FEAR

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Fear, according to Freud, signals danger: “We fear physiological decay, illness and death; we fear the destructive forces of nature; and-of-course- we fear US.” Carl Jung, however, had a different interpretation. “For the hero, fear is a challenge and a task, because only boldness can deliver from fear.”

Whatever the case may be, fear took hold somewhere in my 20s and has been a constant companion ever since. I would consider myself to be a fearful person but people who know me say that I am strong and that I am capable of slaying monsters, the kind that keeps me from stepping out and looking fear right in the eye and thumping my nose at it. However, that doesn’t happen often!

Let’s see, I have a fear of ghosts having seen one or two in my lifetime but that’s for another place and time. I fear the unknown but who doesn’t? I have a fear of falling in love so I have built this insurmountable wall around me and breaking it is going to take super-human strength and a special kind of guy. That said, I do want to find love again but the fear within makes me run before I even get started and that is a conundrum in itself.

“The fears we don’t face become our limits.” Robin Sharma

Yet, if I put matters of the heart aside, I have done things that tells me that “fear” is just in my mind and NOT a real thing. I accompanied a sick friend to the very end of his life. In the beginning, I dug my heels in and said, “I can’t do this!” My friend gave me the power to pull the plug when the time came and even though I agreed bravely, the fear within told me, I couldn’t do it. Then the time came and I was asked the question I had been dreading all along. “I can’t take a life!” I screamed inwardly but outwardly I agreed to stop the meds that kept him hanging on to a life that was already gone. It took tremendous strength to see a life get snuffed out but fear was nowhere to be seen at that time.

Sometimes it is at these moments when we think we can’t that we CAN! Fear is an all-encompassing emotion meaning it can stop you in your tracks bringing life to an absolute standstill. I’ve been there and done that. At times, life takes a pause just enough so that you can come to grips with the fear within and to see it for what it is, just a momentary lapse in time until you can gather your strength and start moving again. I’m at that stage now. The fear of the unknown has set in and everything seems scary and putting one foot in front of the other is an option I am not looking forward to. I do know, however, that this too shall pass.

“F-E-A-R has two meanings: ‘Forget Everything And Run’ or ‘Face Everything And Rise.’ The choice is yours.” Unknown

I am a fearful person but I’ve stepped out of that fear mode many times. I know that I have the ability to overcome the most fearful things if need be and that for now is enough. One day, I’ll look back at my life and see the things I’ve accomplished in spite of that all consuming fear and know that it was but an imaginary hold in my mind that I created for whatever the reason.

Reality of Fear

You’re not scared of the dark.

You’re scared of what’s in it.

You’re not scared of heights.

You’re afraid of falling.

You’re not afraid of the people around you.

You’re afraid of rejection.

You’re not afraid to love.

You’re afraid of being loved back.

You’re not afraid to let go.

You’re just afraid that he’s really gone.

You’re not afraid to try again.

You’re just afraid of getting hurt for the same reason.”

Unknown

Overcoming fear takes constant effort and strength. If you think about it, fear is an emotion like any other. Give it a cursory glance when it steps in as it will but then shove it out the door and move out of its way. You’re fully capable of overcoming fear. I did when I refused to let it have the upper hand. Of course, it is still my daily companion but these days it doesn’t have the strength it used to have. It shows up but it doesn’t stay for long. I don’t stand still long enough for it to take hold and that maybe my superpower against it.

Have an amazing day.

My Mission?

My personal mission is to spread love not hate. More than that, my focus is to bring injustice of any kind to the forefront. My core focus has been on two things, racism and criminal injustice. I’ve been successful in both having published numerous articles on the topics but there is still much to be done.

My voice has grown quieter these days but that doesn’t mean I don’t see what’s happening and there are times when I really want to get back into the fray again but these days it is in a more subdued manner. It is not a 24/7 obsession anymore but speaking out only when keeping quiet means letting it exist whatever it is. Sometimes a small voice does carry weight and can boom like a megaphone.

I believe that it takes courage to speak out against injustice and racial inequalities. My goal is to continue speaking out against such atrocities.

Daily writing prompt
What is your mission?

Stephon Clark, A Senseless Killing

LEST WE FORGET

pexels-photo-923681.jpegMarch 18, 2018 dawned like any other day for Stephon Clark, a 22-year-old African-American male but before the day was done, he would belong to the same club as all those killed before him, the likes of Michael Brown, Tamir Rice and Trayvon Martin just to name a few who are now card-carrying members of the “shot dead by the police” club.

On that particular evening, the officers of the Sacramento Police Department were looking for a male suspect who was captured on film breaking windows in the Meadowview neighborhood.  The police camera shows officers breathing heavily as they run around the neighborhood trying to apprehend the suspect.  They come across Clark standing in the yard of his grandmother’s house with a cellphone in one hand.  What ensued is hard to watch as is and was the case in many other shootings involving black males in the U.S.  The camera footage takes you through the encounter and then one officer is heard shouting, “Gun! gun! gun!” and a barrage of shots follows.  The aftermath shows the victim on the ground his life seeping away.  The officers had fired 20 rounds, eight shots found their mark, six of them in Stephon Clark’s back. He died about 3 to 10 minutes after being shot.   The officers opened fire just seconds, six seconds in all, after they encountered Clark.

This is nothing new.  The “overkill” by law enforcement of black males is nothing new.  It is a recurring event.  The horror and anger is nothing new either and so are the  protests that ensued as hundreds if not thousands took to the streets looking for justice.  We have yet to see justice prevail in such shootings because police officers are held to different standards and they march to a different drum beat or so it seems in this country.

According to the police, they believed that Clark was holding a weapon in his hand as they chased him into the backyard and opened fire at an unarmed man.  The weapon was a white iPhone.  The officers have claimed that they “feared for their lives.”  We’ve heard this excuse too.  Take Michael Brown for instance.  Officer Darren Wilson, who shot him claimed that he feared for his life against an unarmed  Brown. The young teenager  had been shot six times at least twice in the head, those were the last two shots  delivered.  According to Darren Wilson, it was a “fight for survival” and he shot him because he feared for his life.  Sound familiar?

Coming back to the case at hand, no aid was administered to Stephon Clark after the shooting.  It took about 5 minutes before a female officer is heard saying, “We need to know if you’re OK. We need to get you medics, so we can’t go over and get you help until we know you don’t have a weapon.”  Right, how many bullets does it take to believe that a shooting victim is no longer a threat?  After five minutes, they walk over and handcuff the man  bleeding on the ground.  More officers arrive at the scene and one officer is heard saying, “Hey, mute,” and that was the end of the audio recording.

This is just another shooting of yet another black male in the scheme of things.  The use of deadly force is also the norm where black males are concerned.  Shoot first and ask questions later is the stance law enforcement takes when it comes to black suspects.  The latest incident has sparked protests but this too is nothing new.  The anger will simmer long after the protests have died down but justice will take a long time coming, if at all.

California lawmakers are pushing to make it easier to prosecute police officers who kill civilians.  According to the author of the bill, Shirley Weber, “It seems that the worst possible outcome is increasingly the only outcome that we experience.”  How right she is.  These killings can only be described as an “overkill” to say the least.

In the meantime, another black male is dead, the victim of a police shooting.  Far too often we hear, “we feared for our lives,” from the officers after emptying their barrels into the victims but in most cases it was not the officers who had to fear for their lives, it was the victims who had no weapons to protect themselves and are no longer here to give an account of what took place.

Stephon Clark was the father of two young boys, ages 1 and 3 and at the time of his death, he was trying to turn his life around.  He had a criminal record but that is not the point here.  His record is irrelevant, the shoot to kill mentality is.  The case is under investigation but don’t hold your breath. The killing of black males will continue in a culture where it is condoned by the system.

His grandmother asked, “Why didn’t you shoot him in the arm?  Shoot him in the legs? Send in dogs? Send in a Taser?  Why? Why? Those are my questions too. but I will add one more question to that.  Why was Clark shot six times in the back if as the officers claimed that they had feared for their lives when they delivered the shots?  Finally, did Stephon Clark deserve to die even if he had broken some windows on that late March evening?  What do you think?

Update:

As of 2024, Stephon Clark’s family is still waiting for justice to prevail in this case.  The body camera video sparked national attention, outrage and calls against police brutality. It was announced in 2019 that then District Attorney Anne Marie Schubert  wouldn’t file charges against the two officers who shot him, Terrence Mercadal and Jared Robinet. However, California Gov. Gavin Newsom signed in the Stephon Clark law in 2019 altering  the Sacramento Police Department’s body-worn camera policies. And that was it.

Let It Be

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Let It Be. How many times have we heard this phrase? I don’t know about you but I’ve heard it often enough mostly from well-meaning friends, people who care and those who want better for me.

Did it sink in? NOT when I was in the midst of what I call my “end of the world” meltdowns. During these times, “let it be” was the last thing on my mind. However, when you look at these three words, it does hold power behind its seemingly gentle facade. The strength lies in its ability to slow things down, to step back and to take a good hard look at the situation and to say, there is nothing left for me to do so breathe and LET IT BE. Three unassuming words but a powerhouse when it comes to comfort, acceptance and a message of hope.

I want revenge! I want my old friend “karma” to step in and do what I can’t do! I want payback! Unfortunately, revenge is a dangerous option and karma, well it takes its time and that is the problem. Payback? It doesn’t happen automatically. So what do you do while you wait for whatever it is that you’re waiting for to take place? Breathe quietly and LET IT BE.

There is comfort in knowing that you don’t have to do anything. Wipe away the tears, tone down the rhetoric and just LET IT BE.

Acceptance, well this is much more difficult. Accepting means you are ready to let go of an event or situation that has caused so much turmoil. How do you calm this beast down? Breathe deeply and LET IT BE.

Hope is a four letter word that holds power within its unassuming persona. When you zoom into this optimistic state of mind, all things are possible is the message. Armed with comfort, acceptance and hope, I’m going to breathe and LET IT BE, if only for today. Tomorrow is another story!

Today’s mantra will be?

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be. 

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

The Beatles

My Thoughts on Living a Long Life

I hope I go before my hair falls out, the same for my teeth and before my bones give way!

I live a healthy life which means working out everyday, eating healthy except for my dives into cheesecake now and then but I’m working on that and I do everything necessary to live a good and healthy life. Add daily meditation and walks in nature and I’m on the right track. However, I don’t think I want to live to be a 100 or so because that means being a burden to someone. Age does take a toll and not only on the person but on those around you and so like I said at the beginning, I hope I go before that happens and I definitely don’t want to do the “Methuselah” bit.

Daily writing prompt
What are your thoughts on the concept of living a very long life?

The Killing of Christopher Lane

LEST WE FORGET

A series on murders that made sensational headlines because of the “senselessness” of the crime.

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He was a young man from Melbourne, Australia.  He was handsome, he was ambitious, he was in love and he had everything going for him.  He was two weeks away from celebrating his 23rd birthday when his life came to a screeching halt when a bullet from a passing car found its way to his back and he was pronounced dead within a matter of minutes.

Christopher Lane had won a baseball scholarship with Oklahoma’s East Central University and he was feeling on top of the world on August 13, 2013. What happened on that hot, humid day and how he lost his life is beyond imagination.  His father, Peter Lane, put it this way as he tried to make sense of his son’s death.  “It is heartless and to try to understand it is a short way to insanity.  There is not gonna be any good to come out of this, cause it was just so senseless.”  He was right.  The senselessness of the killing would make headlines around the world and would make many of us sit up and take notice at man’s inhumanity to man.

They are James Edwards, 15, Chancey Luna, 16, and Michael Jones, 17, and they were at the other end of the spectrum.  All three were restless with no future in sight.  They had spent the night partying away, smoking meth amphetamine, drinking alcohol and taking Xanax.  On the day of the murder, Edwards and Luna stepped into Jones’s Ford Focus for a joyride.  It would quickly turn into tragedy for Christopher Lane.  He was jogging, minding his own business when Chancey Luna saw him and decided to take aim from the backseat of the car.  The bullet penetrated just below Lane’s shoulder blade piercing his heart and lungs leaving him gasping for breath in a  roadside ditch.  There was no chance for survival.

According to Jones, “We were bored and didn’t have anything to do so we decided to kill somebody.”  Remorse was a long time coming if at all.  Instead they were on an euphoric high and the exact words used were, “You got that n***a, you shot him, you got him.”

The three teenagers were sentenced as adults.  Jones 17, was charged with accessory after the fact of first degree murder, later upgraded to first-degree murder.  James Edwards, 15, was sentenced to 25 years jail with 10 years off the sentence suspended and triggerman, Luna was sentenced to life in prison without parole.  However, in 2016, Luna’s conviction was overturned by the appeals court because, “the juvenile’s chronological age and immaturity” were not taken into account at time of sentencing.  No date has been set as to when a new sentencing will be held.

This is a story that needs retelling because no matter how much time has gone by between then and now, the senselessness of the crime is horrific to say the least and will never get old.  Violence has become an all too familiar part of our lives and killings are nothing new.  Each new day brings another story of killing or killings and we have become jaded to the violence all around us.  However, in this case, the brutality of the crime stands out because the victim and perpetrators had no prior history.  Christopher Lane lost his life because he was seen as a thrill-inducing object not as a human being and therein lies the horror of this specific crime.

“Evil begins when you begin to treat people as things.”

Terry Pratchett

Update:  

A Stephens County Judge has upheld the sentencing for Chancey Allen Luna in the shooting death of Chris Lane.  He was convicted of first degree murder but Luna attempted to appeal the conviction because he was a juvenile at the time.  However, rulings from the U.S. Supreme Court and the Oklahoma Court of Criminal Appeals has upheld that a juvenile can be sentenced to life without parole.

 

 

 

Stop People Pleasing!

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People pleasing is described as “a person who consistently strives to please others, often sacrificing their own wants or needs in the process.”

Guilty as charged! I didn’t know this about me but I’m a “yes” person and I tend to jump hoops to help others and in so doing my needs and wants are often placed on the backburner.

Here are some signs of a people pleaser:

You put other people’s needs before your own.

You allow others to take advantage of your kindness.

You feel guilty when you take care of yourself.

You find it hard to say NO.

You stay in relationships that are not good for you.

You worry about the future a lot.

“Givers need to set limits because takers rarely do.” Rachel Wolchin

That is the absolute truth. The more you give, the more is taken. It is expected that you give and give but if you step back and take a long hard look at the situation as I did last year, I realized it was time to put a stop to the constant giving cycle I was in. It comes down to setting boundaries, strong ones that don’t buckle under pressure.

“The only people who get upset when you set boundaries are those who benefited from you having none.” Unknown

It’s time to say NO and to stick to it. Taking small steps as with everything else helps in getting you out of the people pleasing mode and towards being more confident and assertive.

According to Emily Roberts, here’s how to stop those people pleasing habits.

Stop. Stop saying yes when you want to say no.

Take your time saying yes to favors. Think about it first.

Be fair. Are you being fair to yourself when you say yes.

Don’t over-apologize. Just say, “I am sorry and leave it at that.”

Start small. Limit your availability and your time.

Forget the fear. If people get mad when you say no, you shouldn’t be with such people in the first place anyway.

Ask for help. If it’s too much to handle, ask for help.

Brene Brown says:

“When we’re busy pleasing, perfecting, and performing, we end up saying YES a lot when we mean NO.”

What caught my eye and held my interest is the “performing” part in that quote. I suppose we do perform like actors would trying to please people all of the time. In time, this drains us and it saps our energy. More importantly, you get exploited or manipulated by others. The end result is mental fatigue and burnout.

If you’re a people pleaser STOP! Teach others to respect your boundaries and learn to say NO more often. I have to remind myself of this too. You know what you’ll put up with and what you won’t so do it. It is life changing and freeing at the same time.

When someone says:

“You’ve changed”—

You say : No actually I think the proper term is

“I’ve stopped trying to please you.”

Have an amazing day.

What could I do differently?

Good question because it is one that I ask myself on a daily basis. I think I need to stop “people pleasing.” I tend to overextend myself so much so that I am left wanting and my needs and wants are not met. I have this motto, help first and take care of yourself later and that is not working.

This year I am a work in progress. Not that I didn’t do the same thing last year but I fell short. This year I am going to put “me” first and set some boundaries and work on my self-worth as well. It is not where it should be. That is it in a nutshell.

Daily writing prompt
What could you do differently?

It’s Grooming Day!

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I’ve got everything laid out on the table along with towels to dry Chachi, the cat’s wet fur after giving him a thorough cleaning. The little rascal is eyeing me suspiciously!

Grooming Your Cat

Although most cats spend their time grooming themselves, they sometimes need some extra help from us. This includes:

Brushing Your Cat

Bathing Your Cat

Brushing Your Cat’s Teeth

Cleaning Your Cat’s Ears

Clipping Your Cat’s Nails

It has been said that cats typically spend between 30 to 50 percent of their day grooming themselves and the rest of the time they sleep! Unbelievable? Mine loves cleaning himself and right before bedtime, he has a ritual that begins from the top of his head to the tips of his paws! The little guy is fastidious as he gives each part of his anatomy the attention it deserves and it’s all done with the help of his hard-working tongue. It must be exhausting so today I’ve decided to give him a little help in that direction.

The little macho is not dumb. He’s been sitting on the stairs watching my every move and each time I head towards him, he dashes up the stairs! We’ve been through this before and he knows exactly what is coming up.

Once I get him on the table, he lets out a loud meow showing disdain and apprehension for the process. It’s his way of saying, “I can do this myself human, I don’t need your help!” I agree but from time to time he needs a little help of the human kind so to speak or even an over-obsessive human going bonkers where he is concerned. Whatever the case maybe, it is happening and he needs to take it like the “sweetheart” he is.

I have to say that Chachi doesn’t put up much of a fight or much of a resistance either and takes it all in stride, even the nail clipping part so long as I coo softly and mumble gibberish. The kisses help as well. When it is all said and done, he looks like he’s been through a wind tunnel, his fur standing on end but smelling wonderful.

To this he says: “I’m a cat and smelling sweet is not in my department!”

Once done, he shoots up the stairs to hide from me in case, I have other ideas. Like rubbing his teeth with a tiny gloved finger to clean them. Today, I’m sparing him that part although I did spray some plaque remover in his mouth, it’s supposed to cut down on the pesky plaque and keep his mouth smelling fresh and minty.

Oh, Lord have mercy! Exactly what he says too!

Cuddling tonight will be a pleasant experience although I love holding him close every night. I really don’t think cats smell bad, perhaps because they know how to keep themselves clean. “Cookie Dough” is back downstairs meowing softly. Perhaps he is saying, “I thought I’m the master and you the slave.” True but once in a while we reverse roles and that is alright too!

Have an amazing day.