What did I learn in high school? I remember it was hectic, I was learning to adjust again and I was learning to take responsibility for my actions. I also learned that if I applied myself diligently I would get good grades and if I didn’t, well, I would have trouble at home!
Besides that, I met the ‘devil’ in the form of my Math teacher! I was teacher’s pet as far as the English teacher was concerned but the Math teacher was something else. He taught me how to hate Math with my whole being! He would say to me, “Tia, if only you were as good in Math as you are in English but you are not!” So I decided to get better. I would copy the answers from this good-looking boy in my class. The problem was I would have the workings all wrong but I had correct answers! Proud of myself, I would hand it in only to have this guy call me to the front of the class telling me to explain how I came up with the answers. He made Math class a living nightmare! Dad wasn’t any better. He was a Math whizz so he couldn’t understand why I was so dumb! The both of them together added to my disdain of Math and all things that had to do with that horrible subject.
I realize I could have been a whizz too if only they had gone about it a different way. So I learned to hate Math in high school. Not a big loss because I found out later that I had it in me, and I could do the basics pretty well but anything complicated and my brain shuts down! Numbers are not words and that is another problem right there!
“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” Epictetus
This basically means that while, “life brings uncontrollable events, your response is a choice.” How often do we react without thinking when something of the unsavory nature happens to us? The reaction that often follows is anger, sadness, depression, unworthiness and a whole host of other emotions. More than that, we carry those feelings on our backs or in our hearts and each one adds to the heavy burden until that load becomes too heavy to carry and to bear.
“The first reaction is surely the most natural one, but not always the most correct one.” Criss Jami
Depending on what was dished out by someone else, your reaction follows a natural path. Was it an insult? Did it bring you down? Was it something that cut you down to size? How about someone’s envy and jealousy? Yes, sometimes those two go together and they can be a powerful deterrent to your mindset and have the ability to make you question yourself. Your reaction to all or some of the above may seem like a normal response but there is a heavy price to pay for those reactions. Just react like “water off a duck’s back,” you say. Not everyone can do that. There are those who take some of those nasty and often hurtful things to heart and it stays and cuts them down to size.
“How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.” Wayne Dyer
This particular quote opened up a door that I had kept closed. I, like many of you, chose to react a certain way when I was faced with events of an unsavoury nature. I would spend a lot of time mulling over the event, wondering why it happened, did I contribute to it, and it just went from bad to worse from there until I was so deep in the rabbit hole that there was no coming up for air!
“NOT EVERY ACTION DESERVES A REACTION.”
That right there is what I had to learn to make things easier, to let go of things that don’t matter and to carry on with a lighter load. The next time someone says something mean or tries to cut you down to size, DO NOT REACT. Easier said than done, I know. Try not to pick up whatever they are throwing your way for whatever reason, that reason is not yours to bear. Go forth knowing that your reaction matters, and your mindset matters too. The less you choose to take on and allow to accompany you on this journey of life, the better.
“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.” Charles R. Swindoll
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“Failure happens all the time. It happens every day in practice. What makes you better is how you react to it.” Mia Hamm
The next time you want to jump on that bandwagon of reacting because it is the normal thing to do, take a deep breath, step back, think carefully, drop that stone to the ground and move on leaving it where it belongs. It doesn’t belong with you, let whoever sent it your way have it back. Watch as the power is taken away from them and you walk away the winner.
It is going around here and there is no stopping it no matter how hard I try. Some of you may know that I have three cats now. One is my own called Chachi, or rather Little Macho and sometimes Little Einstein. He is one smart cookie but he’s not too happy these days and that is putting it mildly. The other two belong to my son who has moved away to pursue the rigors of having a new job and cats don’t fit into that equation, not at the moment anyway. Hopefully, in six months. Yes, you heard right. I will be playing babysitter for that amount of time or maybe even longer. The two in question are, Shiro, the white Persian who looks sweet, pretty, and spoiled as they come! She is quiet until something rubs her up the wrong way and then her claws come out. Right now, Chachi seems to be bringing out the “not so nice her” for some reason. The other partner in crime is Gallahad, a dark grey British long-hair with orange eyes. He looks menacing at first glance but is a sweetheart at his core.
The two moved in here about three weeks ago and life hasn’t been the same since then. When once I was surrounded by calm, chaos reigns supreme now! Keeping the place clean from the minute I get up, feeding all three, and keeping them happy seems to be my daily routine. It is wearing me out but I love challenges so I am trying my best and sometimes my best is not enough as I am finding out.
This morning I woke up to my little guy running around the bedroom. He decided that I was sleeping too long and it was time for mommy to wake up and get going. He wanted to see what the other two were doing. They are not friends yet, however, the “thaw” is taking place slowly but surely. I wasn’t too pleased with his method of waking me up so I told him to cool it. He did, but decided he’d try a different strategy. He threw up on the floor! I jumped out of bed and wasn’t too pleased. First, I had to clean up the mess. Then, I heard them. The two outside the door striking up their chorus of, “Where are you? We are hungry!” I walked out of the room and asked, “What do you two want?”
The answer, “What do you think?”
Then I noticed that the litter box was full! It couldn’t get any worse? It did. One had missed his or her mark and it was there right on the floor! I cleaned up all the litter boxes, disinfected them all before breakfast and I was not in a good mood. Then it was feeding time. They got their food, ate like they hadn’t been fed for weeks! Little Snort, that’s my guy, was behind the bedroom door demanding that he be let out. Lord, have mercy!
It was time for my cup of coffee and breakfast. I made it and walked back into the bedroom to listen to news and to see what was going on in the world, more specifically what Taco Trump was up to. Nothing new, he’s doing his normal, talking out of both sides of his mouth. They (Iranians) are good and smart people and the next, they are evil and we are going to blow them to kingdom come! Time for him to go? What do you think?
Anyway, by now all three were in symphony demanding to be let out or let in depending on their standpoint. It was time to get the day started. I walked out looking like Aunt Jemima on one of her worst days to tackle the cleaning. First, it was vacuuming from top to bottom, then mopping the floors, taking out the trash, and making sure the “cats” were all clean. What a day and it is just starting.
Chachi wanted to play with his best buddy, Galli. They have a love hate relationship and that means keeping a vigilant eye on them. Shiro, like a good little girl ate her food, and is now sleeping by the window. Guess what? Snow has moved in, it wasn’t in the forecast, and is coming down.
Weekdays and weekends are all rolled into one as far as I am concerned. I HOPE they learn to love each other and my days and nights get better. I can hope but the three marauders are not complying and that right there is the problem.
A victim is defined as “a person harmed, injured, or killed as a result of a crime, accident, or other event or action or it could be “a person who is tricked or duped,” or “a person who has come to feel helpless and passive in the face of misfortune or ill-treatment.”
Which are you? Where do you fit in the victim modus because if you’re a victim you will identify with one or the other of the descriptions above. I relate to the last two.
“You only get to be a victim once. After that, you’re a volunteer.” Unknown
I’m not quite sure that I fully agree with that sentiment. I’ve been a victim many times over and each time I tell myself I’ll do better the next time around but when the next time rolls around as it inevitably does, I get dragged in to the same outcomes. Basically, pain, disbelief and anger. Does this mean that I’m ‘volunteering’ to relive victimhood over and over again. Or does it mean that I didn’t learn what not to do the first time around and haven’t learned from my mistakes? Probably both.
“The victim mindset will have you dancing with the devil, then complaining that you’re in hell.” Unknown
I didn’t even know I was a victim until it blindsided me which made it harder to bear. I was a relationship victim, more specifically a victim of deceit and I was the woman who got left behind. However, instead of picking myself back up and moving on, I chose to “dance with the devil.” It took years of soul-searching, of blaming myself for his indiscretions and worst of all cutting myself down to size and way beyond to realize that I was the perfect victim. I must say, I played the role well. I went through the five phases of grief which is denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. It doesn’t often play out that way and it doesn’t always happen in that order either because sometimes you are not given the chance to grieve because the ‘devil’ that caused the problem in the first place keeps hanging on and so there is no closure or learning from your mistakes. Since then, I’ve played ‘volunteer’ if you want to call it that to similar circumstances. However, I am learning not to play victim to circumstances I created myself meaning I knew from the get go what I was getting myself into and that I only have myself to blame for what followed. Is there something about the familiarity of the situation that reels you in or makes you want to play in the mud puddles knowing full well that you’ll get dirty but the “LURE” is just too much to resist? Perhaps. I am trying to change that.
“When you complain, you make yourself a victim. Leave the situation, change the situation, or accept it. All else is madness.” Eckhart Tolle
I know without a shadow of a doubt that I will find myself along the same avenue at a later point in my life, not because I haven’t learned but because life happens and being a victim is woven into my being perhaps because I am too nice, too naive or I am the perfect victim type. Whatever the case maybe, I also know that if it happens again, I am fully equipped to ‘slay the monster,’ and put it to rest where it belongs because I have learned along the way and I am moving on.
“The victim who is able to articulate the situation of the victim has ceased to be a victim: he or she has become a threat.” Unknown
So watch out whoever you are! If you’re here to play games, you better get going. I will no longer volunteer to be your victim. I’ve outgrown the “victim mentality” and I’m on my way equipped with everything that is needed to put those who love or enjoy victimizing people where they belong and that is in the annals of hell!
“We’re sorry, your request for victim status has been denied. You are being referred to the Big Girl Panties Department. Please stand by.”
We do it everyday without giving it much thought. Each day requires that you put one foot in front of the other and to keep moving forward. The unknown is scary, the future hazy, and not knowing adds to the whole shebang. However, standing still in one spot is not going to do it even if it feels right at the time and digging in your heels and thumping your nose at whatever is in front of you is a no go either. Move forward….you must if you want to get somewhere in life.
“If I’ve learned anything in life, is that sometimes things get in your path and you have a choice: you can either smash right into them or you can adjust and move around, but you have to do one or the other in order to move forward.” Unknown
According to one source, “moving forward is essential for personal growth, overcoming adversity, and unlocking new opportunities, acting as a “cure” for stagnation, regret, and unhealthy fixation on the past.”
Staying fixated on the past is something that all of us are experts on. We can give a run down on how to do that with a smile plastered on our faces, that’s because we’ve done it numerous times. I know I have. I think the “fixation” comes from the familiarity of the past, we know it well, good or bad. Moving forward is a whole different story altogether. Who wants to move forward when the path forward is unclear and there could be a quagmire of sorts waiting for you there. It is risky business but it needs to be done if you want to get anywhere in life.
“Sometimes in order to move on, you have to accept that some things will just never go back to how they used to be no matter how much you want them to.” Unknown
Moving forward also requires strength, a single-minded focus, and the will to survive whatever is coming your way. You have to trust that all will be well as you put that foot forward hoping that whatever is waiting out there will treat you kindly and lead you on the path to success. Here’s the thing, if you’ve got one foot back there, you know where, and one foot in front, that is a surefire way to failure.
“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.” J. P. Morgan
Easier said than done? Absolutely. I’ll be the first to say that I love dragging my feet. Even if you give me a push forward, I PUSH BACK! I like staying where it is familiar and comfortable. I do not like the unknown but that has never stopped life from showing me what’s ahead in bits and pieces.
Daphne Rose Kingma said it beautifully.
“Holding on is believing that there’s only a past; letting go is knowing that there’s a future.”
I love that quote because it speaks to the truth of the matter. The past is done with, it is finished, although it loves hanging on and we give it an extra boost by keeping our thoughts and actions focused on it. It is a pesky thing, the past, but it plays its cards well and if it finds someone who will entertain it, it WILL linger on. Let it go. It is no longer needed. You are moving forward.
“Close some doors. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because they no longer lead somewhere.” Unknown
Remember that bit of advice. It is important to close doors that no longer serve your best interests. If you want to head somewhere, keep on moving forwards even if it makes you tremble with fear at times. You can’t go back to the past. The future is waiting so put one foot in front of the other and head that way trusting that you will get to a better place at some point in time.
“It is always important to know when something has reached its end. Closing circles, shutting doors, finishing chapters, it doesn’t matter what we call it: what matters is to leave in the past those moments in life that are over.” Paulo Coelho
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“Remember you can’t reach what’s in front of you until you let go of what’s behind you.” Unknown
Well said. I just need to take that advice to heart and learn from it!
“Self-discipline starts with the mastery of your thoughts. If you don’t control what you think, you can’t control what you do.” Napoleon Hill
It has to be trained and that right there is where most of us fail miserably. It is also an art form that has to be told to “heel” when necessary and that’s where the problem comes in. We live in a world where instant gratification is of the utmost importance so throwing self-discipline out the window is easy enough to do and dealing with the consequences is often met with a shrug of the shoulders and a “so what” attitude.
What is self-discipline? According to markcperna.com, it is the “ability to tell ourselves “no” when we feel or want something that our reason tells us is not what’s best right now.”
It could be in the form of saying “no” to an extra slice of cheesecake and yes I still have that fetish, to jumping into bed with someone knowing full well that is the wrong thing to do. One to a lesser degree than the other but we are willing to turn a blind eye and do it anyway. Self-discipline is becoming a lost skill in this instant gratification society of ours and that is the sad truth.
“Without self-discipline, success is impossible. PERIOD.” Lou Holtz
It is a principle that if applied religiously makes your dreams come true. Waking up earlier to do an extra half-hour of exercise, meditation, yoga, whatever is to your liking will get you on the path to achieving that stellar “new” you. Learning to say “NO!” to things that don’t serve you will teach you that if you say it enough it becomes easier to do. This takes practice and especially for me because saying “no” is hard because I am way too accommodating and at times a pushover when it comes to saying no but I am learning.
Another word for it is willpower but whichever word you use, it is the ability to say “NO” when you know doing otherwise is to your detriment. Since it is a learned behavior, you need to learn to master it and to rewire your mindset
Here are some ways to implement self-discipline practices everyday according to medium.com.
They suggest that you stay active when it comes to discipline. Do what you need to do and don’t get distracted. Stick to what you need to get done each day. This is called an Active Discipline method.
The next is the Reactive Discipline tactic. Control your thoughts or behavior when dealing with unforeseen situations. Treat yourself with kindness but know what is right and wrong.
Do things in advance to better manage a situation. If you know it is going to rain, bring an umbrella. Create a to do list or go to bed on time. Keep temptation at a minumum or as the phrase goes, “do not step into the lion’s den” because you know will happen if you do. This last one is called the Proactive Discipline strategy.
However, the quote below says it better:
“Don’t stand in front of the cookie (cheesecake) with your eyes glued to it.” Unknown
It’s a practice and as with every new goal you have to work towards it. It doesn’t just happen once and you’re done with it. It is a constant which requires full-minded focus but the rewards are worth it. You become more adapt at time management, you become mentally stronger, it helps you to overcome laziness and procrastination, and you build better relationships showing more empathy and love. People with higher self-discipline are more trustworthy and likable as well.
What’s not to like? Set it in motion because no self-discipline means no success.
“Life can get exhausting, overwhelming, and stressful sometimes.” Unknown
When I decided to take on the responsibility of adding two more cats to the one I already have, I didn’t count on being overwhelmed. I didn’t realize that it was going to be a huge amount of work and trying to get a handle on things would be a next to impossible task.
Two weeks in or is it three weeks? It doesn’t matter. What matters is that I am SWAMPED! It is overwhelming, time-consuming, and it is taking everything within me to not throw up my hands and to say, “I surrender! This is too much.” The thing is, I don’t give up easily and I see this predicament as a challenge. I THINK I can take control of the situation and come out the winner but it is testing my patience and nerves!
Don’t get me wrong. I love the two cats. They are sweet-natured but a ball of fur! The Persian cat, Shiro, is white and I am beginning to see white hair everywhere or is that just my imagination. Gallahad, is a dark grey cat and he has long hair. Put the two together and it is a never-ending task of vacuuming and getting rid of hair! I bought a hairdresser’s kit recently. It came with a battery-operated gadget that trims hair. “No way!” says Gallahad. It also comes with a comb and scissors and I went to work. Shiro is looking a lot slimmer with less hair and Galli, well, he let me do the tail area but getting anywhere closer is a problem and a half. Anyway, there is a lot less hair to go around and I feel like I’ve achieved something at least.
They are eating well, sleeping like they should, and have found someone else to get close to. The “cat whisperer” as I am known to them is the “Pied Piper” as far as they are concerned. They’ve taken to hanging around me, rubbing up against my leg when I walk past and waiting outside the bedroom door hoping I would let them in. Nope, that is not going to work.
Chachi, on the other hand, has taken hissing to a new high. He hisses every chance he gets and when Galli got too close to him, he jumped on him and held on for dear life. He stayed there not knowing what to do. It was a good thing that Galli didn’t pounce on him and knock some sense into him. Galli is twice his size but the Little Macho thinks he is a big guy plus they (the two) are intruding into his space and it is not setting well with him.
I’ve been keeping my eyes peeled for trouble but being the watch dog is wearing me out. I’m exhausted come evening and after doing a once over with the vacuum, it is time to shut down for the night. I must say that they take it in stride and the nights are usually quiet. Chachi loves it when I shut the door and settle in bed. It is his time to shine. Cuddling takes priority and knowing that Galli and Shiro haven’t worked their magic on me seems to do wonders for his psyche. HE IS STILL NUMBER ONE!
“Sometimes it’s okay if the only thing you did today was breathe.” Unknown
I did a whole lot more than that but who’s keeping tabs!
I’ve been going back and forth on whether to trade in my car and to get a new one. The one I have currently is really dependable and I know how it works and that is the important part. All the new cars have lots of things that I have to get used to and some of them look menacing, meaning, if I pressed something unknowingly, it could shoot to the moon! Just kidding. However, I have developed an aversion to new STUFF!
It was time spent going from dealership to dealership talking to different people and trying to get a handle on the price and how everything works. Luckily, I was able to drag some willing participants to the places I needed to go and the “men” made a commanding presence because a woman alone makes easy prey for those who want to take advantage of that fact. They assume “she” knows nothing but I was armed with knowledge, the Google type, and knew what I was talking about. The men in this case were just there for support, I did the talking.
After test drives of potential cars, I zeroed in on two and then there was one. The last one was a steel blue car that looked pretty nice. It was an hybrid and my first reaction was, NO WAY! However, after driving the little beauty I was sure that this was going to be my companion for years to come. We went to the dealership last Saturday, told the guy I would be back on Monday to sign the papers and to get the process going. On Monday, I woke up early, got my papers together and was SURE that by day’s end, I would be the proud owner of a new car. The appointment was at 11 and since I had time to kill, I stopped by the cafe for a nice cup of coffee. Talked to the owner about my decision and he said, “Sounds great.” So, what happened? I don’t know. Suddenly, I felt like I was drowning and decided to pull the plug!
It was half an hour before the appointment and I knew the sales guy would be pissed. Still, I couldn’t make myself do otherwise. So, the call was made and instead of being mad, he asked why. I told him I wanted to keep my old car. It needed the driver’s side headlights replaced and the cost would be around 2,000 euros. Still cheap compared to the thousands I would have to fork out for a new car. The selling point was that I like my car, I know how it runs and I am comfortable with it. He said, no problem and I was off the hook. Talk about a load off my shoulders!
Back home, I called the repair shop and they said, “Sure, come by with the car and we can take the order.” Total wait time for the part to get there was around two to three days and replacement time around 3 hours. Now, I’ve got everything, fingers and toes crossed that once the headlight gets replaced, the car will run smoothly without coming up with something else. I can only hope.
One thing I’ve learned during this process is to get as much knowledge as you can about buying a car. What to look for, the pitfalls and never let someone pressure you into buying something you are not sure of. Even if you are confident, never try to go there alone. Bring company and somehow THEY think men know better! That’s not the case but let them think that.
If you think about it, this moment in time is all we have. Yesterday is gone, tomorrow is looming somewhere in the distance but today, more specifically, this very moment is where we exist.
“We’re so busy watching out for what’s just ahead of us that we don’t take time to enjoy where we are.” Bill Waterson
Are you in a safe place? Are you protected? Are you at peace? These are things which matter.
I overthink and it is mostly about the past and then I jump to the future. It is an erratic pattern of thoughts and I am well aware of what I’m doing but still I persist. Last night, I decided to reel in all my jumbled up thoughts because they were causing another sleepless night and then started looking at each one individually and realized that I was dabbling in things I cannot change. The past is done with and the future is unknown. I looked at the moment I was in and realized I was safe, I was warm and I had a roof over my head. I had Chachi, the cat, cuddled up next to me and the world, for the here and now, was a peaceful place. I stayed there for awhile and like a lullaby, it rocked me to sleep.
The moments count. They define our psyche and being in several places in one time does not help matters much. Having one foot in the past and one in the future is not going to do it. Stay in the here and now. What are you doing now? It matters. Trying to put the past, the future and everything else in one basket is a sure fire way to disaster. Sort it out. Make peace with the past, learn the lessons you need to learn and then close the door behind you. The future will be determined by what you do today. Give it loving care, your attention, and maybe, just maybe a brighter tomorrow is around the corner. We can only hope.
Why is being in the present moment so important?
According to powerfullyyou.org, “it can decrease the activities of your nervous system, reduce stress, and help you to feel more regulated.” Tony Robbins says, “it allows you to focus all of your energy on the task at hand.” He further adds, “where focus goes, energy flows.”
Easier said than done? I agree. My mind loves jumping around. It’s like a “monkey” which loves to climb, run, twist and do whatever is necessary to keep me from the task at hand and it often succeeds. It is going to take lots of practice before the “monkey” learns to behave! There is still hope.
Couldn’t have said it better myself. Time to put those items into practice. The hardest, as far as I am concerned, will be the last one. I do overanalyze everything to the point that I start out with something small and by the time I finish with it, it has been blown to gigantic proportions.
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