Love of Another Kind

Albert Schweizer said:

“There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats.”

He didn’t know at the time just how much truth there is in that one little phrase. My little furry friend walked into my life in the arms of my then boyfriend, in the form of a British short-haired variety and disguised as a birthday gift. Our eyes locked and he meowed his dissatisfaction at being forced to leave everything he knew behind, more specifically the safe haven of his mother’s embrace. He stretched his long neck towards me peering suspiciously at the human before him. I reached out and rubbed one hand over his tiny head and the purring that followed had me hooked from day one. 

Out of the corner of my eyes, I see him watching, his big dark eyes trained in my direction. ”What’s my next move to get her out of bed?” he seems to say. He has tried everything from his reservoir of cat arsenal and it hasn’t worked. Jumping on the bed hasn’t worked. Purring in one ear hasn’t worked. Rubbing his face against mine hasn’t worked and running one paw through my hair hasn’t worked either. ”This human is beyond my comprehension!” he meows and not too softly as he sits waiting and not too patiently!

Nothing new here. Our signals are often crossed but one thing is for sure, we love each other and there are no ifs or buts about it.

He’s been there through the thick and thin of life and everything in between. When I lost my friend the same one who had brought this tiny bundle of joy into my life. He was there to tamper the pain and make it lighter. I remember crying into his fur and holding him close. He took it like a champ even though I had soaked his fur with the tears that were running down my face. He was there when I had something to laugh about. He would sit staring out the kitchen window as I moved around explaining what had happened to put that smile on my face and he would look back with that, “I’m happy for you” look or at times he would look at me with that, “I don’t know what you are droning on about but it is alright.”  Talking to him has become a daily occurrence and we have an understanding of sorts. He has his world and I have mine but the love we share is of the non-negotiable type. It is there to stay and I can’t see my world without him.

Today as I roll out of bed and head on downstairs to make my first cup of coffee, he takes his spot by the kitchen window staring out at the world before him. At times, he will hear me humming and at times he will hear me whisper his name as I plant a soft kiss on his head and whisper, “I love you.” Everything is right in his world and in mine because his presence in my life is a Godsent and if there is a love never-ending, then this is it.

His name is Chachi and he is my love of a different kind.

“I have felt cats rubbing their faces against mine and touching my cheek with claws carefully sheathed. These things, to me, are expressions of love.” James Herriot

Finding Love

Love is elusive, it has been said. It is hard to pin down said another. Sometimes it hides in plain sight but it is the one thing that we can’t live without says the heart. Sure, we can pretend that it doesn’t matter if we have love or not and convince ourselves that it is absolutely alright but in those moments when all is quiet and looking up at the night sky lit up with a million stars that is when your heart reminds you that there is more to life than standing here all alone surrounded by such beauty.  It is at these moments that your heart yearns for something more, someone to hold, someone to share hugs and kisses with and that one special someone who will finally complete you.

“It’s impossible,” said pride.

“It’s risky,” said experience.

“It’s pointless,” said reason.

“Give it a try,” whispered the heart. Unknown.

Giving it a try is easy. Taking the risk, we’ve all tried that. Impossible and pointless? I don’t know about that but I’m on the search for love, true love. Not the “whishy washy” variety that disguises itself as love but in reality is far from it. This kind of love has the potential to break your heart in two or more pieces if given the chance but I’m looking for the type that can weather any storm. However, I have the tendency to jump in with both feet where love is concerned but I am learning as I go along. The solution could be that we need to stop doing this.

“Stop planting flowers in peoples yards who aren’t going to water them.” Hylyrikz.com

How many times have we done that? Plenty? I know I’ve done that many times knowing full well that I was stepping on dangerous ground. Yet, I kept on doing it saying, “It has potential, it could be what I’ve been looking for.” And what is that?” you might ask. Is it someone who treats you like you are ordinary? You deserve much more and I deserve much more than that. Ordinary is not my thing, has never been and will never be my thing. If someone you love treats you as “ordinary” it is time to move on and look for that someone who shows you that you are “extraordinary.”

“If he misses you, he’ll call.

If he wants you, he’ll say it.

If he cares, he’ll show it.

And if not, he can’t be worth your time.” Unknown.

This quote says it all. The journey to finding love is hard enough but if you have someone who doesn’t show you all of the above, it is time to move on. Love is not about you chasing someone with no reciprocation in return. It is the meeting of minds and of hearts but it is so much more. The caring will show if the love is there.  Pay attention to what is shown because it will show you the reality of the situation. Which brings me to the last part.

“Never apologize for trusting your intuition – your brain can play tricks, your heart can blind, but your gut is always right.” Rachel Wolchin

Listen to your gut, we’ve heard that often enough right? How often have we turned our backs on it? I know I have more times than I can count on the fingers of one hand. It was my way of turning a blind eye when the truth was staring me in the face. I walked down paths I should not have and at times the pain was unbearable but I had only myself to blame. Pay attention to that gut feeling, it only has your best interest at heart.

The path I am on is scary, the unknown always is but armed with what I have learned from 2023, I am confident that I am headed in the right direction. I just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other, take a couple of deep breaths and keep on moving. If I stumble along the way and fall which I know I will, it is alright, I will gather up yet another lesson learned and keep moving to the finish line. The end goal is finding love, the kind that will last a lifetime not just for the here and now. When I do find that elusive someone it will not be about completing me but more about adding to who I am and making me feel absolutely extraordinary!

There is hope.

Davidsbeenhere

If you’ve never heard of him, it’s time to look him up. He’s a Youtuber with a mission. His goal is to travel the world to experience everything a country has to offer but I think he has a bigger goal.

David is a breath of fresh air. The good-looking young man from Miami has visited 101 countries so far and has hosted and produced over 2,000 episodes. I am a die-hard fan and I watch each and every episode religiously. When most of us would turn our noses up at some of the places he visits and get put off by the dirt and poverty, David walks in with open arms and ready to embrace everything, food included. He plunges in with both feet and with mouth wide open. 

Last night, I watched the New Jersey episodes. I did not know that northeastern USA had a “Little India” smack dap in the middle of it. The variety was tremendous and if you like Indian food, this is the place to visit. David is a lover of Indian food and I think his mission is to bring this cuisine to the forefront. I personally think he was an Indian in his past life! We know Chinese food right? Who doesn’t? However, if David has his way, Indian food would be right up there. Indian food has had a bad rap but that doesn’t necessarily mean it is all bad. I am a lover of Indian food so it warmed my heart to see a “white” man waving the Indian flag and shining the spotlight on Indian food. The recognition is well-deserved. It is not just about curries and rice but so much more. Eating with your hand does not deter him either. If anything he does it like a pro and teaches others to do it right. All in all, he oozes wide-eyed amazement and pairs it with corny-eyed expressions with every handful that he puts in his mouth. 

I revived my love for Indian food recently when I walked into an Indian restaurant in Germany. The music was loud, the murals on the walls colorful and the waitresses were dancing to Bollywood music. My first sip of Chai tea told me that I was going to be transported somewhere, little did I know that I would be climbing the stairs to heaven! I decided on Masala Dosai. Simple, crispy and crepe-like but there was nothing simple about this dish. The Dosai was mind-bogglingly delicious, every bite scrumptious. I drowned myself in sensations I had forgotten and dived right in. The three different chutneys added to the flavor spectrum but this simple dish brought back many memories and none of them bad. The plate was emptied in a record amount of time, my tummy purred with satisfaction and I left the restaurant wearing a smile on my face. How can something so simple stir up so many emotions? Ask David, he’ll tell you! It is the layering of complex spices, the simplicity of pairing vegetables and the health benefits of a cuisine that has existed for over 8,000 years which has led to a diversity of flavors. It is a cuisine that has played down its greatness for a long long time but the time has come for it to roar like the lion that it is and to take centerstage in all its glory. Try it, indulge in it and walk away thinking, “Where have you been all my life?!!”

“It smells!” “Too spicy!” ”Not sure what’s in it!” are all phrases we’ve heard as far as Indian food goes but David is working single-handedly to remove the biases, the ones tinged with racist overtones. He is bringing one of the world’s best cuisine to the forefront with no reservations and with no apologies. Eat and enjoy is his motto and I say,

“If you like us, subscribe!”

Thumbs up!

I am a Survivor!

“I am a survivor and not a victim. Life isn’t perfect. When you get a knock you have to get up, dust yourself down and get on with it.” Patsy Kensit

Someone said to me the other day that he didn’t think he had that many more years to live and he made it seem like a foregone conclusion and even though we were talking over the phone, I could sense his shoulders slumping and the air of defeat emanating from every pore of his being. Perhaps in his case, he had accepted the inevitable and was calmly looking for that exit door because he was carrying the burden of the past on his back and death would mean letting go and breathing in a sigh of relief.

I disagree with him. I am a survivor and the past has not been kind to me. I’ve survived several tragedies but instead of letting it defeat me, I look for that light at the end of the tunnel and I keep holding on for dear life.

I lost my younger brother when he was in his early twenties. He was found dead and floating in a pond. According to the autopsy report, he had been dead for about two weeks. There were several bruises found on him but the amount of time in the water and decomposition had erased any DNA evidence. It was classified as a cold case. He was a handsome young man with his whole life ahead of him but somewhere things had gone wrong and his life came to a standstill. I was his protector and I played big sister to the hilt during our growing up years but life took us in different directions later on and I lost track of what he was doing. When I heard about what had happened, my world came crumbling down. I went into deep mourning thinking I should have been there for him. The grief took hold and refused to let go. It took a long time to come to terms with his death but somehow I found the strength within to stand back up, dust off and keep on moving.

A few years later, the murder of my mom took place. Life can’t be doing this again I screamed. I wore sackcloth and ashes and watched as life passed me by again. It took more than a year before I could say goodbye, pick up the reins of my life and move on. Life as they say goes on no matter what.

As if that wasn’t enough, my marriage of 17 years fell apart. I was broken by now. I was like a bird with no wings. Living wasn’t the word for it. I was barely existing.

Then an angel walked into my life. He picked me up, dusted me off and held me close. Flying without wings was not possible but with his help, I started taking off. Just when I thought I was safe, life decided that I hadn’t learned the lessons it threw down my path. Another lesson was on its way. This time I would play a major role. It was a year of walking beside someone who was dying. I watched and rallied around this angel of mine. When he moved on, I was there and I said my goodbyes holding my head up high. Once again, I was a bird without wings but this time around I knew the path well. I had to pick myself back up, wipe the tears away and keep on moving knowing full well that life will have something else in store for me. It is what life does but it is up to us to learn the lessons it wants us to learn whatever that lesson is. 

I have survived two murders, a divorce and the loss of a dear friend and partner. Friends say I am a strong person but I tell myself they don’t know the hell I had to go through to get here. Going from just merely existing to living again takes guts, it takes strength but most of all a will to live in spite of everything. It is not easy. There are days when the memories of what was overwhelms and I have to work extra hard to keep on moving down that path. Then there are days when I am at peace knowing that I have endured more than most and I am still standing to face another day. One thing I do know is that surviving leaves scars, they may fade with time but the scarring will remain as reminders of the battle that was fought to stay alive, to accept what was and to say, “I can do this!” and walk without looking back. However, the questions of why still remain.

“Survival can be summed up in three words, NEVER GIVE UP. That’s the heart of it really. Just keep trying.” Bear Grylls.

2023 – 2024

It’s here, the last day of another year. I’m down with a bad cold so there is no other option but to stay home alone and see the New Year’s in with no drumroll and no fanfare. It will be a quiet New Year’s Eve.

Looking back 2023 was a moment in time which brought me to a standstill. I felt like I was wading through mud and not going anyway. I was still in the mourning phase of having lost someone very close to me. Suddenly I found myself stumbling all over the place and every path I took brought me back to square one. I wasn’t going anywhere. I wanted to run back to where it was safe but unfortunately the safe zone was no longer there, only the remnants of a beautiful friendship. Moving on is hard because grieving has a mind of its own. Just when I thought I was making process I would hear him whisper, “Can I walk with you?” and I would answer without hesitation, “Sure take my hand,” as we took the familiar paths we used to walk when he was there.

Between grieving and finding my way again I went down the rabbit hole many times. I guess that is what happens when you don’t know where you’re headed. The dating game is not an easy one to navigate especially when you’ve got one foot back there and one in front which is precisely what I was doing. Then I came across this quote which gave me a fresh perspective on finding love again.

“The best advice I’ve gotten was: The signs you ignore in the beginning just end up being the reasons you leave later. You know right away who’s good for you and who’s bad for you. Don’t ignore that.” tinybuddha.com

Afterall Buddha knows best right? However, my heart was beating in a different direction altogether. I saw the signs, the danger signals and the do not advance signs plain and clear but unfortunately my one foot that was placed strategically back in yesterday told me that I might just find what I had left behind again. So I fell, got hurt and bayed at the moon for failing to find love again when I had only myself to blame. 

Here we are looking at another new year looming ahead. What will it bring? I told a friend this morning that I wish I had a crystal ball but crystal balls could work both ways so it is better to leave it well alone. This year there will be no resolutions made. I am winging it. Remember the leap of faith I took not too long ago? Well, I am still on that path to somewhere. It just happens to be a long and winding road with many off ramps along the way. I hear them calling my name and begging me to get off. It is tempting and at times when my feet gets heavy and I need a break that’s when those off ramps become very tempting. NO! It is not an option. I am on a journey of self-discovery. Putting one foot in front of the other makes it easier because looking up makes that mountain before me insurmountable. It’s within me I tell myself, the strength, the willingness and the ability to reach my goals. Hey and if you’re there at the end of my journey holding out your hands to me, I might just take them but be prepared because I’ll be stronger, more capable and “wishy washy” will not do it anymore.

“As you say goodbye to 2023, and welcome the year 2024, may happiness follow you always.”

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

An Eye for an Eye?

UN Secretary General Antonio Guterres has said that the Hamas attacks of October 7 “did not happen in a vacuum.” This caused an uproar in Israel and they accused him of justifying terrorism. According to Guterres, “The Palestinian people have been subjected to 56 years of suffocating occupation.”

Amnesty International in its report published on February 1, 2022 states that, “Israel enforces a system of oppression and domination against the Palestinian people whenever it has control over their rights.” Furthermore, it goes on to add that “massive seizures of Palestinian land and property, unlawful killings, forcible transfer, drastic movement restrictions and the denial of nationality and citizenship to Palestinians are all components of a system which amounts to apartheid and international law.” 

Agnes Callamard, Amnesty International’s Secretary General states that their report puts the spotlight on the true extent of Israel’s apartheid regime. ”Whether they live in Gaza, East Jerusalem and the rest of the West Bank, or Israel itself, Palestinians are treated as an inferior racial group and systematically deprived of their rights. We found that Israel’s cruel policies of segregation, dispossession and exclusion across all territories under its control clearly amount to apartheid. The international community has an obligation to act.” In another report published on October 20, 2023, Amnesty International had this to say, “For 16 years, Israel’s illegal blockade has made Gaza the world’s biggest open-air prison – the international community must act now to prevent it becoming a giant graveyard.”

Since the attack on Israel by Hamas on October 7, 2023, the death toll has amounted to 1,200 people. However, the death toll in Palestine since Israel started its bombing raids of the Gaza strip has caused the death of almost 20,000 Palestinians, this according to BBC. Israel has “dropped more than 29,000 bombs on Gaza and 40-45% of these were unguided.” Furthermore, women and children make up about 70% of those who have been killed during the conflict. On the 3rd of November, it was stated that out of the 24,173 injured, 8,067 were children, 5,960 women and 10,146 men. According to Unicef, “Gaza is now the most dangerous place in the world to be a child.”

Israel says its goal is to destroy Hamas but when asked how many Hamas members have been killed, IDF says, “it does not have an exact number on the number of Hamas terrorists killed.” Indiscriminate bombing of an area where tensions have been running high for a very long time and calling it collateral damage is no justification for the massive amount of force used. By the way, collateral damage is defined as, “injury inflication on something other than an intended target; specifically: civilian casualties of a military operation.

UN states that Hamas may have committed a war crime through its indiscriminate killing of hundreds of “noncombatants, including children and the abduction of about 200 others as hostages and human shields in Gaza” but on the same token, UN is saying Israel maybe committing the war crime of collective punishment. 

Israel’s Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu has said, “If you want peace, destroy Hamas. If you want security, destroy Hamas. If you want a future for Israel, the Palestinians, the Middle East, destroy Hamas.” Israel has come up with a three prong strategy to destroy Hamas. First try and kill or capture Hamas’s leadership. Second, shatter Hamas’s power and lastly counter Hamas’s idealogy. Will that eradicate Hamas? Cutting off the snake’s head might work for a little while but it has a tendency to sprout wings and come back in another shape and form.

All that aside the metaphor, “an eye for an eye” which is defined as, “the punishment for a criminal or wrongdoer should be the same as the crime or misdeed.” In this case where Israel is concerned, they’ve got the “eye” and much much more. Perhaps it all boils down to what is an Israeli’s life worth when compared to that of a Palestinian. Therein lies your answer. Using “war” as a guise to defeat Hamas but indiscriminately bombing Gaza to the ground and killing thousands of Gazans in the process won’t bring about peace either. Here is the other question, does Israel’s use of oppression make it right? Apartheid doesn’t work, has never worked and will never work. Two wrongs do not make a right!

Into the Unknown

I opened my mailbox this morning and there was this message from my son. It said, “Mom, I am really stressed about all this job stuff and etc.” Basically, he was saying, he was afraid of the path looming before him. The path we have all been on when school comes to an end and it is time to pick up the reins of your own life. This unknown path is wrought with stumbling blocks, disappointments, fear and unseen monsters both big and small and he will have to do battle to get to where he wants to go and that is hard for a young man to understand. Success will be waiting but only if he puts in the hard work. He will be stepping into the real world.

While sipping my coffee, I wondered how I should respond. Oh yes, he knows that I love him and that I am there for him and will be there every step of the way because I am his biggest fan but knowing that is still not going to make it easy for him. He is on his own as far as getting on the path and putting one foot in front of the other. There will be disappointments in the form of rejections which will make him want to question his self-worth and times when he will want to throw up his hands and give up. It is all part and parcel of the journey he will have to take. So what do you tell a young man who is looking back at yesterday when life was made easy for him.

I was there when he woke up crying because he was afraid of the boogeyman. I was there when he got his first bloody knee and putting a bandaid made it all alright again. I was there when he needed picking up in the early morning hours after a late night party. I was there for all of life’s big and small events and when a bandaid and being there made it all ok. So here we are in the here and now.

I knew that the leap into the unknown would be his alone. He had training wheels on yesterday but today and in the here and now, he HAS TO GO IT ALONE. I will still be there in the shadows cheering him on and I will always be his biggest fan as I have always been. I will be standing at the finish line waving him on but he has to take this journey alone. I hope the lessons he has learned along the way will push him towards the end goal. Getting a job, standing on his own two feet and taking responsibility for his life is just the beginning, the very beginning of this journey called life.

So I wrote back giving him advice on how to navigate life. Life lessons from my own experiences added to the message but it was clear, he had no choice. He had to get on the path and get moving. ”Do the work, the hard work and YOU WILL GET THERE!” 

Bandaids are a thing of the past. Holding his hand is too but being a parent never ends and as he stares into the unknown, I will be there every step of the way cheering him on and that my dear son is the bandaid in another form.

“As you move outside of your comfort zone, what was once the unknown and frightening becomes your new normal.” Robin S. Sharuna

Love Always

More than a year has passed since we said our goodbyes. Another year is coming to an end and perhaps before too long the memories will start to fade as it always does with time.

Every journey has a beginning, middle and an end it has been said and I met you in the middle of mine. Fresh out of a divorce with both wings clipped, I wasn’t looking for anyone special. It was too soon. I needed time to heal and I knew it was going to take forever.

You walked in like a breath of fresh air. Tall and handsome with your Irish good looks of reddish blond hair and green eyes which made me take notice. I moved cautiously but you took the lead and before too long “forevers” became a part of the conversation from your end. I kept my distance because I sensed something just wasn’t right.

The friendship flourished. You became the wind beneath my wings and I slowly but surely learned to fly again. We were the best of friends and I became your priority. You were there every step of the way, through the good and sad times and each time I took a dive you were there to pick me up. You never asked for anything in return. It was a joy filled time of laughter shared, hugs, caring and love of course but when I found the secret you were hiding mine changed to love of a friend but yours remained steadfast. I was your girl and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

Last year, the secret you were hiding took your life. You were a full-blown alcoholic and as your body slowly started shutting down, we knew the end was near. I stood by you, held your hand and we talked of death and the inevitable. You didn’t want to leave but it was out of your hands and there was nothing anyone could do.

I watched as the once tall and well-built guy with the lean and tough physique become someone else. You aged overnight. Your gait became slow and unsteady, your face scrawny with loose hanging skin and your physique changed to that of an old man. I kept the tears at bay as I rallied around you and became your one man army. I remember the last time I saw you. Your body was pumped full of morphine and you were staring into space. I walked into the room and suddenly you smiled and said, “I like you with your hair down,” and then floated away. I stood watching as they laid you on the bed and your eyes turned to me. It felt as if you wanted to say something but I’ll never know what. The next morning they told me you were gone. I stood in the garden and watered the roses you loved.

They say the good die young. I believe that you were an angel sent down to help me. I also know why you crammed so much into that short space of time. Your time was short here on earth. I want you to know that I felt safe within the cocoon you spun around me. 

Today I was going through your phone and found the messages you wrote to me. Your day began and ended with me. “Good morning lovely,” and “Good night lovely,” were the messages you sent and you never missed a day until you couldn’t do it anymore, your fingers were too swollen and you couldn’t type anymore. 

After the divorce, I felt ugly and thought of myself as being ugly. They say beauty lies in the eye of the beholder and I want you to know that you made me feel beautiful again.  

I remember your kindness.

I remember the way your face would light up when you saw me.

I remember the things you did to show you cared.

I remember the walks, the laughter and the quiet times shared together.

I remember the quiet evenings spent infront of the TV as you rubbed my feet.

I remember the numerous calls made from your office just to ask, “How are you doing babe?”

Most of all, I remember I was loved.

Thank you for the love you showed me.

Thank you for showing me that I was special.

Thank you for taking care of me.

Thank you for the sunshine filled days.

Most of all, thank you for being you.

You will be a hard act to follow.

Fly high with the angels for your work on earth is done and the pain is forever gone.

Love Always

LIES

We’ve heard this quote before, one that puts the spotlight on lies and lying and keeps it there. It goes like this.

“Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive!” Sir Walter Scott (1808)

According to Mark T. Edmead, it means that “when you act dishonestly, you are initiating problems, and a domino structure of complications, which will eventually run out of control.”

Yet we all lie or have told lies in one form or another. It has become a pastime for some us and for others a way of life. Some may be viewed as harmless in the grand scheme of things but in the long run, it changes and takes on a different persona, one that could destroy and cause tremendous harm. The basic ones such as “white lies” are the least serious of all lies. However, after time white lies tend to lose their credibility and reappear as black ones if used often enough. The difference between the two? White lies are told to please someone and carries very little dishonesty whereas the opposite is done to gain personal benefit by telling black ones. It is meant to harm while protecting oneself.

Let’s look at some of the other forms of lies. I will concentrate on just a few, the ones that are everyday fare for the seasoned liar.

Dawson McAllister of TheHopeLine has pinpointed many different forms but here are the ones that hit close to home.

Bold Face Lies

It is “telling something that everyone knows is a lie. As we get older, we try to be more clever with our cover-ups. Some people never grow up and deal with their bold-faced lying even though others know what they are saying is completely false.”

Lies of Deception

This type might seem harmless and at first, some might even call it “white lies” but in actuality it can be used as a “powerful and hurtful tool. It can be very subtle yet deadly.”

Compulsive Lying

It has been said that “compulsive lying is caused by low self-esteem and a need for attention. A compulsive liar tells their mistruths even when telling the truth would be easier and better. It is more than ridiculous, it is a tragedy.”

This is the kind I am most used to. I was married to someone who didn’t think twice about the lies that came out of his mouth. Once he realized that his “lies” had power to detract and deceive they the “lies” became a way of life for him. I was on the receiving end and it hurt and brought me down to my knees but compulsive liars will not acknowledge or see the destruction it causes instead they will find bigger and better ways to get their lies across AND claim it is the truth and nothing but the truth. I used to say, “one day you are going to cry wolf and no one will come to your rescue.”

“Only cry wolf when the wolf is really there, otherwise you risk losing everyone’s trust.” Unknown

I have met many liars since then. Perhaps because I was in a vulnerable state in my life. Since I started on this journey I am on, I am learning that I am more than I used to be. There is strength within this small frame of mine. Calling on all liars, please be aware. I am no longer your stepping stone and I can spot you a mile away!

“Above all, don’t lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect, he ceases to love.” Fyodor Dostoevsky

Nicely said but I like this one better.

“You can dish it out but you can’t take it when your called on it. Grow some balls and own up to your lies.” Unknown

Enough said……

 

TRUST

A series on Getting Back on Track

“There are two reasons why we don’t trust people. 

First – we don’t know them.

Second – we know them. Unknown

The other day someone asked me, “Why can’t you trust me? So today as I walk the route I always take, thoughts run through my mind and this question arises over and over again. ”Why can’t I trust him and especially anyone for that matter?”

Then this quote pops into my mind. I’ve heard it many times before but today as the trust issue resurfaces, it brings new significance to it. 

“Trust takes years to build, seconds to break and forever to repair.” Dhar Mann

It is defined as “having confidence in someone or something” and it means, “I can rely on you to do the right thing.”

Several years ago, I found myself face to face with the horrific dilemma of having placed my trust in the person who had sworn to love and protect me till the end of time and he turned out to be the same person who brought me down to my knees when he took that trust and threw it out the window for a roll in the hay with someone else. It had taken 17 years to build, the foundation was being laid brick by brick but it only took seconds to destroy and the “forever” part well I know that it will take forever to repair.

As I round a bend in the path I am taking today all is quiet and it is grey and foggy. I realize that it is the perfect stage for where I am right now. Then a small smile crosses my face as I see this quote flash by out of nowhere. ”Don’t ask me to trust you when you’ve given me every reason not to.” Unknown

I don’t think it is about playing detective, trying to find out if you’re telling the truth and keeping tabs on everything you do. It is more about that feeling within, that intuition or call it gut feeling if you will that tells me that something is not right here. Pay heed to that gut instinct because it has your best interest at heart. No matter how he professes to love you and even if he stands on his head and declares that he has been faithful to you, take it with a pinch of salt or better still, tell yourself I have “forever” infront of me and time enough for you to show me that I CAN TRUST YOU.

Once I caught my ex in the act of cheating and being the liar he is, I told him, “Even if I had caught you in the act, you would jump up and say, “You didn’t see what you just saw!” Cheaters, well there are plenty of them out there and before placing your trust on a whim or in a moment’s notice, take your time, observe, pay attention to the signs and never, NEVER be pushed into trusting someone simply because they say so.

“Some people aren’t loyal to you, they are loyal to their need of you. Once their needs change, so does their loyalty.” Unknown

Coming back to the question asked by this friend. ”Why can’t you trust me?” My answer goes like this. ”You know the answer and the truth lies within you.” On this journey I have chosen, I am looking for that needle in the haystack. ”I want to hold your hand at 90 and say, “We made it.” Unknown. If I may add to that, perhaps only then can I say, “I trust you with my whole heart and you will just have to be patient. We have time enough until then.

The sun is starting to peek out and today, well today is going to be an amazing day.

I am moving on……