“Sometimes, the strength within you is not a fiery flame for all to see, it is just a tiny spark that whispers softly ‘You got this, keep going.”
Less than three weeks to go before I give up control of my body to a surgeon and hope that he is competent enough and will do a great job. Some days I am alright meaning calm and collected but on other days, like today, I am climbing walls!
My first thought when I learned about what needed to be done was, “I can’t do this!” Then it dawned on me that I was alone and even though being “alone” was and has been great but not when you don’t know the outcome and having help by your side would be a great thing to have at a time like this. Do I want my ex back? That’s a big NO! However, support of some kind would be great when you’re feeling unusually small and helpless!
I took time to mull things over. The fear wanted to take over and I almost drowned in it. Then I found that tiny spark within that said, “You are not alone. You’ve got this!” Courage came riding in on a white horse and I started looking around at what was available for a person in my situation. My Chilean friend said, “I’m here for you. I’ll drive you to both your appointments and I will drive you back home after your hospital stay.” Things started looking up. I looked some more and I got more offers of help. Friends showed up, real friends, and they offered help after the operation especially during the recuperation period.
What about Chachi? My precious little guy, what do I do about him? He has never been alone. I looked for cat sitters and there were plenty but I wanted people who were trained to do the job and to do it well. Lots of students offered to cat sit but I wasn’t too sure. Then I found one place that ticked all the right boxes. They were going to cost more than the others but I signed the contract. Someone will come in twice a day, feed him, make sure he has fresh water, food, clean the litterbox, and play with him for half an hour if he wants it. I’ve got them booked for a week because bending over will be a problem after the operation and carrying heavy stuff as well. Going up and down the stairs? I was told to keep it to a bare minimum so most of my time will be spent in the downstairs living room for the first week or so. I love my bedroom which is upstairs so I’m not looking forward to change. Workouts are out as well. Walking is allowed and recommended but 5 to 10 minutes a day for the first week. This will be hard as well. I workout 7 days a week so I can’t see myself doing that but I have no choice in the matter.
What do I do about help when I come back home? That was weighing heavy on my mind. I won’t be allowed to drive and it will be bedrest, maybe painkillers ( I hope not!), and taking it easy and hoping the wound heals. I looked around for help and I found this lady. We met and talked and she offered all the help I needed. Cleaning, taking care of Chachi, shopping, driving me to the doctor and driving me back if I needed it. I couldn’t believe it but wait there is more.
The heavens opened up and an “angel” walked in when she told me that she worked at the same hospital as a nursing aide where I would have my procedure done! My eyes opened wide when she said, “I’ll come check on you after the operation. You’ll be in good hands.” I couldn’t believe it!
“I can also help you with all your needs and I will talk to the nurses there to keep an extra eye on you! Don’t worry, I’m there for you.”
Hallelujah?!! Her wings were missing but who knows, she probably had them neatly tucked away. She walked in here this morning, cleaned up the place, took the trash away, AND we had a talk. She told me that she has a week off during the week of my operation but plans to stay home.
“Don’t worry, I plan to come visit everyday and I AM THERE FOR YOU!”
Did I get lucky or is this just too good to be true? Perhaps, luck has nothing to do with it. Angels walk among us and I truly believe that. So, have my worries subsided just a little? NOPE. I am a worrywart and I will find something else to worry about! There is this other thing. I think I’m going to die because I have had these weird feelings and premonitions that point to it. Can someone help with that? AI says it is normal to have such thoughts especially with a big operation coming up. I don’t know folks, I’ve been preparing for the worst but who knows.
My point is this, don’t give up hope. Don’t succumb to your fears and there is always a way out. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
“One day you will understand that you had the strength within you from the very beginning. Keep going.” Unknown
Now, I hope that the “angel” doesn’t disappear as the time for the operation gets closer!
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