love

SWAMPED!

“Life can get exhausting, overwhelming, and stressful sometimes.” Unknown

When I decided to take on the responsibility of adding two more cats to the one I already have, I didn’t count on being overwhelmed. I didn’t realize that it was going to be a huge amount of work and trying to get a handle on things would be a next to impossible task.

Two weeks in or is it three weeks? It doesn’t matter. What matters is that I am SWAMPED! It is overwhelming, time-consuming, and it is taking everything within me to not throw up my hands and to say, “I surrender! This is too much.” The thing is, I don’t give up easily and I see this predicament as a challenge. I THINK I can take control of the situation and come out the winner but it is testing my patience and nerves!

Don’t get me wrong. I love the two cats. They are sweet-natured but a ball of fur! The Persian cat, Shiro, is white and I am beginning to see white hair everywhere or is that just my imagination. Gallahad, is a dark grey cat and he has long hair. Put the two together and it is a never-ending task of vacuuming and getting rid of hair! I bought a hairdresser’s kit recently. It came with a battery-operated gadget that trims hair. “No way!” says Gallahad. It also comes with a comb and scissors and I went to work. Shiro is looking a lot slimmer with less hair and Galli, well, he let me do the tail area but getting anywhere closer is a problem and a half. Anyway, there is a lot less hair to go around and I feel like I’ve achieved something at least.

They are eating well, sleeping like they should, and have found someone else to get close to. The “cat whisperer” as I am known to them is the “Pied Piper” as far as they are concerned. They’ve taken to hanging around me, rubbing up against my leg when I walk past and waiting outside the bedroom door hoping I would let them in. Nope, that is not going to work.

Chachi, on the other hand, has taken hissing to a new high. He hisses every chance he gets and when Galli got too close to him, he jumped on him and held on for dear life. He stayed there not knowing what to do. It was a good thing that Galli didn’t pounce on him and knock some sense into him. Galli is twice his size but the Little Macho thinks he is a big guy plus they (the two) are intruding into his space and it is not setting well with him.

I’ve been keeping my eyes peeled for trouble but being the watch dog is wearing me out. I’m exhausted come evening and after doing a once over with the vacuum, it is time to shut down for the night. I must say that they take it in stride and the nights are usually quiet. Chachi loves it when I shut the door and settle in bed. It is his time to shine. Cuddling takes priority and knowing that Galli and Shiro haven’t worked their magic on me seems to do wonders for his psyche. HE IS STILL NUMBER ONE!

“Sometimes it’s okay if the only thing you did today was breathe.” Unknown

I did a whole lot more than that but who’s keeping tabs!

Have an amazing day.

My Growth Experiences…

It’s early in the morning and my mind is not all there. However, I’ll give it a try since I just had my first cup of coffee and I’m raring to go!

I would say “loss.” Many of us go through it and some of us refuse to learn from it. Loss to us is simply that. Losing something precious, losing a relationship for whatever the reason and of course death is the ultimate loss. These three things taught me that life is fragile but more importantly life is about learning because it (life) has lessons planned and learning and moving on is the only way to go. Standing still is not an option, screaming and howling is not an option, although you can try and I have, thumping your nose at it is not going to work either.

More than my marriage breaking up, I think it was death that brought home the fact that nothing lasts forever but I have strength, incredible strength within the kind that is capable of slaying monsters. First I had to accept that the person had moved on and I was left standing to pick up the pieces. It took crying, incredible grief, talking to myself, finding avenues to let that grief out but most of all when all was said and done, I took up the reins of life again and moved forward one step at a time and I am still moving forward although some days are harder than others. Loss teaches us that when one door closes another one opens. If you keep looking at that closed door, there is no moving forward but if you embrace and move through that open door there is a world of opportunities and new possibilities waiting to be discovered. Courage is needed and of course strength to push you through. It is still a learning process for me and I haven’t reached the pinnacle yet but maybe one day I will or maybe life is just that, when you think you’ve mastered a lesson along comes another. If that’s the case, make it a simpler one the next time around PLEASE!

Daily writing prompt

What experiences in life helped you grow the most?

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The Whispers of Heartbreak

We’ve all experienced heartbreak at some point in our lives and sometimes it happens more than once which is the norm and at other times, if you’re lucky, it goes easy on you.

The human to human interactions opens us to heartbreak. It puts us out there to accept, to experience and eventually to find peace, love, or heartbreak. There is another kind of heartbreak that is not often seen or heard but it has the potential to tear your heart apart just the same. It is the interaction between man and animal. The kind that is often overlooked and sniffed at as nothing more than an imaginary thing that takes place in your head. A friend told me recently that, “Animals are not people.” Some may say that it is the absolute truth but to those of us who think differently that was shocking to say the least. I found it to be a disregard for life, whether it is for the animal variety or otherwise.

Those of us who have pets know how they can grow and attach themselves to the very core of your being. Sometimes they evolve and take the place of humans so much so that there is no difference between the two. They are “humans” and will remain so. Losing one or the other brings about intolerable pain and it doesn’t matter if we are talking about an animal, the pain is the same.

I got a first hand glimpse of this phenomenon yesterday. I’ve written about my son leaving to start a new job. It means moving away to another city and place to get this process going. The apartment he has right now does not allow pets. The excruciating decision was made to leave them behind for the time being, perhaps for the duration of the trial period which is six months. The cats, Shiro and Gallahad, have been part and parcel of his life for as long as I can remember. They got him through his studies. When things got tough they were there to ease the pain and to move him forwards and onwards. They were his buddies, his kids, and his all around mentors, if you can call them that. To put it succinctly, they were inseparable.

This parting of ways is taking a toll on him and on them. He has been quiet for the most part and I watched as he hugged them close, turned and walked away with tears in his eyes. It took courage and tremendous strength.

The cats have been missing him. Shiro, his little princess, has been quiet, too quiet and keeping to herself. She is usually noisy because she loves to meow and she does it with relish! Not a peep from her for the last couple of days. There is a look of sadness about her. Gallahad, on the other hand, has brushed it aside and is taking the separation in stride. He is happy with the food, the soft strokes on his head and the stolen window seat by the kitchen which he has claimed as his own. Chachi is NOT happy but that is another story.

Last night, my son called and we talked about the new apartment. He was not too happy with it. I think it was missing two key elements. We talked about the surroundings, the people and the distance to his work place. However, he kept coming back to the two that were consuming his every thought. I assured him they were fine but he asked, “Can I talk to her?” He wanted the phone held to Shiro’s ear so that he could say some things to her. I did just that. I listened as he spoke to her. A father missing his child. He told her that he missed her terribly, he wished she was with him and he would try his best to get an apartment where they can all be together again. I listened with tears in my eyes. Shiro, on the other hand, sat up, her eyes opened wide at the sound of his voice and meowed a soft meow as if she understood. The next part was heartbreaking. There was absolute quiet on the other side. I thought we got cut off so I asked, “Are you still there?”

Silence. I asked again and then he came back on. “I miss them so badly. I wish they were with me.” He was in tears. I knew then that there was no difference. A heartbreak is a heartbreak. It tears at you, it robs you of sleep, it consumes you with pain AND it reminds you that the heart is a fragile thing. It breaks when you face loss, rejection, and giving up what is dear to you as in this case even if it is just for a little while.

The whispers of heartbreak rumble through us, make headway reminding us that we are fragile where it is concerned and human or animal, the difference is the importance you place on it AND sometimes, it is one and the same.

Someone Else for a Day?

I can say a lot of things here and pick some influential people who changed life for the better but I’m going to go with someone who makes my life a joy and one who is there from the moment I wake up to the time I turn off the lights and go to sleep.

If I could, I would like to be Chachi, the cat, or rather Little Einstein as he likes to be called. Some might say pick a person but this little furball is a person to me. I would like to see life through his eyes for a change. Sometimes I wonder what he thinks as he looks at me with those big green eyes, I see love but it might be something else altogether! I want to see what is missing in his life and what could be made better.

The little bundle of joy has me wrapped around his paws in more ways than one. I think a cat’s life can’t be beat, well, I am speaking about HIS! There is nothing to worry about, life is a breeze and now that I’ve removed the big Japanese cherry tree from blocking his view in front of the kitchen window, Chachi has a wide-screen TV! He spends his days following me around like a second shadow and his needs are taken care of. When he is bored, he sleeps the day away and when he feels like company, it’s Mommy time! Cuddles, hugs, and kisses are all part of his daily existence and he gets plenty of those. So I say, I would like to be Chachi for a day. The laid-back existence is appealing and “no thinking” and “no worries” makes it a life I would like to experience for a day.

Daily writing prompt

If you could be someone else for a day, who would you be, and why?

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Farewell My Son

Tomorrow is the day that I’ve been dreading for a week now. I thought it would take its time getting here but we’ve got a day to go before you take off to start your new life.

I’ve been walking around like a zombie doing things I need to get done to prepare for tomorrow. Your cats will be here and there is much to prepare to make sure that their needs will be met. I think I’ve got it down pat now, the “needs” bit but not how it will be with three cats running around. I am a little nervous.

Then your dad called earlier today and that brought it all home. You are leaving and there is no turning back. It is onwards and forwards. I’ve been brave or rather trying to be brave and I succeeded until dad said, “I’m at his place. We are loading the stuff into the car.” It hit home and the move is taking place.

What can I say that I haven’t said already? Sometimes, I wish I can turn back time. I want to go back to when you were a five-year-old and you needed me. I was there to take care of all your needs and to keep you safe. I want to go back to when we played that game, the one where you asked, “How much do you love me?” My answer, “To the moon and back and again to the moon and back!” That always brought a giggle and a chuckle from you. Those days are gone but they live on in memories.

The reality is that a lot of things have changed and they are changing. Tomorrow, I will hug you tight, kiss you on the cheek, make sure you have everything you need, knowing full well that I’ve forgotten something in my rush to make sure you have everything you need. I will try not to break into tears as I stand there and watch you walk out the door. All of that will come later as I retreat indoors and try to deal with this situation as well.

I think mothers and fathers are different. Your dad seems to be fine but I’m sure he heard the “break” in my voice as I asked, “Is he alright?” Let me tell you something so you know without a shadow of a doubt where you stand with me. I want you to know that I love you. You are very important to me and no matter what, I will always try to be there for you. Life is taking you away and I hope to a better future. I also hope that it will be kind to you and the new people you meet will care about you as you form your new circle of friends. Most of all, I hope you stay safe.

I want to tell you not to do these things. Don’t do your long walks with your headphones on so that you are not aware of your surroundings. Be careful because you will be in a big city and there is much you have to learn and look out for. I KNOW that you think you know everything and I should let you live your life BUT I still see you as that little boy who I nurtured and walked with holding that tiny hand in mine. I guess I will always have that picture in my mind.

I know that you are a young adult now and I should treat you as such. It is hard but I will try. You, my son, are fully capable of achieving anything you set your mind to. You are strong, you are intelligent, you are goal-oriented and like your mother, a very strong person.

This will be another challenge for me. Another one that will require my strength and my belief that all will be well. It’s not to say that I won’t freak out from time to time wondering if you are fine. I’m going to say this and leave it at that. I trust and believe you will be fine and you will make your way as I did a long time ago.

I WILL MISS YOU.

The Guy?!!

Got your attention? I think those of you who read my articles regularly know that I’ve been looking for the needle in the haystack and it hasn’t been easy being out there. Where? Out in the dating world.

I’ve come across many who claim to be Prince Charming but in actuality are frogs in disguise. I know, I know, you just have to kiss them and they might turn into the man of your dreams. So far, no luck. They’ve remained frogs! Around the middle of last year, I came to a screeching halt and decided to pull the plug on dating. However, at the beginning of this year, I decided to give it another try.

Out of the eight who showed up wearing hopeful smiles, I narrowed it down to two. One was a Biochemical Engineer, nice enough guy in the beginning but a total full of himself j**k. Maybe, it was me but never mind. After two dates, I decided to call it off. I tried to be nice, which is my problem, but he hung up on me showing his true self. The last man standing was just a simple guy who grew up in these parts, the farmers are his best friends, doesn’t speak any English but has decided that he has only eyes for me. Nice guy? Hold on.

On our first date, he was very attentive and as he walked me to the door, he stole the kiss. It was totally unexpected. I pushed him away before he took it further and later when he called he asked, “Did I shock you?” My answer, “Yes, you did.”

Anyway, I decided to pull the stick out of my you know what and to give him another chance. Nice guys don’t come around too often, that was my reasoning. Second date went just fine. We had lunch and went for a walk. It was nice and it was my kind of date. Third date was supposed to be a breakfast date and he decided to take another huge leap.

HIM: “My sister wants to join us.”

ME: “Why?!!”

HIM: “She wants to meet you.”

ME: “Why?!!”

HIM: “Because she asked.”

Oh God. Things were moving like a train on a collision course! Then he began using the “we” word whenever he talked about us. If that wasn’t enough to give you chills running down your spine, he started sending early morning messages, like at 5 in the mornings! Then he started hammering the nail in the coffin as quickly as he could by calling me, “Mein Schatz.” In German, my darling or my treasure, whatever the case may be, you get the picture. My signals were all going off and you know I have plenty of them where men are concerned. Anyway, still I persevered. I met the sister and we hit it off. He told me that she thought I was five or ten times better than his other girlfriends. So, he went, “Welcome to the family.” Lord, have mercy!

I also found out that he smokes which is an absolute no-go for an hypocondraic and a health nut like me. I did tell him that but he promised that he wouldn’t do it in front of me. However, I Googled, my steady companion who never fails to come up with answers said this,

“It doesn’t matter. Third-hand smoke is a killer too. Smokers have toxins coming out of every pore and some of it will wear off on you causing heart problems and a stroke at times.

Lord, help me! I like the guy. He is caring albeit a little touchy feely. He thinks he has found the right person for him after three dates and I think he has “forever” showing in his eyes. Me? Not so much. He stole a kiss and he has hugged me and held my hands. That is about it although he keeps talking about spending the weekend together. Knowing me, that would be a big, big, hurdle to cross. Plus those “toxins” are not helping matters much.

Another one bites the dust? Maybe, I don’t know yet. Still thinking on that one. Thinking is my problem too, I overthink things. I told a friend yesterday that at this rate, I will go to my grave as a single woman. He was nice and said, “I think you are very nice and there is nothing wrong with you.” So, why do I wind up in these situations? A more pertinent question is, “Where is my Prince Charming? The one who will be an almost perfect fit. Where is he?!!”

The universe in its wisdom is saying, “All in good time, my child. He’ll show up when you least expect it and I’m working on it but you are not making it easy!”

Back to walks in nature, I suppose.

Release the Chase

The word “chase” encapsules the thrill of the pursuit and it evokes feelings of urgency because chasing either your dreams, a special person, or your success story requires this single-minded focus and sometimes everything else goes out of focus and the chase is what you’re about. You feel the adrenaline rush and it takes you to new highs, not always a good thing but who cares because in that moment, you are alive and that is all that matters.

We know this well, don’t we? We’ve done it all the way through childhood to where we’re at now. In the earlier years, the chase was about doing better in school, exceling at sports, or being the popular person at school. In your teens, the social world opened up and the chase was about accomplishments, attracting a boy or girl, and fitting in. Adulthood brought about new things to chase. Love, success, wanting to make it so that you can climb the rungs of success. It was expected and you conformed and sometimes you enjoyed the chase and sometimes you didn’t but it was part of your life.

Along the way we learned that chasing was necessary if we wanted something bad enough. We also learned that sometimes the chasing wasn’t just about the good things. There were moments when we chased situations that were not good for us. It didn’t matter because we wanted what we wanted and even if the outcome was going to be bad, we put on blinders and did the dance of chasing. Along the way, we became experts at all kinds of chasing and sometimes to our own detriment. The truth of the matter is that we have been in various forms of chase throughout our lives.

Life becomes more exciting when you are in the chase mode or rather you have something to live for. Sometimes it keeps us on the edge and at other times we can do without the blood-pumping adrenaline rush but giving it up is a hard thing to do. Have you ever chased the wrong person in a relationship knowing full well that you should let it die a slow death or even a fast one? How many times did you chase just because you didn’t want to give up what was bad for you? Your heart wanted what it wanted and you went along for the ride. We are pros when it comes to seeking out what we desire passionately.

This unassuming word was referred to as “chacier” in Old French and in Latin “captare” meaning to seize. According to one source, “when we chase something — be it success, happiness, or even closure — we’re not merely pursuing; we’re reaching out for possession over our own narratives.”

Those stories that we tell ourselves can sometimes be our worst enemies. So, the next time you decide to “chase” or to do the chasing, think carefully. Do you really want it? Is it good for you? Or is it better off left alone?

Life Got Quieter in a Good Way

When I switched from expect to accept, my life got quieter — in the best way. Fewer arguments, fewer overreactions, fewer battles at 2 a.m. I don’t chase responses, don’t pressure outcomes, don’t demand constant reassurance. I accept what is real, release what is draining, and let peace take up the space where chaos used to live.” MORNING SMILE

If that isn’t enough to let go and release the chase, here is something that might help you do just that if you believe in the universe that is.

“Be so deep in alignment with your intention that your dream starts to chase you.” The Universe

Have an amazing day and instead of chasing, sit back and let it come and get you!

It is elusive, it doesn’t always show up and when it does, it may not stay forever. That is a given but still we seek it, we want the feeling that says all is well, we are loved and protected AND we want it to paint our world in colors of the rainbow or whatever color love brings. It doesn’t matter if it looks and feels like cubic zirconia, the shine is all that matters for a while anyways. The problem is, we seek this elusive commodity like a heat seeking missile but a warm willing body is not enough, it needs substance to keep it going and that’s where the iffiness, the wishy-washiness and dead as a doornail comes in.

Have you ever fallen in love with the wrong person? I’ll guarantee that all of us have at one time or another. I’ve taken that journey many times over. Each time, I tell myself I’ll do better the next time around and each time I watch the worthless relationship go up in flames. I’m like a gardener who had planted seeds and one who is waiting to see what the outcome would be. The hope is that all the care, energy and time would yield a bumper crop but no matter how hard I tried, that plant showed up poorly and died along the way. It got brown and shriveled and no amount of trying to revive it brought signs of life back into it. Yet, I held on because of the invested time, love and energy that had gone into it and I wanted some kind of return when there was none to be had.

It was time to let it go. Put it down to wasted energy, pull it out by the roots and make room for something new to grow. Something which is more conducive and is willing to grow under your care. Bad love like bad seeds are just that, there is no rescuing what doesn’t want to be rescued. Let it go.

Love is defined as, “a set of emotions and behaviors characterized by intimacy, passion and commitment. It involves care, closeness, protectiveness, attraction, affection and trust.” verywellmind.com

If some of those behavior traits are missing and keeps on coming up missing, then you need to step back, reevaluate and weigh the consequences of such a relationship. Do not make an unworthy person a priority in your life and toxic relationships are just that, the poison starts slowly but it spreads quickly. Examples of toxic behavior are cheating and carrying on other relationships while in an ongoing relationship and pretending it is a covert operation. The liars and control freaks need to take a hike and those who show no respect for the person they’re with are a waste of time and space. Add to that the ones who can look you in the eye and swear that nothing is going on when you know otherwise should be shown the door quickly. No time should be wasted on them. If you’ve got one of these cubic zirconia types on your hands, remember life is too short for hoping and wishing, remember you’re a diamond so you have no time and energy to be wasted on fakes. Make room for someone who is willing to thrive in your garden and put yesterday’s mistakes behind you.

“Something I just recently learned was that chased love is not love. If you have to run after it, talk it into staying, remind it of your value, fight alone for the both of you, issue ultimatums, or test it, it is not love. It’s not love, it’s not happiness, it is not fair, it’s not healthy, the only thing it is…..is a waste of time.” Jessica James

I heard someone put it this way as well but not in exactly these words. Why do you have a junk car parked on your property when you’ve got a Ferrari circling your property? Have the wreck towed away and make room for the new, something better at best. Even if there isn’t anyone new on the horizon right now, give it time. In the meantime work on being a worthy person, worthy of love and one who deserves the best as far as love is concerned. Anything less is an absolute no-go!

“Some people will only come into your life to teach you what love is not. And when that happens, I hope you know when to walk away.” F. E. Marie

Have an amazing day.

Time is Flying!

Time is not flying because I am having fun but because I’m caught up in a whirlwind of thoughts, not too good ones either! My son is getting ready to fly the coop and in a week or so, he’ll be headed to parts unknown and I’ll be at my wit’s end trying to keep my sanity intact!

A friend asked me, “Do you remember how it was when you flew the coop? Was it scary? The important thing is you made it, so remember that and know that he’ll be alright.” Easier said than done folks.

I know he has achieved much in his young life including finishing up his studies with a better than average grade. He landed three jobs at the get-go even though he had never worked a day in his life! I couldn’t believe it and now the fourth one is on the horizon. He has managed to carry on with his life all on his own without “mommy” hovering over him. More specifically, he has lived alone for over 4 or 5 years and made it. He SHOULD be able to do this as well, right?

Some parts say of course and it will be a breeze. Other parts, the ones that gather strength and let me play through the repertoire of what could go wrong scenarios are digging in their heels and showing me exactly what could go wrong. Just when I think I’ve got a handle on one thing, they push a few more my way. Walks in nature have helped but when I think I’ve cleared my head and walk back in the door, they are there to meet me head-on!

This is going to be a hard one for me. Letting go has never been easy but this will be especially hard since it feels like I’ll be missing a part of me. Is he ok? Is he safe? IS HE DOING WELL? Unknowns that will require both faith and strength to overcome. I’ve done it so far and I think I will and am able to do what is asked of me. The will is there but the “unwilling parts” need to help me along.

This too shall pass? Hopefully, fingers and toes crossed.

A Gift Like No Other!

This one makes me emotional. As gifts go this gift didn’t cost any money but it went straight to the heart and has stayed there through the years.

I remember my five-year-old son was late coming home from kindergarten. It was a short walk from there to the house but he was about an hour late and needless to say I was climbing walls! I was ready to give him a piece of my mind when he rang the doorbell. A sigh of relief rushed through me but there was anger still there or fear or both. I opened the door ready to let him know that it wasn’t ok when he looked at me with those big innocent eyes of his and handed me something he was holding in his hands. It was a small bouquet of wild flowers and they were crushed and there was no life left to be seen in them! “For you mommy,” he said. “I picked them on the way back from school.” He took the wind right out of my sails and I was left speechless which doesn’t happen often. I hugged him tightly and the smile he wore said it all. He was in love with his mommy and I was the most important person in his life at that point in time. I took those flowers carefully and put them in a small glass of water with tears in my eyes as he watched me with love in his.

It was the start of many more gifts to come. The next one came when he went on a school excursion to a zoo. I had given him some money to get an ice but instead he bought me a necklace. It was the ugliest necklace I had ever seen. Some wooden pieces were strung together and in the midst was a wooden turtle! He made me wear it for days on end and I DID. Even though I had received much more expensive gifts from others, that simple ugly piece still has a warm place in my heart and takes the place of best gift of all time, right up there with those crushed flowers.

The gifts have stopped coming , he is a young man now but once in a while he still surprises me. Sometimes it isn’t about how much money is spent on a gift to make it special, all it takes is thought and caring to show someone how much they mean to you. And those gifts did exactly that.

Daily writing prompt

Share one of the best gifts you’ve ever received.

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