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Out of Control!

It started out as a normal evening. Chachi, the cat, sat staring out the window saying goodnight to his TV as dusk started to settle in. Nothing out of the ordinary, just a peaceful and routine evening.

I grabbed him from his window seat to bring him upstairs but I noticed hesitation on his part. It almost seemed like he was saying, “Stop manhandling me mummy!” He’s found his voice and these days if something doesn’t go to his liking, he lets it be known without hesitation. A sign of a spoiled cat?

We made our way upstairs and after giving him a kiss on his forehead I left him to do what he needed to do. His nightly routine consisted of a thorough cleaning, his daily bath so to speak. I marvel at the diligence he puts into cleaning himself and that tongue does some heavy duty work. I got ready for bed and walked back into the room and there he was looking none the worse for wear, just a tad fluffier. He had his front paws crossed and there was no denying the cuteness. We stared at each other, sort of a Mexican standoff, and as I held out my arms, he dashed towards me. Thinking he was going to jump into them, I lowered myself slightly. He ran fast and just before he got to me he veered to the left, slid under the bed, came out on the other side, jumped on the bed, dashed past me and ran into the other room! I could have sworn, he yelled, “Wheee!” Chachi, the cat, had no intention of going to bed and my nightmare was just starting.

Ignoring the little brat, I climbed into bed ready to meditate and to watch another episode of “Seal Team,” on TV. Little did I know that Chachi had other plans. He walked back into the room, threw me a look of disdain, jumped on the bedside table and sat there staring at me with an unwavering look. Meditation was now out of the question. I asked, “Do you want to go to bed?” He let out a loud mummy meow. I turned off the lights and the little monster cuddled up next to me. All was peaceful, nice even, for about 60 seconds. Then he jumped off the bed, landed with a huge thud on the floor and took off running. This pattern went on for the next 10 to 15 minutes. I finally yelled, “Enough Chachi! It’s bedtime.” He threw me this look which said, “That’s what you think!” and took off again.

Ignoring him as best as I could, I snuggled under the covers pretending to sleep. Cookie Dough decided it was time to play football. He walked over to his dry food, grabbed a handful, threw it on the floor and started kicking it around. He was in the best of spirits and having a whale of a time. I sat up and gave him one of my sternest looks but he kept on playing. We were heading into the midnight hour by now and furball was in his element. Decorum was out the window and so was good manners. He was bent on showing me that he wore the pants in this household and that he carried a whip as well!

To make a long story short, Teletubby wasn’t giving up anytime soon. Football was fun but he needed more entertainment. Walking to his toy box, he pulled out a stuffed bird, the kind that tweets. He slapped it around for a bit and it tweeted incessantly. Looking over at me with a gleeful look, he seemed to say, “Mum, this is fun!”

Note to Self: Kill that Bird!

Finally, at around 2 a.m. all that energy was spent. Walking over to the bed, he jumped up and landed with a loud thud again. These days there is no soft landing, boss-man does what he wants. He pressed his whiskers all my face purring loudly and then he plopped down and within minutes, he was in dream land or wherever cats go when they go to sleep. I, on the other hand, was climbing walls by now! Did Chachi just get promoted to Lord and master? God, have mercy!

By the way:

He’s up for adoption! Any takers?

Just kidding.

Have an amazing day.

Dating Loopholes

Everyone knows that being out there in the dating scene is hard and not always an easy path to navigate. Not only is it filled with unknowns but meeting the right guy is made harder by the following characters who give ‘love’ a bad name.

The Scammers

If you’ve never met them, consider yourself lucky. Some of us are not that fortunate. They come across as ‘nice guys’ who had faced some form of tragedy in their lives. It is usually the loss of a loved one through an accident or illness. They often have a child they are raising alone and are usually well-heeled (or so they say) meaning they have BIG jobs and money to throw out the window. Here’s where it starts getting iffy. They fall in love immediately without having met you and they want to spend the rest of their lives with you. At some point they will hit you up for cash. It could come as a medical emergency, an oil-rig disaster or something as simple as leaving their credit card at home. Play it smart and give these losers a wide berth. The only thing they’re interested in is your hard-earned cash and nothing more.

The Volatile Type

This loose cannon should be in anger management training but he’s out there, more like a wolf in sheep’s clothing. At first glance a regular guy, but on closer inspection, a bomb waiting to explode. It doesn’t take but the slightest nudge and he’s off and running spewing volcanic ash in his wake. Here again, keep your distance and DO NOT ENGAGE! You’ll be in a losing battle if you do.

The Egomaniac

An egomaniac is “someone who thinks only of themselves and does not care if they harm other people in order to get what they want.” He usually walks in like he has the world at his feet and thinks it is all about him. Beautiful women are his target but he’ll settle for less if they’ll spruce up his ego in return. He thinks the world of himself and his over-inflated ego is his best buddy. Together they’re an unbeatable team so stay away if you want to walk away with your heart intact.

The Sugar Daddies (aka Sugar Grand Daddy)

I’m sure you’ve heard of Sugar Daddies, they are defined as “a rich, older man who gives money, gifts, etc., to someone (such as a young woman) in exchange for sex, friendship, etc.” They’re out there but I’m talking about the new breed of old men. They’re are in their 80’s and looking for the last “Hurrah!” They want much younger women or YOUNGER-looking women and they’re up front by saying, “I don’t want the ‘Grandma’ types. They are like J. Howard Marshall looking for their Anna Nicole Smith types or Rupert Murdoch, where young, beautiful, and nothing up there will do. The problem with these types is that in actuality they’re looking for a nurse to take them to the end of the road. They don’t like being alone, no one does, so they’re in a rush to batten down the hatches before it is too late. Money is no problem and if a few wrinkles and loose skin get in the way, so what is their motto. Be very clear about what you’re getting into. Most times, they have children who are waiting in the fringes ready to pounce when ‘daddy’ dearest says goodbye so it may not always go as planned, if you’re waiting for that big pay day which might never come. It’s not always a win-win situation with these guys.

There you have it, four more types to watch out for. Dating is not for the weak of heart and neither can you go in with your eyes closed. It takes ‘smarts’ to find the right guy and chutzpah to wiggle your way out if he turns out to be the wrong one. Stay safe.

“If dating a wrong person was a talent, I would be at Paris Olympics representing my country.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

Complicated

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I took a walk on Saturday but this time I wasn’t alone. Most days, I like to walk alone but this time around it was a different story. A friend decided to go along but not before we had this conversation.

ME: “You should bring your old, time-worn boots because it will be muddy in places.”

HIM: “I’m not walking in mud!”

ME: “Why not? I walked in mud yesterday and it was wonderful.”

HIM: “Well then, I’ll watch you.”

Complicated? He is, but he doesn’t think so. Or maybe I am.

The walk was great. We walked further than I would do when I’m by myself. The sun was trying to make a showing from behind dark grey clouds but it was a difficult task and a losing battle against the looming clouds. The ground had thawed out from the light snowfall of two days ago and there were some wet patches along the path and I think he did step into one or two mud puddles and if he noticed, he kept it quiet.

Nothing much was moving out there or so it seemed because we were deep in conversation and noise often blocks out what the mind sees when you are alone and your senses are on high alert. We talked about nothing in particular, just life in general. I kept looking for the herons, my new-found passion, but they were nowhere to be seen. We went up and down the hill and then to my surprise a few minutes later there they were, standing silently and pretending not to notice our intrusion into their sacred space. We watched them for a few minutes but they refused to move so we walked on and left them alone. It was a beautiful walk and sometimes having a friend there makes all the difference.

Later that evening, I received a text message from the same friend with this quote attached to it. It was by Jane Austen and it went like this:

“The more I know of the world, the more I am convinced that I shall never see a man whom I can really love. I require so much!”

He captioned it: “This fits you well. Somewhat of a compliment.”

Did he just call me complicated? If he did, he is not far from the truth. I’ve heard that label being placed on me many times before but it doesn’t faze me. I’ll wear it gladly. It’s nice to know that women back then had the same problem of trying NOT to fall for the wrong guy although the main theme in Sense and Sensibility is “the danger of excessive sensibility.” It could be the case with me but I am not settling, not just yet. Most of us want to find ‘love’ but falling in love takes more than just a chance meeting. However, I do agree that a man needs to be given a chance before I shut the door on him.

“I am made of little rooms full of thoughts, emotions and memories. You cannot define me by listening to me once. I’m too complex.” Unknown

Why wouldn’t I be complicated? I love spending time out in nature, traipsing around in mud, talking to wild life versus preferring human company and if that is not enough, Chachi, the cat, comes in picking up the slack when it is needed! I go by the motto, why give the milk for free or get the cow for free, something like that but you get the drift. Anyway more specifically, why invest in a cow when you can get the milk for free, dumb maybe BUT it holds some truth to it. If that makes me complicated, I AM.

“Sometimes I think maybe I’m just too complicated for anyone to love.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

Paulo Coelho

Coelho’s philosophy emphasizes, “the search for meaning in life. He encourages individuals to explore their passions, discover their true selves and align their actions with their inner values and beliefs.”

His quotes are profound and we kept crossing paths recently. Some made me sit up and take notice and others kept swirling around in my head. They do make you think and that is a good thing about good quotes. Here are some of his more important quotes. Read, enjoy and let them take root.

“There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.”

I know this one really well. Fear is my constant companion and often it stops me in my tracks and keeps me from moving forward but I am learning.

“Things do not always happen the way I would have wanted and it’s best that I get used to that.”

“You drown not by falling into a river, but by staying submerged in it.”

We know this one well, don’t we? How often have we fallen only to remain there and let life pass us by? More times than I can count on my fingers but I’m learning to move forward, one step at a time.

“Life has a way of testing a persons will, either by having nothing happen at all or by having everything happen at once.”

Yup, when it rains it pours but there is an end to the storm at some point and that is the good news.

“On your journey to your dream, be ready to face oasis and deserts. In both cases, don’t stop.”

“When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change.”

If that’s the case, I should have won a gold medal by now!

“If you’re brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello.”

What if that new hello is as bad as the one you left behind? Just asking.

“Close some doors today, not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because they lead you nowhere.”

This one is worth noting.

“The simple things are also the most extraordinary things, and only the wise can see them.”

Hmm….like my walk in the fields?

“Love is a trap. When it appears, we see only its light, not its shadows.”

So true.

“Friendship is not about whom you know the longest. It is about who came and never left.”

I am still learning that not all friends are really friends.

“The secret of life is to fall seven times and to get up eight times.”

This is my mantra because it basically means, NEVER GIVE UP!

Have an amazing day.

K.I.S.S. (Archives)

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“Keep it simple and focus on what matters. Don’t let yourself be overwhelmed.” Confucius

Confucius knows what he is talking about but how many of us take that advice to heart? Our lives are filled with little and big things that we can’t control or overcome, we let drama take hold and it goes downhill from there.

Why can’t we just keep it simple? Perhaps, it’s because as “humans” we have an urge within to add complexity to the matter at hand. We have a need to complicate versus simplify and that right there is the problem. Complexity is the enemy of simplicity and we are masters at taking something simple and blowing it out of proportion so that it becomes one gigantic problem, add drama to it and you’ve got an almost unsolvable problem and it becomes anything but simple.

If you embrace simplicity, your life becomes less stressed and easier to navigate according to the people in the know.

“Simple means that the simplest explanation is usually the correct one. Let this be your mantra as you navigate the choppy waters of life. A recent Stanford study showed that participants who embraced a ‘simplicity first’ mentality were significantly happier, less stressed, and more likely to achieve their goals.”

What does keeping it simple mean? It means just that, keep things simple even though it is hard. Sounds like a conundrum? It might pretty well be. According to moderntherapy.online, here are some steps to help define what keeping it simple means.

Don’t expect too much.

Expect that things may not always be exactly how we want and try to be genuinely okay with it.

Don’t criticize

It is a lose-lose situation and it spreads negative energy. This leads to negative thinking and acting on it. Say or think something positive instead and move on.

Be Present

Living in the moment makes life simpler. Learn to be okay with your feelings even if they are uncomfortable.

Be Kind

Being kind will not only help to make yourself feel better, but it will allow others to get close to you so you can form positive and meaningful relationships.

Redefine things in your life

Attempt to redefine what is important and what it means to you. Prioritize things that will truly make you happy.

Ask why

Question yourself about why you do the things you do. If there are no meaningful answers then you shouldn’t be doing them. Be clear and ask if there is a clear purpose behind what you are doing.

Focus on yourself

Instead of focusing on everyone around you, bring the focus back to you. Shut down the outside noise and try to focus on the noise within. Life becomes better when you separate yourself from what other people think or their expectations.

Keep it simple. The next time life throws something your way which it inevitably will, instead of pouncing on it and turning it into a huge “WHY?” tone it down to, “It happened. Here’s what I am going to do about it.” Easier said than done? I know but worth a try don’t you think? Simplify and show complexity the door and maybe, just maybe it will stop coming around. Hmm…not holding my breath on this one either!

Keep It Simple

Missing somebody?……..CALL

Have a question?………ASK

Want to be understood?…….EXPLAIN

Don’t like something? ……….CHANGE IT

Love someone?………TELL THEM

Want to meet up?……..INVITE

Life is too short for drama.

K.I.S.S.

Keep It Simple Stupid

Have an amazing day.

False Friends

Fake friends are, “people who pretend to care about you but don’t actually have your best interests at heart. Also known as false friends or fair-weather friends, they tend to act like friends only when it benefits them.” http://www.verywellmind.com

I’m sure you’ve had one or two of these characters as so called friends and perhaps you still do. They’re opportunistic, insincere, and are only interested in what they can gain from the relationship and couldn’t care one iota less about you. When it comes to “showing up” in times of need, they are nowhere to be found.

Here’s how to identify fake friends:

They show little or no interest in you, your life and your problems. It is all about them.

They’ll approach you when they need your help but are invisible when you need theirs.

Their support is based on conditions, only when it benefits them.

They bring negative vibes into your life because they are in a negative place themselves.

They are jealous and they try to compete with you rather than be happy for you.

They break your trust by talking behind your back.

Spending time with them often drains your energy and leaves you feeling like there is something missing.

That’s because there is. A true friend is someone who helps you up when you’re down but you can forget about this concept with “false friends.”

Here are some quotes that help to bring the message home.

“Everybody isn’t your friend. Just because they hang around you and laugh with you doesn’t mean they are your friend. People pretend well. At the end of the day, real situations expose fake people, so pay attention.” Unknown

“Fake friends are like actors, they play their part until the curtain falls.” Unknown

“Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. They pretend to be your friend first.” Steve Irwin

“Fake friends stab you and pretend they are the ones bleeding.” Unknown

“Stop texting first and see how many dead plants you’ve been watering.” Unknown

I love this one and it does speak to the heart of the matter.

“A two-faced friend is like a wolf in sheep’s clothing, hiding their true intentions behind a mask of friendship.” Unknown

“An open enemy is often a better thing to have than a false friend.” Unknown

“Sometimes the person you are willing to take the bullet for is the one who pulls the trigger.” Unknown

Choose your friends carefully and if one of these wolves in sheep’s clothing show up proclaiming friendship, you know what to do.

“A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” Walter Winchell

AND

“Friendship isn’t a big thing – it’s a million little things.” Paulo Coelho

Have an amazing day.

The First Snowfall

“I wonder if the snow loves the trees and fields that it kisses them so gently? And then, it covers them up snug, you know, with a white quilt; and perhaps it says, “Go to sleep, darlings, till the summer comes again.” Lewis Carroll

Looking out the kitchen window this morning, snow-covered rooftops greeted me as Chachi, the cat, wagged his tail excitedly at the scene before him. It was the first snowfall of the season and it was beautiful.

Slipping on my boots, I made it to the fields excitedly to see what this first snowfall would bring. It was freezing cold and even though I was bundled up from head to toe, I could still feel the bitter cold as the wind brushed past my face touching my nose in a not so friendly way as it made its way to the open fields to play. It had free rein.

It was still early and the snow-tipped mountains were gleaming white from a distance. The ground closer to home was left untouched but it was wet and muddy, not really a pretty sight BUT beauty is in the eye of the beholder as they say.

I wanted to see frosted trees all laid out like picture postcards but I was disappointed. This snowfall was light and barely visible. The trees stood tall and proud their bald tops reaching to the sky. They seemed content with what was to come. Afterall, they’ve seen this cycle many times over. Nature was at work and everything had a time and place.

The crows were at it again only this time they were gathered in the trees and their raucous cacophony deafening to say the least. I wanted to see if the herons would make a showing so I headed to the spot where I had seen them last. Unfortunately, it was empty. Then I heard a loud shrill cry and on the other side from where I was, I spotted one lone heron standing still, its wings pulled tightly against it like a cloak to ward off the cold wind. Again, it stood there ignoring me as I wondered, “Why alone? Did it somehow get left behind? A straggler that somehow missed its flight for whatever the reason? What’s the next move I wondered. Just then out of nowhere I saw them flying gracefully past me. There were three of them their wings spread out, their spindly legs hanging low as they flew gracefully across the skies. One headed to the left and the other two stayed together. They didn’t land this time, they were headed somewhere. Perhaps, it was time to get out of here. The one lone heron was still there standing still perhaps contemplating its fate or it had made up its mind to stay and to weather the storm.

I left it there and made my way home hoping for more snow tomorrow. It’s in the forecast and this time I hope it will blanket the fields in white and fill it with magic.

“Snowfall rouses your inner child to dream and play once more.” Angie Weiland-Crosby

The Five W’s of Life

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There are many lessons to learn during our lifetime but according to overstu.com, the five W’s of Life helps to navigate us through the intricacies of this long and winding road if we learn the answers to the five question words. They are who, what, when, where and why. Learn them, find the answers and practice them to make the most of your life.

“WHO you are is what makes you special. Do not change for anyone.”

The message here is that you are special and unique and you do not have to change to fit anyone’s idea of what normal is. Just remember, you have something to offer this world just as you are. The people who are meant to be in your life will accept you flaws and all. No changes needed or perhaps just a little tweaking needed. Always remember YOU are enough.

“WHAT lies ahead will always be a mystery. Do not be afraid to explore.”

This is a hard one. We want that crystal ball to show us what lies ahead because the future is murky and because of our need to know before taking that step forward. Guess what? Whether you want to or not, there is no stopping the future and you will just have to deal with it when it comes around. You can’t change the future but you can make it better by living in the here and now and putting your best effort forward to make it a good one. Of course, fear not the future is the message but it is easier said than done.

“WHEN life pushes you over, you push back.”

I don’t like this one. It means you’ll have to be brave to deal with whatever comes your way. You can certainly choose to give up but that’s not an option and if you want to survive what life throws your way, you’ll have to toughen up, put your big girl panties on and deal with it. Failure is one such experience. Not trying another and it often brings about missed opportunities and staying within your comfort zone another bad decision. Try and try harder. If you fail the first time around so what, try again. The message here is to NEVER GIVE UP!

WHERE there are choices to make, make the ones you won’t regret.

This one is self-explanatory. Make the right choices and life will be so much better but how many of us do that? We love the wrong people, we make the wrong choices in food, health and a whole host of other things. Human nature I suppose BUT if we are lucky enough we can still learn to make the right choices to get ourselves back on track again. Not always possible but here again, never give up and keep on trying.

WHY things happen will never be certain. Take it in and move forward.

This is a big one. How often have we asked why? Why did the relationship break up? Why did a loved one have to die? Why did this happen to me? All legit questions and we want answers where there is none to be had. You’ll have to trust that nothing happens by chance and some how at a later point in time the answers will be revealed to you. You’ve heard the phrase, “Yours is not to ask the reason why?” Well, hard to do, really hard but trusting everything happens for a reason might be a step in the right direction and not losing hope your stronghold.

Five questions to ask and to pay attention to the answers coming back. Step forward equipped with WHO you are, WHERE you are going, WHAT your life is about, WHY things happen and WHEN you do, maybe the secret of life will be revealed to you. Not holding my breath but it’s worth a try.

HAVE AN AMAZING DAY.

Half-Hearted Connections

“You don’t deserve a half-hearted love. You don’t deserve someone who can only promise you pieces and not the whole. You don’t deserve someone who’s walking around investing time in other some ones. You don’t deserve a person who can’t commit.” Marisa Donnelly

Have you ever fallen for an emotionally-unavailable man? Have you ever wondered why you’re on a roller-coaster ride of ups and downs and you don’t know if you’re coming or going? If you’re caught up in a never-ending cycle of being taken for a ride, it’s time to get off.

An emotionally unavailable man is typically defined as, “not willing or able to truly commit to you and be loyal to you. This type of man will often want to keep things casual and undefined so as to not deal with any of the emotional components that go into a long-term relationship.”

The problem is even though these men are not available, it doesn’t stop them from being out there on the dating scene. They don’t want long-term but pretend that they do. They send out mixed signals and at times it seems like they want “forever” but it is more in their mind than anything else. The message they deliver is a confusing one and just when you think that you’ve found the one, they’ll show you different in a not so nice way. They’re there one minute, ghost you the next or worse still take up with someone else right before your very eyes. This is a relationship where you’re the non-entity and it is all about them.

How do you know if they’re emotionally unavailable? Here are some signs according to Victoria Miretti.

They cannot say they are looking for a long term committed relaitonship.

They don’t court you.

They struggle to have emotional or in depth conversations.

Their words and actions don’t match.

They are inconsistent.

You don’t experience a steady upward progression in the relationship.

I had the unfortunate experience of meeting one such person. He walked in like a hurricane ready to sweep everything away in his path and I was just coming out of a storm. He had all the makings of “the guy.” The relationship if you can call it that took off like a whirlwind but each time we got close, he took 10 steps back. I noticed the hesitation and put it down to fear because I was feeling the same thing. The problem was I was willing to settle for crumbs knowing full well that they were crumbs because I was coming from a place of lack myself. Having just lost a special someone, I was looking for a relationship. It was a perfect meeting of the minds. The only problem, it wasn’t enough and I knew what a good relationship should look like. This one was sorely lacking but I put up with the charade.

“Life is too short for half-hearted connections and meaningless run-throughs.” Unknown

Low-effort men do not invest in you because they can’t. They find it easy to walk away and take up with someone new in a matter of days or more specifically even before the relationship has ended because their emotions don’t run very deep and hurting someone is part and parcel of how they operate. It is a place where nothing affects them because their heart is under lock and key. A no man’s land or rather a no woman’s land as far as they are concerned. So why even be out there? I guess everyone needs love and if you hurt someone along the way what’s the big deal, right? The problem is, it is a big deal to the person who gets hurt in the process.

“Never put them first, if you always come last. Never give your all, if you only get half.” Unknown

If you’ve read my article, “Dating No-Gooders,” you’ll know that they are out there along with all the others that give “dating” a bad name. One false move will get you to where you don’t want to be. If you’re looking for Mr. Right, know that it is a dangerous world out there so step lightly. If he’s unavailable and shows the signs from the get go, leave him alone and move on. Some people cannot love you the way you want to be loved AND you’re too valuable to settle for anything less or for half-hearted connections.

How do you know if he’s emotionally available? According to singleover30.net, here are some signs to look out for.

If a man is present with you when he is with you, that’s a good sign.

This is not always true from my experience. The person I knew was all there when we spent time together and gave me the impression that he wasn’t shying away from anything but he was emotionally unavailable and hence the confusion.

He is comfortable talking about his feelings.

He is willing to talk about the progression of the relationship.

He won’t waste your time with half-hearted promises.

He will be interested in you and your life.

He prioritizes spending time with you.

Therapist: You saw the red flags though, right?

Me: I thought it was a carnival.

That says it all.

Have an amazing day.

Heart Break

“Hearts can break. Yes, hearts can break. Sometimes I think it would be better if we died when they did, but we don’t.” Stephen King

Standing before me, he looked tall and lean, his face showing concern and looking a little older, the grey showing at his temples as he said, “You’ve got to learn to forgive. Sometimes bad things happen and YOU just need to forgive, forget and move on.”

I watched him, my face showing nothing. This was the man who had once meant the world to me. He had never once apologized for his hand in the heart break he had caused me. The damage was done and he had simply walked away like I was yesterday’s news.

There are no more tears to cry, no more gut-wrenching pain and no more feelings of any kind. I was done and his empty words held just that, NOTHING of any kind. He moved towards me but I took a step back. A long time ago, I had run into his arms so willingly but that was back then when we were in love and the world was a much better place.

We are two strangers now. Our history together a thing of the past, the love we had shared written somewhere in the stars for all eternity and the heart he had so carelessly and so willingly broken had learned to heal but it will never forget the crumbling, the breaking and the realization that this same man I had once loved was capable of wielding such pain.

Love hurts and heart break is painful. Hearts break all the time, it is nothing new. “I’m sorry” sometimes takes a long time coming and in some cases it never does. However, those words don’t have the power to erase the pain and neither do they take away the hurt you carry in your heart. Perhaps, the words are just a defense mechanism men use to shield themselves from their wrong doing and to walk away with their guilty conscience intact. Whatever the case maybe, sorry doesn’t cut it. It is so lacking in every aspect but I don’t know what else can make up for it.

We stood watching each other, his eyes hiding secrets and mine devoid of feeling. It was awkward to say the least. Yet my heart screamed, “You know him well don’t you? You had loved him with all of your heart once a long time ago.”

The truth is he had loved me too. He had called me his soulmate and the love of his life but somewhere along the way, he became someone else. When that someone new walked in, he took off running and left me holding a bag of broken dreams and a shattered heart broken beyond repair.

Today, there are no more tears, no anger, no despair, no nothing. I watched as he walked out the door and as I closed the door behind me, I realized that the heartbreak had changed me. I had grown stronger. I had learned to put my broken heart back together again piece by piece. The cracks still show but I guess they always will as a reminder of the pain I had gone through. Forgiveness? It will take a long time coming. I hope one day I can say the words he wants to hear. “I forgive you.” Not yet, it is going to take time and that is alright too.

“People think that the most painful thing in life is losing the one you value.

The truth is, the most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of valuing someone too much and forgetting that you are special too.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.