LOL!

Husband: “Shall we try a different position tonight?”

Wife: “That’s a good idea. Why don’t you stand by the sink and do the dishes, and I’ll sit on the sofa and watch TV?”

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At school, a boy is told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth,” even when you don’t know anything.

The boy decides to go home and try it out. As he is greeted by his mother at the front door he says, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.” Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms and says, “Then come give your father a big hug.”

“Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.”

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A wife asked her car enthusiast husband what he wanted for Christmas. He replies, “Something that goes from zero to 220 in three seconds.”

On Christmas, he unwrapped a bathroom scale.

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A wife told her husband, “Go out and get something that makes me look sexy.”

He went out and came back drunk.

How do you think that went?