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Christmas Adieu!

Photo by Christiyana Krüger on Pexels.com

It has come and gone. The time of year where some wait religiously to put on their best light show and see who can outdo whom! The festival of lights in the Christian sense is now more about presents, presents, and more presents. Add the food fest and raucous family gatherings and you have the Christmas of today.

Never mind about that. It has come and gone and for some, it was a dreadful time especially if you are faraway from family and loved ones and had to spend it alone. It brings home “loneliness” and being “lonely” to another level. I hope you survived it as I did.

I was going to spend it alone and was prepared to do so with no problems at all. However, a friend was going to be alone as well as he had decided not to spend it with his son and family. Misery loves company as they say. He came over armed with roses and presents and even a present for Chachi, the cat!. How thoughtful but Chachi wasn’t buying any of it! He kept his distance and his mistrust showed in those big eyes and sweet face of his.

“Hey buddy, don’t try anything with my mommy!” was the message he gave and it came across loud and clear.

Dinner was nice. It was a low-key affair although he came dressed to please and I stayed in my sweats! I did deliver a good one. The menu consisted of wild boar in chestnut sauce, red cabbage and dumplings. Dessert was cookies and cake. You guessed it. It was cheesecake! We called it a night at 8 p.m. and Chachi, the cat, became the “main man” again. Exactly how he likes it.

If you’re wondering if he’s the one, it’s a definite no. He’s nice enough but there’s something missing and something else keeps telling me NO! It must be my usual, “No one is good enough,” stance or my intuition is working overtime to guide me in the right direction. Let’s hope it’s the intuition part.

Christmas Day found me in my pjs all day and breathing a sigh of relief that I didn’t have to bother with cooking and putting on a spread. It was leftovers and that was perfectly fine. I watched stand-up comedy which kept me laughing and I had Chachi, the cat, cuddled up next to me. It was a nice Christmas but I’m glad it has come and gone. Next up is New Year’s Eve but I’m opting for the quiet variety as well. A recluse? Seems that way doesn’t it? I’m loving it and that’s all that matters.

Have an amazing day.

Lonely at Christmas?

Here’s the thing, you may think that you’re the only person on earth who is alone for Christmas but did you know that there are thousands of people who spend Christmas alone? Christmas is a beautiful time of the year but for some who are alone, it can be downright excruciating. It can get depressing and you can dive into the doldrums of despair but there is something YOU can do about it.

Change Your Mindset

Yes, it’s all about that mindset. Instead of cowering in your bedroom and mourning about how sad you are, change it to my glass is half-full instead.

Let’s see. You have a roof over your head don’t you? You have food, warm clothes and you are safe while there are others out there who don’t have half of what you have. I’m sure they’ll gladly change places with you. Be thankful for what you have.

Get something good to eat. Enjoy spending time alone and be thankful you don’t have to deal with the stress. What stress? The stress of spending time with people you don’t like, the noise, the constant chatter and sounds of good cheer. It can get nerve-wrecking. Be thankful for the silence because if used wisely it can be your best friend.

Stay in your jammies all day! Check out a movie you’ve wanted to watch but never got around to it. Spend quality time with your pets or listen to your favorite music.

Turn your attention to your book collection. What about that book you’ve been wanting to read but never got around to it? Well, here’s the time to do just that.

Try deep breathing. It definitely helps me and sometimes I need to take a nap because nothing destresses like breathing for all you’re worth! Do a workout and work on getting yourself fit and buff. While all the others are “pigging out” you are on your way to looking pretty good!

Watch something funny on TV. It will help to boost that somber mood and make you feel much better. I tried it last night and watched Max Amini, a stand-up comedian and he was hilarious. It definitely helped to boost my mood because laughter releases those happy hormones. They are serotonin, dopamine, endorphins, and oxytocin which help to reduce depression and anxiety as well. These feel-good hormones do much to get you out of the rut you’re in. It worked for me.

SMILE! Wear a perpetual smile on your face even if you don’t feel like it. Know that YOU are not the only one in this situation, there are thousands out there spending Christmas alone. Make the best of it and you’ll be just fine.

“Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.” Andy Borowitz

Ain’t that the truth?!!

Have a good one and wherever you are and whatever you’re doing, know this: YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Christmastime

It’s the most wonderful time of the year.

There’ll be much mistletoeing

And hearts will be glowing

When loved ones are near

It’s the most wonderful time of the year.

That song captures Christmas in a nutshell and it is the most wonderful time of the year, that’s true. It’s a time for lights, glitter, trees decked out in holiday cheer, and the scents and sounds of Christmas. Houses trimmed in lights, Santa and his elves taking centerstage and a time for joy and celebration. However, it is also a time for loneliness to take hold and for some of us a reminder that we are lacking in some aspects.

Memories of Christmases past gnaw at our insides as we miss the people who are no longer there, the ones who put a smile on our faces at Christmases past and there will be a feeling of not being whole and complete without them. It’s the time of year that brings home the fact that YOU are alone when others are gathering to celebrate the festival of cheer. It is a time to give thanks but also for mourning losses.

“Isn’t it funny that at Christmas something in you gets so lonely for I don’t know what exactly, but it’s something that you don’t mind so much not having at other times.” Katy L. Basher

I miss the big Christmases when mom and dad were there. The scent of duck roasting along with chestnuts and all the other goodies filling the air with anticipation and carollers trooping into the house shortly before midnight their angelic voices spreading good cheer to all. Later, when I had my own family, I remember the twinkle in my son’s eyes as he eyed the presents under the tree and watched as Christmas slowly began to unfold with good food, joy, grandma and grandpa and his mom and dad gathered around the fireplace. Much, much later, I remember Christmases with my dear friend, the one who passed away, and with my son but sans my ex and his family. Christmas was getting smaller but still a joyful affair. Fast forward to the here and now and it will be just Chachi, the cat, and yours truly this year. I’ve toned down the lights, Santa is in the cellar and won’t be spreading his brand of good cheer at the front door like he does every year and the tree will be missing. It will be a lonely Christmas because my son will be spending it somewhere else. I could have company if I wanted to but I’ve decided to do it alone this year.

I’ve come to the conclusion that Christmas is a feeling that we accentuate with presents, food, decorations, music, family and friends. Some will say it is hyped-up to the extent that we forget what it is really about. It is about the birth of Jesus in a manger a long time ago. He came to give us love, hope and joy and this is worth celebrating. All the rest is just icing on the cake, nothing more, nothing less.

This Christmas I will celebrate that message wholeheartedly because “goodness” is much needed in this world of ours where “bad” often takes top priority. Someone told me yesterday that the bad people are not being held accountable for the evil they put into this world and I agreed with him but that it only seems that way. I told him that I believe that they will pay the price when the time is right. He disagreed but that’s his opinion and that’s alright too.

Coming back to Christmas, if you’re dreading it, it’s time to change that mindset. Be grateful, be thankful and turn “loneliness” into something marvelous. Sometimes being alone is a Godsent. You have YOU and I’ve got my little guy in the fur coat to put good cheer on my face.

We’ll Get Through It!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Have an amazing day.

Milestones

“Remember to celebrate milestones as you prepare for the road ahead.” Nelson Mandela

A milestone is defined as “a significant event in your life.” It could be another birthday, a special day in your life, a marriage, an anniversary, the birth of a baby or even a new chapter in your life. It is auspicious and it should not be taken lightly because milestones show us where we stand and how we are progressing through this journey called life.

Sometimes you have to work hard to arrive at that milestone and at other times you have no control over it. It arrives as scheduled and you have no say in the matter. Take birthdays for example, it has nothing to do with how you get there but each year it arrives without fail and you are left staring at a new year ahead with the old one behind you. You can choose to rejoice, you can moan or you can totally ignore it as a friend of mine does each year. It is a more than a chore for him. Whatever the case may be, you’ve reached another milestone and life goes on from there.

“Today is a milestone, it tells you how far you’ve come. Keep learning, keep trying, keep accomplishing and keep venturing on through your journey.” Unknown

What are the important milestones in your life?

In mine it was the first time a boy asked me out on a date and I got my first kiss under the stars. It was beautiful and filled with innocence and I learned that “boys” found me attractive and that put a smile on my face. I had ventured out of my tom-boyish days and was blossoming into a young woman with the world at my feet. It was a wonderful feeling.

The next milestone was when I got my first paycheck. It was a paltry sum but I’ll never forget that feeling of walking on air that it gave me. More than that, I knew that I was on my way to bigger and better things!

Getting married was an important milestone. I was finally an adult and I had a life of my own. Even though the marriage broke up many years later, it taught me that I am fully capable of dealing with whatever life throws my way.

The birth of my son was a wonderful milestone. I felt like I had come full circle and it taught me that as a parent I had responsibilities and there were lessons to teach and learn without a playbook.

Divorce was a milestone I would rather forget. Hurt, pain, a waterfall of tears and holding on were the terrible lessons of walking away from a love that didn’t quite work out and it was one of the hardest things I had to do. It taught me that life was far from over and I had to move on from where I was and look towards the uncertain future and I am still learning to do that.

Losing someone close to me was a horrific milestone. Actually there were several of those. First response was, “I can’t deal with this!” I did find out that I was fully capable of dealing with this and much much more. Just when you think you can’t, life shows you that YOU CAN. The strength within is unbeatable and it was those times that strength reached out and showed me a better way. It too was a milestone to be treasured.

Milestones are important markers of life. Some are wonderful, some we would rather forget but no matter what, milestones keep showing up and they will keep doing so because it is a part of life. They are there to show us our development as individuals, how far we have come, where we have to go to complete our journey and what we have to do to get there. Enjoy them, accept them, learn from them and be grateful for all of them.

“Be thankful for all of the small victories as you work toward large milestones as it’s not the endgame that matters most but how you got to where you are.” Unknown

And

What a beautiful thing it is to be able to stand tall and say, “I fell apart, and I survived.” Unknown

YOU ARE ENOUGH

“You are enough, just as you are.” Meghan Markle

The Duchess of Sussex shared this quote in an interview and how right she is.

How many times have we questioned if we are really enough? How many times have we said if only I was thinner, prettier, more popular, had more friends than life would be better, simpler and I would be enough. More times than you can count on your fingers right? I know I have.

I think to be enough you have to start by loving yourself first. It is not about what society expects of you, the impossible goals it puts out there so that achieving some of them takes us to never never land and leaves us wanting but never quite attaining what is the norm or considered the norm in today’s society of much ado about nothing.

Beyonce said:

“Your self-worth is determined by you. You don’t have to depend on someone telling you who you are.”

I will add, love yourself first and you’re halfway there. Look in the mirror and give yourself a big hug and say, “I love you warts and all!” Yes warts because we do carry those unseen warts around with us. Just the other day someone said to me, “You are your worst critic.” He is right but more appropriately I am my own worst enemy. When I look into that mirror first thing in the morning, I see all that is wrong and those warts, those invisible ones take shape and have the power to obliterate if I allow them. These days, I see someone genuine with potential staring back at me. I smile, give myself a hug and go on my way.

So many of us go through life carrying the burden of I don’t measure up. It is easy to do in this world of ours where perfection and beauty are key buzzwords and measuring up is an uphill task. However, these are just two words. Honesty, integrity, dependability, good-heartedness, helpfulness and so on are all words that carry so much worth that they have the power to blow those two other words, beauty and perfection to kingdom come! Look at you, the real you and you will know that you my friend are enough as you are.

Someone close to me said, “I don’t know if I can make it.” Despair, frustration and a fear of the future are the monsters he will have to slay. He’s at a standstill but this is nothing new. I’ve been there and so have you when the day seems unfathomable and all you want to do is turn out the light, shut out the world and go within yourself and stay there for awhile.

“Today I feel like putting on the “OUT OF ORDER” sticker on my head and going back to bed.” Unknown

However, the trick is in knowing when to crawl out of bed, remove that sign and take life by its reins and to say, “I am enough as I am. You won’t defeat me!”

You are capable, you have the power within you to achieve the impossible and you my friend are stronger than you think!

YOU ARE ENOUGH!

“My mission should I choose to accept it, is to find peace with exactly who and what I am. To take pride in my thoughts, my appearance, my talents, my flaws and to stop this incessant worrying that I can’t be loved as I am.” Anais Nin

When Life Was Simple

A Series on Getting Back on Track

“Things to Remember”

Eat regularly (and well)

Get enough sleep

Sometimes being a bitch is necessary

Stop talking and listen

Don’t take anyone’s shit

Things WILL get better

If someone can’t make the effort to be in your life – they don’t deserve to be there.

It only ends once, everything else is just progress.

A good cup of tea can solve just about anything.

Stick to your guns.

Impromptu solo dance parties are good for your health.

Spend time with the people who matter the most.

I remember a time when life was simple. Having my head in the clouds and my feet on the ground was a daily and joyous norm for me. Twirling on my toes, watching clouds go by on my back and chasing rainbows and dreams was what life was about way back when I was young and life was simple.

Splashing in duck puddles on a rainy day with only the ducks for company was absolute heaven. Covered in mud from head to toe and looking like a gypsy was a badge I wore with pride. Talking to unseen beings who only existed in my mind didn’t matter because it made life simple.

Chasing rainbow colored fish in a dirty stream made it the absolute highlight of my day and when I had a few wriggling in my hands with the sunlight reflecting off their multi-hued bodies made it even more so. Boys….hmm….boys were of no importance except as buddies. They did not have the power to touch my heart but that was way back when things were simple and I had wings.

Dancing in the rain, jumping over puddles of water and squealing with laughter meant I was one with nature. Anger, hurt and pain were unknown in a life where nothing mattered except for the magic I created within myself. Joy was an everyday occurrence but it became a thing of the past. It was way back when things were simple. I am a grown-up now.

Adulthood is defined as or means that, “they are an adult or that they behave in a responsible way.”

Someone asked me not too long ago why I couldn’t behave the same way. The answer is simple. Grown-ups or adults behave in a specific way. Propriety demands that I “conform to what is socially acceptable in conduct or speech.”

Going back to the quote I started out with, I will choose a few I can live with.

“Sometimes being a bitch is necessary.” This is an alien concept to me as being a “bitch” is way beyond my grasp of being a good person. Lately, I am learning that it is a necessary step to where I want to get to in my journey of life. A bitch is applied to a woman and defined as “someone, who is belligerent, unreasonable, malicious, controlling, aggressive or dominant.” Perhaps I need to apply this concept on my way to arriving at my end goal. Life is not that simple anymore.

“If someone can’t make the effort to be in your life – they don’t deserve to be there.” This is a hard one. Where once “men” were of no consequence, growing up means learning to deal with this species. If you thought women were difficult to comprehend, try dealing with this group! The end point is, if they can’t be bothered to be in your life and every effort is just lukewarm or worse cold then it is time to put your “bitch” shoes on and move on. Life is too short and neither is it just in black and white. It is complicated enough as it is and perhaps we make it more complicated. It boils down to, if you can’t make an effort, it is time for you to go.

Last but not least, “Spend time with people who matter most.” These are people who show up when times are tough. The ones who are not just “fair weather friends” but who are there without being asked. Get rid of the liars, the ones who have lying built into their DNA, this is a necessary step in making your life simple again. Liars are not worthy of your time and space because they say one thing and behave as if you don’t matter. Walk and don’t look back!

“The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak.” Hans Hofmann

Looks easy enough doesn’t it but believe me it is not. You can get back to the basics. You can still dance in the rain, imagine yourself splashing in puddles and envision yourself in a much simpler time and place. Truth is it takes imagination, hard work, determination and courage to get back to that place of simplicity. Complicated is just in your mind.