It took a long time to learn that being too nice is not always a good thing. People take advantage of you, they use you, take your feelings for granted and so on.
This year I’ve learned to put my foot down on things that don’t serve me. I’ve said goodbye to fair-weather friends. The ones who are there when times are good and nowhere to be found when you need them. I’ve also said goodbye to the takers. These are people who love getting whatever it is from you but giving is a whole different story altogether. I’ve shut the door on them as well. Let’s see, I’ve said goodbye to a few relationships that never really took off because it was DOA and I just put up with it because of this being nice thing. I can’t hurt their feelings so I have to go about it a different way of letting them down easily. That has stopped! This year, I’ve shut doors quickly and without looking back.
It is not easy to do when you’ve been this good person all your life. However, the journey of self-discovery I’m on has shown me that niceness doesn’t always pay and you wind up getting hurt. I don’t think standing up for yourself is a bad thing. It is needed in a world full of people who don’t give two hoots about taking advantage of someone nice and often you are seen as a doormat if you bend over backwards to please them.
I’ve put the niceness part on the backburner and now I’m showing off my “bitchy” side for a change! How am I faring? It hasn’t been easy and my guilty conscience strikes when I least expect it. It says, “that wasn’t very nice of you!” I agree but it is needed to stand up for myself and to show that I have a backbone, one that strikes when least expected. It is all a learning experience and I think I am still a nice person, just not one you can step all over to get at what you want!
There is a new person in town and she is tough as nails on the outside and soft as silk on the inside. What you’ll be seeing is that outer exterior if you cross paths with her in a not so nice way!
Being nice doesn’t necessarily mean being genuine or true to yourself. Like you, I am tired of being a people pleaser, usually thinking of others and needing their approval. Genuine relationships are more important to me now with people who are interested in improving at communication. I appreciate straight talkers but it doesn’t mean someone has to tell me every thought on their mind, nor me them. Silliness is also good when in the mood.
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Thank you for your comment. Yes, people pleasing gets tiring but once a people pleaser, it is hard to get out of that mode. Like you, I look for genuine relationships now and I do speak my mind when something seems off.
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Would you like to catch up some times? I hear you live reasonably close to me but I could be wrong. I was impressed with your post and would like to hear more from you. I like your directness. I think you would also get along with my daughter. If you want to let me know.AllySent from my iPadOn 17 Oct 2026,
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Thank you but I’m in Germany. I don’t know where you’re at. Thank you for reading my post and for the compliment.
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