Mental health – Page 23

Simplify

A few weeks ago, I wrote about cleaning out my shoe closet, bagging up and getting rid of tons, yes tons of shoes that were taking up space. They were no longer needed because all they were doing was simply staring me in the face and living rent-free in my closet. It was time for them to go. Decision made but it was with a heavy heart that I gave them their freedom. They were free to go light up someone else’s eyes and perhaps more appropriately to go where they were truly needed.

“Fill your life with lots of experiences, not lots of things. Have incredible stories to tell, not incredible clutter in your closets.” Marc and Angel

I think life is simply an accumulation of holding on to things. It is a collection of things taking up space, emotions that surge and thrive on shaky ground and a constant struggle between the two. Clutter helps to shrink your physical space and minimize your mental capabilities. Letting go is hard and for someone like me who holds on for way longer than it is needed, decluttering is an almost impossible task to do.

“Clutter is not just the stuff on your floor – it’s anything that stands between you and the life you want to be living.” Peter Walsh

The problem is you can’t move on when you’re holding on to all that is not needed. There must be a conscious decision and effort to “clean house” meaning letting go of things that no longer serve you. Things and emotions that wear you down, make you lose track of where you need to go, which direction you will have to take to get there and most importantly a decision has to be made to let go, get rid off and open up space maybe for new clutter but the truth is there is no moving forward if you’re standing still. You can’t do both.

“Simplifying your life isn’t just about decluttering your physical space, it’s also about clearing mental and emotional clutter.” Unknown

Understanding that, you’ve got to declutter. Most of us tend to have an iron grip on things that don’t matter and then we wonder why it is so hard to breathe at times or to feel free. If it is not adding value to your life, let it go. If it is just taking up space, dump it. If it makes you feel like you’ve got to do something about it, that’s a clear signal that action is needed.

Focus, declutter, simplify, simplify, simplify. As for people and emotions,

“If your presence can’t add value to my LIFE, your absence will make no difference.” Unknown

Pet Peeves

I have them and I’m sure you have them too. A pet peeve is defined as, “something that a particular person finds especially annoying,” and or is a thing that bugs you every time.

Everybody has one or several pet peeves. Let’s look at some of them.

“I have some road rage inside of me. Traffic, especially in LA., is a pet peeve of mine.” Kathie Holmes

“I don’t have pet peeves like some people. I have whole kennels of irritation.” Whoopi Goldberg

“My biggest pet peeve is inconsiderate people.” Trista Sutter

It is most definitely mine too!

“My pet peeve is hearing a knock on the bathroom door followed by the familiar words, “What are you doing in there?” Karen Scalf Linamen

Just some pet peeves that people find highly annoying. Sometimes that annoying thing we do makes people want to grit their teeth and pull their hair out but the problem is it goes totally unnoticed by the person doing it. They’ve grown accustomed to the annoying things they do that it is a daily way of existence for them and that in itself is the problem. Pet peeves to some may not be the same to others at the other end of the spectrum.

What are some of my pet peeves? I have spent some time thinking about this. Why? Who knows why. I think about things all the time. Perhaps, it’s because I’m a thinker. Anyway, here goes.

The Liar —can’t stand them and can’t tolerate them. They exist in droves and some have made it their life’s work to get away with lies. Let’s see how many lies I can get away with is their mantra. Telling lies is a way of life and the adrenaline rush that follows is what they live for. I am pretty good at spotting lies and liars but it still bugs me to no end.

Tardiness –someone who always shows up late and keeps you waiting for them. I tend to attract these types. Why? No idea, it could be that I’m punctual to a fault and rubbing me up the wrong way is the name of the game. I have a friend who is the complete opposite and she has a big sign plastered on her forehead which says, “Tardy and loving it!” Just kidding but she does make me grit my teeth because meeting up is never fun when she makes it a point to show up 15 to 20 minutes late and the last time, it was 45 minutes! Get rid of her? Believe me, I’ve given it much thought but learning that not everyone is like me. Give it some time, I say.

The Busy Body – Experts say, “what drives someone to become a busybody is an avoidance of their own issues, found deep within their inner psychology. And it doesn’t matter if they’re pointing out something small, like the dog droppings or something bigger. The busybody can really drive you to drink, or point out the drink.” There you have it, an experts viewpoint and I totally agree. Ever had someone poking their nose into everything you do? I have and it is more than annoying. At times I want to scream, “Get a life will you!” More often than not, the friendship fizzles out because dealing with such a person is not only annoying but very very stressful. Or it could be that I’m a Scorpio and we have an aversion to busy bodies. It is supposed to be one of our pet peeves according to the following quote.

“When people can’t mind their own business and always concerned with what you’re doing.” Unknown

There you have it. Three of my pet peeves but I’m sure if I dug deep enough, I can come up with more but it’s Sunday and I’m turning off the switch, the thinking switch that is. Going blank for the rest of the day. Good luck you say, I know what you mean.

Have a great Sunday.

Yesterday Matters

Someone said to me that “yesterday” is not important and what took place there is a part of history never to be repeated again. It is done and dusted and holding on to the pain and memories is just a waste of time and rehashing yesterday over and over again is a mental disaster and needs to be stopped.

I do not fully agree with him. I do agree that yesterday and what happened there is a part of history. It happened, whatever it was, but to recover from the trauma of yesterday, if it was bad, needs time, patience and picking over to gather the good things, sift over the not so important aspects and the last part, learning how not to repeat those mistakes again and to move on with life. It also means learning to let go might take time and it is different with every individual. Some people may be able to let go easily and move on and for others, it might take weeks, months or even years to let go of yesterday. There is no specified time limit, take as long as you need. Yesterday is a learning curve and if used wisely, it helps to make your todays and tomorrows better.

However, it is a big deal because we tend to base our future actions based on our past. Yesterday also helps to define you as a person and in order to create something new, you almost always rely on elements of the past to show and shape what you choose to do or stay away from to create that new reality.

I rely on yesterday to show me the path forward. A conundrum? Actually, I feel and know that yesterday matters. It helps to give voice to my experiences, memories and most importantly the lessons learned. It not only helps to influence who I am as a person today but it most definitely helps to guide my decisions for tomorrow. Yesterday wasn’t always good to me as it is for most of us, there was the good, the bad and the ugly and there are parts that I would definitely want to keep under lock and key and make sure it never sees the light of day again. However, all of it is needed to shape my future and to learn how not to repeat the same mistakes over and over again.

I am stronger today because of yesterday. There is a clearer picture of who I am, what I want out of life, who I want to be with and perhaps the most important lesson I have learned from yesterday is what I will stand for and what I won’t. I’ve garnered that strength and knowing from dabbling in my past and from salvaging the good bits. Yesterday is important, it teaches if you’re willing to listen and learn and it matters for a better tomorrow. However, as with everything else in life, give it the balance it deserves but don’t hang on to it as your life line or as if “yesterday” is the only thing that matters.

David Brier explains it this way.

Yesterday is an idea that too many use as a crutch.

Or worse, as an excuse.

Yesterday isn’t here. You can look in the mirror. You won’t see it.

You can grab yesterday and put it on a scale, and you’ll find it weighs nothing.

You grab an empty box, fill it with yesterday and give it to a friend and you’ll find when they open it, it’s empty.

Because yesterday is simply an idea.

Some even use yesterday as “the reason they are XYZ” today.

Yesterday isn’t that powerful that it determines who or what you are today.

YOU have that power.

Unless you give the reigns to an idea. An idea like yesterday matters.

I agree that it is an idea but it is so much more than that isn’t it? It gives shape to your life if used wisely and as a teacher it teaches how to better navigate your life and to make more informed decisions about the future. Therefore, yesterday matters and it is more than an idea in that sense.

The Reason

Life has a tendency to throw curveballs when you least expect it. Just when you think all is going well, there you are asking why did it happen? It could be a break-up, the passing of a loved one or simply because something didn’t go the way you thought it would. Then the question WHY arises as it always does in moments such as these and we scramble to look for the answers.

“Always remember that everything happens for a reason. It might not make sense now but at the right time it will.” Unknown

Does it matter as to the reason why? Some may say, of course it does. I NEED a reason why. Others may say, it happened. I am going to learn from my mistakes, accept it for what it is and move on from here. I am going to take the lessons I have learned and put it to good use in the future. Moving on is a hard thing to do and not knowing makes it harder still.

“Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.” Unknown

I am learning that the reasons why don’t matter. It is what comes out of it that does. I lost someone close to me about two years ago. He was my best friend. I kept asking the question why after it happened? Why did he have to leave so soon? I wanted and needed to know the reasons why. It was as if my existence depended on the answers coming back to me. There were no answers forthcoming. Just an absolute and eerie silence. The reality was I could no longer run to him in my time of need, hear his soothing voice try to walk me out of the rabbit hole I was in and I just missed having him there to share my daily existence with him. The truth was, I had to deal with things on my own. I felt fear without my safety net there. It was sink or swim time. I felt the net being pulled away and as I was careening back down to earth, I learned that nothing lasts forever. I also learned as I kicked and screamed all the way down that I am enough as I am. I am fully capable of dealing with what life throws my way and I am learning to step out of my comfort zone albeit slowly and moving with little steps forward.

“I believe everything happens for a reason. People change so you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they’re right. You believe lies so that you will eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes, good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” Marilyn Monroe

Sometimes the reason why is not ours to know but what you do with what is handed to you, good or bad, is. I think all of us are fully equipped or rather we are fully programmed to deal with whatever life throws our way. The way ahead maybe strewn with rocks as big as boulders so passing throw them might seem like an impossible task at first but if you have the courage to push through, you will find your way to the other side and the truth is most times you’ll have to do it without asking why?

“Someday, everything will make perfect sense. So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, be strong & keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason.” John Mayer

Mind Games (Archives)

Photo by Monstera Production on Pexels.com

Harper’s Bazaar defines it as, “signs of manipulation and deception. It hurts people’s feelings and gives them trust issues.” According to them, these are major red flags and it has no place in a healthy, happy relationship.

True and you deserve a happy, and healthy relationship. However, many play mind games just for the hell of it because it makes them feel good or just for some sick pleasure. Others have made it part and parcel of their dating existence. How do you spot this wolf in sheep’s clothing? Not easy because they disguise themselves as one of the good guys. They look and come across as harmless but in actuality, they have the potential to hurt you badly through their manipulative tactics.

Here are the tell-tale signs. Actually there are 9 of them according to geediting.com but I think there are more of them.

Inconsistent behavior……this one is like dealing with Jekyll and Hyde. He’s the nice guy one minute and the next you’ll be wondering what changed. It’s NOT YOU! It’s HIM!

Gaslighting..…a technique used to question your own reality, experiences, or perceptions. If you’re constantly doubting or questioning yourself, you might just be a victim of gaslighting.

They never apologize…..this is one significant part of someone playing mind games. Be aware. Instead of apologizing, they deflect blame onto others.

They make you feel guilty….this is one of the tools master manipulators use to shift power in their favor.

They’re hot and cold…..this tactic is known as “love bombing.” This technique will leave you confused and unsure of where you stand and that’s exactly where they want you.

They make you question your worth…..this is a clear sign that someone is playing mind games. It is used to erode your self-esteem making you dependent on them for validation. It’s a form of control.

They withhold affection as punishment….one minute everything’s great and the next they’re not talking to you. It’s a manipulative technique to gain control and hold the upper hand in the relationship. A harsh method used to get whatever they want.

They make you feel like everything’s your fault….even when it isn’t. You’re the bad person and they come out smelling like a rose. Reassess and move on.

They use your insecurities against you….they know your vulnerabilities and they exploit it to gain power and control.

I’ll add silent treatment to the list above. Master manipulators are pros when it comes to using silent treatment to their advantage. It is used as a form of punishment to make you feel unimportant and anxious so that you scramble to make THEM feel important again which means doing anything they want.

“Stop letting people who do so little for you control so much of your mind, feelings and emotions.” Unknown

Mind games have no place in a healthy relationship. A healthy relationship deserves respect, love, caring AND your well-being matters. If you find yourself going through one of the 9 items listed above over and over again, it’s time to leave the loser behind to his own wiles and move on to someone who will meet you on equal terms and treat you as an equal as well. They’re out there, you just have to weed through the losers to get there but anything is better than a master manipulator.

“Mind games do not make me believe you are mysterious or interesting. Mind games do make me believe you are a waste of my time and energy!” Unknown

AND

“Let’s play kind games instead of mind games.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

This Little Love of Mine

It is a gorgeous and sunny day. A perfect backdrop for Mother’s Day. I got greetings from my son this morning and it brought a smile to my face simply because he hadn’t forgotten like he tends to do . He always has something better to do and “Mom” is usually the last thing on his mind unless he needs or wants something. It was a pleasant surprise nonetheless.

Today, I want to talk about my other baby from another mother. This little guy walked into my life in the arms of my then boyfriend almost seven years ago. He was a few weeks old at the time and he was the cutest bundle of fur I had ever seen. Our eyes locked and he meowed reaching one paw out to me. I kept my distance. I wasn’t going to let little furball creep into my heart I decided. I had lost my rescue cat a year ago and I was still in mourning as far as I was concerned. It was too soon to open my heart again but little Chachi had other plans for me.

Truth is, I was lost the moment he reached out to me and his paw hit my arm. I just couldn’t say no and he walked in and took residence like he belonged there. We became inseparable from the get go. A routine has been established or rather he has established one and I follow. I am his puppet and he pulls the strings. My day starts with him waking me up and it ends with cuteness cuddling up next to me, all on his own terms of course. When he has had enough snuggles and kisses, he moves off to his bed with a huff or was that a sigh? Whatever the case maybe, he leads life on his own terms and he has trained me to follow or not to miss a beat.

“I had been told that the training procedure with cats was difficult. It’s not. Mine had me trained in two days.” Bill Dana

So had mine. If he doesn’t like something he shows it. Recently, I got him canned chicken to wean him away from tuna. He loves his tuna. Here comes furball, he walked to his bowl, took a whiff, snorted, turned and shot me a look of disgust and proceeded to bury it with his paws! After that, it was a battle of wills which didn’t last long. He refused to eat and I gave in and he got his tuna. He bolted it down with a look of satisfaction on his face which seemed to say, “Don’t try to change me! I am the way I am.” Sounds like some men I know.

Moving on……I think there is something mysterious about cats. It could be that permanent stare that never changes. They have one look for everything. It could be “bloody murder!” or “I love you,” but that stare never changes. Mine loves me unconditionally this much I know. Or is it the other way around? Today, he is giving me an extra portion of love. It started this morning with lots of snuggles and since then he has been following me around like a second shadow. Does he know it is Mother’s Day? I wouldn’t put past him. Cats are intelligent creatures, at least mine is and he has a mind of his own.

“Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.” Mary Bly

Whatever the case maybe, I am thankful for his presence in my life. He teaches me patience when I’m at the end of my rope and showers me with love in the most unexpected ways. A slight brush against my cheek or the “almost kiss” which never takes place. He stops short right before he hits his target, moves up and plants a kiss on my forehead. That is good enough to make my heart melt. He shows me that I am his world but I stop short of showing him that he is mine. I think he knows already because he has me wrapped around his little paw!

This little love of mine is fascinating. He is just a small bundle of fur but there is much love packed within that little space. It has been said, “There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats.”

I’ve got the music on and Chachi resting by my side purring softly as he watches the birds at play outside. It’s a PURRFECT DAY!

Flexibility

“We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails.” Unknown

If you are strong-willed like I am, this is a hard one to stomach or swallow. I think I’m as stiff as a rod when it comes to being flexible. I can bend and sway with the best of them but changing what I am accustomed to is a hard ask and it doesn’t happen easily for me. It takes a very long time. You can drag me to the water but making me drink is another thing altogether!

“True flexibility can only be achieved through constant adaptation to new circumstances.” Janna Cachola

Deepak Chopra says, “Flexibility opens infinite possibilities, rigidity closes them.”

And that right there is my problem. I am set in my ways and instead of adapting to changes, I usually want to control the situation hoping it will stay the same because adaptation in all its forms means accepting the inevitable and moving on and that is a hard thing to do. It doesn’t matter if “change” would bring about something better. I see it as this unknown monster that needs slaying in order to start anew and that is frightening to say the least.

I have to learn that, “Being flexible means not reacting but actively adjusting to life’s twists and turns. Face the unexpected with resilience, and every challenge becomes an opportunity.” Unknown

It’s not that I am a novice at adjusting to life’s twists and turns. I’ve had more than my share of it but each time something unforeseen happens and I’m left to stare change in the face, I pull back, run to the corner yelling, “Go Away! Leave Me Alone! Not You Again!”

Unfortunately, moving on and accepting changes is what life is all about isn’t it? Nothing remains the same forever, well maybe death but even then there are grey areas. So my next goal is to work with “flexibility” and embrace it as much as I can but not become best friends with it. I don’t want it showing up at my front door too often but when it does I will be gracious and in so doing, I hope it will leave me in peace!

“How strange that the grass is all that remains standing after the storm,” said the Boy.

“Sometimes being soft is strong,” said the Rabbit.

Flexibility is needed to go up against life’s challenges and change is often the result. Acceptance is the next step and moving on is inevitable. That said, flexibility is needed not to direct the wind, that is an impossible task, but to tweak it to where it is manageable and that folks takes many many lessons to learn. I know I’ll never be perfect at it, nothing in life ever is but I’m learning to stand my ground and to bend with resilience and to bounce back when necessary.

“Bamboo is flexible, bending with the wind but never breaking, capable of adapting to any circumstance. It suggests resilience, meaning that we have the ability to bounce back even from the most difficult times.” Ping Fu

Here’s to flexibility, you’re not my best friend but I hope you’ll be gentle with me the next time you come around.

Intuition

The Cambridge Dictionary defines it as: “an ability to understand or know something immediately based on your feelings rather than facts.” In other words, it is often referred to as your gut feeling and it is a powerful tool and if you pay attention to it, it has the ability to stop you from getting into dire circumstances. It all boils down to, if we pay attention to it but as humans that is a hard thing to do.

It is that gnawing sensation within your gut which tells you something is off or doesn’t feel right. It is that innate sense of knowing between right and wrong and it is the truth within that speaks louder than words. Listen to it because it only has your best interest at heart.

I know I’ve turned my back on it many a times. I’ve heard it whispering, “Listen to me. Pay heed because you’re treading in dangerous waters and you will get hurt.” Yet, I chose to turn my back on it all because I thought I knew better or simply put, I wanted something I couldn’t have. When I found out my ex was cheating on me, my intuition knew way before the truth ever came out. Looking back, I heard it roaring inside me and still I had blinders on until I came face to face with it but if truth be told, I KNEW long before I found out. Knowing that didn’t make it hurt any less. It has been said:

A Women’s Intuition is Dangerous

“If she keeps questioning you about a specific topic, over and over again, she isn’t looking for an answer. Most of the time, she already knows the truth but wants to see if you’re going to be honest with her.” M. Sosa

Even now and many years later since I got rid of the cheater, I still find myself in situations which tells me that taking my “intuition” seriously is a hard lesson to learn. I can often hear it ROARING loudly but I tend to choose the other route, more specifically the path of my own making and lo and behold, there I am again stuck knee-deep in a mess of my own making. If only I had listened…..

So, the next time, you hear that little voice within, or that giant roar that booms loudly telling you to jump ship before it is too late, HEED IT, PAY ATTENTION TO IT and say thank you. It is only looking out for you.

“Never discredit your gut instinct. You are not paranoid. Your body can pick up on bad vibrations. If something deep inside of you says something is not right about a person or situation, trust it.” Simple Reminders

Or else you’ll keep seeing this over and over again.

“TOLD YOU SO!”

Sincerely,

Your Intuition

LET IT GO

“One of the hardest lessons in life is letting go. Whether it’s guilt, anger, love, loss or betrayal. Change is never easy. We fight to hold on and we fight to let go.” Unknown

Letting go has always been hard for me. I tend to take things that has happened with or without my permission and I play around with it until it becomes a different scenario from where it started from. Suddenly that little problem becomes all-consuming and my life comes to a halt and my focus is riveted to that one little spot. It’s as if I am churning a cauldron and saying as the witches in Macbeth did, “Double, double toil and trouble; Fire burn and cauldron bubble!” I have trouble saying, it is done. It has happened. I can’t go back and change anything even if I wished I could. So just breathe a sigh of relief and LET IT GO but I am learning.

Something happened yesterday. It was small compared to all the big things out there. Somehow I let it get inside me. I stirred it up and soon it was a major problem BUT only in my mind. As I stood watching the sun go down in a blaze of glory, I realized that I had let a beautiful day go to waste simply because I had been caught in a web of my own making. Things do happen and it is not your fault or mine but it is how we deal with it that differentiates whether we come out on top or get stuck at the bottom. Take a deep breath, feel the weight fly off your shoulders and your feet get a little lighter as you watch it, whatever it is, dissipate into the distance and into nothingness. It is not worth it. LET IT GO.

We hold onto relationships that are not good for us but still we hold on simply for the sake of holding on when you know deep inside that this is not what you want but letting go is not an option. It would hurt too much or you’ll find yourself alone or you make up some story in your head that you can’t live without him or her and it goes on and on. If truth be told, you know that letting go and moving on is the best option because it is not working and you want better. LET IT GO. You’ll be alright.

I love holding onto people, problems and just about anything. Some days I play things over in my mind and say, if only this and if only that. I am learning that playing around with it in my head is only hurting me and it is not going to change things. You can’t change the past and it is over so let it rest. You have bigger and better things to do. LET IT GO. It doesn’t matter anymore. What’s done is done. Be at peace and move on.

“In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.” Unknown

“Our eyes are placed in front because it is more important to look ahead than to look back.” Unknown

“Overthinking will destroy your mood. Breathe and let go.” @SelfSaid

LET IT GO, MOVE ON, YOU’ll BE FINE.

Pathological Liar

Pathological liars are pros when it comes to lying. It is a way of life for them and these losers are said to have a personality disorder but I think they just enjoy lying and LOVE getting away with it which in turn gives them an adrenaline rush to boot.

Abraham Lincoln said it best:

“No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.”

My ex fits the mode perfectly. He lied so much that he forgot which one was the truth and which one was the lie! It became one and the same to him. He eventually got tired of keeping up with all his lies and decided it was time to threw up his hands and call it quits. Coming back to the topic at hand, there are 6 signs of a pathological liar. Probably more, but we’ll stick to these six for now.

“Pathological liars tend to:

Have a lack of empathy.

Focus on basic needs, such as food and money.

Find pleasure and gratification in lying.

Speak in terms of cause-and-effect instead of emotions.

Be cunning and manipulative.

Lie just for the sake of lying. ” Science=People

How do you cope with a pathological liar?

Don’t expect them to admit to a lie because they will stick to their lies even when it’s obvious that they are not telling the truth.

Don’t take it personally. It is not about you, it is a mental disorder or so they say.

Don’t think just because they look you in the eye, they are telling the truth. Most often they can stand on their heads and try to convince you that they are telling you the truth.

Don’t lose your temper because it’s not about you losing control, it just makes them much better liars. There’s no winning with these guys.

Do trust yourself and your intuition.

Do pay attention to their actions rather than their words because after all actions do speak louder than words.

Do set boundaries as to what you will tolerate and what you won’t in a relationship not that it matters to these individuals. They are well-versed in the art of lying and somehow getting away with a lie does not phase them as it would a normal individual with a conscience. So be prepared for more of the same or walk away.

“It’s not the lie that bothers me. It’s the insult to my intelligence that I find offensive.” Unknown

That’s exactly it. Most pathological liars think that they are experts when it comes to lying so no one is the wiser for it. However, sometimes they come across those of us who can see right through them and that’s when they fall flat on their lying faces and move on to more fertile territory, the women who love being lied to. Unfortunately, there are plenty of those too.

“You know what’s great about compulsive liars? They keep zero promises and then make YOU feel guilty about it when you’re upset.

I need to master this art.” Unknown

Finally, pathological liars are not worth your effort, time and energy. It takes all of this and more to keep them in line not to mention the eventual heartbreak it brings. There are no long-term with these guys just lots of being on the look out all the time. It is definitely NO fun and definitely not how I want to spend the rest of my life and neither do you I think so keep your eyes and ears wide open and remember if it quacks like a duck and walks like a duck, it is probably a LIE!

“How much happier would life be if a liar’s pants really did catch on fire!” Unknown

AND

“Secrets and lies kill relationships. No matter how careful you are, you will get caught. What’s done in darkness always comes to light.” Unknown