I am a good cook, a talent I got from my mom. She was a really good cook. I have a big collection of cookbooks I collected from my travels around the world and I read them like a book! However, I don’t use the recipes per se, I take them and change them around and it usually turns out great.
Indonesians are great cooks. They can take the simplest of things and turn it into a meal fit for a king or queen. There is one recipe I love from that country. It is made with boiled eggs and a thing they call a chili sambal. Crushed chilies with loads of spices and sauteed with chopped onions served on plain white rice. How can something so simple taste so scrumptiously good? Believe me, it does if you’re into spicy foods as I am.
I make this dish really well. There are other recipes but this one is my favorite and I make it whenever winter rolls around and I need something to warm the soul. It does the trick.
There is this thing as far as being too nice or too kind. It can be equated to “people pleasing,” but I think it goes deeper than that. It stems from “feelings of inadequacy and the need to get approval and validation from others. Overly-nice people try to please so that they can feel good about themselves,” according to marciasirotamd.com
“Sometimes I regret being nice, apologizing when I didn’t do anything wrong, and for making unworthy people a priority in my life.” Unknown
There is more than an element of truth to that assumption. I tend to be nice and at times overly kind and often it backfires on me. It seems when you are too nice, you are viewed as a pushover or a doormat and you tend to get taken advantage of. Still, I persevere and often hope that the kindness is reciprocated but unfortunately it doesn’t work that way. People who take advantage have their own problems and that is not of the “nice” kind. However, being too nice can lead to “unhealthy relationships, personal dissatisfation, and emotional exhaustion.”
“Good people are like candles, they burn themselves up to give others light.” Unknown
How do you stop being too nice? According to nurturingmindscounseling.com here are six tips that will get you there. If used correctly, this will be your best friend.
Set boundaries.
Remembering your needs are valid.
Notice and name the patterns that take you down the “people-pleasing” path.
Identify what change looks like. Say “no” and mean it.
Expect that you’re going to be uncomfortable.
Practice self-compassion. Don’t beat yourself up.
The next time you notice yourself going out of your way to accommodate someone when you know you have to bite the bullet to do it, say STOP! and take a couple of steps back to reevaluate the situation and go from there. You don’t always have to be “nice” to be validated. Work from the inside out, set those boundaries, know what works and what doesn’t and if they or whoever you’re dealing with gets upset, let them deal with it. It is not your problem.
The Nice Girl Syndrome is a fake persona that arises from societal stereotyping of women. We’re supposed to be accommodating, accepting, loving, kind, gentle and so on. Once you deviate from such niceties you are viewed as the not so “nice” variety. Here’s the thing. You are your own person and you don’t have to be nice all the time! I’m changing my tactics. These days I carry a whip, an imaginary one and I’m not afraid to say, Back Off! It’s a new me and it takes getting used to but it’s working for me and that’s what matters.
“That’s the problem with putting others first: you’ve taught them you come second.” Unknown
Honestly, I can’t remember much about it! All I can say is that I needed a computer to get my papers done and I was using the one at the university library because I didn’t have a computer of my own. It meant late nights at the library trying to get my work done and walking alone to the car park afterwards. I didn’t feel safe because there had been a couple of incidents involving female students getting raped and assaulted.
I decided to get a computer and a friend helped to set it up because I am not computer savvy and a klutz where technology is concerned. I don’t recall what brand it was or what it could do, just that I could work on my papers late into the night without fear and let me tell you, it was freedom of a new kind! No more rushing to the library in the evenings and no more overthinking about what could happen in that car park.
My first computer helped to get things done but I don’t think it was high tech compared to what I have now. The one I have now is fast and has so many additional features but the old one was slow but it did what was necessary at that time in my life.
He was off and running during his first-term and not only banning everything left and right but it soon dawned that the man had an obsession with words.
His favorite was “huge” or rather “yuge” as he pronounced it. This was one prime example of Trump’s non-existent linguistics skill.
Believe me – it was used to hit home that he is a reliable source of information even if he got it from Twitter or whatever the hell it is called now.
Loser – He used it to describe everyone from Cher to fallen soldiers to terrorists as losers but he left himself out.
Great – Ah yes, “great” was used to describe himself and all his accomplishments. It was big talk with a lot of hot air. “I will build a great, great wall on our southern border.” Remember that one? Did he? He still has dreams of doing that one except Mexico won’t help him do it but perhaps the military will? Great is also used to bolster his “I” status. Everything is “great” when applied to his ideas and his wisdom. He loves the idea of having one president for life. “I think it’s great.” I think Trump 2.0 hasn’t changed much in that respect.
Covfefe – a non-existent word but who cares where he is concerned. This one sent everyone scrambling to uncover the true meaning of the word including yours truly but as the former press secretary, Sean Spicer said, “The President and a small group of people know exactly what he meant.” Hmm….
Winning – “You’re going to win so much you may get tired of winning.” This one refers to the Trump formula of success. There’s nowhere to go but up but when you fall or fail —there’s always another way. January 6th comes to mind.
Zero – Insults are a plenty where he’s concerned. “Crooked Hilary Clinton has zero natural talent.” Just one example but he is well-versed in them, the “insults” category that is.
Fast forward to the here and now. The 47th president hasn’t changed much. It is just the beginning of his second-term as Commander-in-Chief and one word stands out. It is COMMONSENSE! It seems to be his favorite word of the moment. Stepping onto the podium, the president spent all of 2 minutes speaking about the midair collision between a passenger jet and a military helicopter followed by a moment of silence and then he was off and running blaming everything he could get his hands on.
It was the helicopter pilots, night-vision goggles, landing tracks followed by attacks aimed at Barack Obama and Joe Biden AND last but not least, diversity hires. When asked why? His answer, “Because I have commonsense, OK?”
The main point he wanted to get across was that he had it all under control and his administration wasn’t at fault. Let’s deflect blame and his “men” the recently sworn-in ones were there to heap accolades and ready to do his bidding.
Commonsense? That is far-reaching to say the least but that’s his new “buzzword” and we’ll be hearing much much more of that as the president and the man who has a limited grasp of vocabulary is concerned. It will stay that way until he comes up with a new one in the wee hours of the morning as he ponders on how to get the message across that he’s a “genius.”
A friend sent this a few days ago and it got me thinking.
“If life doesn’t feel like a fairytale,
If every beautiful sentence seems like ridiculous madness to you…..
Take your existence by the hand,
Be the artist of your own future,
Don’t wait for toads to turn into princes, or pumpkins into carriages,
Remember that everything that was conquered with effort, smells of joy that knows no limits,
Be your own fairytale.” Unknown
I would love to take that last line to heart but fairytales are made of fairy dust and all things nice. The guy gets the girl, a pair of glass slippers has the power to snare a prince and there is a fairy godmother who orchestrates the whole shebang! How far from the truth can it be? These days things just don’t work that way. I am not sure if it did work that way in Fairytale Land but make-believe is just that, you can work magic into anything and parade it as the truth and have people swallow it lock, stock and barrel!
These days you pick someone out of a dating site, whichever it might be. Then begins the excruciating task of deciding if it’s a “yes” a “no” or it lands in the maybe pile. It all boils down to as the saying goes from the Frog Prince, “You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your handsome prince.” Not appetizing is it? And even then, you might just walk away with nothing to show for it and that is the reality of it.
Life is not a fairytale. The girl doesn’t always get the guy in the end and there is no walking off into the sunset and happily ever after either. More often than not the shoe doesn’t fit and heartbreak follows in its wake. I could go on and on but I am going to stop right here and lighten the mood a little. I hope these quotes help to keep you company as we go through life searching for that needle in the haystack.
“Someday my Prince Charming will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and is too stubborn to ask for directions.”Unknown
That hasn’t changed much. You know what I am talking about if you’ve ever been in a car with a guy and he refuses to admit that he’s lost. Nothing new there.
I love this next one from Ms. Oprah Winfrey.
“Mr. Right’s coming, but he’s in Africa, and he’s walking.”
Ms. Carrie Bradshaw had a lot to say on this topic as well.
And just like that:
“A relationship is like couture. If it doesn’t fit perfectly, it’s a disaster.”
The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you that you love, well, that’s just fabulous.”
“Sometimes we need to stop analyzing the past, stop planning the future, stop figuring out precisely how we feel, stop deciding exactly what we want and just see what happens.”
“As we drive along this road called life, occasionally a girl will find herself a little lost. And when that happens, I guess she has to let go of the coulda, shoulda, woulda, buckle up and just keep going.”
Don’t despair. As the Fairy Godmother said:
“Even miracles take a little time.”
If all else fails,
Ladies,
Please stop wasting your time looking for Mr. Right.
Just find Mr. Left and drag that sucker to the right!
Just an update on this one. IT DOES NOT WORK and I’m still looking!
I have many from a fear of ghosts, blood, sickness and the unknown but if I had to pick one and not from that list, it would be this one. It is the fear that “I am not enough.”
I often tell myself that I can’t do this or that or that it is impossible because I don’t have it in me to weather the storm or that I am not strong enough. I am learning that this is far from the truth. I have done so many things in my life and looking back, I don’t know where or how I got the strength to do what I needed to do to survive what life threw my way. I survived my mom’s murder, I overcame the disastrous effects of a divorce and I accompanied a friend to his deathbed and told them to stop the meds and to let him go. It was one of the hardest things I had to do. I did it all when I was faced with the circumstances and there was no running away from it and “I was enough” at those times.
I think we are all fully capable of doing the unimaginable when life demands it. In my case, I had no choice. It was there and I had to deal with it or drown and be washed away in sorrow, rage, anger and fear. I chose to stand back up and it took superhuman strength and the will to survive. The unknown or rather the fear of it is something I grapple with everyday but I know that when the next “lesson” shows up I just have to grab the bull by the horns and go with the flow knowing that “I am enough” and I will overcome whatever it is.
Daily writing prompt
What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it?
It’s been days since I took a walk in nature simply because the rain had set in and staying indoors is the thing to do when it is cold, windy and nasty outside.
Today it is different. The sun is finally making a showing and the temperature is going up. It’s a perfect day for a walk. Bundling up as I usually do, I head outside only to find that the tulips are sprouting. We are still in winter so there’s no way that could be happening or could it?
I make my way to the fields and it looks different too. The perpetual haze is gone and the mountains in the distance are clearly visible. The birds are chirping incessantly in the trees and the tempo is picking up, the tempo of life I mean. Something is definitely happening. Could it be the advent of spring?
Remember my article on, “The Tease,” where I spoke about the non-existence of snow this year? It still stands true and now everything is in a rush to show that winter is done with and better days are ahead. However, I’m still waiting for snow!
The walk itself was uneventful except for a neighbor walking her dog. She smiled and waved and when we were face to face she said, “It feels like spring doesn’t it?” with a great big smile plastered on her face. She took the words right out of my mouth!
Walking further out into the fields, I hear it. The cackling was strong and as I looked to see where it was coming from, I noticed the familiar V-formation in the sky above. A flock of ducks were flying high and making a racket as a few stragglers tried keeping up with them. They were not heading out but coming back in! I stood and watched this mesmerizing spectacle wondering if spring is really coming early this year or is it just a “tease” like with the snow that never got here.
Whatever the case maybe, change is coming and nature alone decides when and how it all takes place. What about climate change? That’s a different story altogether!
I would say it is men! The kind I’ve met on my forays into the dating world. The narcissists, the egoists, the two-timers, the ones who need anger management control classes, the control freaks and last but not least the emotionally unavailable men. These are the same ones who call me “complicated!” It’s okay because I wear that moniker with pride and I don’t let it get to me.
Where have all the good men gone? I don’t know but they are nowhere to be seen or found. I seem to attract the aforementioned types like a magnet and it never fails until the “nice guy” I meet turns into one of those above.
I’ve decided to do a timeout to find out what is causing this peculiar obsession with such men. This year, it is a definite work on “Tia” time before I head out again. I’m sure the “one guy” who is a perfect match for the “complicated” me is out there somewhere so I’m going to bide my time and let him find his way to me. In the meantime, nature keeps me company and the animal life helps to soothe that frazzled soul!
Secretary of Defense, Pete Hegseth, was sworn into his new role by Vice President JD Vance on January 18th.
“When President Trump chose me for this position, the primary charge he gave me was to bring the warrior culture back to the Department of Defense.” Was it missing? The warrior culture I mean.
He further added, “He, like me, wants a Pentagon laser-focused on lethality, meritocracy, warfighting, accountability and readiness.” He also said, “this is the most important deployment of my life.”
All fine and good. Let’s take a good hard look at the 29th secretary of defense. First of all, he is the least qualified person to ever serve in this position. However, he has two things going for him according to Michael J. Hicks, an Opinion Contributor with USA Today.
“First he doesn’t give a whit about our Constitution. Indeed, he seems eager to fire generals based solely on their willingness to obey the legal orders of the reelected president.”
Hmm….
One of the two characteristics that make him a perfect candidate to serve under Trump.
Second, “Hegseth’s private life provides close parallels to those of the 47th president. Hegseth has cheated on at least two of his three wives, divorcing two.”
By the way, is the President aware that Hegseth once claimed on national TV that he hasn’t washed his hands for 10 years because, “germs are not a real thing. I can’t see them; therefore they’re not real.” He later claimed it was much ado about nothing. So, what does the 47th president and self-professed germophobe think about this and more importantly did they shake hands? He’s good-looking so germs don’t matter that much right?
Let’s look at Pete Hegseth’s tattoos. The man has multiple tattoos and two of them are often associated with extremist groups. The chest tattoo of the Jerusalem cross and an arm tattoo of the Latin phrase, “Deus Vult,” meaning “God Wills it.” Hegseth gave pushback saying, “I don’t give a damn – but this type of targeting of Christians, conservatives, patriots and everyday Americans will stop on DAY ONE at (Trump’s) DoD.”
It did but for targeting immigrants with tattoos. Trump thinks immigrants with tattoos are all criminals. What’s good for the goose is also good for the gander? Not in this administration.
If you kowtow to the “new Messiah” all things are possible is the message. Tattoos, sexual assault charges and no qualifications don’t matter. If you do the bidding, you’ve got it made!
“Put yourself first on your priority list and watch your life get better.” Unknown
One interpretation of living your best life is to “live a life that makes you happy and also one that allows you to live your full potential.” quora.com
Concentrating on yourself is of the utmost importance. If you want to live your best life, put yourself first and foremost on that priority list. It starts with YOU and if you can get your act together everything else falls into place and even if it doesn’t, give it time to right itself out. In the meantime you’re standing where you should be and that is at the top of your list.
“One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it’s worth watching.” Unknown
Each day do what is necessary to get yourself back on track. If you’re down on your knees, stand back up. If all you see is grey clouds and no sunshine, make your own sunshine. Put on a smile, get dressed and go out and shine! Never underestimate the power of a smile, it does wonders for your psyche and your soul. So make sure to wear one even if you don’t feel like it.
Talk to yourself. Tell yourself, “I love you!” Sounds crazy? Not really. Sometimes or rather more often than not, we forget the person we carry around with us. The special someone who stands by us through all our big and little moments of sadness, joy, heartbreak and everything else that goes to make up this life of ours. Show it some LOVE. I’ve started doing this practice of positive self-talk and I say, “I love you,” “I’m thankful for your support,” and “I’m grateful for all the things you do for me.” After I finish I give myself a hug, a make-believe one but a hug nonetheless. This has proved to be an absolute game changer and within a few minutes I feel calmer and “happiness” courses through my whole being. Not always but that is okay too.
Here’s another important point. If you want to live your best life, don’t beat yourself up. You’re beautiful as you are and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise! We are our own worst enemy and I know I am. I often tell myself, “Your hair looks bad today!” Or that little spot on my face has taken gigantic proportions and is now staring back at me with a grin. Sometimes I say, “I just don’t like how I look!” I’m learning to tone down the rhetoric and to be kinder and gentler with myself. These days if someone says, “You look good,” I accept it wholeheartedly without resorting to, “but that’s not what I saw this morning as I looked in the mirror!” Vanity can be a downer at times but learning to accept yourself flaws and all is the way to go.
One Day It Clicks
“You realize what’s important and what isn’t. You learn to care less about what other people think of you and more about what you think of yourself. You realize how far you’ve come and you remember when you thought things were such a mess that you would never recover. And you smile. You smile because you are truly proud of yourself and the person you’ve fought to become.” Unknown
Go out and live your very best life and while you’re doing it don’t forget to have an amazing day!
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