I thought this was funny but SOME may not think so!
BRAINS…..
The patient’s family gathered to hear what the specialists had to say.
“Things don’t look good. The only chance is a brain transplant. This is an experimental procedure. It might work, but the bad news is that brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the costs yourselves.”
“Well, how much does a brain cost?” asked the relatives.
“For a male brain, $500,000. For a female brain, $200,000.
Some of the younger male relatives tried to look shocked but some nodded in understanding and a few smirked. Then the patient’s daughter asked, “Why the difference in price between male brains and female brains?”
“A standard pricing practice,” said the head of the team.
“Women’s brains have to be marked down because they are used.”
Hmm……I can think of one prime example but I’m not going to say anything else!
A man who was previously a sailor, was very aware that ships are addressed as “she” and “her.” He often wondered what gender computers should be addressed. To answer that question, he set up two groups of computer experts. The first was comprised of women, and the second of men. Each group was asked to recommend whether computers should be referred to in the feminine gender, or the masculine gender. They were asked to give 4 reasons for their recommendation.
The group of women reported that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:
In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer you could have had a better model.
The men on the other hand concluded that computers should be referred to in the feminine gender because:
No one but the Creator understands the internal logic.
The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
Hmm….
Good one but incase you’re wondering computers are gender neutral.
I thought this was funny but you may think different!
Two New Elements Discovered!: WO and XY…
From Christopher G. Worley, Los Alamos Laboratory
Two new chemical elements have recently been discovered. Here for the first time is a description of their properties.
Name: WOMAN
Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: (don’t even go there!)
Physical Properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.
Chemical Properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong afinity to gold, silver, platinum and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.
Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.
Physical Properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples.
Chemical Properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it gets. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd (Element: Child) for prolonged period of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.
Usage: None known. Possibly good Methane source. Good samples and are able to produce large quantities on demand.
CAUTION: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.
It’s the start of another brand new week and what better way to get it going than with a bit of laughter. I found the jokes below hilarious and it certainly tickled my funny bone! Hope it lightens the load.
When women fall ill:
“It’s ok. I’m just a little tired.”
When men fall ill:
“Listen to me carefully woman, these are my last words.”
I got all dewy-eyed when I saw my husband looking at our marriage certificate for half an hour. Then I found out he’s been searching for the expiry date!
I’m embracing humor with open arms these days. Jokes, stand-up comedy and anything that tickles the funny bone is all par for the course and believe me it brings joy into my life and a lighter outlook on life. Here are a few more jokes to bring a wholehearted laugh or even a smile to your face.
A Women’s Perfect Breakfast
She’s sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
*********************************************
WIFE vs. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically. ‘Relatives of yours?’
‘Yep,’ the wife replied, ‘in-laws.’
Smart wife and the husband is on the back of the milk carton by the way!
A guy dies and having been far from perfect in life, finds himself in hell. The devil greets him and says he’ll have to pick from one of three rooms.
He looks in the first room and he sees people screaming in pain as they burn in a massive fire.
He looks in the second room and he sees people being violently torn to shreds by a giant, raging gorilla.
He looks in the third room and there are people sitting in vats of s**t all the way to their neck but they are also drinking coffee. He thinks sitting in s**t is not that great but at least you get coffee. He chooses Room #3. He gets into the vat and he gets his cup of coffee. He takes a sip and thinks, not bad at all. Then the supervisor blows a whistle and says, “OK everyone, break is over. Back on your heads!”
It has been said that laughter is good for you. According to the MayoClinic people, it can: “Stimulate many organs. Laughter enhances your intake of oxygen-rich air, stimulates your heart, lungs and muscles, and increases the endorphins that are released by your brain. Activate and relieve your stress response.”
That said, it lifts up your face, puts a happy smile on your whole being and on days like today when nothing much is happening and it is cloudy and windy outside, it helps to bump up your mood.
Here are some quotes to get you laughing and put a smile on your face as it did on mine.
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” Woman’s Day
Experts say “that laughter might raise the pain threshold and improve glucose tolerance, have positive effects on the immune system, and lower blood pressure.” Furthermore, “it enhances your intake of oxygen-rich air, stimulates your heart, lungs and muscles, and increases the endorphins that are released by your brain.”
However, humor can’t cure all ailments but according to the mayoclinic.org, it has the ability to stimulate many organs, it helps to activate and relieve your stress response and it can soothe tension. These are just some short-term effects. The long-term effects can improve your immune system, help to relieve pain by releasing natural pain killers, increase personal satisfaction and improve the mood.
A daily dose of laughter can do wonders it seems. So here are a few jokes to get you started.
Police Inspector: Why didn’t you report your stolen credit card?
Husband: The thief was spending less than my wife.
Police Inspector: Then why are you reporting it now?
Husband: I think now the thief’s wife has started using it.
It has been said that laughter is good for you. According to the MayoClinic people, it can: “Stimulate many organs. Laughter enhances your intake of oxygen-rich air, stimulates your heart, lungs and muscles, and increases the endorphins that are released by your brain. Activate and relieve your stress response.”
That said, it lifts up your face, puts a happy smile on your whole being and on days like today when nothing much is happening and it is cloudy and windy outside, it helps to bump up your mood.
Here are some quotes to get you laughing and put a smile on your face as it did on mine.
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” Woman’s Day
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