Tag: Mental health

The Cheesecake Standoff!

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I have a cheesecake fetish, plain and simple. Battling this addiction has been a big problem. I call it an addiction because if I go by the bakery where they sell this scrumptious piece of nothingness, I CAN’T SAY NO!

It is nothing fancy, just the plain variety with no embellishments. No cream, no fruits, no nothing, but it is the plain kind that I love. Just one bite and I feel the heavens opening up! I call it my one sin. Pastries are out, cookies are out, chocolates are out, and other kinds of cakes are out. I don’t crave them like I do cheesecake. Add a cup of coffee to it and my eyes light up like a Christmas tree!

Well, a month ago I summoned my willpower in and we had a heart to heart. My willpower worn. Cheesecakes were out the door as well. I turn a blind eye whenever I walk past that bakery and sometimes the women who work there call out saying they have fresh cheesecake! That’s how well-known I am.

Anyway, I haven’t had cheesecake for over a month. I needed to get ready for my medical procedure and that required a strict diet. One of my own making. I decided I was throwing everything out that would jeopardize my health just to help the doctors along. I was fit as a fiddle when I went in and breezed out of there looking like a thousand bucks! Why not a million? Well, that would be stretching it. Anyway, I am recovering well. However, the second procedure is about three weeks away and I need to stick to my diet, more than the first time because I’m not allowed to do any workouts. Bah Humbug! Yes, that’s my favorite word of the moment and since I don’t cuss I’ll stick to Bah Humbug. I think it has a nice ring to it.

Coming back to the cheesecake, I drove the car today. If I feel any pain then STOP was what the doctors told me. I drove it last week but just around the village and I did fine, but didn’t have the guts to go any further. Today, I got tired of moping around the house. I got in and started the car. It came to life and was ready to go. We drove to the next village where my favorite cafe is and right across it is the bakery. The cafe was closed for some reason but the bakery, well, it was ready for me. There in the window staring back at me were two slices of cheesecake! They seemed to be taunting me.

Should I?

What’s the excuse? The weather is nice, the sun is shining, and a slice would go perfectly with a cup of coffee.

I walked in and the women smiled.

“Long time no see.”

Hmm….

“Cheesecake? We have more in the refrigerator.”

The other people waiting in line eyed me.

“Just those two pieces please.”

“Sure? We can get you more.”

God, I wanted the whole cheesecake! Meekly, I mumbled, “Just two slices please.”

They smiled again knowing full well that the gates of hell was slowly but surely opening! Just kidding.

I walked out with the cheesecake dreaming of a fantastic afternoon.

Here we are, it is around 2 in the afternoon and I haven’t touched them. They are sitting in the fridge and every time I open the door, they GRIN! I just did my 7 minute walk in the garden thinking that will help but it is not working. I want to throw caution to the wind and just dive in.

My willpower is whispering or rather roaring in my ear saying, “You’ve been so good, why throw it all away!”

Will it win? What do you think?

The sage continues……

Have an amazing day.

Wisdom

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It is defined as, “the ability to use your knowledge, experience, and deep understanding to make sensible judgments and good decisions.” How many of us do that well? I’ll stand up and say that applying “wisdom” to events and or situations is not that easy especially when emotions are involved.

Here are some quotes to help you on the way.

“Experience visits every life, but wisdom belongs to those who pause to understand it.” Don Davern

“Patience is a form of wisdom. It demonstrates that we understand and accept the fact that sometimes things must unfold in their own time.” Unknown

This is a hard one for me as “impatience” is my middle name!

“Wisdom is trusting the timing of the universe.” Unknown

Yeah, but it sure is taking its time!

“Peace is accepting today, releasing yesterday, and giving up the need to control tomorrow.” Unknown

Right now, this is what I am grappling with. The need to let go of control. I guess we all do.

“Being defeated is often a temporary condition….giving up is what makes it permanent.” Unknown

Absolutely true!

“Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear.” George Addair

Now I understand why I don’t get everything I want since fear has been my constant companion. Can I change that? I don’t know but I’m trying.

“The mind invents revenge. Wisdom improves it. And time perfects it by turning it into indifference.” Unknown

This is where I’m at. The “indifference” part gives me peace but every now and then the “mind” steps in!

Have an amazing day.

Hallelujah!

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Don’t you just hate being in the hospital? I DO! You go there to get yourself fixed but there are other aspects that come along with it that you have to contend with. The food for one thing. In German hospitals, breakfast and dinner are almost one and the same thing! Dry bread, a slice of cheese, cold cut, butter, jam, and the obligatory cup of coffee or tea. Lunch is the only thing that is different and healthy? Well, that is another thing altogether!

Depending on what you have had done decides if you can get out of bed and do the necessary stuff that daily life demands or requires. Personal hygiene usually flies out the window. I had things hooked up to my body and I had the hospital gown on, the one that opens up in the back and keeping your modesty intact is a hard thing to do. Anyway, coming back to the point I am trying to make.

I couldn’t shower. Walking around I managed, going to the bathroom with difficulty but a shower? It was next to impossible so I used wipes to keep myself clean. It helped but nothing like a shower would. I was dreaming of standing under a shower and letting the day go flying over my head!

Seven days in and I was going through “wipes” like there was no tomorrow. Then last night, I decided enough is enough! I was home, no longer hooked up to stuff, and it was time to take the bull by the horns. The problem. Both my bathrooms have the typical shower bathtub combination. You have to climb into the bathtub to take a shower. My dilemma? I’m allowed small steps on flat surface but climbing over a bathtub, well, that was a no no. Did that stop me? What do you think? I made up my mind and I went for it with rose-covered dreams of water cascading over my body beckoning me on. I made it. I was in and then I turned on the water.

Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

It was PURE heaven! I let the cool water wash away the seven days of YUCK! I could have stayed there forever but I knew I was pushing my luck. I climbed out with no pain in sight, I had done it! I was still standing and it was another milestone achieved, of which I’m sure will be plenty more to come as I recuperate and find my way back to being fit and whole again.

It felt like a great adventure achieved with aplomb. Think about it. When healthy, the small things don’t matter. However, when life throws in a curve and leaves you gasping for air, even the smallest of things take monumental effort.

Never give up and when there is a will, there is a way.

Have an amazing day.

Decisions

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“Decisions are the hardest thing to make, especially when it is a choice between where you should be and where you want to be.” Unknown

This first quote speaks to the heart of the matter. The choice between where you should be and where you want to be is often the hardest decision to make. Your heart tells you one thing, and the facts something else!

“Sometimes doing what’s best for you won’t feel like the best.” Unknown

I crossed this bridge when I had to make a decision based on what was necessary and the fear that was holding me back. Two monumental but necessary viewpoints. The only problem? Fear stepped in and wouldn’t let go. Coming to a decision was next to impossible. I took the time and went through the pros and cons strategically, well, I tried to. In the end, I knew which road I had to take. It was the road less traveled. The decision was made but the way forward was still shrouded in fear and lots of unknowns. Safety as I knew it was right there waiting to welcome me back into the fold but I knew I had to move forward. I kept looking back at that well-travelled road. It was familiar and comforting.

“Nothing is more difficult, and therefore more precious, than to be able to decide.” Napoleon Bonaparte

One road would lead nowhere. I would stay where I am, pretend the problem didn’t exist . I could put my blinders on and move ahead like there were no stumbling blocks on the path ahead. Sometimes, there is no other choice. It was next to impossible but I did it. It took jumping back and forth, weighing the options, and screaming of course! I did all of those things, and then the time came and I stepped right in, unknowns and all. I made the decision to go ahead and get the procedure done. What made me do it? It could have been this.

“I haven’t made any really bad decisions lately, I’m getting bored.” Unknown

All joking aside, once the decision was made, I moved forwards hoping it was the right one. I was still scared, nervous, still unsure, but none of that mattered anymore. It was DONE. The decision was made.

It has been 7 days after the operation. I am at home pain-free and recuperating. Another OP is looming in the not so distant future. Yes, I need two. The doctor told me that once it is done, “I will be as good as new.” Let me add, “Or dead!”

“I don’t know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision, I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up.” Unknown

Did I do just that with this decision. I don’t know for sure but the coming weeks will show if I did. Taking it easy is the key, lots of rest, eating right and not raring to GO before I am ready is also a major point. I’ll take it easy, get bored out of my mind and HOPE my body smiles and says, “There you go. Good job!”

“Be decisive, right or wrong, make a decision. The road of life is paved with flat squirrels who couldn’t decide.” Unknown

Hmm…..I wasn’t ONE of them!

Have an amazing day.

This One Landed!

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I had my operation 7 days ago and I walked away as one lucky person! It was a two-hour procedure but I had no pain afterwards and I was able to walk the same day! No pain killers needed and I was sent home 4 days later to recuperate at home.

I had hired help for Chachi, the cat, before I left to have this thing done. A sweet girl who loves cats and she told me that my precious bundle of fur was in good hands. She was right. However, Chachi didn’t think so. His question, “Who are you and what have you done with my mummy?!!!”

Coming back home, I found him looking as grumpy as ever. It took him hours to warm up and when he did, it was a lovefest of the best kind! Coming back to the girl, she offered more help. She said, “If you need anything else done, I can do that too.” I thought that was sweet of her.

The next day she showed up with a bouquet of flowers. Some pink roses with baby’s breath woven in and it was a pretty bouquet but more than that it touched me. I thanked her. We talked and she told me that she was a student and was getting into fitness by going to the gym and I gave her some pointers. Conversation started flowing between us. She also did more than she should like taking the trash out and mopping the floor!

Yesterday, she showed up here and said, “I saw you in my dream! You were all dressed up and looking gorgeous!”

I perked up. “What else did you see?”

“You had beautiful earrings on and your face was all glowy. Looked like you were getting ready for a girls’ night out.”

A girls’ night out? I haven’t done that in ages.

Now, picture this. I haven’t had a shower in almost a week, haven’t washed my hair for about that same time, no makeup, gritty clothes and I was feeling a little down in the dumps.

THIS ONE DEFINITELY LANDED AND HOW!

So I offered to take her out for coffee after she finishes working here. I might need her again for the second operation coming up, plus she has been awfully sweet and has taken good care of Chachi.

Sometimes the praises you give out lands exactly where it should and this one did.

The Day Before Armageddon!

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It’s here, the day before I show up at the hospital ready to meet the team who will do what needs to be done. I HATE THIS! My bag is packed and being a female I am bringing more than I should. Probably, half the clothes and things I am bringing will not be needed but I’m female, hear me roar!

Yesterday was a tough one. I had to come to terms with the fact that this surgery is going to happen whether I want it to or not. The house has been cleaned, the trash taken out, and everything is spotless. I got the laundry done and met a girlfriend for coffee and breakfast. It was nice until a wasp or was it a bee decided to make its presence known. A sharp sting and I was in agony! I told the owner, who is Italian, that I just got stung by a bee! He laughed and said, “Your blood must be sweet!” We made a mad dash to the pharmacy because it was hurting like hell. After doling out 40 euros, I had a pen that felt hot when held against the sting and some gel to cool afterwards. She also told me to let the people at the hospital know about what happened. Sometimes, they will postpone the surgery!

Why are things going down south all the time? I don’t know but my girlfriend thinks it’s because I’ve decided to embrace “negativity” as my best friend! Anyway, it still hurts but postponing the surgery is just wishful thinking. I think it will take place as scheduled.

Then I met the cat sitter. A sweet girl who loves cats. However, she loved talking as well. An hour into the meeting, I had to cut it short. I handed over the house key and she will show up on Monday to take care of Chachi. The little guy knows that something is up. He has been eyeing me with a look that I can’t decipher. I think he knows something is coming up. Did I tell you he is sweet? He is adorable as well. I laid out my clothes on the bed before I went to take a shower and when I came back there was his favorite toy mouse with the innards hanging out laid carefully on my shirt! A token of love? Or is it like, “Mommy don’t send me away?” I don’t know but I bought him four more to make up for the one he has destroyed! I also wanted to make up for being away from him.

So here it is. My bags are packed and I am ready to go. I don’t want to do this but I have no choice. I will walk in hoping for the best and please don’t send me a Mr. Magoo to do the OP!

You won’t be hearing from me for however long it takes. I hope it won’t be too long.

Fingers, toes, and everything else crossed!