It is one of the hardest things to do. You’ve got a plan in hand, all set to go, you take off and then you come to a screeching halt! What happened? Life did. Your focus is not on what you need to get done, the noise surrounding you is too loud, it is hard to concentrate and “giving up” is less work and easier to do. You are at a standstill not knowing which direction to take or worse still, you don’t have the energy to carry on.
“Starve your distractions, feed your focus.” Unknown
How do you starve your distractions? First, what are distractions? They are defined as, “things like technology (phones, social media, websites, YouTube, video games, Netflix), other people, or noises around you,” all vying for your attention and quite often they win.
“Stay focused on your goals and ignore the noise.” Unknown
Not easy to do, I know. I’ve let distractions get the better of me and what I could have achieved in a short amount of time took forever and a longer route to get there. You have a plan? If not, make one. You want to get somewhere? You’ve got to focus. Here’s the truth. If you don’t focus, you’re left by the wayside. Tony Robbins once said, “Your life is controlled by what you focus on.”
Focus on the good things and you get more of the same. Focus on doing better and you will. Focus on what’s in front of you and you’ll start moving forward.
FOCUS! FOCUS! FOCUS!
Oh, one more thing.
“You decide how to show up, and you’d better come correct: the way you look, what you say, how you act and react. No excuses! Get in front of the mirror and own what you see. You may have to drag your fabulousness out of hiding, but it’s there.” Alyssa Edwards
AND
“The more you focus on you, the better you become.” Unknown
Cut out the noise and the excuses. Zero in on what you want. You’re allowed to waver now and then but get back on track. FOCUS, and you’re halfway there, the rest needs work!
According to one source, “Self-love means having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness. Self-love means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others.”
That said, when was the last time you talked to yourself with compassion? When was the last time you gave yourself some extra care and when was the last time you took care of your needs first. I don’t do those things often enough but it is necessary for your total well-being. Some days, I’m running around like a chicken with its head cut off taking care of others and on other days, I am my own worst critic. I am quick to blame and I stay there for a while to my own detriment. When I emerge from this destructive behavior, I am usually in a bad mood or everything seems just a tad gloomier.
We need to be nicer to the person we carry around. Compassion is needed and positive self-talk as well. Start by loving yourself first and it will create a ripple effect in the world around you. I think women are natural caregivers and in the process we forget to take care of ourselves. It’s time to stop and smell the roses even if it’s only for a little while. Enjoy the following quotes that bring “self-love” to the forefront and try to shine the spotlight on “YOU” for a change.
FRIENDLY REMINDER:
“It’s perfectly okay if the only exercise you get today is flipping the pages of a book or stirring your tea or smiling with friends. Well-being means your WHOLE body. Make sure your soul is getting as much exercise as your glutes.”
I sometimes forget to give my “soul” the same kind of attention I give to my body. Time to take note and do different.
“Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how you use it. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept.” Anna Taylor
Another important point here. Set those boundaries so you know in which direction you’re headed.
“Self-confidence is a super power. Once you start to believe in yourself, magic starts happening.” Unknown
“Be proud of who you are, and not ashamed of how someone else sees you.” Unknown
It’s true isn’t it? How someone sees you is not your problem. You are enough as you are and always remember that.
Here are a few more for good measure.
“Don’t let your mind bully your body.”
“Remember how you show up for yourself is how you teach others to show up for you.”
“Choose yourself more.”
“Life is too short to be mean to yourself.”
“Less self judgment and more self compassion.”
“Choose people who choose you.”
“Live your life like the story you want to be in.”
I don’t think I am obsessed with becoming my best self but I would like to get halfway there at least. Learning to achieve that goal is not easy because it takes practice and a driven mindset to get there. I am still learning and keeping at it and who knows one day I might say, I did it!
Becoming your best self is not an overnight process and neither does it happen by pressing a button. It doesn’t happen accidentally, it doesn’t happen by chance and it doesn’t happen by waving a magic wand either. It takes action on your part and a commitment to self-discovery and self-development.
“To be your best self you’ll need to first discover who you really are, then maximize your strengths and improve on your weaknesses. You need to completely shift your mindset and take control of your life. When you do, you’ll discover a whole new you.” http://www.tonyrobbins.com
This journey is a hard one. You’ll encounter the good and bad moments, some will be messy and progress will be slow but if you persist and set goals you can achieve anything. Becoming your best self means opening yourself up to challenges, accepting the setbacks and living life to the fullest.
“Prioritize who you are, who you want to be, and don’t spend time with anything that antagonizes your character.” Matthew McConaughey
According to notesbythalia.com, you need to practice wellness daily because it goes hand-in-hand with working towards your best self.
Get at least 7 hours of sleep daily. Move your body as much as you can. Eat well. Build healthy habits. Dedicate time to self-care.
You can’t lay in bed and manifest your dreams. It takes action to succeed. Ask yourself, what is success to you? Set value-driven goals and become “razor-clear on what your future vision looks like.” Align your daily habits with who you want to be and the life you want to live. “Boost your overall health, well-being and productivity,” meaning even your smallest daily actions will determine your future self.
“When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.” Paulo Coelho
In a nutshell, becoming your best self requires going within to discover the greatness there. It requires strength to bring it to the fore AND it requires courage and hard work to make it shine.
“You are what you believe yourself to be.” Paulo Coelho
Change that mindset from one of negativity to positivity and watch your life take off!
But before you do that:
“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, INCLUDING YOU.” Anne Lamont
According to one source, “Self-love means having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness. Self-love means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others.”
That said, when was the last time you talked to yourself with compassion? When was the last time you gave yourself some extra care and when was the last time you took care of your needs first. I don’t do those things often enough but it is necessary for your total well-being. Some days, I’m running around like a chicken with its head cut off taking care of others and on other days, I am my own worst critic. I am quick to blame and I stay there for a while to my own detriment. When I emerge from this destructive behavior, I am usually in a bad mood or everything seems just a tad gloomier.
We need to be nicer to the person we carry around. Compassion is needed and positive self-talk as well. Start by loving yourself first and it will create a ripple effect in the world around you. I think women are natural caregivers and in the process we forget to take care of ourselves. It’s time to stop and smell the roses even if it’s only for a little while. Enjoy the following quotes that bring “self-love” to the forefront and try to shine the spotlight on “YOU” for a change.
FRIENDLY REMINDER:
“It’s perfectly okay if the only exercise you get today is flipping the pages of a book or stirring your tea or smiling with friends. Well-being means your WHOLE body. Make sure your soul is getting as much exercise as your glutes.”
I sometimes forget to give my “soul” the same kind of attention I give to my body. Time to take note and do different.
“Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how you use it. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept.” Anna Taylor
Another important point here. Set those boundaries so you know in which direction you’re headed.
“Self-confidence is a super power. Once you start to believe in yourself, magic starts happening.” Unknown
“Be proud of who you are, and not ashamed of how someone else sees you.” Unknown
It’s true isn’t it? How someone sees you is not your problem. You are enough as you are and always remember that.
Here are a few more for good measure.
“Don’t let your mind bully your body.”
“Remember how you show up for yourself is how you teach others to show up for you.”
“Choose yourself more.”
“Life is too short to be mean to yourself.”
“Less self judgment and more self compassion.”
“Choose people who choose you.”
“Live your life like the story you want to be in.”
“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” Epictetus
This basically means that while, “life brings uncontrollable events, your response is a choice.” How often do we react without thinking when something of the unsavory nature happens to us? The reaction that often follows is anger, sadness, depression, unworthiness and a whole host of other emotions. More than that, we carry those feelings on our backs or in our hearts and each one adds to the heavy burden until that load becomes too heavy to carry and to bear.
“The first reaction is surely the most natural one, but not always the most correct one.” Criss Jami
Depending on what was dished out by someone else, your reaction follows a natural path. Was it an insult? Did it bring you down? Was it something that cut you down to size? How about someone’s envy and jealousy? Yes, sometimes those two go together and they can be a powerful deterrent to your mindset and have the ability to make you question yourself. Your reaction to all or some of the above may seem like a normal response but there is a heavy price to pay for those reactions. Just react like “water off a duck’s back,” you say. Not everyone can do that. There are those who take some of those nasty and often hurtful things to heart and it stays and cuts them down to size.
“How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.” Wayne Dyer
This particular quote opened up a door that I had kept closed. I, like many of you, chose to react a certain way when I was faced with events of an unsavoury nature. I would spend a lot of time mulling over the event, wondering why it happened, did I contribute to it, and it just went from bad to worse from there until I was so deep in the rabbit hole that there was no coming up for air!
“NOT EVERY ACTION DESERVES A REACTION.”
That right there is what I had to learn to make things easier, to let go of things that don’t matter and to carry on with a lighter load. The next time someone says something mean or tries to cut you down to size, DO NOT REACT. Easier said than done, I know. Try not to pick up whatever they are throwing your way for whatever reason, that reason is not yours to bear. Go forth knowing that your reaction matters, and your mindset matters too. The less you choose to take on and allow to accompany you on this journey of life, the better.
“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.” Charles R. Swindoll
AND
“Failure happens all the time. It happens every day in practice. What makes you better is how you react to it.” Mia Hamm
The next time you want to jump on that bandwagon of reacting because it is the normal thing to do, take a deep breath, step back, think carefully, drop that stone to the ground and move on leaving it where it belongs. It doesn’t belong with you, let whoever sent it your way have it back. Watch as the power is taken away from them and you walk away the winner.
Zig Ziglar called it the healthiest of all human emotions and it is one that is often overlooked in our day to day existence of what we call “living.” It is unpretentious, it takes its place quietly in the ranks of emotions and waits to be recognized like a step child who is often left wanting. More often than not we walk past without giving it the recognition it deserves.
“Gratitude helps you see what’s there instead of what isn’t.” Unknown
What is gratitude?
Simply put and according to graygroupintl.com, “It is a deep sense of appreciation for the good things in our lives, both big and small. It is about recognizing the positive aspects and expressing gratitude for them. When we practice gratitude, it not only benefits our mental health but also our physical well-being.”
If it is that important, why hasn’t this poster-child for good mental health been given more attention and accolades?
Perhaps, it is because as humans we have a tendency to overlook the “good stuff” and we tend to focus on the lack thereof and all the negatives it entails. If only I had this, then life would be so much better is the mantra we wear with pride and have hone it to an art form that we are blinded to the abundance that surrounds us.
“Wear gratitude like a cloak and it will feed every corner of your life.” Rumi
Practice it daily and it will turn your life around. I still haven’t grasped this concept of being grateful but I am working on it.
How do you practice gratitude? According to mindful.org, the people in the know, it starts like this and if you do it regularly, “it is a game-changer; it has far reaching effects, from improving our mental health to boosting our relationships with others. Living your life with gratitude helps you notice the little wins— and over time strengthens your ability to notice the good.”
Start by observing. Notice the thank yous you say.
Keep a journal of all that you are grateful for and believe me there is plenty to be thankful for.
Make a vow to be grateful everyday.
Meditate – anchor yourself to the good things in your life. Be mindful and live in the present.
The day before was a tough day. Things just didn’t go the way I wanted it to and so my focus was on all the bad stuff which in turn helped me to go further down the rabbit hole. At the end of the day I decided that today would be better. The gratitude part didn’t come till later. I went ahead and booked a massage and as I was lying on the table, face down and staring into nothingness, listening to the soothing music in the background, a small voice said, “Say thank you.” I did and I repeated it several times just in case it didn’t hear me the first me! As the masseuse applied gentle strokes to my back, I realized that I was surrounded with and by abundance.
I slowly started counting off the things I was grateful for and the list was never-ending. The gorgeous day, the blue skies, my friends, the people who cared about my existence and last but not least the wonderful massage that helped to soothe my frazzled nerves. It was a game-changer. I walked out of there with a smile on my face, my woes forgotten for the moment at least and well-prepared for the day ahead.
If you can’t afford a massage even the simplest of things will do it. Go for a walk, pay attention to the sights and sounds, things that help to lift up your soul. It could be as simple as taking in a deep breath, or watching a bird in flight or a tree in bloom, its colors mesmerizing and the scent wafting by better than any artificially manufactured perfume but most of all say, “THANK YOU.” Be grateful for the abundance surrounding you, the roof over your head, the food, nature and all the little and big things that help to make up your life and soon the glass will no longer be half empty but overflowing. A friend said to me, “you need to do what you preach,” and he is right. Thank you friend for being my friend!
Practicing gratefulness is helping to turn things around in my life. It doesn’t come easily but the more I say thank you and appreciate what is around me, the less I see the negatives not that they aren’t there mind you, but to a lesser extent. This too takes time.
“When you are grateful, fear disappears and abundance appears.” Tony Robbins
I was talking to someone this morning and I asked the question, “What if there comes a time when you can’t do one or the other?” I was referring to his love of traveling and diving. The answer back was alarming to say the least. He said, “I would be dead!”
“Change….A simple word with a difficult meaning.” Unknown
The “difficult” part is not being able to adapt to change. Whatever that change entails. I can’t stand change for the most part. It means I would have to get out of my comfort zone and that scares the hell out of me. It also means going within and doing battle to accept the changes coming my way which is what change usually means. Adapting is never easy but life as we all know it is a never-ending series of changes. Staying put is never an option.
Charles Darwin said it well:
“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent. It is the one that is most adaptable to change.”
Does change have the potential to kill you? It may feel like that at the beginning because letting go of something you’ve become accustomed to is HARD. However, saying no is not an option either. Look at it this way.
“Life is like underwear, change is good.” Unknown
You can change and you can adapt and that is the truth of the matter. We are all pre-programmed to do just that. Going back in time, I had to adapt to so many of life’s happenings and after the usual, I CAN’T, I gave up and let life take the lead and I went along for the ride. Some things turned out almost perfectly and others, well, let’s just say it wasn’t the outcome I expected. All in all, I had no choice or rather the choices were limited. Move or get run over was the message.
“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” Socrates
Adaptation, it seems is a key crucial element to change. The more you fight it, the harder it will be. There are no remotes available so that you can press a button and get instant gratification. In order for life to happen and for change to take place, you have to get up and change it yourself. Scary? Definitely.
Opray Winfrey said:
“The greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change his future by merely changing his attitude.”
That simple huh? No, not that simple but there is truth in that saying. So change your attitude, grab the reins of your life and make change happen. There’s a whole wide world of possibilities waiting out there and one of them has your name on it. You can only have it if you adapt. Nothing more, nothing less.
“Recognize your own worth and you won’t be drawn to those who don’t see it.” Doe Zantamata
According to medium.com, “Your value is directly linked to your belief. If you treat yourself like garbage, you’ll never appreciate your potential.”
It’s interesting how many of us walk into relationships expecting the other person to validate us in some way. We look to them to make us feel wanted, to feel loved, to feel that we are worthy and to make us feel special. Basically we hand over our power and energy to that person and wait to get reimbursed. When it doesn’t happen, we find ourselves in a dark place and beat ourselves down to a pulp.
The truth is, self-worth is your sense of self, your values and your belief that you are worthy of care, support and compassion. It basically means you value yourself enough to know the boundaries and limits and what you’ll accept and what you won’t. It is that feeling within you that says you are worthy and deserving of the right kind of love and that there is a balance in the relationship. If you’ve been doing the chasing and you’re the only one investing in the relationship with your time, energy and efforts and you are not getting or getting next to nothing in return, then it’s time to reevaluate and to take a good hard look at your self-worth. How much is it worth?
“Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how you use it. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept.” Anna Taylor
If your self-worth is lacking, here are some strategies to improve it from the people in the know. (verywellmind.com)
Do things you enjoy and are good at:
These help to reinforce your strengths and abilities and can make you more confident.
Exercise and challenge yourself:
Physical activity is linked to a greater sense of self-worth. It also helps to recalibrate your mindset and offers both physical and mental benefits.
Challenge negative thoughts:
Thoughts are not facts. Next time you have a negative self-thought, think of an alternative realistic thought to replace it.
Be kind to yourself.
Learn to be assertive.
Start saying “NO!” I have to learn this one myself.
Focus on the positive.
It is important to have a healthy sense of self-worth because loving, respecting and valuing yourself starts with you. It is the first step towards gaining the same from others.
“Once you discover your true worth, walking away from where you are not valued will become the easiest hard thing you will ever do.” Unknown
If they don’t see you as valuable then don’t try to convince them. Remember the only person you need validation from is you. You are enough as you are, you are worthy, you deserve respect, your well-being matters and so does your emotional health. Work on your self-worth and you’ll start attracting the right kind of people, the kind who will respect your worth.
“When you realize your self-worth you’ll stop giving people discounts.” Unknown
AND
“Know your worth and then make sure to add tax.” Unknown
“You don’t need to have it all figured out to take a step forward.” Unknown
This is the absolute truth. You don’t need to know everything before you take the next step forward but you have to trust in the process to move forward, one step at a time. You’ll get there.
“You don’t have a right to the cards you believe you should have been dealt.”
“You have an obligation to play the hell out of the ones you’re holding.” Unknown
This is where we go wrong I think. We want what we think we deserve but life has other plans for us. Go with what you have, work with what you have and make it the best set of cards for you and you’ll come out the winner. I have to remind myself of this as well the next time I moan and groan at the unfairness of it all!
“What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it’s supposed to be.” Unknown
The stories we tell ourselves can be the road to disaster. It screws us up. How it’s supposed to be and what you do to get there are two different things. It’s not going to fall into your lap, whatever it is that you want, it takes hard work and that is the truth of the matter.
“You don’t have to figure everything out today. You don’t have to solve your whole life tonight. And you don’t have to tackle everything at once. You just have to show up and try. You just have to focus on the most immediate thing in front of you. And you have to trust that you’ll figure out the rest along the way.” Daniel Koepke
Nice piece of advice that. Just keep moving, show up and you’ll be on your way.
“My life has a superb cast but I can’t figure out the plot.” Unknown
Okay this one speaks to yours truly! I can’t for the life of me figure out the plot. Perhaps it is best not to ask but to just trust that I have what it takes to make it and the rest will fall into place. Easier said than done!
“Obstacles don’t have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don’t turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.” Michael Jordan
This special piece of advice is what life is about. Giving up is not going to do it and as I often say, bite the bullet and keep on going.
TODAY
figure out what makes you happy and do more of it, figure out what doesn’t, and do – less of it. –
“Failure is hard. But turn those failures into learning experiences, so that you’ll look back and be happy that you failed, because you gained more knowledge from that experience. Sometimes, it’s simply an indication to change your strategy instead of giving up completely.” Albert Rogers
“Change your strategy” is often used in the business world to place emphasis on a module that is not working so it’s time to regroup and refocus your energy into bringing in new options to make whatever is not working into a workable one. This concept works in real-life as well. If something doesn’t work, change it. Seems like a great idea at first glance but hard to put into action if you love the ‘plan’ you’ve put into action and and are dead set against changing it. If you’re someone who doesn’t like change like yours truly here, it is a concept that is hard to comprehend let alone to work with.
“Waiting for something outside you to change before you change is a broken strategy. Fix it by deciding to be someone different and do something different. Transformation happens from the inside out if you take action.” Unknown
Taking that into account, it seems like the most sensible way to go about changing failure into a success story. The problem is you must want to. It’s not going to work any other way. Pinpoint the problem, refocus your energy, find ways to take a failure and change it into a winning solution and put it into action. If you think you’re doing everything right and you still don’t understand why you’re failing then it’s time to really look at what you’re doing and find a different way of doing it. There’s more than one way to skin a cat as the euphemism goes and no matter how offensive that might be, being a cat lover myself, it just means there are other ways of doing something. Don’t get stuck in a rut. Be open to change and change your strategy. However, there are times when you can do everything possible until you’re blue in the face and still the same old failure concept comes knocking at your door and if that’s the case, do not despair. You’ll get there, just keep trying.
Learn to roll with the punches, keep getting back up when life knocks you down and never ever give up.
“When you face failures, don’t change your goal, change your strategy.” Vivek Bindra
I’ve experienced life in all its wonderful and not so wonderful facets and the one that I hate or hated the most was change. My motto was, “Why fix something if it ain’t broke.” The actual thought behind that was, “I like where I’m at, good or bad and change is for the birds!” It took years of resistance, falling down, refusing to get back up and digging my heels in AND screaming, “Leave me alone!” to realize that change is an integral part of life. It teaches us in a not so nice way that it’s needed, falling makes you gain experience and you learn that YOU are not God. So move along, embrace change before it’s too late. I learned it the hard way and I still bristle when I see ‘change’ coming around but these days I’m ready to embrace it, learn what it has to offer and to accept it for what it is. A lesson learned because it has to be learned.
“Failure is nothing more than a chance to revise your strategy.” Unknown
Oops! I’ve got to run. I see ‘change’ approaching wearing a smile on its face and with bells clanging and I’m not in the mood for it today. Just kidding.
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