other days, I am my own worst critic. I am quick to blame and I stay there for a while to my own detriment. When I emerge from this destructive behavior, I am usually in a bad mood or everything seems just a tad gloomier.
We need to be nicer to the person we carry around. Compassion is needed and positive self-talk as well. Start by loving yourself first and it will create a ripple effect in the world around you. I think women are natural caregivers and in the process we forget to take care of ourselves. It’s time to stop and smell the roses even if it’s only for a little while. Enjoy the following quotes that bring “self-love” to the forefront and try to shine the spotlight on “YOU” for a change.
FRIENDLY REMINDER:
“It’s perfectly okay if the only exercise you get today is flipping the pages of a book or stirring your tea or smiling with friends. Well-being means your WHOLE body. Make sure your soul is getting as much exercise as your glutes.”
I sometimes forget to give my “soul” the same kind of attention I give to my body. Time to take note and do different.
“Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how you use it. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept.” Anna Taylor
Another important point here. Set those boundaries so you know in which direction you’re headed.
“Self-confidence is a super power. Once you start to believe in yourself, magic starts happening.” Unknown
“Be proud of who you are, and not ashamed of how someone else sees you.” Unknown
It’s true isn’t it? How someone sees you is not your problem. You are enough as you are and always remember that.
Here are a few more for good measure.
“Don’t let your mind bully your body.”
“Remember how you show up for yourself is how you teach others to show up for you.”
“Choose yourself more.”
“Life is too short to be mean to yourself.”
“Less self judgment and more self compassion.”
“Choose people who choose you.”
“Live your life like the story you want to be in.”
I wasn’t in a good mood yesterday so I went looking for something to lighten the mood and came up with these. It sure did the job so thought I’d share.
Wife: “How would you describe me?”
Husband: “ABCDEFGHIJK”
Wife: “What does that mean?”
Husband: “Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot.”
A lady comes home from her doctor’s appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, “Why are you so happy?” She says, “The doctor told me that for a forty-five-year-old woman I have the breasts of an eighteen year old.”
“Oh yeah?” quipped her husband. “What did he say about your forty-five-year- old a**?
Wife: “Your name never came up in the conversation.”
That’ll teach him to be quiet the next time around.
Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn’t wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn’t wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said “Happy Birthday boss!” I felt so special. She asked me out to lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, “Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?”
“Okay,” I said.
She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, and my colleagues all yelling, “SURPRISE!!!” while I was waiting on the sofa…..naked.
Obviously she wasn’t that kind of secretary but he obviously was that kind of boss!
I woke up to Chachi, the cat, having dry heaves! It doesn’t happen often but it did seem that way this morning because Shiro, the Persian cat, had a problem yesterday. She threw up and had a slight case of the runs. Galli, the British long-haired cat, was alright and keeping a watchful eye on everything.
I spent most of yesterday doing the wash, cleaning up behind them, and taking care of Shiro who seemed to be out of sorts and spent the day sleeping and looking poorly. Stressful? Absolutely.
This morning, Chachi decided to get in the act and had me up at 5 a.m. and after cleaning up, I noticed that he had been eating too much of the dry food so I removed it and decided that I must be doing something wrong as far as these three are concerned. Just as I suspected, the other two were waiting outside the door looking at me like I was manna from heaven or rather, it is where their manna comes from!
ME: “Cool it guys! I have some cleaning to do before I can get to you two.”
SHIRO: “How come Chachi gets to stay with you all night and we have to be outside. It is totally unfair!”
GALLI: “I’m not saying anything but she has a point there.”
I wasn’t in the mood for small talk! I ignored them and got what I needed to clean the mess up. Then I removed the dry food and gave him just wet food until his stomach settles down. Not too happy with the situation, I took a deep breath, piled my hair on my head, and decided to go get my cup of coffee. Just then I noticed that the litter boxes needed to be cleaned up! The day was taking off and leaving me behind. Okay, it was something that needed to be done so I did it. I disinfected it and added some deo to it. As I was heading downstairs, I noticed that Shiro had jumped into the litter box and was lying in it! The girl has a problem. She looked up at me with googly eyes like she was thoroughly enjoying it.
ME: “What’s the matter with you?”
SHIRO: “It smells so good here! I can sleep in it.”
GALLI: “She never used to do that when we were with daddy.”
SHIRO: “That’s because daddy never kept it this clean!”
CHACHI: “Mom, what are they up to?”
SHIRO: “Would it help if we called you mom?”
ME: “Nope!”
GALLI: “I know what your problem is. You need to let your hair down. Piling it on your head like you do is not a good look for you. If you want the guys to come calling, wear it down.”
CHACHI: “Thank you Galli. I keep telling her the same thing but she never listens. We should talk about the creeps who come calling! I can go on and on.”
ME: “Enough! Don’t worry about me. Stop throwing up, having the runs, and expecting to be fed all the time. You’ve had breakfast and now you’ll have to wait for several hours before you get more food. Is that understood?”
GALLI: “Bummer! I was enjoying the all you can eat buffet! Anyway, that attitude doesn’t suit you as well. Try being nicer, things might just change for the better.”
Ignoring the three, I headed for the kitchen. I NEEDED my coffee real bad. Shiro and Galli followed.
SHIRO: “We need to talk.”
Galli looking wise with his orange eyes took a seat on the stairs.
ME: “Guys, we are not talking. It is way too early and I don’t want to hear it!”
Them in unison.
“We want to go back to daddy! This is no fun and that little guy up there hasn’t been brought up too well. He growls and hisses all the time and you never say anything. Instead, you kiss him all the time and keep mommy’s boy protected from us. This is a no go!”
“Okay, we will have a pow wow later and I promise we will come to a solution. I need my coffee now.”
SHIRO: “What about Easter?”
ME: “What about it?!!”
GALLI: “Give us some special food and if you do, I will grant you a wish. One that brings the right guy into your life. You will be very happy, I promise.”
ME: “What are you?!! A fairy or rather a genie in disguise?”
GALLI: “I am more than meets the eye.”
ME: “Oh Lord, have mercy. Chachi thinks he knows everything and now, I have a budding lord only knows what on my hands!”
Coffee made, I headed back upstairs. Walking into the bedroom Chachi pipes up.
What was that about?
ME: “Don’t worry about it. Come give mommy a kiss.”
The little guy didn’t know what hit him but life as he knew it is gone and he has to put up with two intruders! He hadn’t see them in a long time so they are strangers again. Mommy is acting strange and is trying to butter them up and THAT is not settling too well with the Little Macho. It was talk time. Lord, have mercy!
Chachi: “Mom, why are they here? I don’t like them touching my stuff and using my toilet!”
Me: “You have to be nicer to them. They are missing their daddy.”
Daddy is my son who has moved away because of a new job and he has an apartment that doesn’t allow cats. It will take some time to rectify that situation so in the mean time, I am stuck with them. Chachi, the brat, just has to cool it and learn to share. There are three litter boxes in the house but for some reason, the two love using his!
Chachi: “I don’t think they were brought up too well. The big guy, Galli, hasn’t learned how to use the toilet yet and that little white one, Shiro, thinks toilets are beauty salons! She loves sticking her nose in them!”
Me: “I think she likes clean toilets. I noticed she was in the bathroom after my shower and was sniffing the air like it was something wonderful. Just part of being a girl. You should try to be friends with her.”
Chachi: “Grr! No way that is going to happen. I DON’T LIKE HER! I can tolerate Galli but I want you to stop kissing his forehead!”
Me: “Can you help me just a little? What’s with the hissing? You sure do act big for your size.”
Chachi: “Mom! I can take them both with one go!
Me: “Okay, no fighting. No hissing. No growling, and no “I’m the big man crap!” If you are nicer to them, you get extra kisses tonight and you get to cuddle with Mommy.”
Chachi: “Well, I get that anyway. Okay, I will try but you have to stop kissing them!”
ME: “Deal!”
I’ll sneak in those kisses when he’s not looking! They need loving too.
This morning there was a definite turnaround. The Little Brat has been out there for about an hour now. When I walked up the stairs to check on him, he was on the floor with Galli and they were trying to figure out how to make the ball move in the cat toy. Shiro walked past with a flippant glance at him and he didn’t hiss!
I’m hoping that the “white flag” will survive the day and they become friends.
I almost did the unthinkable but I came to my senses before that happened! Settling was something I never wanted to do and never settling means “to continuously strive for excellence, refusing to accept mediocrity, complacency, or anything less than your highest standards.”
In a relationship, never settling for less than you deserve means “refusing to accept less than your core standards, values, and emotional needs, ensuring you are not simply staying out of fear of being alone” or walking into one for that very same reason.
“You, my dear, were never meant to settle.” Erin Plewes
Coming back to the topic at hand, I almost did exactly that. I narrowed down the list of potential candidates to two. Out of the two, I decided to give one guy the chance of getting to know me better. He wasn’t the perfect guy but going with the premise that there is no such thing as the “perfect guy” I decided to give him a chance. If you know me, you will know what a big decision that was. Second dates are hard to come by. I always find a reason as to why it shouldn’t happen. Anyway, we went out on a few dates, held hands, laughed about THINGS and after two kisses, the doubts started rolling in as they usually do. The biggest obstacle was that he’s a smoker. He didn’t smoke in front of me but I knew he did and being the health nut I am, I knew it wasn’t going to work out.
Anyway, he started talking about vacations together and spending lots of time together. I mean, lots of time! He was also too touchy feely for my liking and I didn’t like the fact that he wanted to hold hands all the time. Is that normal behavior? I like being free as a bird meaning no fences around me and holding hands seemed like he wanted to put a fence around me. Instead of putting distance between us, I went along thinking maybe this could work out. I was walking into the “settling” mode. Why? I don’t know. Maybe I was tired of going out on dates only to find the wrong guys. Maybe, I just wanted to put dating aside and not have to search for Mr. Right anymore. He seemed nice enough, had stars in his eyes when he looked at me, and that phrase, “I will do anything for you,” landed where it should. I was feeling important and wanted.
“Real women are strong, resilient, independent, loyal, and lovable, one thing about them is they never settle.” Unknown
What happened to that woman? The same question I keep asking myself. Then I woke up. The fact that he smoked was definitely a deal breaker. The next big thing is I don’t like being touched all the time. I want a relationship not a “glue stick.” Unfortunately, I keep running into the same types, guys who think that “touching” is part and parcel of a relationship. Some touching is ok but NOT all the time. It got to the point where I was afraid to look at him because the moment I did, he was all over me. Finally, I decided to let go of a relationship that was going nowhere. I wanted one thing and he, the whole shebang! We parted ways on friendly terms.
Know who you are.
Know what you want.
Know what you deserve.
And don’t settle for less.
Yes, it means I’ll still be out there looking for that someone who probably doesn’t exist! Scary? Yes, but settling for the wrong someone is even worse. Take your time, don’t listen to the voices that say, time is running out. Walk your path the way you want to and never, ever, settle for anything less than what you deserve.
Stop settling.
Being cheated on is not normal.
Being controlled is not normal.
Being abused is not normal.
Crying more than you smile is not normal.
Break-up to make-up is not normal.
Stop suffering and settling.
Tony Gaskins
AND
“Stop being okay with things you really are not okay with. Stop associating being a good person with how much you’re willing to suffer in silence. You can be a kind person and still say, “I’m not okay with this.” Being kind is not about being the human equivalent of a doormat.” Unknown
When it comes to relationships, choose carefully, take off your blinders and go in with your eyes wide open. If you see the signals cropping up, the red ones that tell you to tread carefully, pay attention and shut the door behind you. Move on knowing that it is for the best. There will always be another someone, the “one” someone who will be your perfect fit or the someone who meets you more than halfway.
Love as we know has many facets. It is not a one size fits all kind of thing. There is the love between a parent and child, there is the love between a pet and its owner, there is the love of material things but nothing is as powerful as the love that shows up and turns your world on its head and you don’t know if you’re coming or going. It is the kind of love that comes and touches your heart, sends your blood pumping and you are left wondering what happened?
However, this love between a man and woman has its ups and downs. Sometimes it goes smoothly and sometimes when you least expect it, you get the rug pulled out from under your feet. There is the kind that shows up and you are head over heels and the kind that doesn’t get the same response from the other person. There is the kind that takes you for a ride, the kind that breaks your heart into a thousand pieces and hurt becomes a part of loving. There is the kind that loves to play games and the kind that doesn’t give a hoot about your feelings. It is all part and parcel of this thing called love. If you are lucky, you find someone who looks at you and you’re IT and then there is the kind that does circles around you and keeps you guessing.
Different kinds of love but it has one thing in common. Love is powerful and it has the ability to turn an ordinary person into someone extraordinary or leaves you gasping for air. Love lessons they are aplenty and since I’m in this, “What is love really about?” mood, here are some quotes that speak to the heart of the matter.
“Some people teach you what love feels like. Others teach you what love is not. Both shape how you protect your heart.” Unknown
Been there, done that and there is truth in that quote.
“I don’t walk away to teach people a lesson, I walk away because I learned mine.” Unknown
Done this one too. Believe me, the walking away gets easier as time goes along.
Spend your time on those who LOVE you unconditionally. Don’t waste it on those who only love you when the conditions are right for them.” Unknown
Listen carefully to this one. When you are not the priority, leave! No point hanging around.
“Not all love lasts, but the lessons love brings to us do.” Mandy Hale
The absolute truth. Learn from the lessons and let go of the rest.
“Sometimes life sends us people who don’t love us enough, to remind us of what we’re worthy of.” Mandy Hale
This is painful but it is a lesson that has to be learned. You are worthy of real love and not the wishy washy kind. Pay attention to what is shown and take the right path. It is not going to be easy but worthiness comes from knowing who you are and what you will stand for. It demands courage as well to shut the door and to move on.
“Never chase love, affection, or attention. If it isn’t given freely by another person, it isn’t worth having.” Unknown
Quite often we do the chase or the dance or whatever name you give it but you know what I mean. Chasing love, affection, or attention quite often brings the opposite. Don’t chase, let it go and see what happens.
“Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us.” Nicole Reed
I think this one works on the same principle as karma does. Someone does something bad to you and if you believe in karma, I do, you know that at some point they will get their comeuppance. When? That’s the problem. There is no date or time given, just that it will take place at some point and you have to believe that it will. So when will good things start happening. Same thing. Wait for it and sooner or later it will happen. No fun? Yes, well, life moves to a different beat and all in good time because you have to learn before you reap the benefits, I suppose.
Enough about love? One last thing, love is many-faceted and it has its mysteries but one thing is for sure, WE CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT IT!!
Have an amazing day and I hope the right kind of love finds you.
This one is embarrassing. The best compliment I’ve ever received was when I was in my early 20s and it was given to me by a group of businessmen.
I was in Singapore at the time and in McDonalds meeting a girlfriend for lunch. Sitting behind us was a group of men in suits. They kept staring but I didn’t pay it much mind. After 20 minutes they got up and left. I was glad because they made me uneasy for some reason. A few minutes later they walked back in. There were about 10 of them altogether so I froze in mid-conversation. They walked to our table, one guy had a single rose in his hand and an envelope. He didn’t say a word as he handed me both, smiled, and they left. The place was eerily quiet as everyone glanced over at us.
I opened the envelope and there was a card in it. It said:
“To the most beautiful girl in Singapore.”
It also contained 30 dollars to pay for lunch I guess. Nothing else. No telephone number nothing. I never saw them again but that chance meeting has stayed in my memory because it literally blew my mind! I would get plenty more compliments as time went on but that one on a hot day in Singapore took the cake and has remained in my mind as one of the best compliments of all time!
I was a wild child in my teens running around barefoot in the forest and playing with the ducks and most days I was covered with mud from head to toe but I loved it. I blossomed when I was 16 and those things were put aside. I never thought of myself as a beauty but things changed. I went from being a tomboy to a quiet young woman. More introvert than anything else. That compliment was my awakening to a different world. Beauty is more than a buzz word, beauty is power in some cases. These days they still tell me I am attractive but I march to a different drumbeat. It is more about the inner beauty and not about the fading kind.
This is a hard one and this early in the morning? My mind is doing a scramble to unravel that mystery because I’ve known many people in my life who seemed very confident and had a handle on this thing called life.
If I had to narrow it down to one person, I would say it was my mom. She is no longer here but her presence remains and is a constant reminder that I can do all things as she did in her life. She was a petite person but a giant when it came to raising her children. Some would call her an “helicopter mom” because her life was based around us and she was constantly looking out for us but when it came to parenting, she was a one woman parenting machine! I take many of my cues from her when it comes to my son and the questions he has. She had answers to every question and believe me there were many many questions!
Part of that parenting system didn’t cater to a rambunctious young girl because I wanted things my way but she stood her ground. She stood up to adversity like a pro and challenges were just that, something to be conquered or handled and that was it. No berating herself like I do. I remember her standing tall even at the worst times in her life and even when her life came to an end because someone chose to end it, she put up a fight. She was and is, the most confident person I know and have known. She had faith in herself and in God and these two things combined together were an unbeatable team. I am confident but nowhere close to where she was but I am learning to embrace my own strength and I see confidence in how I handle things as well. Perhaps the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree as they say.
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