Reading my posts you might think that she rarely has positive emotions but believe it or not, I do. It takes hard work and those emotions that drive up the happiness factor is there if I place my focus on them.
It is one of my goals to have happy thoughts throughout the day and to hike up positive thoughts as well. The way I go about it is not to let anything throw me into the helter skelter mode. I look at things carefully and then I put it aside before I take it to heart. Some things don’t deserve a second look and others, well, they need more but letting it rule my life like it used to is a thing of the past. I am learning to deal with things as they come and in a more sane manner.
One thing that helps me is this mantra. “I trust and believe that everything will work out for the best.” I pull it out whenever I feel myself going in the negative direction and believe it or not, it helps. The most positive emotion I feel is serenity. Meditation helps with that and most definitely Chachi, the cat! Two factors that help to keep me grounded and full of joy. Not all the time but more often than not.
Hmm….where do I start? I don’t plan anymore, I let life take me where it wants to! However, I do have a few goals that I cling to. That of finding peace, happiness and the right guy. The first two seem to be easy or rather doable but that last one, well let’s just say he is in Africa and doing the slow walk to get here!
In the meantime, I do wake up with goals in mind. They are not lofty ones and nothing to do with career building. It’s more of the emotional variety. If I go a day without drama, without something or someone rattling me and without any lessons to learn, it’s a good day in my book.
These days, I take it slow. I kick out anything that doesn’t serve me and I’m all about the good stuff. My mind is doing less chattering and it is learning to like this easy pace as well. I write when I want to and if something good happens, I let it happen without looking at it with a magnifying glass and shredding it to pieces. There is no hustle and bustle and goals, well they no longer need to be planned. That is a good place to be in.
Never gave it much thought until COVID came calling. My ex told me to get some things ready just in case. The things on my list were:
Water
Canned food, like soups and veggies.
Dried foods like rice, noodles, and non-perishable items.
Toilet paper
Copies of important documents.
A first-aid kit.
A portable stove with several extra canisters of gas.
Snacks like chips, cookies and the like.
Flashlight and batteries.
Moist towelettes.
Money
Medication
Change of clothes
Personal hygience items
AND
Can Opener!
They were all stored in the cellar and with it extra blankets and pillows as well. We were well-prepared but it never got that far. I’m thankful that it never did. That was a scary time.
I don’t know about many people but I do know that “can’t” is up there on my list of words that jump up and scare the hell out of me!
When it shows up, it means that I have to face something of the unsavory nature and not to my liking. I don’t like a lot of things, I’m a stick in the mud as I have said before but that’s not all. Fear steps in and “can’t” shows up before anything else. I dig my heels in and refuse to budge. Then, I go within and come up with excuses as to why I can’t. Believe me, there are plenty of reasons why and it doesn’t have to make sense either! It’s my tried and true method to fight whatever it is that is causing the problem and to keep changes at bay.
I’ve lived with “can’t” all my life and it has made my life miserable. Things could have been a lot easier if I had looked at the problem like any normal human being would do but instead I take the other route. The crazy route where I sweat bullets and convince myself that I just can’t do what is asked of me.
Making headway into this problem took a long time. My journey of self-discovery has helped but it still crops up when I least expect it. Old habits die hard as they say. Coming back to the Daily Prompt, I do think that there are people out there who have the same problem I do. We just don’t like changes but unfortunately, life is not going to take a “NO” for an answer. Learning to live with what comes your way, accepting the changes and taking small steps to change your perception of things does help. Here’s the thing, most of the problems I thought I couldn’t handle turned out to be the ones that taught me how capable I am of doing exactly that.
Peace is something I seek on a daily basis, and sometimes it is there and sometimes it is nowhere to be found.
The kind of peace that is superficial is easy to find. It is on the surface, it doesn’t go deep and when something walks in and rattles it, it splinters and takes off leaving you to wade through chaos. Been there, done that many many times.
These days, I am looking for the unshakeable variety. The kind that can take a beating and still stand strong. Walks in nature help me to get there. Clearing my mind of what doesn’t serve me is a surefire way of finding peace and to keep everything in balance. Deep breathing is a state of nirvana that I can’t do without. Whether it is a few minutes or half an hour, doing different kinds of breathing brings peace into my life. The one thing that brings me unshakeable peace is my mindset. If I will it, I can do it. I am finding that peace is a state of mind one of your own making.
It takes constant work and you need to make it a priority. Otherwise, it is the wishy washy kind. I know life is not easy and it has a way of throwing hurdles in the way, but those things I listed above do bring me peace and it takes more than something unknown rattling my nerves to rile me up the wrong way. Peace needs work, daily constant work.
I was never a highly ambitious person and in my younger days when others were dreaming of changing the world, I had my head in the clouds. A dreamer so to speak. I never thought in terms of one particular profession, I was all over the place.
Writing was something I loved and having published my first short story in a well-known magazine at the age of 16, I wanted to do that all the time. The “high” was addicting. However, even though the story made cover page, I learned that writing didn’t pay well and I also learned that not all who write are writers after getting my share of rejections. Anyway, I got $600 for that story, back then a pretty good sum but still not enough to make a living on. I kept writing but other things stepped in. I would go on to publish more than a 1,000 articles but all done from the sidelines while I pursued more lucrative options. University was where I thought I wanted to be someone. One of the things I admired was speechwriter for the President no less! Journalism was next on my radar. However, writing about the mundane and sometimes about murders which required your actual presence at crime scenes made me step back and I nixed that idea quickly!
Fashion Editor was next. It was fun at first. Celebs, supermodels and designers were all part of my job. Then it got boring! Now, I’m a published author. Where that will take me I don’t know. The book will be out at the end of August and who knows if it is a success or a flop. It’s wait and see now.
Oh, one thing I admired as a young girl were the nuns. Yes, the habit wearing ones. I wanted to be just like them. I glamorized that vocation and I wanted to be in the service of God. Yes, you guessed it. Some of those daily bible study lessons had rubbed off on me! Unfortunately, I grew up! The boys came a calling and being a nun went out the window as well. My eyes do light up when I see them on the streets now and then!
I think I still have my head in the clouds but not as much as I used to. I don’t have any specific profession I admire, but the next time around I want to work at the White House where there is never a dull moment and life is never the same day in and day out!
Grrr! Another question that I have no answers for!
First of all, I wouldn’t open up a shop. If I did, it would be one way to bring all the stress back into my life again. My life would be regimented and free time would be a thing of the past. So I wouldn’t open up a shop.
However, if I had to, I would have a shop with nothing in it. What kind of a concept is that? Mine. The sign at the entrance would say, “Come in and browse.” The shelves would be empty except for my table, it would have a laptop and some magazines to while away the time. If customers ask with a puzzled look on their faces, “What are you selling?”
ME: “Nothing.”
THEM: “Why do you have a shop then?”
ME: “Just because.”
THEM: “Just because what?”
ME: “Just because I was told to.”
THEM: “She’s crazy!”
ME: “You got that right!”
Nothing to clean up, nothing to stock up and no money coming in. Who cares?!! I’ll have my peace and if they, the customers come in they can look at me with a puzzled look all they want. I’ll call it the future way of shopping. Do your shopping via the internet and if you have to venture out, you have somewhere to go but nothing to buy!
My imagination is on overdrive today! Next question please…..
Daily writing prompt
If you were going to open up a shop, what would you sell?
I can say many things like my ID, money, credit cards but I never thought I would say this! It is my iPhone. I was never a big cellphone, handy, mobile phone fan. I had something for emergencies and it worked just fine or rather I was more than content with it.
Along came my friend, a tech-savvy guy who was into all the latest gadgets! He couldn’t understand how I could survive with the thing I was carrying around. One birthday, we went to the next village to have dinner and as we walked past a computer store, his eyes lit up. “Let’s go in,” he said. They had everything and more as far as technology was concerned. He headed straight to the iPhone section. I was thinking he wanted something new for himself. Nope! He picked out the latest and it was a done deal. Then he handed it to me and said, “Part of your birthday present.” You don’t want to know what the other part was! Anyway, I had a brand new iPhone that could do hoops and much much more.
That’s when the Google addiction started. I was amazed at what I had at my fingertips! He is gone but that technology he gifted is a part of my daily life. I never leave home without it and it goes everywhere with me. There is a certain safety that comes with it because if caught outside with car troubles or I needed to call someone, it is there to fulfil my every wish. Sure, lesser and cheaper gadgets do that as well but not as efficiently as this does. Worth the money? Definitely. And it gives me peace of mind as well.
Daily writing prompt
What is the most important thing to carry with you all the time?
My posts and articles showcase many things but my core focus is social injustice with special emphasis on racism. Racism is a “pandemic” and it should be treated as such. It is not a small thing as some make it out to be and neither is it harmless. It has the potential to destroy human dignity and it does exactly that on a daily basis.
I have a friend who once said, “You can’t change racism. It is here to stay.” Perhaps, he is right but that doesn’t mean that your voice must be silenced to accommodate what the majority thinks. I’ve spoken up where others have stayed silent, I have faced backlash and I march on hoping that one day things will change. My writing is my megaphone to get the message across.
A world free of racism is a wonderful place in my opinion. Each and every individual can have their say, go about life as equals and learn to get along with each other. We are still a long ways off from that ideal reality and if racism will ever take a backseat, that is still to be seen. However, my voice matters just as yours does.
What change would I like my blogs to make? Exactly that. Eradicate racism and let’s give every individual a chance at a decent life, one that is not based on appearance, skin color or religious beliefs for that matter.
Oh, what a wonderful world this would be….
Daily writing prompt
What change, big or small, would you like your blog to make in the world?
I would go back and change everything! Starting with the night I met my two-timing ex! What started out as a chance meeting at a dance at the university and later morphed into something more was a big mistake. I would erase all of that.
How far would you go for love? It’s a question that is asked in certain circles and it’s a question many ponder over when in love with someone a continent away. Some are brave enough to throw caution to the winds because “love” is all that matters. It did at the time. I gave up everything and moved to Europe thinking I had “forever” in my pocket. It didn’t turn out that way.
There are many hurdles to cross when you move to a non-English speaking country. First, comes the meeting up with the culture and the customs at close range along with a feeling of being like a duck out of water all the time. In my case, I had to raise a child in an atmosphere of, “We know everything better!” Team it with a husband who was never there because he was on business trips all the time and you get the picture. I learned what unhappiness was and with a mother-in-law from hell in tow, my life became something else.
Here’s the thing. In my alternate universe, I would be in America and with someone else. Someone who has character and is noble enough to stand beside his wife which was sorely lacking in more ways than one.
My advice to someone contemplating a move to somewhere faraway, make sure you have a backup plan when it goes down south. Luckily, I was able to survive what came my way, and this is home now because my son feels more at home here and considers himself European as well.
If I get to do it all over again, my alternate universe would be a lot more different than what my reality is and peace would reign supreme!
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