I like listening to music but I like easy listening best. Something smooth and mellow and one that goes over easy. Perfect example would be Katie Melua. The Georgian British singer and songwriter has a voice that I can listen to forever and forever. Her songs are a blend of jazz, folk, blues and pop.
Country is another genre I like. Not the old country songs that go deep in twang but the modern ones are pretty good. I love Chris Stapleton, Luke Combs, Luke Bryan, Brad Paisley and Eric Church. I’m sure there are more but can’t think of them right now. Modern country is more pop-influenced and it is more polished versus old country which focused on working-class struggles, nostalgia, heartbreak and had a more raw and authentic sound.
I do like classical music but not all the time. Bach, Beethoven, and Brahms are some of my favorites but it is not something I listen to all the time. I have to be in the mood for it and it doesn’t happen all the time.
They say music calms the savage beast and when I feel myself heading in that direction, I turn to one of the above to soothe a frazzled nerve or to just let myself float on air. It is also a nice way of relaxing.
“Find company within yourself and you’ll never spend a day alone. Find love within yourself and you’ll never have a lonely day.” Connor Chalfant
Loneliness is defined as sadness because one has no friends or company. However, it is actually a state of mind. People who are lonely have trouble connecting with others because even though they want and crave human contact, their state of mind makes it hard for them to see beyond what they are feeling. At this stage, they often see themselves as unworthy of friendship, they often feel rejected and more often than not, they voluntarily remove themselves from what is causing them hurt and that is the outside world and so the vicious cycle begins and takes hold.
Low self-esteem, lack of confidence and being an introvert can all lead to isolation and loneliness. The effects are far-reaching and at times scary. It can lead to antisocial behavior, feelings of not fitting in and worst case scenario, it can also lead to depression and suicide.
Almost everyone experiences loneliness at some time or rather and it gets worse during holidays, birthdays and other significant days. Someone close to me is dealing with symptoms of loneliness and any suggestions of help is falling on deaf ears. He is hell-bent on holding onto his new best friend “loneliness.” I think we are our own worst enemy and when we fall, we fall deep. We go into the trenches and it is hard to crawl back out. We tell ourselves we are not good enough as we are, opinions matter and we see ourselves as not worthy of interacting with what is out there. At times the outside world can be cruel and for someone who is struggling it can be more than daunting. What to do short of meeting with a therapist? Perhaps these few tips might help.
Be there and show that you care.
Be patient. Irritation is the common response. Show that you’re there to listen.
Join a group, exercise class or book club. There are many other options.
Do things you enjoy.
Go for a walk.
Share your feelings.
Practice self-care. Start exercising, eat nutritious foods and get enough sleep.
Love yourself warts and all.
Most of all stay busy.
If none of the above help, here are some quotes to see life from the brighter side.
“A season of loneliness and isolation is when the caterpillar gets its wings. Remember that next time you feel alone.” Mandy Hale
“It’s impossible to be lonely when you’re zesting an orange. Scrape the soft rind once and the whole room fills with fruit. Look around: you have more than enough. Always have. You just didn’t notice until now.” Mary Oliver
I love this one.
“If you are feeling lonely know that you’ll always have:
Books to nurture your mind. Hands to create and explore. Wind to calm your soul. Breathes to soothe your nerves. Nature to soak your worries away. Stars to decorate your dreams.” Emma Xie
It wasn’t all good. Some parts were great and others I could have done without. One of the things we shouldn’t have done was to take our five-year-old with us. That was a major faux pas!
We went to Singapore and later to Penang in Malaysia. Our “little terror” wasn’t used to the hot weather and crowds so he became a seasoned complainer. On one hand, he was really happy about the people. They were overly friendly to him and even offered to buy him from us. We should have taken the offer! He was a cutie but a little rascal to boot.
My ex had never been there before so it was an eye-opener for him. The food was great especially the “Chili Crabs.” It was finger-licking good. The place was clean and green but most of all we loved the food there. Our little guy was learning to swim at the time so his dad had him in the hotel pool every chance he got and the added attraction were the monkeys in the trees surrounding the pool! It was a major distraction. However, he didn’t learn to swim in Singapore. It was in Penang when he finally swam halfway across the pool! That was memorable especially the proud smile he wore on his face.
Malaysia was great as well. However, the traffic was scary. We were in Kuala Lumpur and had to cross a busy road and believe me, it was terrifying. The way to get across was to wait till there was a break in traffic and run across! We managed somehow but it was not my thing. The food was fantastic, the people friendly and it had a laid-back vibe. We stayed with friends and every morning we could see the monkeys making their way through the trees heading to wherever they were going and every evening they would come back the same way.
One of the things we learned during that trip was to stop spoiling the little brat! I remember one incident in Singapore along the East Coast right by the beach when he pulled a temper-tantrum because something didn’t go the way he wanted. His face was bright red, his veins popping out in his neck when he started to scream his head off. My ex and I found a seat and watched as he screamed his a** off! People would walk up to him and try to console him but it only made things worse.
It was a memorable trip but it had both good and bad parts to it for all the reasons I mentioned above.
I don’t consider myself an authority on any one subject. Some subjects I am good at because of what I have lived through like grief, murder and the aftermath, and relationships and others I gloss over, glad that I don’t have to give it too much attention.
I know that grief takes a long time to dissipate. It hangs on and it takes but a little reminder to bring it all rushing back just like it was yesterday. I also know that time does make the pain less and time also erases the vividness, that is a godsent. However, grief is yours alone to bear and others may offer help but when it comes down to it, you are the carrier and you have to deal with it.
Murder is something that I never thought would visit my family. We were upper- middle class and we lived in a safe neighborhood or so it seemed. When murder comes visiting it doesn’t care where you live, who you are and what you’re about. It has the ability to cross lines and being in the wrong place at the wrong time is all it takes. I also know that long after the person is gone, the after-effects keep on coming. It takes strength, it takes courage and it takes forgiveness to let go and to move on. However, it doesn’t happen overnight, it takes a long time before that happens.
I can’t say I am an expert on relationships but my problem was that I believed in forevers. So when my marriage took a dive after many years, I was devastated. I didn’t see it as being married to the wrong person but instead I took it personally. When it broke and went down, I went down with it. It took a long time to come out of that rabbit hole and to live life again. The after-effects are still felt but it is a lesson learned and one I don’t want to repeat.
I speak from experience but not as an authority on any one subject. I think experience sometimes makes you an expert because you learned what you didn’t really want to learn but because of life and its idiosyncrasies there was no choice but to pick up the pieces and to keep on going.
“Angels appear in many different forms to hold your hand through difficult times.” Doreen Virtue
Three years already? Has it been that long? I can still hear your laughter, that soft raspy laugh and I can hear you saying, “You’re so bad with time.” I totally agree.
I lit a candle for you today. It’s just symbolic. It’s what humans do to show their caring and to say, “I’m thinking about you.” However, I think “up there” where you’re at, they’ve got much better things planned for you today.
What can I say that I haven’t said already? The “thank yous” never seem enough and the love you showed a broken heart and the healing you brought into my life was unexpected but it was needed. You swooped in and carried me on your wings and for a while, my world began to right itself.
Remember the first laughter that escaped from me? The loud and no holds barred kind that had me bending over till tears started running down my face? When it subsided, I looked at you with new eyes. There was something about you. It wasn’t just the good looks, the soft spoken ways about you but there was something special about you. I felt comfortable in your presence. I called it a feeling of home. I also felt safe in your presence but I couldn’t love you the way you wanted. I was too broken at the time but you took that in stride. Your love never wavered. We, my son and I, became a part of your world.
No, it wouldn’t last long but during the time you were here, you showed us what love was about. It was unconditional, it was focused and it was filled with caring. I didn’t see your wings back then, I only knew you were someone special.
I still talk about you and it is with reverence and sometimes I see anger because your shoes are hard to fill. I was told, “Not everyone can be like him!” I agree and I KNOW that those shoes can never be filled. They belonged to an angel and no earthly human is going to measure up. However, I’m not looking for someone to fill those shoes, just someone who will love me for who I am.
So, the candle is burning bright. It’s not one that you bought me. That supply has been exhausted. This one I bought myself. I still see you as you were. The tall frame dressed in a shirt and jeans, green eyes smiling, the same color as Chachi’s eyes, the quiet confidence that seemed to reach out and take me in its hold. I felt “safe” there and there are times when I reach out for that safety and there are times when I still feel you close to me.
I’ll say thank you again for all that you gave me in that short space of time. You showed me that there is a “better” love out there. You helped to mend those clipped wings so thank you my angel and I hope you have a fantastic day today.
There are grand gestures and then there are smaller gestures. Grand gestures are dinners in a nice restaurant complete with flowers and a walk somewhere nice. I go for the other variety. Flowers are nice and I love them but the romantic gesture that captures my heart is a walk by the beach, the sky above emblazoned with a thousand stars, the scent of the ocean and the sound of the waves, add to that a touch of the hand, a glance in my direction that speaks more than words can say followed by a moonlit kiss, soft and gentle. This would be my perfect definition of a romantic or a romance-filled evening.
Last year, I was seeing someone. It was a long distance relationship but he would drive the three hours to spend the weekend here. He would bring flowers and we would go out to a nice dinner or take a walk in another village and just let the evening develop. The thing I liked best was that we could sit out back for hours on end, watch the stars come out without saying a word. Once or twice, he would reach out and just hold my hand or give me a kiss on the cheek. Nothing spectacular but it did make my heart skip a beat. What happened to him? That’s another story. Time spent together was enjoyable and at times it felt like home. That too is my definition of a romantic.
I don’t think I’m a romantic but I do love a guy going out of his way to show that he cares. The friend who passed away was a pure romantic. He ran the gamut and nothing was left to chance. Flowers, expensive gifts, dinners, you name it, he was into it. I knew without a doubt that the guy was full-on in. Others are more subtle but still it’s the caring that counts and the little gestures that make up a true romantic.
The news reads, “Europe swelters under severe heatwave as temperatures soar above 40 degrees Celsius” No kidding! It is HOT and there is no reprieve.
According to a 2024 report by the EU’s Corpernicus Climate Change Service, “Europe is the continent with the fastest-rising temperatures on Earth, having warmed twice as fast as the global average since the 1980s.” This is alarming folks.
Some love it hot and some don’t. My friend, the diver and diving instructor, loves it. I complained that it was too hot yesterday and he said, “At least, it’s not humid.” Hmm…..”humidity” was wearing bells and singing Hallelujah in my bedroom! Just goes to show that some like it HOT and some don’t.
I have a beautiful garden but not because I put a lot of work into it. I had a Polish gardener who did a fantastic job of keeping the weeds at bay and the flowers in bloom. Last year, he had a back problem and went back to Poland. Now, I have a Chilean guy who helps out now and then. I had him scheduled for today but decided it was too hot to be sweltering it out in the garden so called to cancel. His response, “No problem, I LOVE HOT WEATHER!” Like I said, some like it HOT and some don’t.
Chachi, the cat, is like his mom. He hates hot weather. The fur coat doesn’t make it any better either. He walked up to me looking absolutely miserable.
“Mom, we need to talk about this fur coat. Can I go skimpier?”
ME: “Sorry love, you’re stuck with it. Mommy will make it better.”
So, I’ve been wetting a towel in cold water and running it over his fur and that seems to help for now.
Today, the temps will be reaching new highs.
“My skin is sticking, my brain is frying, and I haven’t stopped sweating since I got out of bed.” Unknown
I must admit I don’t do it everyday and it is easy to take things for granted but on the days that I do express gratitude, it comes in the form of journaling, walks in nature, taking time for meditation, being thankful for all that I have and through mindfulness practices.
Journaling helps me to focus on the positive effects instead of the negatives. Nature walks is a form of moving meditation and I realize that I am a part of a bigger picture. Mindfulness helps me to appreciate things around me instead of constantly looking at what is lacking. I try to make gratitude a daily experience but like I said, it is easy to take things for granted and sometimes I forget to say thank you. So I pay more attention to this aspect and make it a point to be habitual in expressing thanks.
Grateful practices take time and it does take effort but in the long run, it is necessary to see life from the glass half-full perspective rather than the half empty one.
As for being mindful, be in the here and now when life gets noisy.
Can I say EVERYTHING?!! I am a worrywart and those who know me will agree. I worry about everything and anything and not just about the future.
I like to have everything laid out for me, good or bad. Knowing beforehand seems like a good idea but is it really? The unknown is scary and not knowing makes it worse. However, having a crystal ball is not going to make things a whole lot better I think. In my case, I would know what is coming and go CRAZY!
Worrying about the future was a daily thing but now I say whatever comes my way, I am fully capable of handling it. I truly believe that we are strong enough and capable enough of dealing with whatever life throws our way. There is so much strength within us and we haven’t tapped into half of it! Think back to all the times you thought that what you had in front of you was impossible and that it was too big and nothing you do could make it better. Well, you’re still here having slayed that monster.
I hope the future will be kind, it will be filled with abundance and it will bring the man of my dreams into my life but if one or the other doesn’t happen, that is alright too. I’m not putting all my eggs into one basket as they say and if it doesn’t go as planned, I will deal with it at that time.
Worrying is for the birds and that applies to the future as well!
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