Solutions – Site Title

Outside Your Control

“When you can’t control what’s happening, challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what’s happening. That’s where your power is.” Unknown

There are situations and circumstances in life that you cannot control. This is nothing new and those unforeseen circumstances bring chaos and turbulence into our lives. We want to take what is handed to us and to make it better, to make it alright, take it back to where we started from, where everything had sunshine and smiles around it but somehow, it just doesn’t work. What if it’s not you? What if the problem isn’t you? There are times when no matter how hard you try, there is no making the situation better. You can’t control what is outside your control.

“Nothing kills you faster than your own mind.

Don’t stress over things that are out of your control.” Unknown

What are those things that you can’t control?

Basically it boils down to, “things that have happened that someone cannot change or influence.”

It is done, it is all water under the bridge and it has moved on leaving you to deal with the aftermath. Instead of letting go and taking it in stride, the human psyche goes into damage control. Quite often it comes in the form of trying to control the situation. We want to bring back whatever we think we’ve lost. We want that person back, not that they were good for us in the first place but because we want what we can’t have. Most of all, we want to control the narrative, we want to change the story and we want to control what is outside our control.

“It’s not what you say to everyone else that determines your life, it’s what you whisper to yourself that has the greatest power.” Unknown

Let it go. Stop trying to control what you can’t control and take control of what you can. That’s a winning strategy right now.

According to diversushealth.org, determine what you can control and work on it.

Examples are:

How you respond to emotions and painful feelings.

How you respond to memories.

How you respond to negative thoughts.

IDENTIFY YOUR FEARS

Do you find your mind going to the worst possible scenario? Do you doubt your ability to cope if something bad happens?

SHIFT YOUR ENERGY TOWARD PROBLEM SOLVING

Replaying the past or dwelling on catastrophic outcomes usually isn’t helpful. Problem solving is.

FOCUS ON YOUR INFLUENCE

What can you change? To have the most influence, focus on changing your behavior and reaction to events.

DEVELOP HEALTHY AFFIRMATIONS

Scientists estimate people have about 70,000 thoughts per day. (No wonder I get headaches!) Most of these thoughts incite self-doubt, fear, and discouragement.

Think, “I’m stronger than I think,” or “I can handle this,” or even “I can do this.” These affirmations help to drown out the negativity.

“Remember you alone get to choose what matters and what doesn’t. The meaning of everything in your life has precisely the meaning you give it.” Unknown

AND

“Just keep in mind: the more we value things outside of our control, the less control we have.” Epictetas

YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE. You are capable and you can handle anything that comes your way.

Have an amazing day.

What Ifs (Archives)

The dictionary defines a WHAT-IF as a “question that asks someone to imagine what might happen or what might have happened.” Life is full of what-ifs and some of us live our lives carrying that load around knowing full well that it will never become a reality.

We carry the “what ifs” of the past, present and the future that makes life a caricature of what it should be. We whip out the “what ifs” of yesterday to justify where we are today and they affect your present and future like a ripple effect.

We ask:

What if we had stayed together? Life would be so much better today wouldn’t it? Well would it?

What if he/she hadn’t died on me? We would have a wonderful life today. Is that guaranteed or just make-believe?

What if I hadn’t done X, Y, or Z, I would have a completely different life now. Really?

What ifs are suppositions that tend to paint our world in make-believe colors, whatever they may be. The fact is ‘what ifs’ can’t change what has happened and there are no guarantees that if they hadn’t happened, we would be in a different place today. Whatever happened, it happened and for whatever the reason. It was bad but there is no going back. It is a part of the past, accept it and move on.

“That’s the thing about ‘what ifs’; they don’t matter. They don’t change anything. All they do is make it unable for you to heal.” Lindy Zart

So you loved someone with all your heart and that person left you, it happened and they live on in memories nothing more. Accept it and move on. YOU have a life to live.

Someone hurt you in the past. They knew what they were doing but you don’t have to keep paying a price for their meanness. They will reap what they sowed at some point in time. Remember what goes around comes around. Yours is not to ask when or how. All in good time. Let it go and heal.

Life happened and threw you a curveball and you are still asking what if? It doesn’t matter but what matters is that you are in the here and now and those ‘what ifs’ don’t matter anymore only if you let them.

“What” and “if” are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life.” Unknown

What if? What if? What if?

Let’s change it to “Why not.”

Why not have a great life? You deserve it don’t you?

Why not leave the past behind you where it belongs? The dead do the haunting not the living. Let it be.

Why not laugh, smile, jump for joy, live and move on? It is your right to do so, isn’t it?

Leave the ‘what ifs’ where they belong. Not in the past, not in the present and not in the future. However, if it keeps bugging you, ask “now what?” Stay in the present and look towards the future and you’ll be just fine. Let’s give the pesky ‘what ifs’ a heave ho and right out the door!

Have an amazing day.

Sleep, Where Art Thou? (Archives)

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Ever laid awake all night and wondered why sleep is evading you? If you have, you’re not alone. Say hello to your comrade-in-arms. It started several months ago. Out of the blue, my sleepless nights appeared wearing bells and grinning from ear to ear and since then I go to bed with good intentions but alas, “sleep” is nowhere to be found.

After months of feeling like a walking zombie, I started looking for natural remedies to my sleep problems. I tried yoga and did everything that was asked of me short of turning myself into a pretzel and although yoga helped to keep me pliable like warm taffy, it didn’t help me as far as sleep was concerned. Next on my list was a warm cup of milk. Sprinkle some turmeric, stir it around to turn it into a golden delicious liquid and you’re good to go. Lo and behold, a miracle happened the first time I tried this magic potion. Half an hour later, I was sleeping like a baby and woke up feeling refreshed like a new-born with nowhere to go. However, this solution was a one-trick pony. The following night, this miracle sleep elixir had lost its shine and I was back to square one, looking pretty in my floral pyjamas but I couldn’t lure “sleep” into my bed.

A week later, a friend told me about guided sleep meditation videos on YouTube. Ah yes, YouTube, the guru on all things wrong with this world. I decided to give it a try. I spruced myself up for sleep with YouTube splashed across my TV screen. Let me tell you, the choices are plenty. There are videos lasting just 15 minutes and guaranteed to put you to sleep but alas they hadn’t reckoned on me. I am a tough cookie. There are also videos that go on for about 1 1/2 hours but by the time I made it to 1/2 an hour, I threw off my blanket in irritation and switched it off. I was wide-awake and sleep was nowhere to be found.

Finally, I read somewhere that deep breathing helps. I decided to give this one a go. What did I have to lose except that bug-eyed look from too little sleep. I approached it cautiously. I tried taking 5 deep breaths, each one slowly in through the nose and then out through the mouth. The trick is to take your time breathing in and out. After the fifth one, I felt myself relaxing. Oops, something was definitely happening. Next, I had to take five more breaths, this time breathe in through the nose, hold for five counts and release through the mouth. After the third breath, hold and release, I could see my Prince of Sleep approaching slowly. That night I slept like a well-fed baby. I tried again the next night and again it sent me off to La La Land in no time at all. Truthfully though, I have to add that it doesn’t work every night and some nights, it takes a little longer for sleep to appear but this method does work. I followed this up with the dead man’s pose. Taken from yoga, this has a propensity to totally relax you. Here’s how it works. Lay on your back on the floor or your bed, fully stretched out. Let yourself go, first relaxing your feet, then your ankles and so on until you reach your head. Work to let go of thoughts that enter your mind and reel it back in to your breathing. Easier said then done but with practice, this is a sure fire way to catch some zzz’s. So if you are like me, sleepless in bed or wherever you’re at, give these two methods a go.

Sleep deprivation or rather not sleeping enough is a big problem. It affects your health significantly. Sleep disorders have been linked to other factors such as stress, relationship problems, medical health conditions just to mention a few. What I do know is that if not treated, this condition can cause memory problems, can affect job performance and cause problems in your relationship. Some of the solutions I have stated above did not work for me but it might for you. All I can say is give it a try, who knows it may just be the right remedy for you.

“Good night, sleep tight and don’t let the bedbugs bite.”

Sleep, Where Art Thou?

Ever laid awake all night and wondered why sleep is evading you? If you have, you’re not alone. Say hello to your comrade-in-arms. It started several months ago. Out of the blue, my sleepless nights appeared wearing bells and since then I go to bed with good intentions but alas, “sleep” is nowhere to be found.

After months of feeling like a walking zombie, I started looking for natural remedies for my sleep problems. I tried yoga and did everything that was asked of me short of turning myself into a pretzel and although yoga helped to keep me pliable like warm taffy, it didn’t help me as far as sleep was concerned. Next on my list was a warm cup of milk. Sprinkle some turmeric, stir it around to turn it into a golden delicious liquid and you’re good to go. Lo and behold, a miracle happened the first time I tried this magic potion. Half an hour later, I was sleeping like a baby and woke up feeling refreshed like a new-born with nowhere to go. However, this solution was a one-trick pony. The following night, this miracle sleep elixir had lost its shine and I was back to square one, looking pretty in my floral pyjamas but I couldn’t lure “sleep” into my bed.

Finally, I read somewhere that deep breathing helps. I decided to give this one a go. What did I have to lose except that bug-eyed look from too little sleep. I approached it cautiously. I tried taking 5 deep breaths, each one slowly in through the nose and then out through the mouth. The trick is to take your time breathing in and out. After the fifth one, I felt myself relaxing. Oops, something was definitely happening. Next, I had to take five more breaths, this time breathe in through the nose, hold for five counts and release through the mouth. After the third breath, hold and release, I could see my Prince of Sleep approaching slowly. That night I slept like a well-fed baby. I tried again the next night and again it sent me off to La La Land in no time at all. Truthfully though, I have to add that it doesn’t work every night and some nights, it takes a little longer for sleep to appear but this method does work. I followed this up with the dead man’s pose. Taken from yoga, this has a propensity to totally relax you. Here’s how it works. Lay on your back on the floor or your bed, fully stretched out. Let yourself go, first relaxing your feet, then your ankles and so on until you reach your head. Work to let go of thoughts that enter your mind and reel it back in to your breathing. Easier said then done but with practice, this is a sure fire way to catch some zzz’s. So if you are like me, sleepless in Germany or wherever you’re at, give these two methods a go.

Sleep deprivation or rather not sleeping enough is a big problem. It affects your health significantly. Sleep disorders have been linked to other factors such as stress, relationship problems, medical health conditions just to mention a few. What I do know is that if not treated, this condition can cause memory problems, can affect job performance and cause problems in your relationship. Some of the solutions I have stated did not work for me but it might for you. All I can say is give it a try, who knows it may just be the right remedy for you.

“Good night, sleep tight and don’t let the bedbugs bite.”