LOL!

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This one got more than a chuckle out of me!

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs,

“I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car – NOW!”

The four men didn’t wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver’s seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee, and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat.

A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into her own car and drove to the police station to report her mistake. The Sergeant to whom she told the story couldn’t stop laughing! He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a carjacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.

No charges were filed.

Moral of the story? If you’re having a senior moment…make it memorable!

credit: Nadeem Alipur

Building Loyal Subscribers

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This is the wrong question to ask me. I don’t spend a lot of time online like I used to and usually I post my articles and leave it at that. Building loyal subscribers probably takes lots of time and effort to get it going. These days my writing is not about getting subscribers but getting something out that speaks to the heart, helps someone out there, and helps me to vent my frustrations!

I have about 285 subscribers. How I got them I don’t know! However, I’m thankful for the people who have subscribed and think that what I put out there is worth reading. Thank you.

As to your question, I think to build loyal subscribers you’ve got to spend loads of time online, searching for new people, liking their posts, and HOPING that they like yours and subscribe!

Daily writing prompt
How do you build loyal subscribers?

The Three Update!

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I haven’t written much lately because I’ve been up to my neck with the three that take up my time and my energy!

Shiro, Galli, and Chachi are a handful. They run the roost and although Chachi, my guy, started out as the boss, he has turned it over to the other two. He is happy spending his days under the stairwell and sleeping his day away. Shiro, the white Persian is the ma’am and she dictates how everything goes. Galli, the long-haired British cat, is the observer and the thinker.

Together, they are a team. A brother and sister twosome. They look out for each other, they are very close and it shows. Unfortunately, this doesn’t set too well with Chachi, the little macho. Shiro has shown Chachi who wears the pants around here and even though he hates it, he has given up and keeps out of her way. She, Shiro, spends most of her time in my bedroom pretending to be asleep but in actuality she is watching everything I do! She loves it when I spray some scent on her. She is a GIRL and there is no mistaking it. Galli is the food guy. He waits around and whenever I head to the kitchen, he is right behind me with the Oliver Twist line, “Please, sir, I want some more.” It was driven by unbearable hunger but in Galli’s case, it doesn’t matter if he is hungry or not, he just wants food!

Lately, I’ve been observing the two and it is amazing how they interact with each other. Every time Shiro meows, Galli comes running to see what is going on. He is her knight in shining armor. This morning, she wasn’t feeling too well so when she finally got up and went to get some food, Galli came walking up to her and gave her a small kiss on her cheek and she returned it. I wanted to gather the little guy in my arms and to smother him with kisses! He is a sweetheart.

They will be gone in a month’s time and I must say, I will miss them. I won’t miss the work and the early morning meowing but I will miss having them around. I bet Chachi will too.

I am learning that I LOVE cats! They are beautiful creatures and there is much you can learn from them if you open your mind to them.

Sticks and Stones…..

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This is a proverb that rubs me up the wrong way for all the right reasons! I don’t know when I first heard this saying but it stuck with me. It had a nice ring to it and to a young mind at that time, it seemed to hold some truth to it. Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. On the surface level, that assumption is correct. Dive deeper and you will see how it is SO wrong on many levels!

It is a well-known English proverb and it is a often debated proverb today. It appeared somewhere in the mid-19th century and was used as a defense mechanism against name-calling and bullying. All good right? Like I said, on the surface a good thing but look deeper and it brings forth the fact that whoever coined this proverb was either living in a world of privilege or didn’t know what they were talking about!

Call it free speech, call it political debate, call it whatever! Words do have the potential to hurt and sometimes more than sticks and stones. They wound deeply and to someone who is vulnerable, it can take a lifetime to overcome and sometimes never because those seemingly powerless words can cut you down to size, make you feel inadequate, and make you feel like you are NOT ENOUGH as you are.

Hate speech does that very well. It is spewed like a volcanic eruption against someone and at times an innocent child simply because of what they look like or their belief in a certain religion. Yes, it does damage and often irreversible damage.

Use your words carefully because it has the potential to hurt without a weapon in sight! Words are powerful tools and it can either built someone up or tear someone down depending on how you wield it. Perhaps, this proverb started out as a defense mechanism to help those who are objects of bullying or insults but the truth of the matter is that throwing out that proverb whenever someone is faced with “words” of the hateful nature is far from enough to soothe the hurt that a child feels being called a certain name, an adult who is made to feel different in society, and people who are grouped together and are given hateful names. The thing is, the “haters” have found a weapon that works really well for them and that “words” can do the trick just as well as sticks or stones!

The truth is physical wounds may heal in time but words, hurtful ones at that can have a long-lasting impact, mess with your self-image causing emotional scars that may never heal and affect your mental well-being as well.

This proverb although meant well is so wrong on many levels and I rest my case.

Daily writing prompt
Share a proverb you think is completely wrong and make your case.

Soulmates

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A soulmate is “a person with whom you share a profound, almost unexplainable connection.” That said, I think the term “soulmate” has taken on a life of its own for some people. What started out as a connection that has no explanation except maybe that this person was the “ONE” or there was something more that needed to be explored turned out to be a desecration of the term soulmate for some.

I knew someone who told me that his second wife was his soulmate. The problem was that the woman was married at the time he met her and so was he. The question arises, can someone else’s person be your soulmate? Or is that another term for infidelity all wrapped up to make it look like something else? Soulmate?

Another guy had five soulmates! Every time he broke up with one “soulmate” another one came along. What is that? Soulmates are a dime a dozen?

I used to believe in soulmates and that there is this special someone out there made just for you. They tick all the right boxes and somehow seem to fit you to a perfect T. However, I’ve had to let that notion go because I’m still looking! The ones who have been showing up are the cubic zirconia version of a soulmate! They sparkle like the real thing but after a few rubs, the sparkle wears off and there you have it. A fake diamond exactly as it should be. Nice to look at, spend time with for a little while, and then time to throw it away!

The answer to your question. No, I don’t believe in soulmates. I still do believe that there is someone special out there for each and everyone but some arrive quickly and others, like in my case might take a lifetime to show up or not at all!

Daily writing prompt
Do you believe in soulmates? Why or why not?

LOL!

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A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she’d like to have for her birthday.

‘I’d like to be eight again’, she replied.

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big
bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park.
What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the
Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

He then took her to a McDonald’s where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra
fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie,popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy,
M&M’s. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted and feeling sick.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, ‘Well Dear, what was it like being eight again?

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

‘I meant my dress size, you f@*#* moron!!

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.

I’d add, good husband but pleasing a woman is a next to impossible thing including that dress size!

Traveling at the Speed of Light

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I hated getting on a plane and spending hours there before getting to my destination and then I hated the jet lag that followed afterwards. I don’t travel much anymore but if there is one thing I would like to see invented that would make traveling easier would be a machine or a room that you can step into, press a button and lo and behold, you’re there within minutes!

Add no jet lag to it and I would be willing to travel again! I don’t think it will happen in my lifetime and if it ever will but those geniuses out there, here’s an idea for you. Make it inexpensive and you might just have a winning invention on your hands.

Elon are you listening?

Minimalist or Not!

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The definition of minimalism is, “the intentional lifestyle of owning only what you need and removing distractions to focus on what you value most.”

If that’s the case, I do believe in minimalism. However, even though I’m working on removing distractions, the “stuff” I accumulate seems to be growing no matter how hard I try to get rid of and to remove distractions.

Perhaps in the broader sense of the word, I’m really not a minimalist, just someone who is play acting at being one! My home is an eclectic mix of pieces I love, both modern and antiques. My ex used to call them dust catchers. Then again, what does he know?!!

Clutter gives me a sense of comfort. Not the kind that just takes up space but the kind that holds memories, momentoes that speak of a certain time and place, and just things that I love looking at. A girlfriend recently pointed to a glass apple on the fireplace mantel and said, “I really love that! Where did you get it?” I pointed out that it lights up and is a great addition during Christmastime. She was impressed.

I think I’m a collector of sorts. As such, it is hard to be a minimalist! When something catches my eye, I buy it and it takes up space and gathers “dust” if you want to call it that.

To answer your question, I don’t think I’m a minimalist in the true sense of the word. At times yes and often I’m NOT!

Boy Meets Girl

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This one felt like it was straight out of a movie. Which one? I don’t know and I don’t care. It just felt like it was.

It happened when I was 16, just coming out of my tomboy phase. I had traded in my faded shorts, my dirty cap, and my mud-caked feet for a dress, freshly washed hair, and had slipped my feet into sandals or rather shoes! It was the time when the first boy asked me out on a date. We went out on our first date and it was all very innocent and nothing much happened. He bought me an ice cream after the show and his dad drove us back in his Rolls Royce! Yes, a rich kid and good-looking to boot!

Next was a dance. My first one. I was a late bloomer! It was held out in the open under the summer sky. The night was warm and I had been working as a temp at this company during the school holidays. They had a summer fest with all the works and I went with some friends because there was going to be music and dancing under the stars. I simply went along because I had nothing better to do.

Standing to the side, I watched as people gathered in the middle and started moving to the music. Then I noticed this Chinese guy, I was in Asia at the time. He was standing next to a tall, reddish-blond, good-looking guy and their eyes were trained in our direction. Then they walked over and the Chinese guy introduced this other guy and he held out his hand. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole! This was all new to me. He walked me to the middle of the dance floor and we started dancing. Did I tell you he was gorgeous?!! He was. Then the music slowed and he held me close as we moved. I had my face next to his and all I could think was, “Man, he smells good!” I can’t remember the song we danced to but it was dreamy.

We went for a walk afterwards with my girlfriends in tow! Turned out he was from California, a manager, and was visiting for a short time. All I can say is that he had only eyes for me that evening and stuck close to me.

What happened? Bummer! I can’t recall. We didn’t kiss. My first kiss came much later. He did hold my hand which sent my heartbeat skyrocketing. I had stars in my eyes and I think he did too. It was the perfect boy meets girl moment. The “Notebook” variety. I remember the dance, the moving close together, the talk afterwards but I don’t think we ever went out or had anything more.

I was too young and innocent and he was much older for one thing. It was an experience that is deeply etched in my mind simply because something was waking inside of me and it felt good at the time.

Daily writing prompt
What’s a moment in your life that felt like it was straight out of a movie?

LOL!

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I thought this was hilarious!

The Cop and the Old Lady

A Highway Patrol Officer pulled over a little old lady for going 10mph on the highway.

As he walked up to the old lady’s car he noticed there were 3 other elderly folks looking very frightened and rigid.

He leaned down to the old lady’s window and noticed she was as calm as could be.

“Do you know why I pulled you over, Ma’am?”

“No, I do not,” she replied sweetly.

“You were going 10mph on the highway. That’s a serious hazard for other drivers.”

The officer couldn’t help but glance at the three terrified passengers.

The little old lady pointed at the sign nearby. “Isn’t the speed limit 10?”

The officer looked at the sign and laughed. “Ma’am, that’s the sign telling you which highway you’re on. Interstate 10.”

The little old lady burst out in a fit of giggles. “Oh, I’m sorry!”

The officer decided it was an honest mistake and was going to let her go. But curiosity got the better of him. “Can I ask why your passengers are so scared?”

The little old lady laughed again. “Probably because I just got off Interstate 175.”

🤣🤣🤣