mood – Site Title

LOL!

Donald Trump wanted to paint the White House. He called three contractors to ask for their quotes.

The Chinese man offered 3 million dollars. The European, 7 million. The Indian, 10 million.

Trump asked the Chinese man: “How did you quote 3 million dollars?” The Chinese man replied: “One million dollars for paint, one million dollars for labor, and one million dollars for profit.”

Trump asked the European. He replied: “3 million dollars in paint, 2 million in labor, and 2 million dollars in profit.”

Trump asked the Indian. He replied: “Four million for you. Three million for me. And we’ll give three million to the Chinese guy and ask him to do the painting.”

The Indian got the contract.

Smart guy and it’s all about the profit! 🤣🤣🤣

An elderly couple went to the doctors because they were concerned about memory loss. The doc put them through some tests. He told them they didn’t have to worry too much yet, but it would help if they wrote things down.

That afternoon they were sitting on the front porch enjoying the lovely June weather. The husband decides to get a bowl of ice cream and asks his wife if she would like one too.

She says, “ I would love a bowl of ice cream, but you better write it down.

“Naw – I don’t have to write it down. How would you like chocolate syrup with your ice cream?”

”I would love chocolate syrup, but you’d better write it down.”

“Don’t need to. How hard can it be? ice cream with chocolate syrup. How about nuts and whipped cream on top?”

“That sounds delicious. I’d love that, but you’d better write it down.”

”Nope. How hard can it be? Ice cream, chocolate syrup, nuts and whipped cream. I’ve got it.”

So he goes into the kitchen and she hears him rattling around for a bit. Pretty soon he comes out with two plates of bacon and eggs.

She says, “I told you to write it down. You forgot the toast!”

Looks like they are on the same wavelength! 🤣🤣🤣

LOL!

The old man and the beautiful young blonde.

A balding, white-haired man from Sherman Oaks, California walked into a mall jewelry store on Friday evening, accompanied by a much younger woman. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler showed him a nice ring for $5,000.

“No, I’d like to see something more special,” the man replied.

The jeweler then presented a stunning $40,000 ring. The woman’s eyes sparkled, and she trembled with excitement at the sight.

The old man smiled and stated confidently, “We’ll take it.”

When the jeweler inquired about payment, the man replied, “By check. I realize you’ll want to check on the funds, so I’ll write it now and you can call the bank on Monday. I’ll return to collect the ring.”

On Monday morning, the jeweler furiously called the old man. “You have only $25 in your account!” he shouted.

“I know,” replied the old man with a laugh. “But let me tell you about MY GREAT WEEKEND!”

You must admit the old man knew what he was doing and that blonde didn’t stand a chance! 🤣🤣🤣

LOL!

A farmer buys a young rooster and puts him in the yard.

The rooster takes one look around and immediately gets to work. By breakfast, he’s been through every hen on the farm.

The farmer whistles. “Well, that was impressive.”

By lunchtime, the rooster has done the whole flock again.

Now the farmer is less impressed and more concerned.

The next morning, the rooster has moved on from the hens to the ducks, the geese, the turkeys, and anything else unfortunate enough to stand still.

Later that day, the farmer looks across the yard and sees the rooster lying flat on his back, legs in the air, completely motionless. Above him, a few vultures are circling.

The farmer walks over, shakes his head, and says, “I told you you’d kill yourself, you filthy little maniac.”

The rooster opens one eye and whispers:

“Keep it down. They’re almost here.”

🤣🤣🤣

LOL!

Photo by Abdulwahab Alawadhi on Pexels.com

A sixteen year-old boy came home with a brand new Ford F150.

His parents looked at the truck and asked, “Where did you get that truck?!”

“I bought it today,” he says. “With what money?” says his mother. They knew what a new F150 cost.

“Well,” he says, “this one cost me just fifteen dollars.”

The father looks at him like he’s crazy. “Who would sell a truck like that for fifteen dollars?” he says.

“It was the lady up the street,” says the boy. “I don’t know her name – they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy her F150 for fifteen dollars.”

“Oh my Goodness!” says the mother. “Maybe she’s mentally ill or has Alzheimer’s or something John, you better go see what’s going on.”

So the boy’s father walks up the street to the house where the lady lives and finds her out in the yard calmly planting flowers. He introduces himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a new Ford F150 truck for fifteen dollars and asks to know why she did it.

“Well,” she says, “two days ago my husband left on a business trip. Yesterday I got a phone call from his boss and found out that he really ran off to Hawaii with his secretary and doesn’t intend to come back.”

“Oh, my goodness, I’m so sorry,” the father says. “But what does that have to do with my son and your truck?”

“Well, this morning he called and told me he was stranded because he got robbed of his wallet with all his credit cards and cash. He told me to sell his new F150 and send him the money. So I did.”

🤣🤣🤣

We’re Having a Heatwave!

It’s here and it is driving everyone crazy! Everyone is talking about the weather and not in a nice way either!

We’re sweating it out and in a country that doesn’t believe in air-conditioners, it is next to impossible to survive. Lots of water, staying indoors, going out only when it is necessary and walking around naked is the way to it! Well, some of the people here do but I don’t. Too much of a stick-in-the-mud for that.

Anyway, I was out at 8:30 this morning. I wanted to beat the heat and to go get my grocery shopping done before the “heatwave” arrived but it beat me to it! People were grumbling about the heat and everyone had the same idea of getting out there early.

Shiro, the white Persian, was down in the dumps yesterday. I think it was the heat. She moped around and refused to eat or drink. I had the fan going most of the day and that seemed to help. This morning, she seemed to be alright again and was upstairs sunning herself! The room was as hot as a sauna but the “drama queen” was loving it. After half an hour, I brought her downstairs because I didn’t want to go through what I did yesterday. It was a tough evening caring for a sick cat.

Looks like the heatwave is going to stick around for a little while before it heads on out of here. I can’t wait to see it go! The trend seems to be a couple of excruciatingly hot weather days and then the thunderstorms move in for a day or two to cool everything off. A friend calls it the, “El Nino Effect.” “It is a natural climate phenomenon characterized by unusually warm ocean surface temperatures in the central and eastern tropical Pacific.” This massive shift causes a domino effect on global weather.

Whatever it is, I want to see it gone! I’m not a fan of hot weather and this is unbearable to say the least. Now, if we had air-conditioning that would be a different story altogether!

LOL!

Photo by Nashua Volquez-Young on Pexels.com

A farmer stopped by a local mechanic shop…..

… to have his truck fixed.They thought it might have something to do with the transmission, so they couldn’t repair it while he waited.

He told the mechanics that he didn’t live far and would just walk home.On the way home, he stopped at a hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose.

However, struggling outside the store, he now had a problem.How to carry his purchases home.Whilst he was scratching his head, he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost.She asked, “can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?” The farmer said, ‘well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to this house. I would walk you there, but I can’t carry this lot.” The old lady suggested, “why don’t you do this? Put the can of paint in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in the other hand.”

“Well, thank you very much.That works just fine,” he said, and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way, he said, “let’s take my usual shortcut and go down this alley.We’ll be there in no time.” The little old lady looked him over cautiously and said, “I’m a lonely widow without a husband to defend me.How do I know that when we get in the alleyway, you won’t have your wicked way with me?”

The farmer said with some irritation, “holy smokes, lady, I’m carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens and a goose. How in the world would I do that?”

The old lady said, “well, set the goose down, cover him with a bucket, put a can of paint on top of the bucket and I’ll hold the bloody chickens.”

🤣🤣🤣🤣

LOL!

Photo by Vinicius Wiesehofer on Pexels.com

Ten Things You’ll Never Hear a Man Say.

Here honey, you use the remote.

You know, I’d like to see her again, but her breasts are just too big.

Ooh, Antonio Banderas AND Brad Pitt? That’s one movie I gotta see!

While, I’m up, can I get you anything?

Honey, since we don’t have anything else planned, will you go to the wallpaper store with me?

Sex isn’t that important; sometimes I just want to be held.

Why don’t you go to the mall with me and help me pick out a pair of shoes?

Aww, forget Monday night football, let’s watch Melrose Place.

Hey, let me hold your purse while you try that on.

We never talk anymore.

Ten Things You’ll Never Hear a Woman Say.

What do you mean today’s our anniversary?

Can we not talk to each other tonight?

I’d rather just watch TV.

Ooh, this diamond ring is way too big!!

And for our honeymoon we’re going fishing in Alaska!

Can our relationship get a little more physical?

I’m tired of being “just friends.”

Honey, does this outfit make my butt look too small?

Aww, don’t stop for directions. I’m sure you’ll be able to figure out how to get there.

Is that phone for me? Tell ’em I’m not here.

I don’t care if it is on sale, 300 dollars is too much for a designer dress!

There you have it. Men are from Mars and women are definitely from Venus!

Taking Care of Yourself (Archives)

“Taking care of yourself doesn’t mean me first; it means me too.” L.R. Knost

Taking care of yourself should be at the top of your list but it rarely is. We pull ourselves in different directions trying to appease others and we put ourselves where we are barely visible at times. I do. “Me too” is not what I think of when I go about trying to help someone else and often, I forget myself in the process. I forget that I need nurturing too, I need taking care of, and I am important too.

“Remember to take care of yourself. You can’t pour from an empty cup.” Unknown

Take care of yourself. You can’t be much help to anyone else if all you’re doing is looking to see how you can put yourself out there being the “angel” who is there for the calling, the helping, and one who comes to everyone’s call of distress without thinking about the toll it is taking on your being. I did that three years ago when I came to the aid of a sick friend and I put myself through hell and high water to care for him only to find out that even though it was a good deed, the price you have to pay is a high one as far as your own well-being is concerned. Will I do it again? It is a definite NO!

“Take care of your body, it’s the only place you have to live.” Jim Rohn

Taking care of your body is a must. You don’t do it to look good for others, it is a necessity to survive in a world where much is needed from you, and if you don’t take care of yourself, no one else is going to do it for you. Do whatever is necessary to put yourself first, take care of yourself first and the rest can follow.

“Take care of yourself. Go for a walk, eat your favorite food, get a haircut, cry if you need to, read a book, take a vacation, have a drink, do what you need to do. Take care of yourself, because at the end of the day you’re all you’ve got.” Unknown

As the year draws to a close, the one resolution that matters for next year is to take care of myself first. I do that religiously, but sometimes I forget when life rolls around with its demands and I forget about “me” in the process and take off to do whatever is necessary for someone else. A helping spirit is a good one but not when it is to the detriment of your own well-being. I’m going to remember that as I move forward into the new year. It is not being selfish, it is called self-preservation.

“When you start taking care of yourself you start feeling better, you start looking better and you start to attract better. It all starts with you.” Unknown

AND

“Change the changeable, accept the unchangeable and remove yourself from the unacceptable.” Jane Travis

That last one speaks to the heart of the matter. Removing yourself from the unacceptable can mean many things. Toxic people, things that drain your energy, and people who don’t give two hoots about your well-being. Put them into context, take a long hard look at what you will accept and what you won’t and go from there. Most of all, you MATTER!

Have an amazing day.

LOL!

Photo by Antonio Friedemann on Pexels.com

One day, God and Adam were walking in the Garden of Eden. God told Adam that it was time to populate the Earth.

“Adam, you can start by kissing Eve.”

“Lord, what is a kiss?” asked Adam.

God explained, and then Adam took Eve behind the bush and kissed her.

A little while later, Adam returned with a big smile and said, “Lord! That was great! What’s next?”

“Adam, I now want you to caress Eve.”

“Lord, what is caress?” asked Adam.

God explained, then Adam took Eve behind the bush and caressed her.

A little while later, Adam returned with a big smile and said, “Lord that was even better than a kiss! What’s next?”

“Here is what gets the deed done. I now want you to make love to Eve.”

“Lord, what is make love?” asked Adam.

God explained, then Adam took Eve behind the bush.

A few seconds later, Adam returned and asked, “Lord, what is a headache?”

Good to know that “headaches” existed way back then when they were just getting started! 🤣🤣🤣