People pleasing is described as “a person who consistently strives to please others, often sacrificing their own wants or needs in the process.”
Guilty as charged! I didn’t know this about me but I’m a “yes” person and I tend to jump hoops to help others and in so doing my needs and wants are often placed on the backburner.
Here are some signs of a people pleaser:
You put other people’s needs before your own.
You allow others to take advantage of your kindness.
You feel guilty when you take care of yourself.
You find it hard to say NO.
You stay in relationships that are not good for you.
You worry about the future a lot.
“Givers need to set limits because takers rarely do.” Rachel Wolchin
That is the absolute truth. The more you give, the more is taken. It is expected that you give and give but if you step back and take a long hard look at the situation as I did last year, I realized it was time to put a stop to the constant giving cycle I was in. It comes down to setting boundaries, strong ones that don’t buckle under pressure.
“The only people who get upset when you set boundaries are those who benefited from you having none.” Unknown
It’s time to say NO and to stick to it. Taking small steps as with everything else helps in getting you out of the people pleasing mode and towards being more confident and assertive.
According to Emily Roberts, here’s how to stop those people pleasing habits.
Stop. Stop saying yes when you want to say no.
Take your time saying yes to favors. Think about it first.
Be fair. Are you being fair to yourself when you say yes.
Don’t over-apologize. Just say, “I am sorry and leave it at that.”
Start small. Limit your availability and your time.
Forget the fear. If people get mad when you say no, you shouldn’t be with such people in the first place anyway.
Ask for help. If it’s too much to handle, ask for help.
Brene Brown says:
“When we’re busy pleasing, perfecting, and performing, we end up saying YES a lot when we mean NO.”
What caught my eye and held my interest is the “performing” part in that quote. I suppose we do perform like actors would trying to please people all of the time. In time, this drains us and it saps our energy. More importantly, you get exploited or manipulated by others. The end result is mental fatigue and burnout.
If you’re a people pleaser STOP! Teach others to respect your boundaries and learn to say NO more often. I have to remind myself of this too. You know what you’ll put up with and what you won’t so do it. It is life changing and freeing at the same time.
When someone says:
“You’ve changed”—
You say : No actually I think the proper term is
“I’ve stopped trying to please you.”
Have an amazing day.
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