relationship – Page 2

Half-Hearted Connections (Archives)

“You don’t deserve a half-hearted love. You don’t deserve someone who can only promise you pieces and not the whole. You don’t deserve someone who’s walking around investing time in other some ones. You don’t deserve a person who can’t commit.” Marisa Donnelly

Have you ever fallen for an emotionally-unavailable man? Have you ever wondered why you’re on a roller-coaster ride of ups and downs and you don’t know if you’re coming or going? If you’re caught up in a never-ending cycle of being taken for a ride, it’s time to get off.

An emotionally unavailable man is typically defined as, “not willing or able to truly commit to you and be loyal to you. This type of man will often want to keep things casual and undefined so as to not deal with any of the emotional components that go into a long-term relationship.”

The problem is even though these men are not available, it doesn’t stop them from being out there on the dating scene. They don’t want long-term but pretend that they do. They send out mixed signals and at times it seems like they want “forever” but it is more in their mind than anything else. The message they deliver is a confusing one and just when you think that you’ve found the one, they’ll show you different in a not so nice way. They’re there one minute, ghost you the next or worse still take up with someone else right before your very eyes. This is a relationship where you’re the non-entity and it is all about them.

How do you know if they’re emotionally unavailable? Here are some signs according to Victoria Miretti.

They cannot say they are looking for a long term committed relaitonship.

They don’t court you.

They struggle to have emotional or in depth conversations.

Their words and actions don’t match.

They are inconsistent.

You don’t experience a steady upward progression in the relationship.

I had the unfortunate experience of meeting one such person. He walked in like a hurricane ready to sweep everything away in his path and I was just coming out of a storm. He had all the makings of “the guy.” The relationship if you can call it that took off like a whirlwind but each time we got close, he took 10 steps back. I noticed the hesitation and put it down to fear because I was feeling the same thing. The problem was I was willing to settle for crumbs knowing full well that they were crumbs because I was coming from a place of lack myself. Having just lost a special someone, I was looking for a relationship. It was a perfect meeting of the minds. The only problem, it wasn’t enough and I knew what a good relationship should look like. This one was sorely lacking but I put up with the charade.

“Life is too short for half-hearted connections and meaningless run-throughs.” Unknown

Low-effort men do not invest in you because they can’t. They find it easy to walk away and take up with someone new in a matter of days or more specifically even before the relationship has ended because their emotions don’t run very deep and hurting someone is part and parcel of how they operate. It is a place where nothing affects them because their heart is under lock and key. A no man’s land or rather a no woman’s land as far as they are concerned. So why even be out there? I guess everyone needs love and if you hurt someone along the way what’s the big deal, right? The problem is, it is a big deal to the person who gets hurt in the process.

“Never put them first, if you always come last. Never give your all, if you only get half.” Unknown

If you’ve read my article, “Dating No-Gooders,” you’ll know that they are out there along with all the others that give “dating” a bad name. One false move will get you to where you don’t want to be. If you’re looking for Mr. Right, know that it is a dangerous world out there so step lightly. If he’s unavailable and shows the signs from the get go, leave him alone and move on. Some people cannot love you the way you want to be loved AND you’re too valuable to settle for anything less or for half-hearted connections.

How do you know if he’s emotionally available? According to singleover30.net, here are some signs to look out for.

If a man is present with you when he is with you, that’s a good sign.

This is not always true from my experience. The person I knew was all there when we spent time together and gave me the impression that he wasn’t shying away from anything but he was emotionally unavailable and hence the confusion.

He is comfortable talking about his feelings.

He is willing to talk about the progression of the relationship.

He won’t waste your time with half-hearted promises.

He will be interested in you and your life.

He prioritizes spending time with you.

Therapist: You saw the red flags though, right?

Me: I thought it was a carnival.

That says it all.

Have an amazing day.

Cheaters Anonymous

Photo by RDNE Stock project on Pexels.com

“Cheating is the most disrespectful thing one human being can do to another. If you aren’t happy in a relationship, end it before starting another one.” Abhishek Tiwari

It is also known as infidelity and defined as “when a person in a monogamous romantic relationship has an emotional or sexual relationship with someone else without their partner’s consent.” I can talk about this till the cow’s come home but cheating on someone, especially someone who loves you is disrespectful, hurtful and the antithesis of love. I was on the receiving end of such a relationship.

He was everything I wanted at that time. Sweet, gentle, loving, down-to-earth and it just felt like we belonged together. A marriage, a son and seventeen years later, I was staring at a blank page. He was successful in his career earning more than most and suddenly the gentle, sweet and nondescript guy had suddenly turned into every girl’s dream guy. His self-worth blew up like a balloon that not even a pin could deflate and he was floating on a bed of arrogance. I was still the girl he had met at the university dance, fell in love with and married. Suddenly I realized and to my dismay that he had moved on without looking back and I was left carrying the bag, the bag of broken dreams and relegated to the role of “lady-in-waiting.” The “nobody” was front and center and his priority.

According to Kiki Strack, “A man can love you from the bottom of his heart, and still find room at the top for somebody he claimed was nobody.”

Kiki speaks to the heart of the matter. Cheaters do not have a problem with this concept. The “nobody” will shine until the glitter wears off and he is ready to move to the next conquest. The problem is cheaters learn that they can have the best of both worlds without being held accountable for their actions. It is only when they get caught and their so called dream world comes crashing down and they have to pay the piper that facing the truth becomes a problem for them.. Unfortunately few learn from their mistakes. Once you take a bite from the apple of sin, there is no going back.

Melissa Edwards says it well. “Once a cheater, always a repeater.”

Looking back, it is not the cheater who has to pay a price but the victims who find themselves in a place that they don’t want to be in. There is nothing that can describe the pain of watching the trust you placed in one specific person be broken into a million pieces. No there is no putting back what was destroyed and no matter how hard you try, a patched heart is not a pretty sight. Years after I walked away, the walls are still up. Someone once asked me, “How can there be love without trust?” Good question but I have no answers.

“Trust once lost, could not be easily found. Not in a year, perhaps not even in a lifetime.” J.E.B Spredemann

I am learning to spread my wings, yes the same wings that got clipped when I learned about his infidelity. It has been a long, slow and painful journey forward. One slow step at a time and along the way, I have met many more like him. Men who cheat because they can. These days I have learned to spot the signs before it is too late. I listen to what it tells me. They say there is a tendency to fall for the same types over and over again. Why? Maybe the heart gravitates to what it has known and it is comfortable in that space. It is hard to believe but that may be the case. I do know that I have learned from my mistakes. I also know that I am valuable, a priority and my self-worth matters. I will not be someone’s lady-in-waiting especially when a “nobody” is relegated to a place of power.

Finally this.

“I am learning to love the sound of my feet walking away from things not meant for me.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

Half-Hearted Connections

How do you know if they’re emotionally unavailable? Here are some signs according to Victoria Miretti.

They cannot say they are looking for a long term committed relaitonship.

They don’t court you.

They struggle to have emotional or in depth conversations.

Their words and actions don’t match.

They are inconsistent.

You don’t experience a steady upward progression in the relationship.

“Life is too short for half-hearted connections and meaningless run-throughs.” Unknown

“Never put them first, if you always come last. Never give your all, if you only get half.” Unknown

How do you know if he’s emotionally available? According to singleover30.net, here are some signs to look out for.

If a man is present with you when he is with you, that’s a good sign.

He is comfortable talking about his feelings.

He is willing to talk about the progression of the relationship.

He won’t waste your time with half-hearted promises.

He will be interested in you and your life.

He prioritizes spending time with you.

Therapist: You saw the red flags though, right?

Me: I thought it was a carnival.

That says it all.

Have an amazing day.

The Scorpio Enigma

October 23 – November 21

It’s that time of year again when Scorpios get to flaunt their Zodiac sign. Did you know that Scorpio is a powerful sign? I didn’t but according to ZODIACSCOPE it is.

It is reputed to be the “most powerful” sign of the zodiac. Scorpios lead fate filled lives and have intense and dramatic personal relationships. Even as children Scorpios are often found to be wise beyond their years. Many astrologers call this the sign of the “oldest souls.” Old and wise beyond the average. Scorpios often know all the answers, except sometimes; they too often have difficulty finding what they need to develop their own happiness.”

I tend to agree with that “old soul” part but my mom had a better explanation. She put this way. “You’re a true blue Scorpio. You can take a lot more than most people but when your back is up against the wall, you come out swinging with that sting front and center!” I am sure there is a compliment in there somewhere.

“Treat a Scorpio well and they’ll move mountains to make you happy. Hurt them and they’ll drop those mountains on your head.” Unknown

We are known for being passionate, for having a magnetic presence and a never give up mindset. Scorpios are also dependable, loyal and intuitive and it’s that last part you need to worry about because we can read you like a book! According to Montufar, an astrologer and a Scorpio herself, we have a certain “charisma, sexiness , or je nais se quois that attracts other people. We make incredible therapists” because we can connect on a deeper level. She further adds, “Whenever a Scorpio wants something, they’ll get it. However, Scorpios don’t fall in love easily” and I can attest to that but when we do we look for long-term rather than the wham bam thank you ma’am variety. Scorpio women are not afraid to speak their mind either so here are a few terms you need to know to survive a relationship with a Scorpio:

5 Deadly Terms Used By Scorpio Women

#1 Fine

This is the word women use to end an argument when she knows she is right and you need to shut up.

#2 Nothing

Means something and you need to be worried.

#3 Go Ahead

This is a dare, not permission, DO NOT DO IT!

#4 Whatever

A women’s way of saying “Screw You.”

#5 That’s OK

She is thinking long and hard on how and when you will pay for your mistake.

BONUS WORD: WOW!

This is not a compliment, she’s amazed that one person could be so stupid.

Moving on…Scorpios have a way about them which is hard to understand. They are fiercely independent but deeply emotional and sensitive as well. They make the most loyal friends and partners but if you cross them or show them disrespect better beware. They lay in wait like their symbol the scorpion and strike when the time is right. They tend to be secretive that’s because they are summing things up and observation seems to be their strong point. Yes, they can be stubborn like a mule at times too! In romantic relationships they prefer serious commitments but they are all-or-nothing where romance is concerned. You don’t get to play around with a Scorpio.

“If you ever meet one you’ll know it. If you ever love one you’ll never forget it, if you ever hurt one they’ll never let you forget it.” Unknown

According to yourtango.com “Scorpios are not “crazy,” but they are super-sensitive, extremely emotional and very expressive,” but if you hurt them a “Scorpio might cry and sob and need a shoulder to cry on – or they might drag you out back, slit your throat and wear your skin to make themselves feel better.” She says she is just joking or maybe not.

“Throw me to the wolves, and I’ll be back leading the pack.” Unknown

Did I tell you that we are ambitious as well? Now, you know.

Oh snap! It’s officially SCORPIO Season!

HAVE AN AMAZING DAY.

Walking Away

Photo by Anastasiya Lobanovskaya on Pexels.com

“Maturity is learning to walk away from people and situations that threaten your peace of mind, self-respect, values, morals and self-worth.” Unknown

Maturity is one thing but no matter how young, old or mature you get, walking away is a gut-wrenching experience. It is also one of the hardest things to do.

The truth of the matter is that “there is no relationship in which people have the right to violate your boundaries or treat you with disrespect. And if others can’t respect your boundaries, then quietly and calmly walk away. According to Meerabelledey.com, “Bad situations are just that. Bad. Realize that you have the power to walk away from destructive relationships.”

Easier said than done right? Exactly. When I first learned that my ex was cheating on me, I decided to confront him. It was a bad mistake on my part and I had no dignity to speak off at that point in time. All I saw was my 17 year marriage disintegrating like confetti before my very eyes but it wasn’t celebrating anything in particular but signifying the destruction of a sacred trust. My only thought at that moment was, I had to save it.

I approached them and we exchanged words. The woman took off in one direction and my ex took off after her. It was at that very moment that I realized there was no saving what could not or didn’t want to be saved. I was his past and ‘she’ was his new beginning.

“The hardest part about walking away from someone is when you realize that no matter how slow you go, that someone will never run after you.” Unknown

Since then, I’ve made the mistake of staying in relationships for way too long. Walking away was my last resort and trying to work a no win situation was my top priority until I learned that giving up and walking away did not mean I was weak but the contrary. It takes strength and courage to say, enough is enough and to leave with your dignity intact.

“Knowing when to walk away is WISDOM.

Being able to is COURAGE.

Walking away with your head held high is DIGNITY.”

According to experts learning to walk away can be learned and it gets easier as you go through the motions over and over again. I guess it is the same way with everything else in life. Repetition does make things easier I suppose but who wants to do a repeat performance of the bad kind like in Groundhog’s Day or as in a recurring nightmare? When has walking away from someone ever been easy? It has always been a gut-wrenching, gasping for air and almost like you’re drowning experience for me.

Life is complicated enough as it is and hitching our wagon to the wrong person makes it harder still. It’s a surefire way to face destruction of a different kind that of emotional distress, mental health problems, anxiety, depression and low self-esteem. Finally, it will drain your energy.

“We don’t walk away to teach people a lesson. We walk away because we finally learned ours.” Unknown

Make the hard decision but the right one.

Walk away from people who don’t care about you or your well-being. You deserve better.

Walk away from people who use and abuse you. You are worth more than that.

Walk away from people who cheat, lie and disrespect you. They are never going to make you happy.

Walk away from people who are just treading water, they will go under sooner or later and pull you down with them.

Walk towards people who care, respect, love and are KIND to you. They will take care of your heart.

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.