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This Last Candle

“Time flies over us, but leaves its shadow behind.” Nathaniel Hawthorne

I love candles, especially the scented variety. Today, I reached for another one of the beautiful scented kind and realized it was the last one!

You kept those candles coming. Every weekend you would bring me a new one to add to the growing collection and I took it all for granted thinking it would never end. It did end because you’ve been gone for over two years and this last candle brings home the fact that you are really gone. It is sadness I feel because a beautiful part is missing and it is not just the candles.

I remember it well. The memory of your smile, the kindness, the giving but most of all the strength behind that gentle facade. I tell people, “You made my life easier.” I still see you as you were in happier times. The laughter, the talks, the walks but most of all the times shared. I still see you as you were.

This last candle symbolizes the fact that you are really gone and “YOU” are slowly being erased from my life. However, I still see the gifts scattered around the house. The beautiful blue and white Chinese vases that you gifted one Christmas because you knew I loved them. The beautiful framed picture of Chachi, the cat, doing his most beautiful pose and so many big and little things that made and make your presence be known. It also brings home the fact that the generous showing of “love” has stopped but one thing remains and it keeps on giving.

Chachi, the cat was your gift to me. I remember the day the tiny British short-hair showed up at my doorstep in your arms. You wanted to see joy in my eyes but instead you got disbelief and even a little anger. Cats reel me in hook, line and sinker and having lost “Twitty” not too long ago, I wasn’t ready to let another fur ball get close to me. You put Chachi on the floor and little cuteness walked up to me, put one paw on my leg and raised his eyes to me to get a closer look and I fell like a ton of bricks! I guess it was the greatest gift you gave me. The little guy brings me joy, gives me love and watches me like a hawk!

As I light this last candle today, memories of you flood my mind but they are good ones and of good times shared together. I know you are where you need to be, free of pain and at peace.

Fly high with the angels Mike for you are one of them now and thank you.

“Time goes by so fast. People come in and out of our lives so quickly. Never miss the opportunity to tell these people how much they mean to you…..before it’s too late.” Unknown

A Sunshiny Day!

It’s a gorgeous day full of sunshine and bright blue skies. On days like this all seems to be well with the world but wait a minute! Perhaps I spoke too soon.

“The Dust Bunnies killed my Cleaning Fairy.” Unknown

I’m a clean freak! After breakfast, it is clean time first. The kitchen gets a quick cleaning and then I start with the other rooms which beg for my attention. A quick vacuum and I’m done for the day.

Chachi, the cat, doesn’t make it easy. “Have cat, must clean,” is my motto. I love the little guy in the fur coat but it seems his “fur coat” is getting thinner these days. A quarter of it can be found on the carpets, under the beds and on the stairwell!

Today, it is more than a challenge. The sun seems to find every nook and cranny and there they are, bigger than life and laughing their heads off! I’m talking about the dust bunnies which lie dormant and are invisible until the sun hits them and you realize that all that cleaning didn’t amount to much.

I need to get the big guns out today. The Dyson Vacs do a great job of getting those pesky dust bunnies along with the fine Chachi hair which is sometimes invisible to the naked eye. ” Dust Bunnies run and hide because I’m coming for you!”

AND

“Chachi, please don’t feed the Dust Bunnies!”

He goes:

“I don’t know what human is going on about but it’s par for the course. She gets that way sometimes. IGNORE! IGNORE! IGNORE!”

Have an amazing day.

My Favorite Thing to Cook?

I am a good cook, a talent I got from my mom. She was a really good cook. I have a big collection of cookbooks I collected from my travels around the world and I read them like a book! However, I don’t use the recipes per se, I take them and change them around and it usually turns out great.

Indonesians are great cooks. They can take the simplest of things and turn it into a meal fit for a king or queen. There is one recipe I love from that country. It is made with boiled eggs and a thing they call a chili sambal. Crushed chilies with loads of spices and sauteed with chopped onions served on plain white rice. How can something so simple taste so scrumptiously good? Believe me, it does if you’re into spicy foods as I am.

I make this dish really well. There are other recipes but this one is my favorite and I make it whenever winter rolls around and I need something to warm the soul. It does the trick.

Daily writing prompt

What’s your favorite thing to cook?

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Stop Being Too Nice!

There is this thing as far as being too nice or too kind. It can be equated to “people pleasing,” but I think it goes deeper than that. It stems from “feelings of inadequacy and the need to get approval and validation from others. Overly-nice people try to please so that they can feel good about themselves,” according to marciasirotamd.com

“Sometimes I regret being nice, apologizing when I didn’t do anything wrong, and for making unworthy people a priority in my life.” Unknown

There is more than an element of truth to that assumption. I tend to be nice and at times overly kind and often it backfires on me. It seems when you are too nice, you are viewed as a pushover or a doormat and you tend to get taken advantage of. Still, I persevere and often hope that the kindness is reciprocated but unfortunately it doesn’t work that way. People who take advantage have their own problems and that is not of the “nice” kind. However, being too nice can lead to “unhealthy relationships, personal dissatisfation, and emotional exhaustion.”

“Good people are like candles, they burn themselves up to give others light.” Unknown

How do you stop being too nice? According to nurturingmindscounseling.com here are six tips that will get you there. If used correctly, this will be your best friend.

Set boundaries.

Remembering your needs are valid.

Notice and name the patterns that take you down the “people-pleasing” path.

Identify what change looks like. Say “no” and mean it.

Expect that you’re going to be uncomfortable.

Practice self-compassion. Don’t beat yourself up.

The next time you notice yourself going out of your way to accommodate someone when you know you have to bite the bullet to do it, say STOP! and take a couple of steps back to reevaluate the situation and go from there. You don’t always have to be “nice” to be validated. Work from the inside out, set those boundaries, know what works and what doesn’t and if they or whoever you’re dealing with gets upset, let them deal with it. It is not your problem.

The Nice Girl Syndrome is a fake persona that arises from societal stereotyping of women. We’re supposed to be accommodating, accepting, loving, kind, gentle and so on. Once you deviate from such niceties you are viewed as the not so “nice” variety. Here’s the thing. You are your own person and you don’t have to be nice all the time! I’m changing my tactics. These days I carry a whip, an imaginary one and I’m not afraid to say, Back Off! It’s a new me and it takes getting used to but it’s working for me and that’s what matters.

“That’s the problem with putting others first: you’ve taught them you come second.” Unknown

Take your power back and have an amazing day.

My First Computer

Honestly, I can’t remember much about it! All I can say is that I needed a computer to get my papers done and I was using the one at the university library because I didn’t have a computer of my own. It meant late nights at the library trying to get my work done and walking alone to the car park afterwards. I didn’t feel safe because there had been a couple of incidents involving female students getting raped and assaulted.

I decided to get a computer and a friend helped to set it up because I am not computer savvy and a klutz where technology is concerned. I don’t recall what brand it was or what it could do, just that I could work on my papers late into the night without fear and let me tell you, it was freedom of a new kind! No more rushing to the library in the evenings and no more overthinking about what could happen in that car park.

My first computer helped to get things done but I don’t think it was high tech compared to what I have now. The one I have now is fast and has so many additional features but the old one was slow but it did what was necessary at that time in my life.

Daily writing prompt

Write about your first computer.

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Trump’s Messy “Word” Obsession

He was off and running during his first-term and not only banning everything left and right but it soon dawned that the man had an obsession with words.

His favorite was “huge” or rather “yuge” as he pronounced it. This was one prime example of Trump’s non-existent linguistics skill.

Believe me – it was used to hit home that he is a reliable source of information even if he got it from Twitter or whatever the hell it is called now.

Loser – He used it to describe everyone from Cher to fallen soldiers to terrorists as losers but he left himself out.

Great – Ah yes, “great” was used to describe himself and all his accomplishments. It was big talk with a lot of hot air. “I will build a great, great wall on our southern border.” Remember that one? Did he? He still has dreams of doing that one except Mexico won’t help him do it but perhaps the military will? Great is also used to bolster his “I” status. Everything is “great” when applied to his ideas and his wisdom. He loves the idea of having one president for life. “I think it’s great.” I think Trump 2.0 hasn’t changed much in that respect.

Covfefe – a non-existent word but who cares where he is concerned. This one sent everyone scrambling to uncover the true meaning of the word including yours truly but as the former press secretary, Sean Spicer said, “The President and a small group of people know exactly what he meant.” Hmm….

Winning – “You’re going to win so much you may get tired of winning.” This one refers to the Trump formula of success. There’s nowhere to go but up but when you fall or fail —there’s always another way. January 6th comes to mind.

Zero – Insults are a plenty where he’s concerned. “Crooked Hilary Clinton has zero natural talent.” Just one example but he is well-versed in them, the “insults” category that is.

Fast forward to the here and now. The 47th president hasn’t changed much. It is just the beginning of his second-term as Commander-in-Chief and one word stands out. It is COMMONSENSE! It seems to be his favorite word of the moment. Stepping onto the podium, the president spent all of 2 minutes speaking about the midair collision between a passenger jet and a military helicopter followed by a moment of silence and then he was off and running blaming everything he could get his hands on.

It was the helicopter pilots, night-vision goggles, landing tracks followed by attacks aimed at Barack Obama and Joe Biden AND last but not least, diversity hires. When asked why? His answer, “Because I have commonsense, OK?”

The main point he wanted to get across was that he had it all under control and his administration wasn’t at fault. Let’s deflect blame and his “men” the recently sworn-in ones were there to heap accolades and ready to do his bidding.

Commonsense? That is far-reaching to say the least but that’s his new “buzzword” and we’ll be hearing much much more of that as the president and the man who has a limited grasp of vocabulary is concerned. It will stay that way until he comes up with a new one in the wee hours of the morning as he ponders on how to get the message across that he’s a “genius.”

“I don’t care, do you?”

The Cinderella Effect (Archives)

A friend sent this a few days ago and it got me thinking.

“If life doesn’t feel like a fairytale,

If every beautiful sentence seems like ridiculous madness to you…..

Take your existence by the hand,

Be the artist of your own future,

Don’t wait for toads to turn into princes, or pumpkins into carriages,

Remember that everything that was conquered with effort, smells of joy that knows no limits,

Be your own fairytale.” Unknown

I would love to take that last line to heart but fairytales are made of fairy dust and all things nice. The guy gets the girl, a pair of glass slippers has the power to snare a prince and there is a fairy godmother who orchestrates the whole shebang! How far from the truth can it be? These days things just don’t work that way. I am not sure if it did work that way in Fairytale Land but make-believe is just that, you can work magic into anything and parade it as the truth and have people swallow it lock, stock and barrel!

These days you pick someone out of a dating site, whichever it might be. Then begins the excruciating task of deciding if it’s a “yes” a “no” or it lands in the maybe pile. It all boils down to as the saying goes from the Frog Prince, “You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your handsome prince.” Not appetizing is it? And even then, you might just walk away with nothing to show for it and that is the reality of it.

Life is not a fairytale. The girl doesn’t always get the guy in the end and there is no walking off into the sunset and happily ever after either. More often than not the shoe doesn’t fit and heartbreak follows in its wake. I could go on and on but I am going to stop right here and lighten the mood a little. I hope these quotes help to keep you company as we go through life searching for that needle in the haystack.

“Someday my Prince Charming will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and is too stubborn to ask for directions.” Unknown

That hasn’t changed much. You know what I am talking about if you’ve ever been in a car with a guy and he refuses to admit that he’s lost. Nothing new there.

I love this next one from Ms. Oprah Winfrey.

“Mr. Right’s coming, but he’s in Africa, and he’s walking.”

Ms. Carrie Bradshaw had a lot to say on this topic as well.

And just like that:

“A relationship is like couture. If it doesn’t fit perfectly, it’s a disaster.”

The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you that you love, well, that’s just fabulous.”

“Sometimes we need to stop analyzing the past, stop planning the future, stop figuring out precisely how we feel, stop deciding exactly what we want and just see what happens.”

“As we drive along this road called life, occasionally a girl will find herself a little lost. And when that happens, I guess she has to let go of the coulda, shoulda, woulda, buckle up and just keep going.”

Don’t despair. As the Fairy Godmother said:

“Even miracles take a little time.”

If all else fails,

Ladies,

Please stop wasting your time looking for Mr. Right.

Just find Mr. Left and drag that sucker to the right!

Just an update on this one. IT DOES NOT WORK and I’m still looking!

Have an amazing day.

Fearful Things?

I have many from a fear of ghosts, blood, sickness and the unknown but if I had to pick one and not from that list, it would be this one. It is the fear that “I am not enough.”

I often tell myself that I can’t do this or that or that it is impossible because I don’t have it in me to weather the storm or that I am not strong enough. I am learning that this is far from the truth. I have done so many things in my life and looking back, I don’t know where or how I got the strength to do what I needed to do to survive what life threw my way. I survived my mom’s murder, I overcame the disastrous effects of a divorce and I accompanied a friend to his deathbed and told them to stop the meds and to let him go. It was one of the hardest things I had to do. I did it all when I was faced with the circumstances and there was no running away from it and “I was enough” at those times.

I think we are all fully capable of doing the unimaginable when life demands it. In my case, I had no choice. It was there and I had to deal with it or drown and be washed away in sorrow, rage, anger and fear. I chose to stand back up and it took superhuman strength and the will to survive. The unknown or rather the fear of it is something I grapple with everyday but I know that when the next “lesson” shows up I just have to grab the bull by the horns and go with the flow knowing that “I am enough” and I will overcome whatever it is.

Daily writing prompt

What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it?

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A Breath of Fresh Air

It’s been days since I took a walk in nature simply because the rain had set in and staying indoors is the thing to do when it is cold, windy and nasty outside.

Today it is different. The sun is finally making a showing and the temperature is going up. It’s a perfect day for a walk. Bundling up as I usually do, I head outside only to find that the tulips are sprouting. We are still in winter so there’s no way that could be happening or could it?

I make my way to the fields and it looks different too. The perpetual haze is gone and the mountains in the distance are clearly visible. The birds are chirping incessantly in the trees and the tempo is picking up, the tempo of life I mean. Something is definitely happening. Could it be the advent of spring?

Remember my article on, “The Tease,” where I spoke about the non-existence of snow this year? It still stands true and now everything is in a rush to show that winter is done with and better days are ahead. However, I’m still waiting for snow!

The walk itself was uneventful except for a neighbor walking her dog. She smiled and waved and when we were face to face she said, “It feels like spring doesn’t it?” with a great big smile plastered on her face. She took the words right out of my mouth!

Walking further out into the fields, I hear it. The cackling was strong and as I looked to see where it was coming from, I noticed the familiar V-formation in the sky above. A flock of ducks were flying high and making a racket as a few stragglers tried keeping up with them. They were not heading out but coming back in! I stood and watched this mesmerizing spectacle wondering if spring is really coming early this year or is it just a “tease” like with the snow that never got here.

Whatever the case maybe, change is coming and nature alone decides when and how it all takes place. What about climate change? That’s a different story altogether!

Have an amazing day.

My Pet Peeve

I would say it is men! The kind I’ve met on my forays into the dating world. The narcissists, the egoists, the two-timers, the ones who need anger management control classes, the control freaks and last but not least the emotionally unavailable men. These are the same ones who call me “complicated!” It’s okay because I wear that moniker with pride and I don’t let it get to me.

Where have all the good men gone? I don’t know but they are nowhere to be seen or found. I seem to attract the aforementioned types like a magnet and it never fails until the “nice guy” I meet turns into one of those above.

I’ve decided to do a timeout to find out what is causing this peculiar obsession with such men. This year, it is a definite work on “Tia” time before I head out again. I’m sure the “one guy” who is a perfect match for the “complicated” me is out there somewhere so I’m going to bide my time and let him find his way to me. In the meantime, nature keeps me company and the animal life helps to soothe that frazzled soul!

Daily writing prompt

What do you complain about the most?

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