I’ve been up early, not because I wanted to but because the “little brat” decided that every day is a wake up early day! Today, I wanted to sleep a little later but Chachi, the cat, wasn’t having it. He was in his element and READY TO GO!
It’s 9 in the morning and I’ve been up for several hours now and feeling like my day is halfway done! The rain hasn’t let up and more of the same is in the forecast for later in the day. Just when I think I’ve had enough of rain for quite a while, in comes another forecast. It seems the “Polar Luft” is moving in. Literally translated, it means “Polar air,” or rather it is going to get cold as hell! Lord, have mercy. The golden days of fall are nowhere to be seen and we’re heading straight into winter. Anyway, snow is in the forecast for Wednesday next week and I am ready. I have turned off the water to the garden so that the pipes don’t freeze and I have plenty of salt in case the sidewalk freezes over and needs thawing out. Nothing much to look forward to.
Chachi is in his window seat and watching the rain come down. His complaint, “Mom, the TV hasn’t been working right for days! You need to fix it!” Right, the Little Munchkin has plenty to say and he’s bored out of his mind. I’m pretending to listen but not really. I’ve got other things going on in my head. I need to clear my mind so I’m opting for an hour long meditation today. It should do me a world of good if I get through it but since my mind is jumping up and down like a “monkey” I don’t see that happening. Half an hour maybe.
Lots of workouts are planned for today and I might take a break from cooking. I’ve been eyeing the takeout menu and Chicken Nilgari from the local delivery place sounds good. I PLAN to have a good day and let’s see if it works out that way.
In a trial, a US Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman, to the stand. He approached her and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know me?’ She responded, ‘Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you’ll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.”
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?’
She again replied, ‘Why yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention, he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.”
The defense attorney nearly died.
The judge asked both counsellors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,
“If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you both to jail.
A man absolutely hated his wife’s cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.
The next day, he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat. He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home.
At last, he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again, and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there. Hours later, the man calls home to his wife.
“Jen, is the cat there?”
“Yes,” the wife answers, “why do you ask?”
Frustrated, the man answered.
“Put that son of a bi**h on the phone, I’m lost and need directions!
🤣🤣🤣
Yup, I’ve got one of those. Little Einstein knows more than I do!
This little old lady goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, I have this problem with passing gas, but it really doesn’t bother me too much. It never smells and it’s always silent. As a matter of fact, I’ve passed gas at least 20 times since I’ve been here in your office. You didn’t know I was passing gas because it doesn’t smell and it’s silent.”
The doctor says, “I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week.”
The next week, the lady goes back, “Doctor,” she says, “I don’t know what you gave me, but now my passing gas…..although still silent, it stinks terribly.”
“Good,” the doctor says, “now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, we’ll start to work on your hearing.”
A wife decides to take her husband James to a strip club for his birthday.
They arrive at the club and the doorman says, “Hey James, how you doing?”
His wife’s puzzled and asks if he’s been to the club before.
“Oh no,” says James. “He’s on my bowling team.”
When they were seated, a waitress asks James if he’d like his usual and brings him over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, “How did she know that you drink Budweiser?”
“Oh, she’s in the ladies bowling league, honey. We share lanes with them.”
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around James, and says, “Hi James, want your usual table dance, big boy?’
James’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. James follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.
She’s screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book. The cabbie turns around and says,
“Looks like you’ve picked up a real bi**ch tonight, James.”
BOOM!
Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive.
It is storming with gale force winds outside and I decided that Honey and Hubie needed some cheering up! Let’s amp up the Christmas music since that time of year is just around the corner and cozy up with a book and good cheer!
