My parents were hands-on when it came to raising a child. There was strict discipline, no talking back, do as we say, no bucking the rules, and definitely no DISRESPECT!
It was tough growing up in such a household because at times I wanted to spew like a volcano and let them know that I wasn’t going to stand for it anymore. However, I kept it all inside and had to find other avenues of letting my frustrations out. Running wild in the woods was one such way.
I’m not saying they were bad parents, probably the opposite. However, they took discipline to a new level and it wasn’t to my liking. The thing I do differently is to raise my child with less discipline and more understanding. I also tell him that I love him everyday. My parents forgot that part in the hectic and chaotic world of raising a brood! I wanted to hear those words badly but they just went about it a different way. As a parent, I want my child to know that he is loved unconditionally, no guessing games involved.
Discipline is hard here in Germany. The child raising model is different.They emphasize, “independence, self-reliance, and social integration.” All fine and good but discipline is sorely lacking and respect, well, it is right up there with discipline. My neighbor’s kid used to call or rather scream his mother’s first name when he needed help. It shocked me at first but different strokes for different folks I suppose.
Mine was never allowed to do that. I doled out disciplinary measures and my ex, a German, didn’t agree. Time-out when the child was acting up was cruel and inhuman punishment, according to him. I had to navigate both sides, but I must say that I’ve raised a good boy. He is a young adult now and doing well on his own. He knows he is loved and he is independent starting to travel the world because his job requires it.
I’ve learned to let him go although the “helicopter rotor blades” are ready to take off any minute if needed! I am still there to talk with if he needs that support, I let him have his say, and anything he wants to tell me, I am there for him with a listening ear and a warm embrace.
Those are the things I do differently and I think it has worked well so far. Respect is still hard because at times he kicks up his heels and at those times, I give him space. Sometimes I get a sorry but seldom and that is okay too. I am standing on the sidelines now watching him take off and I wish him well.
I’m still here if he needs me.
