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What Ifs (Archives)

The dictionary defines a WHAT-IF as a “question that asks someone to imagine what might happen or what might have happened.” Life is full of what-ifs and some of us live our lives carrying that load around knowing full well that it will never become a reality.

We carry the “what ifs” of the past, present and the future that makes life a caricature of what it should be. We whip out the “what ifs” of yesterday to justify where we are today and they affect your present and future like a ripple effect.

We ask:

What if we had stayed together? Life would be so much better today wouldn’t it? Well would it?

What if he/she hadn’t died on me? We would have a wonderful life today. Is that guaranteed or just make-believe?

What if I hadn’t done X, Y, or Z, I would have a completely different life now. Really?

What ifs are suppositions that tend to paint our world in make-believe colors, whatever they may be. The fact is ‘what ifs’ can’t change what has happened and there are no guarantees that if they hadn’t happened, we would be in a different place today. Whatever happened, it happened and for whatever the reason. It was bad but there is no going back. It is a part of the past, accept it and move on.

“That’s the thing about ‘what ifs’; they don’t matter. They don’t change anything. All they do is make it unable for you to heal.” Lindy Zart

So you loved someone with all your heart and that person left you, it happened and they live on in memories nothing more. Accept it and move on. YOU have a life to live.

Someone hurt you in the past. They knew what they were doing but you don’t have to keep paying a price for their meanness. They will reap what they sowed at some point in time. Remember what goes around comes around. Yours is not to ask when or how. All in good time. Let it go and heal.

Life happened and threw you a curveball and you are still asking what if? It doesn’t matter but what matters is that you are in the here and now and those ‘what ifs’ don’t matter anymore only if you let them.

“What” and “if” are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life.” Unknown

What if? What if? What if?

Let’s change it to “Why not.”

Why not have a great life? You deserve it don’t you?

Why not leave the past behind you where it belongs? The dead do the haunting not the living. Let it be.

Why not laugh, smile, jump for joy, live and move on? It is your right to do so, isn’t it?

Leave the ‘what ifs’ where they belong. Not in the past, not in the present and not in the future. However, if it keeps bugging you, ask “now what?” Stay in the present and look towards the future and you’ll be just fine. Let’s give the pesky ‘what ifs’ a heave ho and right out the door!

Have an amazing day.

Loyalty

Actually there are a lot of words that describe me but I narrowed it down to two and from the two I decided to pick one and that is loyalty. The other word was dependable.

Loyal is defined as, “reliable and always true, like your trusty dog.” Well, being that trusty dog also means you get kicked many times over because loyalty doesn’t flee the coop when something or someone doesn’t show it the respect it deserves, it stays to fight another day. We are true to the core or at least I am.

I remember my ex saying this when he got caught with his cheating ways. “I knew that you would never forgive me.” Not exactly true, I did forgive him the first time but when I noticed he was a repeated offender, it was time to close the door. Even “loyalty” has its limits.

I am a loyal friend, a loyal partner and most of all loyal to myself. I also know the difference between right and wrong and that helps in my journey as a loyal and faithful person.

Daily writing prompt

What is one word that describes you?

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Einstein’s Check Up

Photo by Ermelinda Maglione on Pexels.com

Every year, Chachi, the cat or Einstein as he likes to be called gets a thorough check up. This involves everything and I mean everything.

I don’t look forward to it because Einstein usually has a panic attack and me more so. It takes preparation and lots of it. I trim his nails, give him a good cleaning and his coat gets a thorough brushing the day before the check up. The dining area needs to prepared. I usually lay a blanket on the table and his cat pass is close by.

This year was different. Half an hour before the vet showed up, I put Einstein in his carrier. He immediately put up a fight and let out a heart-wrenching meow. I spoke softly to calm him down but he kept on meowing making a strange sound. He wanted out of his confined space and pronto! When that didn’t work, he went quiet and bided his time till he could show me just how much he hated this procedure.

The vet showed up on time and we brought Einstein to the dining room area. However, the little guy was more than ready. The minute I unzipped the carrier, he took off like a bullet. The only room he could escape to was the fireplace area. He wasted no time doing just that. Taking refuge behind the sofa, he stayed there as quiet as a mouse. The vet decided to step in and somehow managed to grab him and brought him back to the table. It might have gone smoother had we gone to the vet’s office but too late now!

The vet proceeded to check Einstein’s ears, his teeth, his eyes and finally his butt! It was an all clear and then it was time to give him his yearly shot. I thought here we go again! However, Einstein decided to play dead and took it like a champ. The last part was the deworming pill and that was it. I picked Einstein up but I noticed that he had flattened the top of his head and his ears were pointing outwards like a little Yoda. What came next was totally unexpected. Einstein decided to show me just how PISSED off he was! He scratched me on the collarbone as I opened the door to let him out. He was gone in a blinding second as he dashed up the stairs and into the bedroom.

Shaking his head, the vet said cats are unpredictable creatures and they love to scratch and bite. The problem is Einstein never scratches but I guess he decided to show me that he was just going to put up with so much and NO MORE! The rest of the day was calm but Einstein kept his distance eyeing me with suspicion each time our eyes locked. It took a while before he thawed out and by bedtime, he snuggled up to me and spent the rest of the night there saying, “A cat’s life is not easy especially when you’ve got a human loving the hell out of you!”

This year done, next year is another story.

Cat Fact: Once you own a cat, the probability that you bring up cats in conversation increases by 200%.

@mickeyandmort

Ain’t that the truth!

When Life Was Simple (Archives)

A Series on Getting Back on Track

“Things to Remember”

Eat regularly (and well)

Get enough sleep

Sometimes being a bitch is necessary

Stop talking and listen

Don’t take anyone’s shit

Things WILL get better

If someone can’t make the effort to be in your life – they don’t deserve to be there.

It only ends once, everything else is just progress.

A good cup of tea can solve just about anything.

Stick to your guns.

Impromptu solo dance parties are good for your health.

Spend time with the people who matter the most.” Unknown

I remember a time when life was simple. Having my head in the clouds and my feet on the ground was a daily and joyous norm for me. Twirling on my toes, watching clouds go by on my back and chasing rainbows and dreams was what life was about way back when I was young and life was simple.

Splashing in duck puddles on a rainy day with only the ducks for company was absolute heaven. Covered in mud from head to toe and looking like a gypsy was a badge I wore with pride. Talking to unseen beings who only existed in my mind didn’t matter because it made life simple.

Chasing rainbow colored fish in a dirty stream made it the absolute highlight of my day and when I had a few wriggling in my hands with the sunlight reflecting off their multi-hued bodies made it even more so. Boys….hmm….boys were of no importance except as buddies. They did not have the power to touch my heart but that was way back when things were simple and I had wings.

Dancing in the rain, jumping over puddles of water and squealing with laughter meant I was one with nature. Anger, hurt and pain were unknown in a life where nothing mattered except for the magic I created within myself. Joy was an everyday occurrence but it became a thing of the past. It was way back when things were simple. I am a grown-up now.

Adulthood is defined as or means that, “they are an adult or that they behave in a responsible way.”

Someone asked me not too long ago why I couldn’t behave the same way. The answer is simple. Grown-ups or adults behave in a specific way. Propriety demands that I “conform to what is socially acceptable in conduct or speech.”

Going back to the quote I started out with, I will choose a few I can live with.

“Sometimes being a bitch is necessary.” This is an alien concept to me as being a “bitch” is way beyond my grasp of being a good person. Lately, I am learning that it is a necessary step to where I want to get to in my journey of life. A bitch is applied to a woman and defined as “someone, who is belligerent, unreasonable, malicious, controlling, aggressive or dominant.” Perhaps I need to apply this concept on my way to arriving at my end goal. Life is not that simple anymore.

“If someone can’t make the effort to be in your life – they don’t deserve to be there.” This is a hard one. Where once “men” were of no consequence, growing up means learning to deal with this species. If you thought women were difficult to comprehend, try dealing with this group! The end point is, if they can’t be bothered to be in your life and every effort is just lukewarm or worse cold then it is time to put your “bitch” shoes on and move on. Life is too short and neither is it just in black and white. It is complicated enough as it is and perhaps we make it more complicated. It boils down to, if you can’t make an effort, it is time for you to go.

Last but not least, “Spend time with people who matter most.” These are people who show up when times are tough. The ones who are not just “fair weather friends” but who are there without being asked. Get rid of the liars, the ones who have lying built into their DNA, this is a necessary step in making your life simple again. Liars are not worthy of your time and space because they say one thing and behave as if you don’t matter. Walk and don’t look back!

“The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak.” Hans Hofmann

Looks easy enough doesn’t it but believe me it is not. You can get back to the basics. You can still dance in the rain, imagine yourself splashing in puddles and envision yourself in a much simpler time and place. Truth is it takes imagination, hard work, determination and courage to get back to that place of simplicity. Complicated is just in your mind.

Have an amazing day.

The Awakening

This one is embarrassing. The best compliment I’ve ever received was when I was in my early 20s and it was given to me by a group of businessmen.

I was in Singapore at the time and in McDonalds meeting a girlfriend for lunch. Sitting behind us was a group of men in suits. They kept staring but I didn’t pay it much mind. After 20 minutes they got up and left. I was glad because they made me uneasy for some reason. A few minutes later they walked back in. There were about 10 of them altogether so I froze in mid-conversation. They walked to our table, one guy had a single rose in his hand and an envelope. He didn’t say a word as he handed me both, smiled and they left. The place was eerily quiet as everyone glanced over at us.

I opened the envelope and there was a card in it. It said:

“To the most beautiful girl in Singapore.”

It also contained 30 dollars to pay for lunch I guess. Nothing else. No telephone number nothing. I never saw them again but that chance meeting has stayed in my memory because it literally blew my mind!

I was a wild child in my teens running around barefoot in the forest and playing with the ducks and most days I was covered with mud from head to toe but I loved it. I blossomed when I was 16 and those things were put aside. I never thought of myself as a beauty but things changed. I went from being a tomboy to a quiet young woman. More introvert than anything else. That compliment was my awakening to a different world. Beauty is more than a buzz word, beauty is power in some cases. These days they still tell me I am attractive but I march to a different drumbeat. It is more about the inner beauty and not about the fading kind.

Daily writing prompt

What was the best compliment you’ve received?

View all responses

Cheesecake Addiction (Update)

UPDATE:

I’ve been trying to beat this addiction as I call it and it has been giving me a run for the money! It has been “winning” (like Trump would say) and I’ve fallen off the bandwagon many times over, it’s all par for the course. However, I’ve made it without cheesecake for a week now and it feels great but the craving is still there. It is heaviest right before sleep when I see cheesecakes floating before my eyes and begging for attention! The lure is slowly subsiding but we’ll see how this goes. So far so good. 👍

Some of you may know of my addiction to cheesecake as I’ve been posting about it often enough here.

I consider myself to have tremendous willpower and those who have gotten through that barrier were allowed to do so on my terms. However, I’ve met my match and it wasn’t made in heaven!

This creamy concoction of cream cheese and all things nice has taken hold and ever since that first bite I’m a prisoner in every sense of the word! What happened to willpower? It has given up and is hiding somewhere.

Let me tell you, I’ve tried my best but my best doesn’t seem to be enough to get rid of this addiction. I make it for a week and then I hear it calling my name. Within seconds, I am sitting down to a nice slice of scrumptious cheesecake and a cup of coffee. It’s heaven if you ask me. It (the cheesecake) knows that I’m putty in its hands!

I tried getting rid of the “fixer.” I call him the cheesecake guy. He brings or used to bring me a whole cheesecake every weekend. Half of a plain no frills variety and a cherry filled one. The problem was I had a never-ending supply of cheesecake and every time I walked by the fridge, it called and I obliged! So, it was time to get rid of the source. It wasn’t that difficult to do since I am getting rid of the “menfolk” to work on myself. However, the “no cheesecake” policy is much harder. Something seems to be missing.

No worries. There is still the bakery where the ladies who work the counter always greet me with a knowing grin. “One cheesecake?” Yes, they know me well. I broke down and bought a whole cheesecake yesterday and had a slice for breakfast today! Nope, it is not going well. I’m still hooked on this piece of nothingness and who would have thought that IT would be my biggest nemesis. Time to work on winning the battle. If there is one thing I know about myself, it is that I’m up for challenges and I KNOW I CAN BEAT THIS ADDICTION!

Good luck says the cheesecake!

Have an amazing day.

Cross-Country Trip

Airplane, train, bus, car, or bike? What about horse and buggy? Just kidding.

I don’t like trains so that is out of the question, I don’t like buses and bikes either. So that leaves the car and or airplane. Airplanes were my mode of transport going overseas or for going to another country. I always found it stressful and I’m not good with dealing with jetlag, it took me several days to get over it. So that seems to be out as well.

The car is the last one standing. It is my current mode of transport for doing the things I need to get done everyday like running to the store or other stuff that is part and parcel of my daily existence. Cross-country trips are far and few these days but I’ve done it in the past. The car is a comfortable way of travel but depending on where you’re at, it can get more than stressful especially if you’re on the Autobahn and driving with the speed monsters. It can scare the hell out of you. I still prefer the car if I had to do a cross-country trip just for the comfort factor alone and NOT having to deal with the masses. However, it has its ups and downs as well.

Daily writing prompt

You’re going on a cross-country trip. Airplane, train, bus, car, or bike?

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The Hard Things (Archives)

Most of us cringe at the thought of doing the hard things. Be it a break-up, walking away, losing a job or letting go of things that no longer serve us, it is an exceptionally hard thing to do. It is not something we look forward to because it means taking the bull by the horns and waging war on what seems to be an impossible task at first. Given time, patience, perseverance and a hard-headed look at what needs to be done to get to the other side, we find it is doable but not easy.

Easy is not what life is about. If anything, easy is not in its vocabulary. It seems at times that “living” is about going through the hard stuff. Sometimes one and sometimes a string of unsolvable and often times impossible situations but you and I know that it is those hard times and how you deal with it that brings out the strength in us. Sure, it would be easier if we didn’t have to deal with them but when has that stopped life from throwing the hard stuff our way?

Where would we be without them? Probably having a great time without having to walk through the minefield of the hard stuff all equipped and designed to bring you down to your knees if you make a false move. There is no right or wrong way of going about it, it is trial and error and an undying resilience to take what is handed to you and to make it work for you. We’ve all made those false moves where we’ve crashed and burned and just when you think there is nothing left to do except to pick up the pieces and make the most of it, there is light at the end of the dark tunnel. There is that open door that beckons because as you know when one door closes another one opens but it is human nature or at least it is mine to look past it and back at the one that has closed and is no longer available.

“Hard things are hard because there are no easy answers or recipes. They are hard because your emotions are at odds with your logic. They are hard because you don’t know the answer and you cannot ask for help without showing weakness.” Ben Horowitz

The hard stuff has kept me captive for longer than I want to admit. Truth is, I don’t do “HARD” well. Holding on is my nemesis, letting go of things that no longer serve me is harder still and moving on, well that is an impossible task at times. I hold on hoping that changes will come my way but it never does. Things happen for a reason, people are the way they are because they are wired that way and looking and hoping is not going to change things. However, whatever life throws your way, there is a lesson in there somewhere but it is hard to see when it first hits you. I think we fail miserably at times because we walk in circles, bang our heads on that closed door and refuse to move on until we are drained of energy and there is nothing else to do but to walk through that open door. Human nature at its best? I think so.

We are fully capable and have the strength within to meet the hard stuff head on and to tame it if necessary. It is the fear of the unknown in sync with the weakness within that works hand-in-hand to stop us in our tracks, makes us tremble where we stand as we whisper, I can’t. You and I have had our baptism by fire in one form or another, of this I am sure. The hard thing is just one more obstacle to overcome, nothing more, nothing less. We tend to make it more than what it is. Life is a never-ending circle of challenges in the form of “hard things” to overcome. It is mixed in with the good stuff but it is the hard stuff that brings forth the real you. Your strength, your power and most of all your ability to slay it where it stands takes courage, growth and an attitude of never giving up which will put the “hard stuff” in its place. Who knows if shown the door more often than not, it might decide to stay away. We can hope can’t we?

“I see your fear, and it’s big. I also see your courage, and it’s bigger. We can do hard things.” Glennon Doyle

Have an amazing day.

The Most Confident Person I Know

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

This is a hard one and this early in the morning? My mind is doing a scramble to unravel that mystery because I’ve known many people in my life who seemed very confident and had a handle on this thing called life.

If I had to narrow it down to one person, I would say it was my mom. She is no longer here but her presence remains and is a constant reminder that I can do all things as she did in her life. She was a petite person but a giant when it came to raising her children. Some would call her an “helicopter mom” because her life was based around us and she was constantly looking out for us but when it came to parenting, she was a one woman parenting machine! I take many of my cues from her when it comes to my son and the questions he has. She had answers to every question and believe me there were many many questions!

Part of that parenting system didn’t cater to a rambunctious young girl because I wanted things my way but she stood her ground. She stood up to adversity like a pro and challenges were just that, something to be conquered or handled and that was it. No berating herself like I do. I remember her standing tall even at the worst times in her life and even when her life came to an end because someone chose to end it, she put up a fight. She was and is, the most confident person I know and have known. She had faith in herself and in God and these two things combined together were an unbeatable team. I am confident but nowhere close to where she was but I am learning to embrace my own strength and I see confidence in how I handle things as well. Perhaps the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree as they say.

Bully Bites the Dust?!! (Archives)

I wrote this before he made it as the 47th President. However, nothing much has changed. The man is throwing temper tantrums like its nobody’s business, doesn’t care about rule of law and his bullying tactics have gained strength. He is going rogue with a partner by his side cheering him on. Elon Musk is of the same caliber and the two together are wrecking havoc more than a wrecking ball can!

Jury finds Trump liable and orders him to pay a whopping and I mean a whopping sum of $83.3 million in damages to E. Jean Carroll who alleged that Trump raped her in a department store in the mid-1990s and then went on to defame her when he denied her claim.

Trump for his part walked out during closing statements and that move hurt him badly. The man is known for throwing a temper tantrum when something doesn’t go his way and “rule of law” is not what he stands for. He loves thumping his nose at it and he did it again on Friday but to his detriment. The huffing and puffing and blow the house down part is still to come but we will see it sooner than later. When have you known him to keep his mouth shut? At least, the grin has been wiped off his face, the one he wore after the New Hampshire win.

The man who boasted about grabbing crotch in 2016 and making light of it found himself in an uproar back then. He went on to say, “Anyone who knows me knows these words don’t reflect who I am.” His frequent derogatory remarks have proved to be a major liability for him which brings me to the present. This time around it is going to cost him in a big way. According to Roberta Kaplan, Carroll’s lawyer, “All he really understands is money and so you should award an amount of money that will make him stop. Whether that will succeed, I don’t know, I sure hope it will.”

E. Jean Carroll had this to say, “it is a huge defeat for every bully who has tried to keep a woman down.” More than that, the rule of law applies to everyone AND the man eyeing another term in the White House should learn to abide by it. However, that is a big ask of someone who has never toed the line and probably never will. That is the hard truth.