Going out on dates makes me very nervous. I hate the whole prep work leading up to the date. What to wear? Hair up or down? Casual or dressy? Makeup? I don’t wear heavy-duty makeup, just a touch of powder and lipstick so that is easy. However, everything comes into play and it makes me very nervous. I think more than anything else, I don’t want to be out there and that is the biggest problem.
I was married for a long time and when it got blown to bits, I had to make a choice. Stay single or put myself out there again. In the beginning, it was even fun. Meeting up for lunch or dinner was okay after the initial awkwardness. The dates usually turned out fine but I think I was the problem. If I got asked out again, I would come up with excuses. Then there was the problem of setting boundaries. I wanted to be friends but they wanted more. It turned out to be a big problem for me. If they gave me a compliment, I would get nervous. If they looked at me a certain way, I would cringe and wonder why. If they went “Whoa!” I would say, “What?!!” Add the “don’t touch policy” I came up with and you get the picture. It was a horror scenario.
I am single still (no wonder you might say) and a recluse to boot! I hate to say it but I love the freedom of not having to wonder what they are thinking, what they want and what they expect from me. Nervousness is on the backburner for now but there is a price to pay. I am alone most days but not lonely. I do want a guy in my life at some point but for now I’m not in a rush. When the time is right, he’ll show up BUT I don’t want to do the work for it. Pick the perfect guy from the crowd and drop him in my lap and I’ll be just fine!
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Your reflection is raw and relatable. It’s completely valid to feel nervous about dating after deep emotional upheaval. Your honesty about boundaries and discomfort is powerful. At the same time, connection often requires vulnerability—a willingness to risk discomfort for the possibility of shared joy. Freedom is beautiful, but sometimes walls meant to protect us also keep love out. Choosing solitude can be healing, yet growth can come from trying again, imperfectly. When we close ourselves off to avoid the work of love, we may also miss out on its magic. Respect to your journey—and may the right soul meet you halfway. 🙏🏽
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Thank you Krishna but that right soul is going to have a hard time climbing over the wall I have around me! When the time is right, it will come down or maybe not! We shall see.
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Tia, I hear you—and your honesty is both refreshing and courageous. Yes, the wall is high, but even the strongest fortresses have gates… and they open when the time feels safe and true. The great, pure, strong, and lovely soul destined for you is already seeking that union. You don’t have to climb or chase—only soften, gently, and open the doors of your heart. Just a little. Love doesn’t demand perfection, only presence. And when you’re ready (or maybe even before), it will find you—just as you are. 💫
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Thank you Krishna.
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