LOL!

When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.

I had my patience tested, I’m negative.

When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say “nothing,” it does not mean I am free. It means I’m doing nothing.

I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.

I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don’t know whose side I’m on.

When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, “Why what did you hear?”

Don’t bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That’ll freak you right out.

Exactly what I say!

Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.

************************************************************

There are two friends out hunting and they have a hunting accident and one man is laying on the ground motionless. The other man calls the doctor.

Man: “Doctor we just had a hunting accident! I think my friend is dead!”

Doc: “Well are you sure he is dead?”

Man: “Well, no.”

Doc: “Make sure he is dead first.”

With that the man puts down the phone for a moment, and the doctor hears a loud BANG before he comes back.

Man: “Ok, now what?”

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣