mindset – Page 2 – Site Title

I Almost Settled!

I almost did the unthinkable but I came to my senses before that happened! Settling was something I never wanted to do and never settling means “to continuously strive for excellence, refusing to accept mediocrity, complacency, or anything less than your highest standards.”

In a relationship, never settling for less than you deserve means “refusing to accept less than your core standards, values, and emotional needs, ensuring you are not simply staying out of fear of being alone” or walking into one for that very same reason.

“You, my dear, were never meant to settle.” Erin Plewes

Coming back to the topic at hand, I almost did exactly that. I narrowed down the list of potential candidates to two. Out of the two, I decided to give one guy the chance of getting to know me better. He wasn’t the perfect guy but going with the premise that there is no such thing as the “perfect guy” I decided to give him a chance. If you know me, you will know what a big decision that was. Second dates are hard to come by. I always find a reason as to why it shouldn’t happen. Anyway, we went out on a few dates, held hands, laughed about THINGS and after two kisses, the doubts started rolling in as they usually do. The biggest obstacle was that he’s a smoker. He didn’t smoke in front of me but I knew he did and being the health nut I am, I knew it wasn’t going to work out.

Anyway, he started talking about vacations together and spending lots of time together. I mean, lots of time! He was also too touchy feely for my liking and I didn’t like the fact that he wanted to hold hands all the time. Is that normal behavior? I like being free as a bird meaning no fences around me and holding hands seemed like he wanted to put a fence around me. Instead of putting distance between us, I went along thinking maybe this could work out. I was walking into the “settling” mode. Why? I don’t know. Maybe I was tired of going out on dates only to find the wrong guys. Maybe, I just wanted to put dating aside and not have to search for Mr. Right anymore. He seemed nice enough, had stars in his eyes when he looked at me, and that phrase, “I will do anything for you,” landed where it should. I was feeling important and wanted.

“Real women are strong, resilient, independent, loyal, and lovable, one thing about them is they never settle.” Unknown

What happened to that woman? The same question I keep asking myself. Then I woke up. The fact that he smoked was definitely a deal breaker. The next big thing is I don’t like being touched all the time. I want a relationship not a “glue stick.” Unfortunately, I keep running into the same types, guys who think that “touching” is part and parcel of a relationship. Some touching is ok but NOT all the time. It got to the point where I was afraid to look at him because the moment I did, he was all over me. Finally, I decided to let go of a relationship that was going nowhere. I wanted one thing and he, the whole shebang! We parted ways on friendly terms.

Know who you are.

Know what you want.

Know what you deserve.

And don’t settle for less.

Yes, it means I’ll still be out there looking for that someone who probably doesn’t exist! Scary? Yes, but settling for the wrong someone is even worse. Take your time, don’t listen to the voices that say, time is running out. Walk your path the way you want to and never, ever, settle for anything less than what you deserve.

Stop settling.

Being cheated on is not normal.

Being controlled is not normal.

Being abused is not normal.

Crying more than you smile is not normal.

Break-up to make-up is not normal.

Stop suffering and settling.

Tony Gaskins

AND

“Stop being okay with things you really are not okay with. Stop associating being a good person with how much you’re willing to suffer in silence. You can be a kind person and still say, “I’m not okay with this.” Being kind is not about being the human equivalent of a doormat.” Unknown

When it comes to relationships, choose carefully, take off your blinders and go in with your eyes wide open. If you see the signals cropping up, the red ones that tell you to tread carefully, pay attention and shut the door behind you. Move on knowing that it is for the best. There will always be another someone, the “one” someone who will be your perfect fit or the someone who meets you more than halfway.

Give it time.

Have an amazing day.

LOL!

A child asked his father, “How were people born?” So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.”

The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.”

The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me!” His father replied, “No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.”

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Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him, “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!”

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back to the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

Yup that will do it!

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A woman was taking an afternoon nap. When she woke up, she told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace. What do you think it means?”

“You’ll know tonight,” he said. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled, “The Meaning of Dreams.”

I bet he’s missing too!

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Have a day filled with laughter.

It’s Time-Out!

Enough is enough? Today is that day and I’ve decided to take some time-out and to pamper myself instead of catering to everyone else. The “everyone” meaning the three cats who are keeping me company from the moment I wake up to the time I go to bed and in-between!

Waking up this morning to one cat scratching at the bedroom door, the other knocking and the one in the bedroom meowing, “Mom, it’s time to get up!” told me that it was time to take some time for myself and to blur the cats out for an hour or two.

I had breakfast as usual and did my routine like I do every morning. Feeding the little rascals, cleaning up after them, listening to their complaints, and wondering what to say when the “white one” cries, “WHERE IS MY DADDY?!!”

Today, it was going to be “my” time to enjoy myself. I decided to go to town and have a nice cup of coffee at the cafe and people watch. The sun was shining and a perfectly wonderful day to do just that. I made it there just as the shops were opening. First, I headed to the pet store and stocked up on more cat food, yes, I spoil them. Then I picked up some cat toys. It was time for that cup of coffee. Walking into the cafe, I noticed that I was the only one there. It was still early. My favorite server was there with a smile on his face. He’s from Argentina and we’ve talked before. He asked, “Alone, today?” Answering in the affirmative, I ordered my cup of coffee. He then introduced me to this other guy as his brother. A cute guy who was just learning the ropes. We talked and then my coffee was there. They left me in peace to enjoy it.

Looking outside, I noticed that it was getting busy. The bakery across the way was jam-packed. It’s the place where I get my cheesecake and I could see them, the cheesecakes sitting on the counter and winking at me! I quickly looked away. I’ve been cheesecake free for a week now and I plan to keep it that way. So I turned my attention to the people. It was interesting. Most had their attention diverted to their phones. They were either looking at something or talking on it. Others seemed to be in a hurry. Some were laden down with big bags of groceries, while others were rushing somewhere. I was glad that I had nowhere to go. I sat there daydreaming as I slowly enjoyed the cup of Italian coffee. It was really good.

The break was doing me good. I could feel myself calming down and before I could get into a nirvana state of mind, I decided to pay up and make my way home. The plan was to go home, change into sweats and head to the fields, a wonderful addition to a stress-free day.

Just as I walked in, I heard, “We want to go home!” It was the white Persian and the dark-colored British long hair. Guess, they had enough of putting up with Chachi, the macho. My little guy was up in arms as he belted out, “SHE’S A B**CH!”

Lord, have mercy! There goes my peace out the window. After calming them down, I put on my walking shoes and headed out determined to salvage the day. As I closed the door behind me and headed out, it felt peaceful again. I will deal with whatever comes my way LATER! Now, it is my time and nothing else matters.

INVEST IN YOURSELF. Here’s the thing, no matter how stressful life gets, take time-out for yourself. You are worth it and your future depends on it.

Have an amazing day.

Springtime Bliss

It was early when I ventured out this morning. The sun was already shining and spring beckoned telling me that there was beauty out there to be discovered and not to waste time! Besides, I needed to get out of the house and to get some fresh air. The cats had been fed, brushed, the house cleaned and everything was as it should be except I needed OUT and what better place than the fields to keep me company and to help herald in a new day.

“Springtime is the land awakening. The March winds are the morning yawn.” Lewis Grizzard.

It was cold in the shade as I zipped up my jacket and walked up the hill. Immediately, I saw them. Just three of them, slightly smaller in stature as they stood there in the sunshine with their heads turned skywards. Perhaps, they were this year’s addition to the herd. I am talking about baby deer or rather fawn as they are called. I was still a distance away but as I approached, their heads turned in unison as they watched me cautiously. Within minutes, they made a run for it and went into the clump of trees and stayed there as I passed, waiting for the human to leave them in peace. I did.

Just then, I heard the soft cooing of a pigeon in the tree somewhere. Usually, it would be the loud cawing of a crow, harsh and raw, but this time around the soft cooing blended in with the quiet of the fields perfectly. Nothing else seemed to be moving. It was still early and the world was just coming awake. I turned towards the forest line and wondered if they were there, their splendid yellow heads moving with the wind.

“I wandered lonely as a cloud that floats on high o’er vales and hills, when all at once I saw a crowd, a host, of golden daffodils; beside the lake, beneath the trees, flattering and dancing in the breeze.” William Woodsworth

They were there and I was no longer alone, nature had decided to keep me company with a beauty so breathtaking that I could just stand and stare for a while. The slight gurgling of the stream as it meandered through the forest and the beauty of the daffodils standing like silent sentinels as they kept watch was enough to clear my mind of any cobwebs left behind from this morning’s stress and in its place was pure peace and wonder.

Walking back I noticed the rabbits as they showed up one by one, there were three in total, as they went about enjoying their breakfast of greens. There was plenty to be had.

“It was one of those March days when the sun shines hot and the wind blows cold, when it is summer in the light and winter in the shade.” Charles Dickens

So it was. Back home, I decided to have my second cup of coffee out in the garden. There is much work to be done, the weeds are starting to sprout and nature is working extra hard to bring the “bloom” back in all its glory. The big old Magnolia is looking gorgeous again in her spring attire. It is a show stopper every year and this year will be no different. The smaller one out back is in full bloom, a beauty in white sprinkling its delicate scent throughout the garden. I had to stop and stare as I took in a whiff of its scent, soft, sweet and breathtaking like the tree itself. The roses are not in yet but they will show up soon enough and it will be spectacular when they do. For now, the Magnolias are first in line and it is enough to bring forth spring’s bliss.

“Some old-fashioned things like fresh air and sunshine are hard to beat.” Laura Ingles Wilder

Have an amazing day.

Love Lessons

Love as we know has many facets. It is not a one size fits all kind of thing. There is the love between a parent and child, there is the love between a pet and its owner, there is the love of material things but nothing is as powerful as the love that shows up and turns your world on its head and you don’t know if you’re coming or going. It is the kind of love that comes and touches your heart, sends your blood pumping and you are left wondering what happened?

However, this love between a man and woman has its ups and downs. Sometimes it goes smoothly and sometimes when you least expect it, you get the rug pulled out from under your feet. There is the kind that shows up and you are head over heels and the kind that doesn’t get the same response from the other person. There is the kind that takes you for a ride, the kind that breaks your heart into a thousand pieces and hurt becomes a part of loving. There is the kind that loves to play games and the kind that doesn’t give a hoot about your feelings. It is all part and parcel of this thing called love. If you are lucky, you find someone who looks at you and you’re IT and then there is the kind that does circles around you and keeps you guessing.

Different kinds of love but it has one thing in common. Love is powerful and it has the ability to turn an ordinary person into someone extraordinary or leaves you gasping for air. Love lessons they are aplenty and since I’m in this, “What is love really about?” mood, here are some quotes that speak to the heart of the matter.

“Some people teach you what love feels like. Others teach you what love is not. Both shape how you protect your heart.” Unknown

Been there, done that and there is truth in that quote.

“I don’t walk away to teach people a lesson, I walk away because I learned mine.” Unknown

Done this one too. Believe me, the walking away gets easier as time goes along.

Spend your time on those who LOVE you unconditionally. Don’t waste it on those who only love you when the conditions are right for them.” Unknown

Listen carefully to this one. When you are not the priority, leave! No point hanging around.

“Not all love lasts, but the lessons love brings to us do.” Mandy Hale

The absolute truth. Learn from the lessons and let go of the rest.

“Sometimes life sends us people who don’t love us enough, to remind us of what we’re worthy of.” Mandy Hale

This is painful but it is a lesson that has to be learned. You are worthy of real love and not the wishy washy kind. Pay attention to what is shown and take the right path. It is not going to be easy but worthiness comes from knowing who you are and what you will stand for. It demands courage as well to shut the door and to move on.

“Never chase love, affection, or attention. If it isn’t given freely by another person, it isn’t worth having.” Unknown

Quite often we do the chase or the dance or whatever name you give it but you know what I mean. Chasing love, affection, or attention quite often brings the opposite. Don’t chase, let it go and see what happens.

“Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us.” Nicole Reed

I think this one works on the same principle as karma does. Someone does something bad to you and if you believe in karma, I do, you know that at some point they will get their comeuppance. When? That’s the problem. There is no date or time given, just that it will take place at some point and you have to believe that it will. So when will good things start happening. Same thing. Wait for it and sooner or later it will happen. No fun? Yes, well, life moves to a different beat and all in good time because you have to learn before you reap the benefits, I suppose.

Enough about love? One last thing, love is many-faceted and it has its mysteries but one thing is for sure, WE CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT IT!!

Have an amazing day and I hope the right kind of love finds you.

Victim

A victim is defined as “a person harmed, injured, or killed as a result of a crime, accident, or other event or action or it could be “a person who is tricked or duped,” or “a person who has come to feel helpless and passive in the face of misfortune or ill-treatment.”

Which are you? Where do you fit in the victim modus because if you’re a victim you will identify with one or the other of the descriptions above. I relate to the last two.

“You only get to be a victim once. After that, you’re a volunteer.” Unknown

I’m not quite sure that I fully agree with that sentiment. I’ve been a victim many times over and each time I tell myself I’ll do better the next time around but when the next time rolls around as it inevitably does, I get dragged in to the same outcomes. Basically, pain, disbelief and anger. Does this mean that I’m ‘volunteering’ to relive victimhood over and over again. Or does it mean that I didn’t learn what not to do the first time around and haven’t learned from my mistakes? Probably both.

“The victim mindset will have you dancing with the devil, then complaining that you’re in hell.” Unknown

I didn’t even know I was a victim until it blindsided me which made it harder to bear. I was a relationship victim, more specifically a victim of deceit and I was the woman who got left behind. However, instead of picking myself back up and moving on, I chose to “dance with the devil.” It took years of soul-searching, of blaming myself for his indiscretions and worst of all cutting myself down to size and way beyond to realize that I was the perfect victim. I must say, I played the role well. I went through the five phases of grief which is denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. It doesn’t often play out that way and it doesn’t always happen in that order either because sometimes you are not given the chance to grieve because the ‘devil’ that caused the problem in the first place keeps hanging on and so there is no closure or learning from your mistakes. Since then, I’ve played ‘volunteer’ if you want to call it that to similar circumstances. However, I am learning not to play victim to circumstances I created myself meaning I knew from the get go what I was getting myself into and that I only have myself to blame for what followed. Is there something about the familiarity of the situation that reels you in or makes you want to play in the mud puddles knowing full well that you’ll get dirty but the “LURE” is just too much to resist? Perhaps. I am trying to change that.

“When you complain, you make yourself a victim. Leave the situation, change the situation, or accept it. All else is madness.” Eckhart Tolle

I know without a shadow of a doubt that I will find myself along the same avenue at a later point in my life, not because I haven’t learned but because life happens and being a victim is woven into my being perhaps because I am too nice, too naive or I am the perfect victim type. Whatever the case maybe, I also know that if it happens again, I am fully equipped to ‘slay the monster,’ and put it to rest where it belongs because I have learned along the way and I am moving on.

“The victim who is able to articulate the situation of the victim has ceased to be a victim: he or she has become a threat.” Unknown

So watch out whoever you are! If you’re here to play games, you better get going. I will no longer volunteer to be your victim. I’ve outgrown the “victim mentality” and I’m on my way equipped with everything that is needed to put those who love or enjoy victimizing people where they belong and that is in the annals of hell!

“We’re sorry, your request for victim status has been denied. You are being referred to the Big Girl Panties Department. Please stand by.”

Have an amazing day.

Moving Forward

We do it everyday without giving it much thought. Each day requires that you put one foot in front of the other and to keep moving forward. The unknown is scary, the future hazy, and not knowing adds to the whole shebang. However, standing still in one spot is not going to do it even if it feels right at the time and digging in your heels and thumping your nose at whatever is in front of you is a no go either. Move forward….you must if you want to get somewhere in life.

“If I’ve learned anything in life, is that sometimes things get in your path and you have a choice: you can either smash right into them or you can adjust and move around, but you have to do one or the other in order to move forward.” Unknown

According to one source, “moving forward is essential for personal growth, overcoming adversity, and unlocking new opportunities, acting as a “cure” for stagnation, regret, and unhealthy fixation on the past.”

Staying fixated on the past is something that all of us are experts on. We can give a run down on how to do that with a smile plastered on our faces, that’s because we’ve done it numerous times. I know I have. I think the “fixation” comes from the familiarity of the past, we know it well, good or bad. Moving forward is a whole different story altogether. Who wants to move forward when the path forward is unclear and there could be a quagmire of sorts waiting for you there. It is risky business but it needs to be done if you want to get anywhere in life.

“Sometimes in order to move on, you have to accept that some things will just never go back to how they used to be no matter how much you want them to.” Unknown

Moving forward also requires strength, a single-minded focus, and the will to survive whatever is coming your way. You have to trust that all will be well as you put that foot forward hoping that whatever is waiting out there will treat you kindly and lead you on the path to success. Here’s the thing, if you’ve got one foot back there, you know where, and one foot in front, that is a surefire way to failure.

“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.” J. P. Morgan

Easier said than done? Absolutely. I’ll be the first to say that I love dragging my feet. Even if you give me a push forward, I PUSH BACK! I like staying where it is familiar and comfortable. I do not like the unknown but that has never stopped life from showing me what’s ahead in bits and pieces.

Daphne Rose Kingma said it beautifully.

“Holding on is believing that there’s only a past; letting go is knowing that there’s a future.”

I love that quote because it speaks to the truth of the matter. The past is done with, it is finished, although it loves hanging on and we give it an extra boost by keeping our thoughts and actions focused on it. It is a pesky thing, the past, but it plays its cards well and if it finds someone who will entertain it, it WILL linger on. Let it go. It is no longer needed. You are moving forward.

“Close some doors. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because they no longer lead somewhere.” Unknown

Remember that bit of advice. It is important to close doors that no longer serve your best interests. If you want to head somewhere, keep on moving forwards even if it makes you tremble with fear at times. You can’t go back to the past. The future is waiting so put one foot in front of the other and head that way trusting that you will get to a better place at some point in time.

“It is always important to know when something has reached its end. Closing circles, shutting doors, finishing chapters, it doesn’t matter what we call it: what matters is to leave in the past those moments in life that are over.” Paulo Coelho

AND

“Remember you can’t reach what’s in front of you until you let go of what’s behind you.” Unknown

Well said. I just need to take that advice to heart and learn from it!

Have an amazing day.

SWAMPED!

“Life can get exhausting, overwhelming, and stressful sometimes.” Unknown

When I decided to take on the responsibility of adding two more cats to the one I already have, I didn’t count on being overwhelmed. I didn’t realize that it was going to be a huge amount of work and trying to get a handle on things would be a next to impossible task.

Two weeks in or is it three weeks? It doesn’t matter. What matters is that I am SWAMPED! It is overwhelming, time-consuming, and it is taking everything within me to not throw up my hands and to say, “I surrender! This is too much.” The thing is, I don’t give up easily and I see this predicament as a challenge. I THINK I can take control of the situation and come out the winner but it is testing my patience and nerves!

Don’t get me wrong. I love the two cats. They are sweet-natured but a ball of fur! The Persian cat, Shiro, is white and I am beginning to see white hair everywhere or is that just my imagination. Gallahad, is a dark grey cat and he has long hair. Put the two together and it is a never-ending task of vacuuming and getting rid of hair! I bought a hairdresser’s kit recently. It came with a battery-operated gadget that trims hair. “No way!” says Gallahad. It also comes with a comb and scissors and I went to work. Shiro is looking a lot slimmer with less hair and Galli, well, he let me do the tail area but getting anywhere closer is a problem and a half. Anyway, there is a lot less hair to go around and I feel like I’ve achieved something at least.

They are eating well, sleeping like they should, and have found someone else to get close to. The “cat whisperer” as I am known to them is the “Pied Piper” as far as they are concerned. They’ve taken to hanging around me, rubbing up against my leg when I walk past and waiting outside the bedroom door hoping I would let them in. Nope, that is not going to work.

Chachi, on the other hand, has taken hissing to a new high. He hisses every chance he gets and when Galli got too close to him, he jumped on him and held on for dear life. He stayed there not knowing what to do. It was a good thing that Galli didn’t pounce on him and knock some sense into him. Galli is twice his size but the Little Macho thinks he is a big guy plus they (the two) are intruding into his space and it is not setting well with him.

I’ve been keeping my eyes peeled for trouble but being the watch dog is wearing me out. I’m exhausted come evening and after doing a once over with the vacuum, it is time to shut down for the night. I must say that they take it in stride and the nights are usually quiet. Chachi loves it when I shut the door and settle in bed. It is his time to shine. Cuddling takes priority and knowing that Galli and Shiro haven’t worked their magic on me seems to do wonders for his psyche. HE IS STILL NUMBER ONE!

“Sometimes it’s okay if the only thing you did today was breathe.” Unknown

I did a whole lot more than that but who’s keeping tabs!

Have an amazing day.

The First Daffodil

As spring flowers go, nothing signifies spring like daffodils. There are others that show up earlier than expected like the Snowdrops or rather snowbells, tiny white blooms that appear at the end of winter and the crocuses ranging from deep purple to golden yellow and sometimes pristine white. We get the purple ones here. However, it is the daffodil that heralds spring with its trumpet-like flowers, waving its yellow and white head to the sun that tells me spring is here and is going to stay for a while.

I headed out the door this morning looking forward to my walk when I noticed that the sun was already there telling me that it was going to be a glorious day. As I closed the front door and looked towards the front garden, I noticed the first daffodil in bloom! A beautiful yellow one looking directly at me! Soon, there will be plenty more but this is the first one I’ve seen in bloom and it put a smile on my face.

Saturdays are not for walking as far as I’m concerned. Too many people out there and with such a beautiful day, there would be plenty more. I like having the fields to myself. Not today. I noticed several people already there turning their heads skyward enjoying the sunshine. I took the forest way hoping for peace and quiet. No luck today. There were a few people already there enjoying the quiet and as we passed, there was a nod of the head and, “Guten Tag,” which is the norm here of friendliness and perhaps politeness as well.

There was the sound of a lone woodpecker in the tree somewhere pecking away for all its worth! Rabbits were scampering around, a couple, not many but soon they will be out in full force. Spring is just beginning and they have work to do. No deer today but it is early yet. I walked to the pond and it was quiet there. No herons, storks or ducks there. The stream meandering through the forest was gurgling gleefully as it made its way to where it needed to go. No daffodils yet. They usually show up on both sides of the stream in a blaze of yellow and while. Not today. There is time yet. It was quiet in the forest so I decided to head back.

Spring is here, not in full force but it will get here soon enough. When it does it will be a sight to behold and that one daffodil in my front garden will take a backseat as others come to take its place. All part and parcel of spring. It is one of my favorite season of the year.

Have an amazing day.

Another Day in Paradise

My idea of paradise is open spaces, blue skies, mountains, forests and streams running through the whole shebang! It is beautiful, calming and at the same time mesmerizing.

Today is no different except spring is in the air and there is sunshine everywhere. It’s a great day for a walk and to let the imagination run wild. There is a herd of deer standing still at the top of the hill enjoying the warmth as I’m doing. I watch them and they watch me in return. A shrill squawk attracts my attention and looking skywards, I see a heron in flight. It is majestic as it glides effortlessly through time and space. Two more herons join the symphony in motion and the dance is graceful as they dip and take off again, weightless against an azure blue sky.

A movement down below attracts my attention and two rabbits take off into the bushes and disappear from sight. There is a different energy out here today. Nature is breathing life back into the fields and everything is waking up after a long winter’s sleep, energized and ready to go. The air is crisp but still a little cold. It is exhilariting.

The only problem, there are more people out and about and where once I was the only one paying homage to paradise, it is no longer mine alone. It too is a sign that spring is marching in and staying indoors is for the birds when you have “paradise” just a stone’s throw away!

A beautiful walk nonetheless.