People aside, I would say I feel loved when I see the look in Chachi, the cat’s eyes. When the little guy glances at me, I see it. What? I see the “look of love” and it is unmistakable. A soft purr, a wink and a softness signals his way of saying “I love you.” It is often followed by him rubbing his body up against my leg and hunching his back waiting to be picked up.
I say the little guy is a mommy’s boy. Just last night, he cuddled up close in bed. Then he turned his head sideways to look at me and when I planted a kiss on his soft furry cheek, the “purr” took on a life of its own and went to new heights. It went from soft to a high shrill purr. Happy? I suppose so. It takes very little to make him happy but his love is unconditional and the best part, there are no mind games and no guessing games either! What you see is what you get and I like that a lot. So yes, the little bundle of joy in a fur coat makes me feel loved and that is putting it mildly!
Daily writing prompt
Can you share a positive example of where you’ve felt loved?
It started out like any other day. I was prepared to stay in my “zen” zone as I got ready for the day ahead. No frustrations, no anger and definitely no stress. When has “life” ever listened to me and it was ready to show me different! It said, “Enough with this taking it easy stuff! Time to learn more lessons!” and it went downhill from there yesterday.
Shopping was at the top of the list, shopping for groceries that is. I got that done and I still had a smile on my face. A few more chores later, I returned home and just as I approached the garage, all hell seemed to break loose! The onboard computer went crazy and a loud beeping sound signaled something was wrong. The message said, “Engine overheating! Have it checked out.” This is one of those times when I hate being single! I needed someone to be my side to take care of the problem.
Anyway, I left the car in the garage, rushed in and called my car service place. They suggested that I call my auto club first. I did and was told, “It’s going to take about 3 hours for the technician to get there. It’s cold outside so there is a lot going on. We’re very sorry.” Two hours later, the guy shows up. He seemed to know what he was doing. Finally, he said there is no water in the pump and there seems to be a slight leak.” Hmm….my stress level was rising! He added, “You can’t drive the car until it is checked out. I have to call a tow truck!”
Okay guys, this was not going well at all. Forty-five minutes later, the tow truck shows up. A tall, lanky, young and handsome blonde type steps out with a smile on his face. He was bent on making conversation so I obliged and kept it friendly. He said, “Nice car, would you like to sell it?”
Me: “No, I like my car. I just want it fixed.”
Him: “I would buy it.”
Anyway, out of the blue and just as suddenly he put his arm around me and pressed his forehead against mine! I pulled away shocked and put it down to being overtly friendly. I didn’t immediately jump on the “ME TOO” bandwagon. Is this sexual harassment? It was uncomfortable to say the least but I kept my composure. and asked, “Should I pay you?”
Him: “No, it’s coming from the heart.”
Ugh? Long story short, car got loaded up onto the truck and he took off. However, the incident stayed on my mind causing a sleepless night. Yes, I overthink things but more importantly this question kept floating around in my mind. “Did I instigate his behavior?” I have a tendency to smile at strangers but that is just me being friendly. So I keep wondering what this was about.
Let it go? I will so I’m going to put on my shoes, bundle up and go freeze my you know what off! Perhaps, that will help to get me back to my “zen” state again.
It started out like any other day but some days you have to expect the unexpected.
“Cheating is the most disrespectful thing one human being can do to another. If you aren’t happy in a relationship, end it before starting another one.” Abhishek Tiwari
It is also known as infidelity and defined as “when a person in a monogamous romantic relationship has an emotional or sexual relationship with someone else without their partner’s consent.” I can talk about this till the cow’s come home but cheating on someone, especially someone who loves you is disrespectful, hurtful and the antithesis of love. I was on the receiving end of such a relationship.
He was everything I wanted at that time. Sweet, gentle, loving, down-to-earth and it just felt like we belonged together. A marriage, a son and seventeen years later, I was staring at a blank page. He was successful in his career earning more than most and suddenly the gentle, sweet and nondescript guy had suddenly turned into every girl’s dream guy. His self-worth blew up like a balloon that not even a pin could deflate and he was floating on a bed of arrogance. I was still the girl he had met at the university dance, fell in love with and married. Suddenly I realized and to my dismay that he had moved on without looking back and I was left carrying the bag, the bag of broken dreams and relegated to the role of “lady-in-waiting.” The “nobody” was front and center and his priority.
According to Kiki Strack, “A man can love you from the bottom of his heart, and still find room at the top for somebody he claimed was nobody.”
Kiki speaks to the heart of the matter. Cheaters do not have a problem with this concept. The “nobody” will shine until the glitter wears off and he is ready to move to the next conquest. The problem is cheaters learn that they can have the best of both worlds without being held accountable for their actions. It is only when they get caught and their so called dream world comes crashing down and they have to pay the piper that facing the truth becomes a problem for them.. Unfortunately few learn from their mistakes. Once you take a bite from the apple of sin, there is no going back.
Melissa Edwards says it well. “Once a cheater, always a repeater.”
Looking back, it is not the cheater who has to pay a price but the victims who find themselves in a place that they don’t want to be in. There is nothing that can describe the pain of watching the trust you placed in one specific person be broken into a million pieces. No there is no putting back what was destroyed and no matter how hard you try, a patched heart is not a pretty sight. Years after I walked away, the walls are still up. Someone once asked me, “How can there be love without trust?” Good question but I have no answers.
“Trust once lost, could not be easily found. Not in a year, perhaps not even in a lifetime.” J.E.B Spredemann
I am learning to spread my wings, yes the same wings that got clipped when I learned about his infidelity. It has been a long, slow and painful journey forward. One slow step at a time and along the way, I have met many more like him. Men who cheat because they can. These days I have learned to spot the signs before it is too late. I listen to what it tells me. They say there is a tendency to fall for the same types over and over again. Why? Maybe the heart gravitates to what it has known and it is comfortable in that space. It is hard to believe but that may be the case. I do know that I have learned from my mistakes. I also know that I am valuable, a priority and my self-worth matters. I will not be someone’s lady-in-waiting especially when a “nobody” is relegated to a place of power.
Finally this.
“I am learning to love the sound of my feet walking away from things not meant for me.” Unknown
There are many areas. First of all, relationship clutter needs to go. I find that it clouds my mind and I am caught up in a storm of my own making. All the ifs and buts tend to take over and more often than not I am not in a comfortable place. I’m working on that.
Clutter in the home is another thing I need to work on. Especially my closets. No matter how hard I try to clear up space, I don’t seem to be making headway in that direction. I used to be a clothes horse. However, these days I live in my sweats and dress up only when I need to so I don’t need much “stuff.” That’s another area I need to work on.
Lastly, I need to work on all the things living rent free in my head! It is the kind of clutter that takes up space and blurs the vision! Clarity is what I am seeking so those things need to go as well. Where to start? Hmm…..that is the problem. On my way but not quite there yet. It is a work in progress.
Being “single” is cringeworthy to some, unbelievable to others, unbearable to those who think “single” is a bad word and a “no go” in today’s society of settling for anything even if it means you are with the wrong person just so long as you have someone to boost your image.
Single is defined as “the state of being unmarried or not involved in a long-term relationship.”
I’m both right now but I have to say it’s working out for me. I love spending time by myself and I’m learning that I like who I am. All the clutter that clouds my mind in a relationship is gone and for a change there is peace and clarity within.
“You’re single not because you are not good enough for one, it’s that you’re too good for the wrong one.” Chris Burkmein
Sometimes we make the wrong choices and wind up in relationships that are not good for us. Taking the time as I am doing to find out why I keep falling for the wrong types is a necessary move on my part. Making a promise to do better the next time around is an integral part of the journey I’m on. It’s a journey of self-discovery and I’m not rushing things. I’m taking my time going within to weed out all the destructive bits that lead me on the self-same journey over and over again.
“It takes a strong person to remain single in a world that is accustomed to settling with anything just to say they have something.” Unknown
Settling is not my thing and never has been and I’m stubborn to a fault. Put the two together and you have someone who may never find the right one and “single” is in her cards forever! However, I’m not giving up hope. Working on myself is a priority this year and when and if the “new” someone shows up, I hope I’ll be ready to lower the banner I have around my heart which says, “Do Not Disturb, Work in Progress!“
It has been said:
“A season of loneliness and isolation is when the caterpillar gets its wings. Remember that next time you feel alone.” Parade
AND
“I’ve been single for a while and I have to say, it’s going very well.
Like…..It’s working out.
I think I’m the one.”
Unknown
All jokes aside, being “single” is nothing to be ashamed of. It just means you are taking time out for yourself, learning who you are, loving yourself, working on your self-worth and when the time is right, you’ll get your wings and you’ll learn to fly with the right person.
“Be strong enough to let go and wise enough to wait for what you deserve.” Unknown
I have a love affair with cats. Not all of them but the ones I have had and the one I have right one. I have learned and am learning that there is more to them than meets the eye. They are not dumb for one thing and their love is unconditional. Once you gain their trust, they are there for you fur coat and all!
Chachi, the cat, is an indoor cat and he is low-maintenance. Once he has his food and fresh water, he finds things to keep himself occupied. Keeping himself clean is of the highest priority and observing like a hawk is his other specialty. Hence his fascination with opening cupboards and doors! That aside, he is a confidante of sorts and just a hug and a kiss from my little buddy is enough to bring the sunshine back and for my heart to sing with joy.
The sun is shining as it has been for the last two or three days. Dreams of a snow-covered landscape is no longer a reality and if snow is making its way here, it sure is taking its time. I’ve all but given up on it.
The next best thing is sunshine on a clear morning even though the rooftops are frosted white and something tells me it is going to be very very cold out there. It is. No ifs or buts about it. Even though I am bundled up, the cold is finding places where it can creep in to show me just how “freeze your b*tt cold it is!” Heading up the hill and towards the open expanse I call the fields, it is quiet, very QUIET! The crows have gone into hiding although they are “die-hards” and are out in any kind of weather. Not today because they know what’s good for them unlike yours truly!
The ground is frozen with icy patches here and there. Keep your eyes focused I tell myself. One wrong move and it could send me tumbling! Looking around me, I notice that the field is wearing a somber look. Everything is brown and drab with no color to speak of. However, it still has a certain kind of beauty and charm as far as I’m concerned. A quietness that speaks to the soul and calms the mind.
Nothing much is at play today. The herons have taken leave and so have the ducks and the birds. The deer are huddled up in the woods somewhere and today the fields are mine alone except for the planes droning softly in the skies high above. It is a soothing sound and I welcome it as I trudge along, the sound of ice crunching under my feet.
“The quieter you become, the more you are able to hear.” Rumi
Heading back, I realize that my mind, my overactive mind is sitting back and taking it all in as well. Nature has power and in my case, it has calmed the beast I call my mind and that is not an easy thing to do!
“When confronted with a challenge, the committed heart will search for a solution. The undecided heart searches for an escape.” Andy Andrews
Commitment is a must if you want to succeed in getting something done, accomplish goals or simply in moving forward. However, commitment is often met with excuses and the easy route is to make an excuse for why you are not capable of doing something and to leave whatever it is that needed done just dangling in mid-air, an unfinished task so to speak. It is often accompanied by “If only I had….” at a later point in time.
“Commitment is defined as the state of quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc.”
It takes work, a certain tunnel-vision to stay on the straight and narrow and to see it through. At times, it is boring and it takes tremendous effort. Excuses, on the other hand, are easy to come by.
Looking for a job is hard work because it will take effort, focus and an unwavering mentality. I really don’t want to leave my comfort zone and be out there looking is not going to cut it. I would rather be watching something on TV or playing computer games is not how you are going to be able to pay your bills. It may be fun but not in the long run. However, this excuse comes with a big price tag attached to it at a later point in time.
“He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.” Unknown
How about making excuses in a relationship? Instead of building a relationship most excuse-mongers have one foot in a relationship and out chasing rainbows looking for that pot of gold with the other. Problem is they wind up losing what they had in the first place. Their excuse is, “I’m not sure.” That is one stupid excuse because keeping several fires burning is not the answer. Dedication is. Build instead of tearing it down.
“If it is important to you, you will find a way. If not, you’ll find an excuse.” Unknown
There there are all kinds of other excuses. One for every topic it seems and those excuses are the ones which keep you from achieving the goals. The all important goal of moving on in life, of making something out of life, of being with that one special someone and so on and so forth. Excuses are a dime a dozen and the path to hell is lined with them! Commitment takes courage, fortitude, a certain mindset and it is success oriented.
“Commitment is an act, not a word.” Unknown
It is what transforms a dream into a reality and it takes more than just dreaming about it. Learn what it takes to make it a reality and go after it. Never giving up is a key element and showing “excuses” the door is another sure way of getting to where you want to be. You can stay awhile in “excuses-land” but only long enough to wet your feet and then move with dedication to the end goal. If you want success, dedication and commitment is the way to go.
“There’s always a way if you’re committed.” Unknown
These days I keep it to a bare minimum. Gone are the days of being on everything and keeping track of the traffic coming in, I don’t need to do it anymore. My online presence is next to nothing.
I have one or two things I go to regularly and this here is one of them. I check my messages and that’s about it. As I have said before, I am turning into a recluse in more ways than one. If I could stay in my PJs all day I would! Since that is not possible, sweats are the next best thing. I used to be a fashion magazine editor and the media presence was huge but these days I’ve stepped back and spend more time in nature than anywhere else.
I hate Sundays! Sure, it is a day for rest and restoration but it is also the last bit of hurdle after Saturday and the day before everything opens back up and life returns to normal again and the “fields” become mine alone sans the usual Sunday crowd. The way I love it.
Yesterday was no different. I had my intentions set for the day and I was going to take it easy, relax, meditate, watch “reality” on TV and play with Chachi, the cat. However, it didn’t turn out that way. I was bored stiff! It doesn’t happen often but somehow it was different yesterday. I couldn’t stand my own company anymore.
It was time to get out and about. The “Cheesecake Guy” came to the rescue. If you don’t know who he is, read my article the, “Cheesecake Dilemma.” Anyway, he invited me over to watch movies with him and it sounded like a perfect plan so I took him up on it.
We decided on a Charles Bronson movie, The Telefon. It was an old movie but since I had had my fill of horror movies, we settled on it. My said friend is a horror movie aficionado! Once the movie got going, I couldn’t get into it. It seemed to drag on but my friend was fixated on it so I bit my teeth and kept my patience in check. Halfway through, he suggested stopping for coffee. I agreed enthusiastically. He made the coffee and set the table and there right in the middle holding a place of honor was my nemesis staring back at me! Not one but two! A cherry cheesecake and a raisin cheesecake. He, the friend, had a twinkle in his eye but mine was filled with dread, fear and disbelief.
I’ve been trying to get off this addiction for cheesecake and it was working sporadically but here it was again and I just can’t seem to keep my distance away from it. He said, “Cut as big a slice as you want.” I swear the cheesecakes were nodding in agreeance! I let myself be led meekly to the table. You guessed it! I had two slices and my willpower was nowhere to be seen. It said, “It’s Sunday and I’m taking a day off! You’re on your own!”
Long story short, I had my fix and it felt good going down. Today is another day to get it in grip again. Did I tell you, “I hate Sundays!”
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