self-care – Site Title

Self-Love

According to one source, “Self-love means having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness. Self-love means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others.”

That said, when was the last time you talked to yourself with compassion? When was the last time you gave yourself some extra care and when was the last time you took care of your needs first. I don’t do those things often enough but it is necessary for your total well-being. Some days, I’m running around like a chicken with its head cut off taking care of others and on other days, I am my own worst critic. I am quick to blame and I stay there for a while to my own detriment. When I emerge from this destructive behavior, I am usually in a bad mood or everything seems just a tad gloomier.

We need to be nicer to the person we carry around. Compassion is needed and positive self-talk as well. Start by loving yourself first and it will create a ripple effect in the world around you. I think women are natural caregivers and in the process we forget to take care of ourselves. It’s time to stop and smell the roses even if it’s only for a little while. Enjoy the following quotes that bring “self-love” to the forefront and try to shine the spotlight on “YOU” for a change.

FRIENDLY REMINDER:

“It’s perfectly okay if the only exercise you get today is flipping the pages of a book or stirring your tea or smiling with friends. Well-being means your WHOLE body. Make sure your soul is getting as much exercise as your glutes.”

I sometimes forget to give my “soul” the same kind of attention I give to my body. Time to take note and do different.

“Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how you use it. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept.” Anna Taylor

Another important point here. Set those boundaries so you know in which direction you’re headed.

“Self-confidence is a super power. Once you start to believe in yourself, magic starts happening.” Unknown

“Be proud of who you are, and not ashamed of how someone else sees you.” Unknown

It’s true isn’t it? How someone sees you is not your problem. You are enough as you are and always remember that.

Here are a few more for good measure.

“Don’t let your mind bully your body.”

“Remember how you show up for yourself is how you teach others to show up for you.”

“Choose yourself more.”

“Life is too short to be mean to yourself.”

“Less self judgment and more self compassion.”

“Choose people who choose you.”

“Live your life like the story you want to be in.”

And finally:

LOVE YOURSELF

YOU ARE ENOUGH AS YOU ARE!

Have an amazing day.

Gratitude

Zig Ziglar called it the healthiest of all human emotions and it is one that is often overlooked in our day to day existence of what we call “living.” It is unpretentious, it takes its place quietly in the ranks of emotions and waits to be recognized like a step child who is often left wanting. More often than not we walk past without giving it the recognition it deserves.

“Gratitude helps you see what’s there instead of what isn’t.” Unknown

What is gratitude?

Simply put and according to graygroupintl.com, “It is a deep sense of appreciation for the good things in our lives, both big and small. It is about recognizing the positive aspects and expressing gratitude for them. When we practice gratitude, it not only benefits our mental health but also our physical well-being.”

If it is that important, why hasn’t this poster-child for good mental health been given more attention and accolades?

Perhaps, it is because as humans we have a tendency to overlook the “good stuff” and we tend to focus on the lack thereof and all the negatives it entails. If only I had this, then life would be so much better is the mantra we wear with pride and have hone it to an art form that we are blinded to the abundance that surrounds us.

“Wear gratitude like a cloak and it will feed every corner of your life.” Rumi

Practice it daily and it will turn your life around. I still haven’t grasped this concept of being grateful but I am working on it.

How do you practice gratitude? According to mindful.org, the people in the know, it starts like this and if you do it regularly, “it is a game-changer; it has far reaching effects, from improving our mental health to boosting our relationships with others. Living your life with gratitude helps you notice the little wins— and over time strengthens your ability to notice the good.”

Start by observing. Notice the thank yous you say.

Keep a journal of all that you are grateful for and believe me there is plenty to be thankful for.

Make a vow to be grateful everyday.

Meditate – anchor yourself to the good things in your life. Be mindful and live in the present.

The day before was a tough day. Things just didn’t go the way I wanted it to and so my focus was on all the bad stuff which in turn helped me to go further down the rabbit hole. At the end of the day I decided that today would be better. The gratitude part didn’t come till later. I went ahead and booked a massage and as I was lying on the table, face down and staring into nothingness, listening to the soothing music in the background, a small voice said, “Say thank you.” I did and I repeated it several times just in case it didn’t hear me the first me! As the masseuse applied gentle strokes to my back, I realized that I was surrounded with and by abundance.

I slowly started counting off the things I was grateful for and the list was never-ending. The gorgeous day, the blue skies, my friends, the people who cared about my existence and last but not least the wonderful massage that helped to soothe my frazzled nerves. It was a game-changer. I walked out of there with a smile on my face, my woes forgotten for the moment at least and well-prepared for the day ahead.

If you can’t afford a massage even the simplest of things will do it. Go for a walk, pay attention to the sights and sounds, things that help to lift up your soul. It could be as simple as taking in a deep breath, or watching a bird in flight or a tree in bloom, its colors mesmerizing and the scent wafting by better than any artificially manufactured perfume but most of all say, “THANK YOU.” Be grateful for the abundance surrounding you, the roof over your head, the food, nature and all the little and big things that help to make up your life and soon the glass will no longer be half empty but overflowing. A friend said to me, “you need to do what you preach,” and he is right. Thank you friend for being my friend!

Practicing gratefulness is helping to turn things around in my life. It doesn’t come easily but the more I say thank you and appreciate what is around me, the less I see the negatives not that they aren’t there mind you, but to a lesser extent. This too takes time.

“When you are grateful, fear disappears and abundance appears.” Tony Robbins

Have an amazing day.

Press Reset

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“Don’t forget power in resetting, on any given day…you are allowed to start over, if you feel like you’re going down the wrong path, RESET.” Reyna Biddy

When the sun goes down and you find yourself staring at another day ending and you realize that progress is not being made, hit the “RESET” button. You are not stuck even though it might feel that way at times but you have the power to change whatever it is you want to change in your life. You need the mindset, know what it is you’re after, hit “reset” meaning clear the slate and start over again. .

It is not that simple I know. In fact, it might be one of the hardest things you’ll have to do because changing your mindset is not easy and it is not simple either. Old habits die hard and sometimes they are hard to give up because there is comfort in hanging on to things that feel comfortable even if in reality they are not. Laziness, putting out the least effort possible and waiting for the world to reward you for nothing in particular is not going to work and it has never worked.

“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.” C. S. Lewis

It takes YOU to change your place in the world. Where you stand, how high or low you are in the grand scheme of things all depends on you but one thing is clear, progress needs hard work. It means falling down a few more times than you wanted to but always keeping your eyes on the prize. If you want that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, you’ve got to go after it. It is human nature to want to make life simple but it has other plans for us. Life is about learning from your mistakes, saying “no” to easy and knowing that you’ve got to throw yourself into “hard” to make it happen. Falling down is part and parcel of this thing called life but standing back up and moving forward gives you another chance, another opportunity to reach your end goal. You need to be better and you need to set yourself apart from the ordinary to make it. Sparkles and sunshine sounds good but it is going to take grit and determination to get you there.

Hitting “reset” and doing the same old things over and over again is not going to do it either. You need to “refocus” to get things going again. If something is not working, focus on what it is and change it. Try different angles and attitudes and at some point you’ll get it right, at least I hope I will at some point in time. Until then, I’ll hit “reset” as many times as I need to and I’ll tell the “victim mentality” I carry around with me which keeps me from achieving my goals to hit the door as well!

So if you’re standing where I have been many many times before and watching the sun set on another fruitless day, hit “RESET.” Tomorrow is on its way, it’s a new day to work your magic on a blank slate and to have your name written there as a success story. It’s all up to you.

Reset, refocus, readjust, restart, as many times as you need to. JUST NEVER GIVE UP!” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

Five Ways to Transform (Archives)

If you’re looking for ways to transform your life, here are five tips that will get you on your way. These five rules come from Buddhist teachings and if applied daily and in the mornings before your daily grind starts or even before having your first cup of coffee, they will help you to see life in a different light. I’ve been practicing these five rules for about a week now and it has made me calmer, more in tune with myself and believe it or not, my mind is under control as well!

Find a quiet spot and take three deep breaths to center yourself. Repeat each affirmation two or three times to let it sink in and take hold.

I am grateful for this new day.

Really simple but not so simple for some of us. Gratefulness needs to be learned and if practiced daily, it can transform your life in a positive way. Come up with one or two things you are grateful for and go from there.

Let go of yesterday.

This is a hard one. How often do we carry “yesterday” and all its disappointments, anger and sadness like an albatross around our necks? More often than not is the answer. Let go and let yesterday lie where it should. It is done with and today is a brand new day to make it all better.

I am calm and in control of my mind.

It has been said, “Rule your mind or it will rule you.” This simply means, “you have the power to train your thoughts and control your mental state, rather then being controlled by your thoughts and emotions.” Be in the present and use conscious effort to train your mind to shape the thoughts you entertain. “Nothing can harm you as much as your own thoughts unguarded.” Guard them with care.

I will respond with kindness today.

Listen without judgment or interruption. Show appreciation for the people around you and an act of goodwill doesn’t hurt either. Wear a smile while you’re doing it and change the world one act at a time.

Everything is temporary.

Know that change is inevitable, it will come whether you want it or not. Nothing is forever except change so learn to let go when it happens. Accepting impermanence can help you to appreciate the present moment and adjust to new situations as they happen.

Five rules to live by but it takes practice to get it down pat and to apply it to your life. Not easy but with practice it is doable. Good luck and see you on the other side of a life well-lived! 👍

Have an amazing day.

Relaxation

Relaxation is a big word in my life as everything is focused on or around it. No matter how stressful life gets or how chaotic things are, relaxation is one of the things that I try to do everyday without fail.

It could be as simple as a walk in nature for about 20 minutes, a workout at home for 30 minutes, a meditative practice for however long I like and just simply breathing for all its worth. All of these methods help me to relax and to give the “stress” monster a kick out the door. It wasn’t always this way. Life had me in its grip and I found myself on the go all the time and there was no time to stop and smell the roses even if I wanted to. Then I made a conscious decision to step back, go into the recluse mode, throw what didn’t serve me out the door and to give relaxation the all-important spot as being number 1 in my day-to-day routine.

These days, I am learning to relax at the drop of a coin. If something bugs me, I grab one of my go to methods for relaxation and retreat into a world of peace and nirvana. Just 15 minutes a day does the trick and “no time” is not an excuse. You do have the time to do what is good for you. Forget about the world and all those to do lists, you come first so do something good for yourself.

I must admit I’m not where I should be. There are days when everything falls apart and relaxation is nowhere to be seen no matter how hard I try. Taking a break is alright too but come back to that state of mind where life is simple and all you need to do is breathe and let the world do its thing without you in it for a while.

“You don’t always need a plan. Sometimes you just need to breathe, trust, let go, and see what happens.” Mandy Hale

Daily writing prompt

How do you relax?

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Disrespect (Archives)

It is defined as “insulting someone or displaying rude behavior by showing a lack of respect.”

Have you experienced it? I have and it is not a nice thing when faced with such behavior. There are three forms of disrespect. These are known as the passive, subtle and the blatant variety.

Passive disrespect is when someone is condescending, makes insulting insinuations, gives you the silent treatment, is sarcastic and doesn’t care if it is hurtful or not. How do you deal with this kind of disrespect?

Don’t take the bait and address the issue immediately.

Subtle disrespect is when someone mocks you, when they talk behind your back and they will pretend to have forgotten things you agreed on.

Show that it doesn’t affect you or decide if you want to engage. Name the disrespectful behavior you have observed and call them out on it. Have a conversation about it but do not lecture.

Blatant disrespect is the no holds barred variety. They go out of their way to deliberately undermine or demean you. Their actions are obvious and they don’t give a hoot if it hurts you.

Here again stay calm but it is hard to do. Use “I” statements when addressing the issue and ask for clarification. You can react with kindness but since that is almost impossible to do, call the person out on his or her behavior and set boundaries as to what you will or won’t tolerate.

If all else fails, you have the option of walking away and closing the door behind you. No one should put up with disrespect. Disrespect basically says, “You are not important and your feelings don’t matter to me.” The truth is, you are important and your feelings do matter. Do not tolerate disrespect of any kind.

Here are some quotes that speak to the heart of the matter:

“The best way to end disrespect is by not giving them a chance to do it again.” Unknown

“Disrespect is the weapon of the weak.” Alice Miller

“Wasting somebody’s time may be the highest form of disrespect.” Unknown

I like the next one a lot.

“Never let your heart be so forgiving that it gets comfortable with disrespect.” Unknown

“Don’t put up with disrespect just to keep them in your life.” Sonya Parker

“Be careful what you tolerate, you are teaching people how to treat you.” Unknown

This last one needs a plaque of its own!

Detox Your Life in 4 Easy Steps

Eliminate anyone who:

Lies to you

Disrespects you

Uses you or

Puts you down.

Have an amazing day.

Your Choice

Happiness is a choice although some may disagree. I feel that it starts from within and works its way out. It is going to take work as with everything else in life that is worth having.

“Happiness is a choice. You can choose to be happy. There’s going to be stress in life, but it’s your choice whether you let it affect you or not.”

Valerie Bertinelli.

If you’re looking at outside factors to validate your existence, if you’re waiting for people to give you what you need to be happy, you’ll be sorely disappointed. Happiness is a choice you make and therein lies the secret of being happy.

It has been said that, “true happiness isn’t a destination, but a way of living….cultivated through intentional practices.” What do you need to be happy? Money? Love? Freedom? Peace? The answer is that it takes all of those things and more. However, there are some key secrets to leading a happy life. They are, “prioritizing positive relationships, practicing gratitude, engaging in meaningful activities, and managing stress effectively.”

These are all good and positive ways you can achieve happiness and to keep it there for a while. However, it is not a switch that you turn on and off. If you want the long-lasting kind of “happiness” you need to make positive choices that help to foster dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and andorphins, the happy hormones. It is something you need to work towards and things like developing resilience, setting intentions and making good choices help to influence “your emotional state and overall well-being.”

“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” Dalai Lama

It takes time to cultivate. Daily habits of the positive nature help to get you there. Being kind to yourself helps to strengthen that happiness factor and training your mind to stay positive all help to see life not through rose-tinted glasses but for what it is. Work, work and more work!

“Every choice comes with a consequence. Once you make a choice, you must accept responsibility. You cannot escape the consequences of your choices, whether you like them or not.” Roy T. Bennett

One small step at a time and remember that with discomfort comes growth.

Have a “happiness-filled” day!

TOXIC PEOPLE (2)

“The same people who are candy to our eyes can be poison to our hearts. Study their ingredients before you feed them to your soul.” Unknown

Toxic people are everywhere. You can shut one out and another one appears. A toxic person is defined as, “someone whose behavior consistently causes negativity, stress, and emotional harm to those around them.” Their actions are unpredictable, they lack empathy and their self-centeredness is hard to comprehend but they are out there and their impact on others is emotional exhaustion, anxiety and stress.

What are some things that toxic people do?

They make you feel tense.

They put you down for no reason.

They talk down to you to make themselves feel better.

They only care about themselves.

They make you feel like you can’t do anything right.

They try to control everything.

Those are some of the things they do to make you feel small and to put you in your place, whatever they deem that to be. The problem is they are everywhere so how do you deal with them?

First, you have to learn that it’s not about them, it’s about you. STOP being available for their poison and shut it down. YOU can’t change them, you can only change yourself. Their power lies in your response to them. If you react, you lose, because they thrive on reaction. Remove that power and you’ve found a cure for the virus that they spread. It’s not that easy. Bring the focus back to you because YOU COUNT and YOU MATTER!

“A toxic person only changes their victims, never themselves.” Unknown

Stop letting them control your mind and start putting yourself first. The minute they realize they don’t have you under their power, they are off and running to their next victim.

“If you walked away from a toxic, negative, abusive, one-sided, dead-end low vibrational relationship – you won.” Lalah Delia

Stay calm and stop feeding the fire. Understand that their validation means nothing, their approval doesn’t hold power and their negativity is not going to bring you down. You are made of stronger stuff, so shut the door and move on.

“LIFE IS TOO SHORT to spend it with miserable people. Especially when they keep trying to explain why being miserable is normal, and why you don’t have other options.

There are 197 countries and over 7,8 billion people.

There are over 2,000 different fruits, you don’t need to stay stuck with a lemon.” Pamela Storch

Here’s how to move on. Never react, refuse to engage and stop expecting them to change. They won’t. Stop expecting anything from them. You owe yourself peace, calm, and a life free of manipulation and control. Remember there are better fruits out there than a lemon!

Have an amazing day.

My Daily Habits

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Breakfast is a must. I usually have a light breakfast and it is pretty much the same everyday. I admit it is boring but I’m a low-energy person in the mornings so anything more than a piece of toast seems elaborate! This is what living single does to you! Gone are the large breakfasts with eggs, bacon, pancakes, toasts and sometimes an omelette. These days, simple is the name of the game. Sometimes, I might add a slice of fruit. This morning, I had papaya and it was delicious.

Shower is a must. I hate baths but showers I love. I spend a lot of time in the shower sometimes just humming to myself and sometimes doing my beauty routine but not going to go into that here. Let’s just say, I take grooming seriously.

Some days, it’s a run to the supermarket to stock up on stuff and on other days, the pet store is on my list. Chachi, the cat, goes through food like crazy and his back end does show the after-effects of too much indulging. Like he says, “Mom, I have nothing better to do!” He’s right there but he works out with me so he is healthy that way. I do meet up with friends once or twice a week just to have coffee and catch up on things and that is enough for the week!

Workouts are a must, not a day goes by without some form of workout. I’m into Pilates now and sometimes the fusion stuff. Cardio is a must and so is yoga. Meditation is next on the list and breathing techniques are right there at the top of the list. Writing is a daily affair. Day dreaming is another must and just destressing for all its worth! Eating healthy is part and parcel of a healthy lifestyle so meal planning comes into play. I don’t spend days in advance planning but I do think about lunch and dinner when the day starts. Waiting till the last minute means I eat just about anything when hunger strikes like cheesecake! Yes, I still do have the craving for that creamy bit of nothingness and it still has a hold on me. We have a love-hate relationship going.

Getting a goodnight’s sleep is very important so I start preparing early. I have dinner at 5, yes, that’s early but after dinner, I don’t snack and I don’t eat anything else until morning rolls around. Shower comes next and it is time to get into something comfortable. The roomier the better! I do another round of meditation to get ready and then lights out at 9:30 p.m. and it’s cuddling time with the little brat, I mean with Chachi, the cat. I usually sleep through but since Chachi is crepuscular, he’s up and about, but that doesn’t really bother me.

Those are some of my daily habits. Weekends are a whole different story and you don’t want to know what those habits are!

Daily writing prompt

What are your daily habits?

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Self-Care Practice

It is at the top of my list as far as well-being goes. I do take care of myself and I have certain rituals that I do daily and sometimes weekly to get me back on track. It is not being vain as some may think, it is necessary to take care of yourself because no one else is going to.

I had an ex who referenced my self-care practices as nonsense. I didn’t need to put in that much effort into putting my best foot forward was what he said. I’m glad I didn’t listen to him! He is nowhere in the picture and I’m glad that my self-care practices still exist and are doing just fine.

My daily self-care practice is to pay careful attention to stress. It is a killer and I learned it the hard way when I accompanied a friend through the last stages of his life. I was always healthy but during that period, I started experiencing pain, health issues and other symptoms that I couldn’t explain. A consultation with a doctor revealed that I was under extreme stress. Her advice was to step back and take care of myself first. I couldn’t at the time but when it was all over, stress reduction became a priority. I do walks, deep breathing techniques, meditation, workouts and of course eating right. Just a few of the things in my self-care routine. However, on weekends I pay careful attention to my hair. I have long hair and it needs work to keep it healthy and shiny. Masks are a must, oil treatments sometimes and just some tender loving care. My skin gets the same on Sundays. Facials, scrubs and masks are a must to keep it glowing. It takes time but it is worth it.

Self-care and taking time out for yourself is needed to keep your health at its optimum best. Some may say it is all about vanity but I disagree. I’ve been doing these rituals since I was 18 and I’m not about to stop now.

I matter, my health matters and now, I take care of myself first before I put myself out there and let whatever it is to take a toll on me. It boils down to self-preservation and it is important in my book.

Daily writing prompt

How do you practice self-care?

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