men vs. women

Men vs. Women (Archives)

It’s another rainy day and the wind is picking up speed and like the wolf in the Three Little Pigs, it is threatening to huff, puff and blow the house in! Well, not that strong but my imagination is on overdrive today. What’s that got to do with the topic at hand you ask? Nothing except the rainy day has got me thinking again so I went looking to see how we do things differently because we do. I found plenty to write about but decided to keep it light, airy and funny to boot. Enjoy.

“One big difference between men and women is that if a woman says, “Smell this,” it usually smells nice.”

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“Men say they don’t trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn’t die, well I don’t trust anything with 2 heads and only 1 brain!”

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“A quiet man is a thinking man. A quiet women is usually mad.”

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“Menstruation

Menopause

Mental breakdowns

Notice how all women’s problem begin with men.”

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“When a woman says, “WHATT,” it’s not because she didn’t hear you, she’s giving you a chance to change what you said.

When a man says, “WHAT?” it’s not because he didn’t hear you. He is giving himself some time to think what to answer when he is screwed!”

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“Arguing with a woman is like getting arrested. Everything you say can and will be used against you.“

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“YOU STILL LOOK twenty one from a distance.“

I loved this one. Was he still standing after this?

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“During labor, the pain is so great that a woman can almost imagine what a man feels like when he has a fever.“

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Woman:

“I told you I’ll be ready in FIVE minutes, stop calling me every half hour.“

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“Behind every angry woman stands a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.“

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Top 7 things men do to upset women:

Lie

Be Honest

Not Talk

Talk too much

Not show emotions

Be too emotional

Breathe

That’s like damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

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ACCOMPLISHMENTS:

MAN

Conquers nations

Frees slaves

Invents penicillin

Builds great structures

Discovers America

Fights terrorists

Lands on the moon

Dies in battle to save another soldier

What a man? What a man? What a mighty good man huh?

Woman

Gives birth to all men

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This last one for good measure.

“I’m honestly convinced some women do not fart. They just hold it in, and it comes out as drama.”

Hmm…on the other hand, just about anywhere is fair game for men I would say.

Have an amazing day.

LOL! (9)

The Key to Every Woman’s Heart

A group of girlfriends go on vacation and see a five story hotel with a sign that reads, “for women only.” Since they are without their boyfriends, they decide to go in.

The doorman, a very attractive guy explains to them how it works. “We have five floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you’re looking for, you can stay there. It’s easy to decide since each floor has signs telling you what’s on the floor. The only rule is, once you leave a floor, you can’t return to it.”

The women talk it over and decide to go for it.

They start going up, and on the first floor the sign reads, “All the men here are horrible lovers but they are kind and sensitive.”

The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads, “All the men here are wonderful lovers, but they treat women badly.”

This wasn’t going to do, so again they head up the stairs.

The friends move up to the third floor where the sign reads, “All the men here are great lovers and sensitive to the needs of women.”

This was good but there are still two more floors so…..

So on to the fourth floor, and this sign seems perfect. “All the men here have perfect builds, are sensitive and attentive to women, are perfect lovers, they are also single, rich and straight.”

The women are really pleased, but they decide that they would rather see what the FIFTH floor has to offer before they settle.

When they reach the fifth floor, there is only a sign that reads: “There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is simply no way to please a woman.”

Hmm….I totally agree with that assumption!

😊😊😊

LOL! (7)

English For Both Sexes

The Man’s Guide to Female English

We need = I want

Do what you want = You’ll pay for it later.

You’re so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

You’re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for something expensive.

I’ll be ready in a minute = kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.

Yes = No

No = No

Maybe = No

I’m sorry = You’ll be sorry.

Is my b**t fat? = Be careful here. Tell her she’s beautiful no matter what!

The Woman’s Guide to Male English...

Do you want to go to a movie? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you.

Can I take you to dinner? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you.

Can I call you sometime? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you.

Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

What’s wrong? = What meaningless, self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?

What’s wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.

I’m bored = Do you want to have sex now?

I love you = Let’s have sex now.

Let’s talk = I’m trying to impress you then maybe you’d like to have sex with me.

Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for other men to have sex with you.

Do you see a trend here? Men!!

“One big difference between men and women is that if a woman says, “Smell this,” it usually smells nice.”

“Men say they don’t trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn’t die, well I don’t trust anything with 2 heads and only 1 brain!”

“A quiet man is a thinking man. A quiet women is usually mad.”

“Menstruation

Menopause

Mental breakdowns

Notice how all women’s problem begin with men.”

“When a woman says, “WHATT,” it’s not because she didn’t hear you, she’s giving you a chance to change what you said.

When a man says, “WHAT?” it’s not because he didn’t hear you. He is giving himself some time to think what to answer when he is screwed!”

“Arguing with a woman is like getting arrested. Everything you say can and will be used against you.“

“YOU STILL LOOK twenty one from a distance.“

I loved this one. Was he still standing after this one?

“During labor, the pain is so great that a woman can almost imagine what a man feels like when he has a fever.“

Woman:

“I told you I’ll be ready in FIVE minutes, stop calling me every half hour.“

“Behind every angry woman stands a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.“

Top 7 things men do to upset women:

Lie

Be Honest

Not Talk

Talk too much

Not show emotions

Be too emotional

Breathe

That’s like damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS:

MAN

Conquers nations

Frees slaves

Invents penicillin

Builds great structures

Discovers America

Fights terrorists

Lands on the moon

Dies in battle to save another soldier

What a man? What a man? What a mighty good man huh?

Woman

Gives birth to all men

The last one for good measure.

“I’m honestly convinced some women do not fart. They just hold it in, and it comes out as drama.”

Hmm…on the other hand, just about anywhere is fair game for men I would say.