No one thinks that when “failure” happens it is the catalyst to success. Quite often it is seen as the direct opposite. However, it has been said that “Failure is not a fatal event but a crucial, constructive part of the journey to success.”
I’ve seen it happen on a personal level many times over. As a young girl, I fell in love with the wrong guy and it would happen many times over but that first time showed me the catastrophic effects of failure. I took it personally. The after effects I mean, and refused to budge for days or rather was it weeks on end. I wore sackcloth and ashes and mourned the loss like there was no tomorrow. It was only after I decided to take stock of where I was that I learned that there are lessons to be learned, painful ones, but lessons nonetheless. He was the wrong guy and it wouldn’t have worked. I learned never to repeat that mistake again. However, there were other lessons that came disguised as love but of the wrong kind each one teaching me to move forward with grace and to embrace the opportunities that failure brings.
I am at a place in my life where I know that failure is not just failure. It is not the end of the world and neither does it come to visit to stop you in your tracks. It is there to show you a better way, to make you stronger and if you are brave enough to embrace it, it shows you a better path. There is power within failure, embrace it for what it is, a learning curve, and go from there one foot in front of the other.
“Failure is only the opportunity to begin again – only this time more wisely.” Henry Ford
I’ve been going back and forth on whether to trade in my car and to get a new one. The one I have currently is really dependable and I know how it works and that is the important part. All the new cars have lots of things that I have to get used to and some of them look menacing, meaning, if I pressed something unknowingly, it could shoot to the moon! Just kidding. However, I have developed an aversion to new STUFF!
It was time spent going from dealership to dealership talking to different people and trying to get a handle on the price and how everything works. Luckily, I was able to drag some willing participants to the places I needed to go and the “men” made a commanding presence because a woman alone makes easy prey for those who want to take advantage of that fact. They assume “she” knows nothing but I was armed with knowledge, the Google type, and knew what I was talking about. The men in this case were just there for support, I did the talking.
After test drives of potential cars, I zeroed in on two and then there was one. The last one was a steel blue car that looked pretty nice. It was an hybrid and my first reaction was, NO WAY! However, after driving the little beauty I was sure that this was going to be my companion for years to come. We went to the dealership last Saturday, told the guy I would be back on Monday to sign the papers and to get the process going. On Monday, I woke up early, got my papers together and was SURE that by day’s end, I would be the proud owner of a new car. The appointment was at 11 and since I had time to kill, I stopped by the cafe for a nice cup of coffee. Talked to the owner about my decision and he said, “Sounds great.” So, what happened? I don’t know. Suddenly, I felt like I was drowning and decided to pull the plug!
It was half an hour before the appointment and I knew the sales guy would be pissed. Still, I couldn’t make myself do otherwise. So, the call was made and instead of being mad, he asked why. I told him I wanted to keep my old car. It needed the driver’s side headlights replaced and the cost would be around 2,000 euros. Still cheap compared to the thousands I would have to fork out for a new car. The selling point was that I like my car, I know how it runs and I am comfortable with it. He said, no problem and I was off the hook. Talk about a load off my shoulders!
Back home, I called the repair shop and they said, “Sure, come by with the car and we can take the order.” Total wait time for the part to get there was around two to three days and replacement time around 3 hours. Now, I’ve got everything, fingers and toes crossed that once the headlight gets replaced, the car will run smoothly without coming up with something else. I can only hope.
One thing I’ve learned during this process is to get as much knowledge as you can about buying a car. What to look for, the pitfalls and never let someone pressure you into buying something you are not sure of. Even if you are confident, never try to go there alone. Bring company and somehow THEY think men know better! That’s not the case but let them think that.
Is it here? It shows promise and that is a good thing. The sky is cloudless, a clear blue in color, and the sun is out and smiling! The daffodils are getting ready to go on display and the birds are trilling like there is no tomorrow! Spring is definitely marching in but it is early yet so we might still get some cold weather holding on for dear life.
The fields are fantastic today. No clouds to mar their beauty and everything is touched with a little bit of gold from the sunshine. The slight hum of an airplane overhead didn’t do much to disturb the peace and the crows had gathered like they were getting ready for a funeral! The herons are still missing but the deer were out in full force grazing nonchalantly as I walked past. The mountains in the distance were visible and were happy to be seen.
I took the forest route. My usual route is to keep to open spaces but today I decided to let the birds keep me company as they rustled in the trees and let their spring song be heard, loud and clear. The butterflies are not there yet. It is officially spring here, early spring, and waking up from the deep slumber of winter takes some time. It is deceptively warm too but in the shade, it is nippy and a tad cold. I was alone again as I am most days as I take my daily walks but I love it this way. The woods seem to be quiet and the stream running through is gurgling happily. Soon, the daffodils will bloom on either side and it will be a show-stopping event. They will be gorgeous waving their yellow and white heads, doing their spring dance.
It is beautiful and it will only get better. The “blooming” will take place and it will show what nature has been working on during the winter months. Nope, it was not sleeping. A brief nap, maybe, but there was plenty going on beneath the ground as it will soon reveal. Nature has its rhythm and the change of seasons take place as it should with no lapses in between. All we have to do is to stop and marvel at its beauty as each season takes its rightful place leaving us in awe.
Spring is finally here and I for one can’t wait to see its full display!
I thought this was funny and wanted to share. Some truth to it as well?
Scottish blood…
An Arab Sheikh was admitted to the hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to have some of his blood type stored in case the need arose. As the gentleman had an extremely rare type of blood that couldn’t be found locally, the call went out around the world.
Finally, a Scotsman was located who had the same rare blood type. After some coaxing, the Scot donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a BMW, a diamond necklace for his wife, and $100,000 US dollars in appreciation for the blood donation.
A few months later, the Arab had to undergo a further corrective surgery procedure. Once again, his doctor telephoned the Scotsman, who was more than happy to donate his blood.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated. He phoned the Arab and asked him:
“I thought you would be more generous than that. Last time you sent me a BMW, diamonds and money, but this time you only sent me a lousy thank-you card and a crappy box of chocolates?”
To this, the Arab replied: ” Aye, laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in ma veins.”
We’ve all experienced heartbreak at some point in our lives and sometimes it happens more than once which is the norm and at other times, if you’re lucky, it goes easy on you.
The human to human interactions opens us to heartbreak. It puts us out there to accept, to experience and eventually to find peace, love, or heartbreak. There is another kind of heartbreak that is not often seen or heard but it has the potential to tear your heart apart just the same. It is the interaction between man and animal. The kind that is often overlooked and sniffed at as nothing more than an imaginary thing that takes place in your head. A friend told me recently that, “Animals are not people.” Some may say that it is the absolute truth but to those of us who think differently that was shocking to say the least. I found it to be a disregard for life, whether it is for the animal variety or otherwise.
Those of us who have pets know how they can grow and attach themselves to the very core of your being. Sometimes they evolve and take the place of humans so much so that there is no difference between the two. They are “humans” and will remain so. Losing one or the other brings about intolerable pain and it doesn’t matter if we are talking about an animal, the pain is the same.
I got a first hand glimpse of this phenomenon yesterday. I’ve written about my son leaving to start a new job. It means moving away to another city and place to get this process going. The apartment he has right now does not allow pets. The excruciating decision was made to leave them behind for the time being, perhaps for the duration of the trial period which is six months. The cats, Shiro and Gallahad, have been part and parcel of his life for as long as I can remember. They got him through his studies. When things got tough they were there to ease the pain and to move him forwards and onwards. They were his buddies, his kids, and his all around mentors, if you can call them that. To put it succinctly, they were inseparable.
This parting of ways is taking a toll on him and on them. He has been quiet for the most part and I watched as he hugged them close, turned and walked away with tears in his eyes. It took courage and tremendous strength.
The cats have been missing him. Shiro, his little princess, has been quiet, too quiet and keeping to herself. She is usually noisy because she loves to meow and she does it with relish! Not a peep from her for the last couple of days. There is a look of sadness about her. Gallahad, on the other hand, has brushed it aside and is taking the separation in stride. He is happy with the food, the soft strokes on his head and the stolen window seat by the kitchen which he has claimed as his own. Chachi is NOT happy but that is another story.
Last night, my son called and we talked about the new apartment. He was not too happy with it. I think it was missing two key elements. We talked about the surroundings, the people and the distance to his work place. However, he kept coming back to the two that were consuming his every thought. I assured him they were fine but he asked, “Can I talk to her?” He wanted the phone held to Shiro’s ear so that he could say some things to her. I did just that. I listened as he spoke to her. A father missing his child. He told her that he missed her terribly, he wished she was with him and he would try his best to get an apartment where they can all be together again. I listened with tears in my eyes. Shiro, on the other hand, sat up, her eyes opened wide at the sound of his voice and meowed a soft meow as if she understood. The next part was heartbreaking. There was absolute quiet on the other side. I thought we got cut off so I asked, “Are you still there?”
Silence. I asked again and then he came back on. “I miss them so badly. I wish they were with me.” He was in tears. I knew then that there was no difference. A heartbreak is a heartbreak. It tears at you, it robs you of sleep, it consumes you with pain AND it reminds you that the heart is a fragile thing. It breaks when you face loss, rejection, and giving up what is dear to you as in this case even if it is just for a little while.
The whispers of heartbreak rumble through us, make headway reminding us that we are fragile where it is concerned and human or animal, the difference is the importance you place on it AND sometimes, it is one and the same.
If you think about it, this moment in time is all we have. Yesterday is gone, tomorrow is looming somewhere in the distance but today, more specifically, this very moment is where we exist.
“We’re so busy watching out for what’s just ahead of us that we don’t take time to enjoy where we are.” Bill Waterson
Are you in a safe place? Are you protected? Are you at peace? These are things which matter.
I overthink and it is mostly about the past and then I jump to the future. It is an erratic pattern of thoughts and I am well aware of what I’m doing but still I persist. Last night, I decided to reel in all my jumbled up thoughts because they were causing another sleepless night and then started looking at each one individually and realized that I was dabbling in things I cannot change. The past is done with and the future is unknown. I looked at the moment I was in and realized I was safe, I was warm and I had a roof over my head. I had Chachi, the cat, cuddled up next to me and the world, for the here and now, was a peaceful place. I stayed there for awhile and like a lullaby, it rocked me to sleep.
The moments count. They define our psyche and being in several places in one time does not help matters much. Having one foot in the past and one in the future is not going to do it. Stay in the here and now. What are you doing now? It matters. Trying to put the past, the future and everything else in one basket is a sure fire way to disaster. Sort it out. Make peace with the past, learn the lessons you need to learn and then close the door behind you. The future will be determined by what you do today. Give it loving care, your attention, and maybe, just maybe a brighter tomorrow is around the corner. We can only hope.
Why is being in the present moment so important?
According to powerfullyyou.org, “it can decrease the activities of your nervous system, reduce stress, and help you to feel more regulated.” Tony Robbins says, “it allows you to focus all of your energy on the task at hand.” He further adds, “where focus goes, energy flows.”
Easier said than done? I agree. My mind loves jumping around. It’s like a “monkey” which loves to climb, run, twist and do whatever is necessary to keep me from the task at hand and it often succeeds. It is going to take lots of practice before the “monkey” learns to behave! There is still hope.
Time sure does fly. It is day three since my son came by, brought his cats here, talked for a while and off he went to start his new life.
DAY 1:
It was chaotic. I had three cats here and I felt like my world was being turned on its head! Shiro, the Persian cat, and Gallahad, the British long-haired cat were not too sure about what had just happened. Dad, (my son) was gone and they were with this lady they recognized but not quite. I hadn’t seen them in a long time and we were practically strangers. They watched me cautiously and no amount of talking to them seemed to make them look at me differently.
SHIRO: “She thinks she is the cat whisperer. What is the gibberish coming out of her mouth? Where is daddy?!!”
GALLI: “I think she’s nice. I remember her from long ago but that Little Macho over there thinks he can take us both down! I’ve got news for him.”
CHACHI: “Don’t TOUCH my things! Look at my teeth, they mean business!”
ME: “Lord, have mercy! Where and how do I start?”
I made sure their room upstairs was made to order. It looks like cat paradise up here. I even put blankets on the bed in case they got cold. Everything was spotless and the toilet was CLEAN and smelling like flowers.
SHIRO: ” This is what I’m talking about! Dad, I love him but the toilet was never this clean. I’m going to enjoy this!”
GALLI: “Who cares? A toilet is a toilet and anyway I never pay too much attention as to what I leave behind.”
Exactly the problem! Galli thinks that doing the big stuff is one thing and covering it up with litter is another!
DAY 2:
All was quiet. The two survived the night with no problems. I kept Chachi in the bedroom since I didn’t trust them playing together. Chachi had and has an attitude. He’s all about his things. Don’t touch this and don’t touch that! If you so much as look at me cross-eyed, you’re looking at trouble!
Chachi also decided that he hates me! I’ve brought some strangers in to take his place. Every time I picked him up, he hissed to show his displeasure. Instead of purring when I put him next to me at bed time, he was as quiet as a mouse. The message was clear. Get THEM out of here!
Galli decided that he was going to give the cat whisperer a chance. He purred every time I came close and even let me stroke him. He also started rubbing up against my leg. He is all about the food, as long as his stomach is over full, he’s a happy camper. There was hope yet. Shiro wouldn’t have anything to do with me, cat whisperer or not. Her whole stance was, “WHERE IS DADDY? Get me out of this place!”
DAY 3:
So far, so good. The cats have settled down, they are eating and drinking and letting me pat them on the head. Chachi is still in his pissed off mood. He keeps shooting evil eyes in my direction and hissing at them every chance he gets. My son has been constantly texting asking for pics and sending messages, “I miss them.” I’ve been working tenaciously to keep them all happy.
Now, I AM POOPED!
Will it get better? I can only hope but running behind the three of them is going to take coordination and some planning. I know it is a challenge and it will be a challenge. First thing, I need to work on getting Chachi on my side. So, I’ve been whispering, “You know you are my little love, don’t you? No one can take your place.”
CHACHI: “Stop your cat whispering with me. I know you better and you need to beg, maybe it will work but for now, no way in hell!
New York Times best-selling author, speaker, and creator, Mandy Hale inspires women with her writing and I find her quotes to be exceptionally uplifting. If you’re feeling down, turn to them and they are bound to give you a boost in the right direction.
“You’re beautiful, just the way you are. Shine on, and dare anyone to turn off your lights.”
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!
“If they want to be in your life, they’ll find a way to be in your life. Otherwise, they’ll find excuses.”
That’s the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
“There is nothing more beautiful than someone who goes out of their way to make life beautiful for others.”
A smile, a kind word, or a soothing touch is all it takes to do just that.
“The most beautiful day is the day you decide you’re good enough for you. It’s the day you set yourself free.”
A good one but putting it into practice is the hard part.
“A busy, vibrant, goal-oriented woman is so much more attractive than a woman who waits around for a man to validate her existence.”
Women tend to do that but I think we are learning that our existence or rather our validation does not depend on a man. I hope so!
“To make a difference in someone’s life, you don’t have to be brilliant, rich, beautiful, or perfect. You just have to care.”
Perfectly said!
“No matter how much you stress or obsess about the past or future, you can’t change either one. In the present is where your power lies.”
This one knocked some sense into me. I love stressing and obsessing so a definite reminder to pay attention and to do different.
Too easy to get = just as easy to forget.
Absolutely and one to pay attention to.
Finally, I LOVE THIS ONE!
“You’ll learn, as you get older, that rules are made to be broken. Be bold enough to live life on your terms, and never, ever apologize for it. Go against the grain, refuse to conform, take the road less traveled instead of the well-beaten path. Laugh in the face of adversity and leap before you look. Dance as though everybody is watching. March to the beat of your own drummer. And stubbornly refuse to fit in.”
Tomorrow is the day that I’ve been dreading for a week now. I thought it would take its time getting here but we’ve got a day to go before you take off to start your new life.
I’ve been walking around like a zombie doing things I need to get done to prepare for tomorrow. Your cats will be here and there is much to prepare to make sure that their needs will be met. I think I’ve got it down pat now, the “needs” bit but not how it will be with three cats running around. I am a little nervous.
Then your dad called earlier today and that brought it all home. You are leaving and there is no turning back. It is onwards and forwards. I’ve been brave or rather trying to be brave and I succeeded until dad said, “I’m at his place. We are loading the stuff into the car.” It hit home and the move is taking place.
What can I say that I haven’t said already? Sometimes, I wish I can turn back time. I want to go back to when you were a five-year-old and you needed me. I was there to take care of all your needs and to keep you safe. I want to go back to when we played that game, the one where you asked, “How much do you love me?” My answer, “To the moon and back and again to the moon and back!” That always brought a giggle and a chuckle from you. Those days are gone but they live on in memories.
The reality is that a lot of things have changed and they are changing. Tomorrow, I will hug you tight, kiss you on the cheek, make sure you have everything you need, knowing full well that I’ve forgotten something in my rush to make sure you have everything you need. I will try not to break into tears as I stand there and watch you walk out the door. All of that will come later as I retreat indoors and try to deal with this situation as well.
I think mothers and fathers are different. Your dad seems to be fine but I’m sure he heard the “break” in my voice as I asked, “Is he alright?” Let me tell you something so you know without a shadow of a doubt where you stand with me. I want you to know that I love you. You are very important to me and no matter what, I will always try to be there for you. Life is taking you away and I hope to a better future. I also hope that it will be kind to you and the new people you meet will care about you as you form your new circle of friends. Most of all, I hope you stay safe.
I want to tell you not to do these things. Don’t do your long walks with your headphones on so that you are not aware of your surroundings. Be careful because you will be in a big city and there is much you have to learn and look out for. I KNOW that you think you know everything and I should let you live your life BUT I still see you as that little boy who I nurtured and walked with holding that tiny hand in mine. I guess I will always have that picture in my mind.
I know that you are a young adult now and I should treat you as such. It is hard but I will try. You, my son, are fully capable of achieving anything you set your mind to. You are strong, you are intelligent, you are goal-oriented and like your mother, a very strong person.
This will be another challenge for me. Another one that will require my strength and my belief that all will be well. It’s not to say that I won’t freak out from time to time wondering if you are fine. I’m going to say this and leave it at that. I trust and believe you will be fine and you will make your way as I did a long time ago.
Got your attention? I think those of you who read my articles regularly know that I’ve been looking for the needle in the haystack and it hasn’t been easy being out there. Where? Out in the dating world.
I’ve come across many who claim to be Prince Charming but in actuality are frogs in disguise. I know, I know, you just have to kiss them and they might turn into the man of your dreams. So far, no luck. They’ve remained frogs! Around the middle of last year, I came to a screeching halt and decided to pull the plug on dating. However, at the beginning of this year, I decided to give it another try.
Out of the eight who showed up wearing hopeful smiles, I narrowed it down to two. One was a Biochemical Engineer, nice enough guy in the beginning but a total full of himself j**k. Maybe, it was me but never mind. After two dates, I decided to call it off. I tried to be nice, which is my problem, but he hung up on me showing his true self. The last man standing was just a simple guy who grew up in these parts, the farmers are his best friends, doesn’t speak any English but has decided that he has only eyes for me. Nice guy? Hold on.
On our first date, he was very attentive and as he walked me to the door, he stole the kiss. It was totally unexpected. I pushed him away before he took it further and later when he called he asked, “Did I shock you?” My answer, “Yes, you did.”
Anyway, I decided to pull the stick out of my you know what and to give him another chance. Nice guys don’t come around too often, that was my reasoning. Second date went just fine. We had lunch and went for a walk. It was nice and it was my kind of date. Third date was supposed to be a breakfast date and he decided to take another huge leap.
HIM: “My sister wants to join us.”
ME: “Why?!!”
HIM: “She wants to meet you.”
ME: “Why?!!”
HIM: “Because she asked.”
Oh God. Things were moving like a train on a collision course! Then he began using the “we” word whenever he talked about us. If that wasn’t enough to give you chills running down your spine, he started sending early morning messages, like at 5 in the mornings! Then he started hammering the nail in the coffin as quickly as he could by calling me, “Mein Schatz.” In German, my darling or my treasure, whatever the case may be, you get the picture. My signals were all going off and you know I have plenty of them where men are concerned. Anyway, still I persevered. I met the sister and we hit it off. He told me that she thought I was five or ten times better than his other girlfriends. So, he went, “Welcome to the family.” Lord, have mercy!
I also found out that he smokes which is an absolute no-go for an hypocondraic and a health nut like me. I did tell him that but he promised that he wouldn’t do it in front of me. However, I Googled, my steady companion who never fails to come up with answers said this,
“It doesn’t matter. Third-hand smoke is a killer too. Smokers have toxins coming out of every pore and some of it will wear off on you causing heart problems and a stroke at times.
Lord, help me! I like the guy. He is caring albeit a little touchy feely. He thinks he has found the right person for him after three dates and I think he has “forever” showing in his eyes. Me? Not so much. He stole a kiss and he has hugged me and held my hands. That is about it although he keeps talking about spending the weekend together. Knowing me, that would be a big, big, hurdle to cross. Plus those “toxins” are not helping matters much.
Another one bites the dust? Maybe, I don’t know yet. Still thinking on that one. Thinking is my problem too, I overthink things. I told a friend yesterday that at this rate, I will go to my grave as a single woman. He was nice and said, “I think you are very nice and there is nothing wrong with you.” So, why do I wind up in these situations? A more pertinent question is, “Where is my Prince Charming? The one who will be an almost perfect fit. Where is he?!!”
The universe in its wisdom is saying, “All in good time, my child. He’ll show up when you least expect it and I’m working on it but you are not making it easy!”
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