Tag: moving on

I MISS YOU

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I don’t know what brought this on but it seems like I’m grieving all over again. It could be the changing of the season where the days are getting shorter and darkness is coming in earlier and staying longer. Enough time has passed and it should have made it better but there are too many reminders that trigger those memories, ones that I have put aside in order to move on.

Your brother called and he checks in on me not as frequently as he used to do but once in a while. Today was one of those days. He sounded concerned about the test I had gone through and was really relieved that all turned out well. Then he said, “If there is anyone who deserves good things in her life, it is you.” It went straight to my heart but he didn’t see the tears rolling down my face. I got off that phone call and I felt the familiar strains of memories trying to fight their way back in.

Last week, while on my way to the fields, I saw a neighbor and she started up a conversation. It was strange because I never really liked her and we never made small talk before and yet there she was ready to strike up a conversation. It started off about our kids, she has a daughter the same age as my son. Then, it came. “What about …….how is he doing? I always liked him. A nice guy.” So I told her and her face dropped and then she gushed with sadness and condolences. I answered, “Thank you and yes he was a good guy.” Then I went to the fields and you were right there walking beside me, quiet and calm as you always were.

Then for some reason, the Teddy Swims song, “Let Me Love You,” came on and it took me all the way back. It was the third song you sent me and I stopped what I was doing and listened as emotions came rushing back up. Remember, the first Christmas when I invited you over for Christmas Eve dinner and I had my ex there as well? You showed up all dressed up wearing a tie but I could see the nervousness on your face. My ex was shooting daggers at you with his eyes because he felt you were encroaching on his territory but he forgot that he gave it up for a roll in the hay or two with someone who was the spitting image of Olive Oyl, Popeye’s girlfriend or was it his wife? Anyway….

Later, I asked you, “How did it go? Was it ok?”

YOU: “Oh I didn’t mind because I only had eyes for you!”

That one sentence catapulted my self-esteem back to where it should be after having felt “ugly” for months on end when he tossed me aside for everything that moved on two feet! My ex had grown out of his “nerd” phase and was ready to make up for lost time. He took the saying, “Too many women, too little time,” straight to the heart and practiced it religiously!

It has been a hard weekend. Thoughts of you still linger and sometimes it is a song that triggers it or a mere mention of you or just because and I am back to where I shouldn’t be. They say time heals all things but it sure is taking its time.

I wanted you to know that I MISS YOU.

Idolizing Reality

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“You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches.” Dita von Teese

What does idolizing reality really mean? It is “the act of putting a person, relationship, or situation on a pedestal, holding it to an unrealistic standard, and often becoming overly attached to it.”

How often have you cried over split milk? More times than you can remember? More appropriately, have you put that person on a pedestal, one they didn’t belong on, weeping a waterfall over the no-good, two-timing you know what. I know I have. I’ve cried a waterfall and more over that cheating ex of mine not because he was the best thing that ever happened to me but because I had single-handedly put him on a pedestal he didn’t deserve. Yes, we idolize reality and how!

“It’s so easy to get wrapped up in idolizing the relationship once it’s ended.

But in reality, the relationship had problems.

It was not meant to last – otherwise it would have.” Unknown

Idolizing reality can be a bad thing and it often is. It can take years to let go of the perception that you can’t do better. Sometimes blaming yourself for what went down but if you step back and look at it carefully, dissect it piece by piece, you’ll find exactly this. The person was sorely lacking in all that you were looking for. It would have been a lot easier if you could have flipped that light switch and moved on but as humans, we have a hard time doing that. Perhaps, idolizing that relationship gives us an out instead of, “How could I have been so gullible?”

“My life dramatically improved when I started seeing people for who they are plus what they’ve shown me, instead of romanticizing about what they could be.” Unknown

Elbert Einstein had this say: “To invent something, all you need is imagination and a big pile of junk.”

He nailed it on the head, didn’t he? We have imagination and for some of us it’s on overdrive and it often takes us places we don’t want to go. It keeps us there because we don’t see it as “junk” but as the next best thing to sliced bread. Therein lies the problem. It’s time to clean house, get your perspectives right and shut the door tightly behind you. Even a minute spent on “idolizing” that kind of reality is too much.

Note to Self:

“Happiness is letting go of what you assume your life is supposed to be like right now, and sincerely appreciating it for everything that it is. So, RELAX. You are enough. You have enough. You do enough. Breathe deep….let go, and just live right now in the moment.” Unknown

While you’re doing that, give all the things you’re holding on to like how great he was, he didn’t mean it, he made a mistake and most importantly, “I can’t find another someone like him,” a boot out the door! You’ll find someone better. Trust and believe that you will AND do the work to get you there. Yes, it takes work but it’s better than “idolizing” that sod as the Brits would say.

Have an amazing day.