relationship – Site Title

The Three Musketeers

“All for one and one for all!” Not quite. I thought the hardest part is to have the two visitors as temporary residents for some time and when they get used to being here, things will take a turn for the better. Think again!

Gallahad, the gentle giant with the dark fur and orange eyes is an observer. He watches everything with those wise eyes of his and stays out of the way until he hears the can opening, food can that is. Then he prances around because “food” brings him happiness and adds to the extra pounds he carries around as well. He loves eating. I’m his best buddy because he knows without a shadow of a doubt that I’m the lady with the food. Be nice to her and you have a full tummy, that is guaranteed.

Shiro, on the other hand, is sweet and looks mighty pretty. All that white fur and big wide eyes makes her a beauty. She loves to meow when she is happy AND when she is not. How to know the difference? You don’t, just go with the flow or simply ignore her. She loves to sleep a lot as cats do I suppose but she calls it her “beauty sleep.” A girl after my own heart!

Chachi, the Little Macho has lost some of that machismo ever since these two moved in. He was “the man” but now, the third wheel or the fourth but who cares, he feels that the two have moved in and are vying for my attention, love, and caring. This is not setting too well with him and he shows it in ways that is alarming. He hisses whenever he sees them, tries to hit with his paws and last night, he went for my hand! I wasn’t having any of it so I read him the riot act. Things have been quiet since then but he shoots daggers in my direction letting it be known that he is JEALOUS!

What am I doing? Good question. I am running around like a chicken with its head cut off. Just when I think I have a handle on things, they show me different. Galli decided that feeding, grooming, and taking care of his needs isn’t enough. He added diarrhea to the equation! He is a long-haired variety and let me tell you cleaning up after that makes you want to send him home! The problem, he has no other home right now. So, I cleaned up, ran the wash several times and all is back to normal again. Then there is the problem with the hair. Two long-haired cats shed like crazy! Now, it is time to play stylist as well. I invested in a good hair-trimmer and have been cutting Shiro’s hair. She is a sweetheart, no problems there. Galli is another story! He went for my hand after hearing the light buzzing and knew something was up. The next thing I did was to invest in some protective gloves. This is working much better but try getting close to the legs and you have trouble waiting!

Time for a professional to take over. I have an appointment scheduled with a dog and cat stylist in April. Hopefully, she gets them cleaned up and smelling like a rose. Maybe, not a rose but something better!

Life with three cats is no joke. It’s like having kids running around and demanding attention all the time. Oh, I forgot playtime. It is scheduled for an hour each day. By the end of the day, I am pooped!

Three musketeers they are not, but I’m hoping that things will settle down. I used to say I don’t want to travel anymore, well, that has changed ever since the two moved in. I am ready for a break!

Have an amazing day.

The White Flag!

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I think it has been three weeks since Gallahad and Shiro moved in. They are my son’s cats and since he was starting a new job, he couldn’t have them with him and so with a sad heart, he left them with me. I wasn’t too keen on the idea because I knew how much work they would be plus Chachi, the cat, was used to having this place all to himself. Bringing all three together was a daunting task and lots of work.

It was hard and still is. They are getting used to each other. Gallahad, is a British long-haired cat with dark fur and bright orange eyes. Shiro is all white with big eyes and looks like the cat on the Gourmet Food ads. They are two different personalities. Galli is soft and sweet and even though he looks menacing, he is a gentle giant. Shiri is the princess and she knows it! She was daddy’s little girl and was spoiled rotten. She is also a no-nonsense type and that turned out to be a problem for Chachi, the Little Macho.

Anyway, it has been three weeks in and the “thaw” wasn’t taking place no matter how hard I tried. Chachi had a hissy fit the first week which rolled into the second week. He decided to get along with Galli but Shiro was a different matter altogether. He has started tolerating Galli and lets him play with his stuffed toys but Shiro still gets a hiss whenever he sees her.

However, yesterday he did a 360 and decided to roll out the white flag. Don’t ask me why. It happened and the Little Macho woke up with a glint in his eye as if he had this bright idea. The idea turned out to be, let’s lay down arms and be friends BUT on my terms! Little did he know that the other two had other ideas. No deals were their stance. Sound familiar to what is happening in the real world? Anyway, the morning started out fine.

Chachi: “You can play with my toys Galli,” tail tucked between his legs.

Galli: “I’ve been playing with them. I don’t need your permission for that you little Snort.”

Chachi: “You weren’t brought up well, were you? You have to ask first.”

Galli: “Okay, thank you!”

Just then Shiro walks in and takes a gander at what is going on. Immediately, Little Macho throws down the white flag and goes into a hissy fit. I think he doesn’t like females, yours truly excluded of course.

Shiro: “You sure have a loud hiss for a little thing. I can take you down anytime Little Bubba.”

Chachi: “Who are you calling Little Bubba? By the way, I think you should get some sun. That pale look doesn’t suit you.”

They did the Mexican standoff for a few minutes and then decided to let it go but not before Shiro decided to get the last word in.

Shiro: “You should learn some manners and what’s with the John Wayne swagger? You are way too big for your britches.”

Chachi: “MOM! What did she say?!!”

ME: “She said you are adorable and cute. She wants to be friends.”

Chachi: “Yeah, I am and I know it. Glad that she sees it too. I think she is afraid and wants to make nice. Okay, we’ll try it. Shiro, you can play with my toys too but one false move and I’ll be on you before you can swish that pretty tail of yours!”

Shiro: “Thank you Chachi but keep your distance. You are too full of yourself but I will take you up on the offer.”

She walked over to the toy basket, picked out Chachi’s favorite stuffed bird and walked out with a swish of the tail and an elegant stride out of the room.

Chachi: “Mommy!”

Me: “It’s alright. You’ll get it back. Play nice and make peace.”

Chachi: “I DON’T LIKE HER!”

This went on for a while until Little Macho decided to give in and make friends. Afternoon found all three in the bedroom taking their afternoon siesta. Galli on my bed, Shiro stretched out on the floor and Chachi snoozing next to me.

Peace at last! Will it last? I don’t know but I’m enjoying the temporary ceasefire!

Have an amazing day.

My Funny Little Valentine

He is sweet, he is gentle, he is rambunctious, he is smart, he is my companion and he is funny most days. It is Valentine’s Day and I decided to pay homage to my little love. The little furball who runs my world!

Things haven’t been on an even keel for the last couple of days. The Little Rat has decided to take matters into his own paws and when it comes to getting attention, he is a pro! I’ll agree that I haven’t been giving him as much attention as he deserves because I’ve had other things on my mind. I’ve been going out more than I’m used to and this is not setting too well with the little rascal. He gives me this evil eye when I walk in and with a PISSED OFF swish of his tail, he lets it be known that this is not alright with him. In his book, the one where cat rules are written, I am neglecting him. This is not the case at all. He gets more than his share of love but he wants more and that is the problem.

Little Einstein has found new ways to show me his disdain and I see it clearly. He is like a “glue stick” meaning he keeps close to me every chance he gets including sleep time when getting a good night’s rest is becoming a problem because the little brat has decided that the best sleep position for him is to cuddle close to mommy and since that is not enough, let’s plant the whiskers right on her face! He keeps constant watch and he does it better than a hawk, I must say.

Last night, he was in his element. This morning, the TV cabinet was left open and the bedside drawers were left opened as well! How did he manage that? I don’t know but he is not called Little Einstein for nothing! The little guy is trying to tell me something but I don’t know what it is yet. He is eating well, doing his stuff as he usually does so nothing wrong there. However, this constant need for attention has me baffled. It could be jealousy. Do cats get jealous? I looked it up and this is what I found.

“Cats experience emotions similar to jealousy — rooted in anxiety, possessiveness, or insecurity — when their territory, routine, or bond with their owner is threatened.”

Attention-seeking is one component of this behavior.

How do you manage jealous behavior?

Maintain routine, create safe spaces, and give lots of individual attention.

Hmm…for normal cats this might just work but we’re talking about a highly-evolved one. My little guy is smarter than most since he claims to have lived more than nine lives! It is going to take some detective work to appease him!

Anyway, he is my Funny Little Valentine! Today he will get all the attention he craves and much much more! Hopefully it works to keep him satisfied for a little while at least.

Have an amazing day.

This is Scary! (Update)

Three sleepless nights later and he is back at it again! Today I received a message that started out with, “Fear is….” I didn’t bother to go in and look at the rest. Chachi, the cat is still afraid to go to the kitchen area. I’m not sure why. It’s as if he senses something and is afraid. A friend, a German, told me that it is the same here as it is stateside, the police won’t do anything until something happens! I hope this guy, whoever he is, gives up and leaves me alone!

It started two days ago. A message popped up on my phone and I listened to it. It was a guy reciting a love letter. I didn’t pay it mind as I thought he had sent the message to the wrong person. On the same day, I got several other messages all in the same vein.

It was time to get a little nervous. There was no name but there was a pic, darkened and I couldn’t make out his features. The day after, I got a few more messages all talking about love. Now, all kinds of “stuff” started showing up in my head. I had been a victim of a stalker many years ago and that guy kept me captive psychologically and the after-effects are still felt today in the way I react to the world around me. The thing is, I am across the pond so it couldn’t be the same guy.

Anyway, yesterday I received a message in the morning that said, “Hi Tia, LOVE OF MY LIFE!” I froze. Who is this person? So I answered, “What?!!! Who are you?” No answer. Then silence. Later in the day, I got this, “This is goodbye, this is the last message.” It had a broken heart emoji attached to it.

Wow! He got my attention and how! I double-locked the doors, made sure all the shatters were down and everything was in a shutdown mode! Then I locked the bedroom door and placed something behind it. As you can imagine, I didn’t sleep well at all and every little noise had me jumping. To make matters worse, Chachi, the cat, came down this morning and refused to go into the kitchen. He kept sniffing at a corner. I looked around but there was nothing that looked different. Nothing from the guy until a few minutes ago. It said, “Hi Tia, cheating is hurtful and only people of low intelligence do that.”

I agreed with him but then it dawned on me that the message was aimed at me! What is he going on about?!! I looked outside my front door but there was nothing. I did a walk around the house outside and no signs of any tampering.

However, this is scary stuff. What am I going to do about it? I really don’t know. I’ll have to see how this progresses but tonight I will do the same. Make sure everything is locked down and have the phone close to me just in case!

One other thing, the messages were all in German!

This is Scary!

One other thing, the messages were all in German!

This Thing Called Love (4)

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We sat across from each other, his gaze direct but hooded and mine trying not to look at the face I knew so well. He looked older, a touch of grey showing at his temples and there is a beard now where there was none before. He is still tall and lanky but a slight pouch is clearly visible. There was a certain sadness emanating from him but I couldn’t put my finger on it.

We talked about the one thing that still binds us. He says, “I’m so proud of him. He’s learning to handle things on his own.” I nod, silence filling the air. Something inside me wanted to scream, “You weren’t there half the time! I was left holding the bag when you took off in search of greener pastures.” Instead, I keep my gaze averted and try desperately to hold on to the strength within. The one I’ve been building brick by brick since he left and I wasn’t about to let his words bring it all down crushing into nothingness. He has that effect on me. Why wouldn’t he? I had been married to him and our life together had lasted 16 years. We had started out as best friends and later when love stepped in, it led to marriage and parenthood. Somewhere along the way, he decided to let it all disintegrate and go up in flames when his EGO decided to step in and he let “arrogance” do the rest.

Staring at me, he asked, “How are you doing?” his voice tinged with concern. And then he said, “I’m not a bad guy.” I felt the tears cloud my eyes but I scrambled to keep my calm facade in place like my life depended on it! I said softly, “I’m fine.” He nodded.

He didn’t know that I had called myself, “damaged goods” when it went down. He didn’t know that I had called myself a bird with clipped wings and that I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror for a long time and neither did he know that the unbearable pain had made me put my heart under lock and key and to throw away the keys! So “I’m fine” doesn’t even begin to address all that I went through.

We continued as two strangers making empty conversation. Once we had talked about everything. Our talks had been filled with warmth, love and laughter but that was a long time ago when “love” meant something and “hurt” was a long ways off.

He uncrossed his long legs looking uncomfortable. We had stopped giving each other the meaningless hugs each time we met. Then he had stopped saying, “I still care about you.” I couldn’t bear hearing it anymore. So it was better this way.

Today, it was all about the boy we had brought into this world. Recently, he has been showing more interest in being a good father and I am thankful. Suddenly, he stood up and stretched as if the stilted conversation between us had drained him. I said, “Take care of him.” He answered softly, “I will.”

I walked him to the door and stepping outside, the fresh air felt good. He turned and looked at me again, his eyes speaking volumes. Something within me wanted to jump over the fence I had placed around myself and to say, “Take care of yourself.” I felt this prickling of sympathy for someone who had lost his way and I wanted him to know, “It was going to be alright.” I couldn’t. Smiling a weak smile, I closed the door behind me.

This thing called love is something I will never understand for as long as I live. I know it has the tendency to turn your world upside down and to take you on a roller coaster ride but “ordinary” it is not. Sometimes it walks in silently and has you in its grip and at other times it dies a sudden death and you don’t know why. They say love makes the world go around, it does, but it is also a conundrum and sometimes it is better left alone but when has that stopped us from approaching it throwing caution to the winds. Some loves are forever, some loves are too hard to bear, some loves break your heart in pieces and some “loves” are better left alone.

This Thing Called Love (2)

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Stage 1: Falling in Love

“In the first stage of love, your hormones run the show. You flirt, get butterflies in your stomach and heart, toss your hair back often and laugh a lot more. Falling in love makes you glow. Full playfulness and passion, stage one of love, often called the honeymoon stage tends to be everyone’s favorite because it is fun.“

This is how Stage 1 looks like. You can talk for hours on the phone and it never gets old. There is lots of laughing and giggling and you have your rose-tinted glasses on. If there is a blemish the size of a rock on your face, it is invisible at this stage or airbrushed by the blossoming of something special. Time flies by on wings and it is never ever enough. You want more and even though red flags may crop up like a neon sign, you SEE and don’t want to see. It is also the stage of stupidity where your brain and intuition take a backseat and your heart takes over.

Stage 2: Getting Serious

“Enter stage two. You still make a good couple. You hold hands in the park and cuddle up together to watch a movie, but something has changed. You’ve moved in together, maybe even got married. That fun time has run its course and your relationship has entered the serious zone.“

You may have moved in together or maybe not. It could be headed in a more serious direction where the “M” word is bandied about. That rose-tinted glow is there but now grey is starting to seep in. You question his/her motives. When once that laugh was alluring, it now makes you grit your teeth. You see things you don’t like. Things like he doesn’t keep to his word or you’ve caught him in a lie or two. Little things like leaving the toilet seat up and leaving clothes all over the floor gets your goat. The glow is still there so it’s time to push it all under the rug. You say, “It’ll right itself out. After all, you’re not looking for perfect.” The serious zone is staring you in the face and you don’t want to rock the boat. Let sleeping dogs lie you say but you know that it could come back to bite you later.

Stage 3: What Happened?

“What happened? Did you fall out of love? By this point, all illusions have been stripped away. You find yourself arguing more. Romance seems like work and you can’t be bothered to squeeze in the time. You just want it to end. And most people do just that, end their relationship.“

This is the “make it” or “break it” phase. It is also the time to let it all hang out phase. Remember that in Stage 1 all was perfect or at least it seemed so. Nothing was out of place, not a hair, not a fake eyelash, perfect haircut, smelling good and NO inappropriate behavior. Now, it’s let it rip time and HOW! If you’re married, who cares is the attitude. Everything is allowed and I mean everything. He’s seen you many times over so why bother? Unkempt hair, less than perfect hygiene, let it all grow out if you know what I mean. He, in turn, lets it rip. Holding it in is no longer required, anywhere anytime is ok. One other thing I find fascinating is that men love talking to you when they are sitting on the throne! Something soothing perhaps? That smile is no longer alluring, those little quirks more than annoying and spending a few minutes talking equates to an hour and a half in your mind. I call this the end of time phase. It’s probably all downhill from here and most choose to end the relationship.

According to one source, there are five clear stages. They are honeymoon, uncertainty, adjustment, commitment and acceptance. I’ve chosen to speak about three because not many make it past the adjustment phase. If you do, you’re one of the lucky ones. However, the fourth and fifth phase are hard to navigate. Most are either miserable wanting to get out or they’ve accepted their fate and are playing dead until their time is up!

I haven’t given up hope that I will make it to the last phase with a smile on my face and the right man by my side. I’m still working on finding him. Unfortunately, he seems to have lost his way and is nowhere to be found and TIME is running out! Fairy Godmother some help please! I could use your wand right about now!

Have an amazing day.

This Thing Called Love (1)

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By now, you know that most of my posts center around this thing called love. It’s because I have my fact-finding shoes on and I want to find out what it is all about.

It is elusive, that’s for sure. It morphs and never stays the same, that’s another aspect. It shows up when you least expect it and it doesn’t stay for long. It is loving and all-consuming but when things go south, it takes off on winged feet. This is my experience as far as love is concerned.

Poor me? Not really. It is daunting this task of finding “real love” but my curiosity is aroused and I’m not going to settle for anything less than the real kind. Curiosity killed the cat, you say? Well, Chachi, the cat, is doing pretty well in that respect and he’s wearing the Einstein hat now!

Someone said to me it is not about ego or attitude yesterday. I totally agree. However, it is not about accepting everyone who walks in the door and placing the “love tag” on them either. That’s a surefire way to disaster. One person called me complicated, well, more than one but who’s counting! Complicated in this case means I’m not willing to accept what is offered. It’s more like the caveman variety. “Here I am woman take me! I like you so no more wasting time and no more discussion. Let’s get down to business!” Nope, that won’t work. I am too emancipated for that BS! Call me complicated all you want but you’re out the door!

I live in a small village that time forgot. The marriages here last a very long time. Have they found the secret to a long and happy love life? Not really. It is based on convenience. Its more like, “I provide and you pander.” Get the picture? These marriages last for a very long time but they are miserable together. One prime example was my in-laws. They were married for decades and they boasted about the longevity of their relationship, however, fights were a part of their daily existence. When he died, she mourned his loss. I wondered if she was mourning the loss of the person or what she was accustomed to, that of nagging and bickering all day long. Perhaps, it was addicting but is that real love?

Someone else said, “If you find it, hold on to it.” I definitely plan to do that. In my journey so far, I’m finding that “love” comes disguised in all its wishy-washy forms but if you want the real kind, you’ve got to take your time, know what you will settle for and what you won’t and don’t be afraid to discard if it’s not what you’re looking for. It takes courage, it takes a single-minded focus and it takes walking the road less traveled. Shut out the noise around you. The one that says, “You can’t do this,” but more specifically the one that roars, “You’ll wind up alone!” I say, “better alone than with the wrong person.”

“Unless it’s mad, passionate or extraordinary love, it’s a waste of your time. There are too many mediocre things in life: Love shouldn’t be one of them.” Unknown

AND

“There is no such thing as love, you just happen to bump into someone who laughs at your jokes, likes the way you’re face is and accepts the way you look at the world. Love isn’t real, only two human beings coincidentally lonely at the same moment in time.”

What do you think? Some truth to that assumption?

Have an amazing day.

A Long Night

I had prepared for a peaceful night but it didn’t turn out that way. Sometimes things don’t go as planned. We had a really hot day here yesterday and everything was starting to feel sticky including yours truly. I had my evening shower as usual. donned my BIG t-shirt and was feeling pretty good when I heard Chachi, the cat gagging. It was a low sound but one I had heard many times before.

I waited and listened instead of running out there to see what was wrong. It’s my new way of handling things. I’ve put my “helicopter” away and I’m learning not to jump at everything that comes my way and to offer assistance right away. My two boys, my Chachi and my son, are learning that mom is taking a step back and not jumping at every little thing, but it is a hard thing to do from my end.

Anyway, after a few minutes Chachi walked into the room, his face a little drawn and his “macho pants” nowhere to be seen. He meowed softly and looked at me with a look I didn’t understand. Picking him up and walking out to the landing I noticed a puddle of vomit on the floor. He felt warm to the touch as well but I put it down to the heatwave we’ve been having. Suddenly, he made those weird noises again, jumped out of my arms and threw up again. Alarm bells started going off. I wear many hats but the “mom hat” is one I take very seriously. It was time to get the big guns out, I reached for my iPhone and started Googling! I usually have everything at my fingertips where Google is concerned and sure enough, it told me what to do and then to watch how the situation progresses.

I put out lots of water in case he was dehydrated. I also put out a bowl with some soup, cat soup, for moments like this. He sniffed it and looked at me with a look that said: “Are you kidding me?!! I’m not touching that thing with a ten foot pole!” So that was a no go. Then I realized I had something that would settle an upset stomach. A tube that contained some thick green paste and it helps with gastrointestinal problems as well. Cat stuff again. I gave him some of that and he took it without a struggle. Then he went missing! Finally I found him under the bed. Another clear signal that he wasn’t feeling well according to Google.

After an hour or two, he crawled out and headed straight to his food. He ate the wet stuff but not the soup. Then he went to use the toilet and came back in looking a tad better. I decided it was cuddle time so we cuddled and he went quiet and then the snoring started! I stayed up listening to that sound and the soft heaving of his stomach and kept my fingers crossed that all was well in his world again.

This morning, he woke me up at 5:30 a.m. and was ready to go. Time doesn’t matter in his world, it’s all the same to him. He seems to be none the worse for wear and whatever was bugging him has taken a hike. I hope it stays that way for the rest of the day and “mommy” can get some well-deserved rest!

Have an amazing day.