dating – Site Title

The Guy?!!

Got your attention? I think those of you who read my articles regularly know that I’ve been looking for the needle in the haystack and it hasn’t been easy being out there. Where? Out in the dating world.

I’ve come across many who claim to be Prince Charming but in actuality are frogs in disguise. I know, I know, you just have to kiss them and they might turn into the man of your dreams. So far, no luck. They’ve remained frogs! Around the middle of last year, I came to a screeching halt and decided to pull the plug on dating. However, at the beginning of this year, I decided to give it another try.

Out of the eight who showed up wearing hopeful smiles, I narrowed it down to two. One was a Biochemical Engineer, nice enough guy in the beginning but a total full of himself j**k. Maybe, it was me but never mind. After two dates, I decided to call it off. I tried to be nice, which is my problem, but he hung up on me showing his true self. The last man standing was just a simple guy who grew up in these parts, the farmers are his best friends, doesn’t speak any English but has decided that he has only eyes for me. Nice guy? Hold on.

On our first date, he was very attentive and as he walked me to the door, he stole the kiss. It was totally unexpected. I pushed him away before he took it further and later when he called he asked, “Did I shock you?” My answer, “Yes, you did.”

Anyway, I decided to pull the stick out of my you know what and to give him another chance. Nice guys don’t come around too often, that was my reasoning. Second date went just fine. We had lunch and went for a walk. It was nice and it was my kind of date. Third date was supposed to be a breakfast date and he decided to take another huge leap.

HIM: “My sister wants to join us.”

ME: “Why?!!”

HIM: “She wants to meet you.”

ME: “Why?!!”

HIM: “Because she asked.”

Oh God. Things were moving like a train on a collision course! Then he began using the “we” word whenever he talked about us. If that wasn’t enough to give you chills running down your spine, he started sending early morning messages, like at 5 in the mornings! Then he started hammering the nail in the coffin as quickly as he could by calling me, “Mein Schatz.” In German, my darling or my treasure, whatever the case may be, you get the picture. My signals were all going off and you know I have plenty of them where men are concerned. Anyway, still I persevered. I met the sister and we hit it off. He told me that she thought I was five or ten times better than his other girlfriends. So, he went, “Welcome to the family.” Lord, have mercy!

I also found out that he smokes which is an absolute no-go for an hypocondraic and a health nut like me. I did tell him that but he promised that he wouldn’t do it in front of me. However, I Googled, my steady companion who never fails to come up with answers said this,

“It doesn’t matter. Third-hand smoke is a killer too. Smokers have toxins coming out of every pore and some of it will wear off on you causing heart problems and a stroke at times.

Lord, help me! I like the guy. He is caring albeit a little touchy feely. He thinks he has found the right person for him after three dates and I think he has “forever” showing in his eyes. Me? Not so much. He stole a kiss and he has hugged me and held my hands. That is about it although he keeps talking about spending the weekend together. Knowing me, that would be a big, big, hurdle to cross. Plus those “toxins” are not helping matters much.

Another one bites the dust? Maybe, I don’t know yet. Still thinking on that one. Thinking is my problem too, I overthink things. I told a friend yesterday that at this rate, I will go to my grave as a single woman. He was nice and said, “I think you are very nice and there is nothing wrong with you.” So, why do I wind up in these situations? A more pertinent question is, “Where is my Prince Charming? The one who will be an almost perfect fit. Where is he?!!”

The universe in its wisdom is saying, “All in good time, my child. He’ll show up when you least expect it and I’m working on it but you are not making it easy!”

Back to walks in nature, I suppose.

The Dating World

I put a stop to dating towards the end of last year because I was up to my neck with meeting the no-good-two-timing types! All was nice and quiet in my world after that without the constant hassle of meeting one or the other of these types. Chachi, the cat, was perfectly fine with this decision. In fact, he went around the house carrying a banner that read, “I’m in heaven!”

Needless to say, I decided to give it another try. I put on my magnifying glasses and went through the parade of potentials all eager to meet the woman of their dreams! I was on the same boat. I wanted to meet that one special guy as well. Nope, I haven’t given up hope yet.

I had many invites but since I had my double-strength magnifying glasses on, nothing panned out. Okay, they were nice guys and I even had some conversations going with one or the other. However, I was not out of my recluse mode yet so I kept making excuses.

Then two days ago, I got an invite that blew me out of the water! It was from a tall, muscular guy and below the “Hello” was a pic of a blonde woman holding a champagne glass. She was nicely built and looked like she had been around the block several times, if you know what I mean. If you don’t, it doesn’t matter. So, he wrote me an epistle introducing himself and his partner, the blonde woman. They were looking for a third party to join in their festivities and if that wasn’t enough, he wanted to add their “sweet” dog into the mix for added fun!

I’m straight as an arrow and at first, I didn’t know what he was talking about. After reading it through three times and still at a loss for words, I asked a friend and he explained it in his no-nonsense way. They were looking for a threesome! Not only that, the dog would be part and parcel of this adventure! Oh God! Why do I always run into such things?

All I want is this nice guy who will look at me like I’m manna from heaven and be satisfied with that! No go? Well, it seems like it is a no go. I kept my silence and hoped he would go away. However, I kept getting pics of this blonde woman showing off more skin than I thought was possible and attaching captions that read something like this. “I like you. I think you are pretty.”

Am I blushing? Absolutely. So, I put a stop to it but nicely. The “nice” part is where all my problems begin. Anyway, I explained that I was not into what they wanted and wished them all the best. Surprisingly, he was nice, wished me the same and I never heard from him again. Now, I would like to know what is with that DOG?!! I can tell you one thing, it is no Chachi. My little guy is as innocent as Peter Pan but this dog, well, it has been around the block as well! The poor thing.

Anyway, that was one fiasco. Then another one showed up. A well-heeled German who had made tons of money from real-estate. He loved spending half the year in Germany and the other half in Florida. He is currently in Florida enjoying winter and feeling LONELY. He found me and we talked. “I’m looking for that special someone to complete the picture.” Hmm….I guess he wanted the little woman who will do all his bidding. Last night, he called and invited me to come visit and to spend a week or two at his hacienda. Well, I mean his huge spacious house complete with a pool and a jacuzzi to boot! Where do I find these guys? Exactly my question.

I told him it was a no go. I’m not going to drop everything and go spend time with someone I hardly know. Guess what? If you don’t get what you want, it becomes more interesting. He is on the chase and I hate to say it but I’m a tough nut to crack and add a little “crazy” to that and you get the picture.

The dating world is a hard one. You don’t always get what you want and even though “kissing” frogs come into play and you keep your sights peeled for the one and only, you will have to wade through a lot more mud to get there, if you get there that is.

Sad, but true.

Have an amazing day.

The Questions (Archives)

I wrote this post sometime last year but things haven’t changed much. The only difference is that I’ve stopped dating altogether and keeping company with Chachi, the cat. He’s the main man now but that doesn’t mean that I’ve given up altogether. I’m learning what works and what doesn’t and believe it or not, I’m stronger. The problem is the more I find out about myself, the more I realize that NO ONE is going to be good enough! It comes with the territory. Know yourself and what you will settle for but at the same time be prepared to learn that what you’re looking for doesn’t exist! Or it’s a 100 in a million but that in itself says that there is still a chance. Fingers crossed!

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Why do we keep repeating the same mistakes when it comes to relationships? Why do we gravitate to the same types of people?

These are the questions I ask myself over and over again. It seems that I am drawn to the same types I left behind. It’s been a never-ending cycle and it seems like Groundhog’s Day over and over again to the point that it is horrific and mind-boggling to say the least.

Liars, cheaters and emotionally-unavailable men seem to draw me in like they’re magnetized and I have no willpower when it comes to these types. I walk in gladly like a lamb to the slaughter.

There is a reason so say the experts. They say “opposites attract” and “we are drawn to people who are strong in areas we are weak.” Hmm….there is more to this concept according to them. Two people who have an abusive past will be attracted to each other because they are viewed as equals. However, an abuser is not necessarily attracted to another abuser. He’s attracted to an “abusee” – or someone who will tolerate and enable his abuse. So to make it short and to the point, the “abusee” is familiar with abuse, be it physical, sexual or emotional abuse and so she is attracted to someone who gives her what she’s already comfortable with it.”

LORD HAVE MERCY!

Is there no way out of this pattern? There is, but first you need to know that:

“Simplicity and Complexity need each other.” Unknown

However, there is a way out but not an easy one. You have to work at it with a narrow-minded focus.

Here goes. If you want to attract better, you must be better meaning you need to discard what is within you, the cause for your need to be abused. Find out where it stems from. Your childhood? Adulthood? The experts say look for patterns and don’t sweep what you find under the rug. The only way to learn from it, get past it, is to go through it. Otherwise, you’re doomed to repeat and attract the same types only in a different body!

This is exactly what I’m trying to avoid. As I have said in one of my other post, I am like a heat-seeking missile when it comes to the types I mentioned above. I find them!

Here are some tips from beyourownbrandofsexy.com on how to attract quality or high-value men. First, know yourself well and know what you need in a relationship and what matters to you.

Identify your Needs

Know what works and won’t work for you. Be selective and be ready to discard if something shows up as a red flag. “Loving the wrong person teaches you the red flags to watch out for the next time around.”

Don’t Settle

This is important. We tend to settle when we know that the person is the wrong type only because we tell ourselves that he will change or I can make him change. They don’t change, what they show you is what you get. So how do you stop attracting narcissists and the wrong men? DO NOT let them get close to you. Know what your non-negotiable dealbreakers are and stick to them.

Be your Own Person

This means be your own true authentic self. Say “no” to bad matches. Become your true, authentic self which helps you to gravitate to people who are better matches for you.

Be Persistent

If you want to end up in a solid relationship, persistence pays. This doesn’t mean being persistent in chasing the wrong types but staying true and waiting for the right one to show up. Dating is a learning experience and unfortunately, you’ll have rejections, bad dates and disappointments AND you’ll have to kiss some frogs but if you keep at it and know what you want, you might just land the man of your dreams.

While you’re working on that, take care of yourself as well. No point letting yourself go because that is not going to do it. Lose some weight if you have to, get fit both mentally and physically, take care of your skin and teeth because one guy did ask me to show him my teeth on our first date! They’re out there. Just know that physical appearance matters so present the best version of yourself.

Now, I have to go figure out the patterns in my life which make me attract the same types over and over again. That’s the cycle I need to break! I definitely want to break this cycle of attracting low-value men and having to kiss frogs and hoping that they’ll turn into Prince Charming. Time to get working to put my best self forward armed with the knowledge of exactly what I’ll settle for.

I swear if this doesn’t work I’m giving up altogether!

Have an amazing day.

The Cinderella Effect (Archives)

A friend sent this a few days ago and it got me thinking.

“If life doesn’t feel like a fairytale,

If every beautiful sentence seems like ridiculous madness to you…..

Take your existence by the hand,

Be the artist of your own future,

Don’t wait for toads to turn into princes, or pumpkins into carriages,

Remember that everything that was conquered with effort, smells of joy that knows no limits,

Be your own fairytale.” Unknown

I would love to take that last line to heart that fairytales are made of fairy dust and all things nice. The guy gets the girl, a pair of glass slippers has the power to snare a prince and a fairy godmother who orchestrates the whole shebang! How far from the truth can it be? These days things just don’t work that way. I am not sure if it did work that way in Fairytale Land but make-believe is just that, you can work magic into anything and parade it as the truth and have people swallow it lock, stock and barrel!

These days you pick someone out of a dating site, whichever it might be. Then begins the excruciating task of deciding if it’s a “yes” a “no” or it lands in the maybe pile. It all boils down to as the saying goes from the Frog Prince, “You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your handsome prince.” Not appetizing is it? And even then, you might just walk away with nothing to show for it and that is the reality of it.

Life is not a fairytale. The girl doesn’t always get the guy in the end and there is no walking off into the sunset and happily ever after either. More often than not the shoe doesn’t fit and heartbreak follows in its wake. I could go on and on but I am going to stop right here and lighten the mood a little. I hope these quotes help to keep you company as we go through life searching for that needle in the haystack.

“Someday my Prince Charming will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and is too stubborn to ask for directions.”

That hasn’t changed much, you know what I am talking about if you’ve ever been in a car with a guy and he refuses to admit that he’s lost. Nothing new there.

I love this next one from Ms. Oprah Winfrey.

“Mr. Right’s coming, but he’s in Africa, and he’s walking.”

Ms. Carrie Bradshaw had a lot to say on this topic.

And just like that:

“A relationship is like couture. If it doesn’t fit perfectly, it’s a disaster.”

The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you that you love, well, that’s just fabulous.”

“Sometimes we need to stop analyzing the past, stop planning the future, stop figuring out precisely how we feel, stop deciding exactly what we want and just see what happens.”

“As we drive along this road called life, occasionally a girl will find herself a little lost. And when that happens, I guess she has to let go of the coulda, shoulda, woulda, buckle up and just keep going.”

Don’t despair. As the Fairy Godmother said:

“Even miracles take a little time.”

If all else fails,

Ladies,

Please stop wasting your time looking for Mr. Right.

Just find Mr. Left and drag that sucker to the right!

Have an amazing day.

RUN!

I was listening to Matthew Hussey, a well-known dating coach the other day. What he had to say was mind-blowing if not eye-opening. He pointed out that women fall for the wrong types all the time. He mentioned that quite often the red flags are there, clearly visible but we choose not to see it. Instead of putting a stop right there and then, we walk in with our eyes wide open.

He talked about seven signs that women should pay attention to and if those signs are clear and present, RUN is his advice! I’ve seen some of them myself and like those women he talks about in his podcast, I went in with my eyes wide open and was led to the slaughter willingly!

Here are the 7 signs.

1) I don’t want to hurt you or I don’t want to lead you on.

According to Matthew, he is giving you fair warning that it is exactly what he is about to do, hurt you that is, only he thinks that by being upfront about his intention, it will tamper the pain that is to follow. This line basically gives him the permission to mistreat you but with your consent! The ball is in your court and most women fall for it. He’s also telling you that he is not in it for the long run only for what he can get both emotionally and physically. If he finds someone better, he will leave in a heartbeat! RUN if you hear those words.

2) You deserve better than me.

Instead of saying, “You’re probably right,” we fall for this hook, line and sinker! According to Matthew, this is mental warfare at its best. What happens when you hear that line? You do the opposite and that is what he is counting on. It is manipulation at the smartest level and you can bet your bottom dollar that he has done it before. This opens up the field for him to use, abuse and mistreat you. RUN!

3) I’m not looking for anything serious right now.

Hmm…a good one and this one tells you what you need to know. Instead of running in the opposite direction and never looking back, this one has a certain pull and mystery about it. Let’s dive in and find out. You don’t really want to know because if he is telling you upfront that he is not serious, listen and keep moving. However, if you go in knowing what the outcome will be then you only have yourself to blame right? It is not as simple as that. These loser types know how to play the game, terrible though it might be. He is counting on you to accept what he is putting out there and in a way, he feels that he has been honest but in an insidious way. He is offering NOTHING from the get go. RUN!

4) You knew what this was.

What?!! Come again? The problem with this is that they expect the emotional and physical contact but with no strings attached. They’ll walk in a heartbeat if someone better walks in and it doesn’t matter if you’re holding your broken heart in your hands. It is all about them. The other thing is if it was nothing then they should have kept their emotions and hands to themselves! Try pointing that out to them but there is no winning with this one. He was never serious in the first place and it was all a manipulation tactic played like a pro.

5) I don’t want to ruin our friendship.

Hey buddy, if it was just friendship you should have stopped with the love scam you were pulling! Friendship is one thing and a relationship is another. If there are feelings involved and you played it to the hilt, then it wasn’t just friendship, it was something more. However, these losers are all about themselves so don’t ask them to own up to it. They never will. It’s a cruel game and they know it. RUN!

6) Why do we need to put a label on it?

According to them labels such as “girlfriend” which eventually leads to something more serious is unnecessary in the world they live and operate in. They want to keep it open so that they can walk when the time suits them. Here again, it is all about them. That line is meant to keep his options open. Labels are part of the norm in the normal relationship spectrum of things but as far as these guys are concerned, they march to a different drumbeat, it is one of using, abusing and discarding. RUN!

7) You’re different from other women I’ve dated.

Wow, how poetic! This one sounds like the ultimate compliment but there is deceit involved with this one as well. They hold you up as someone special only to make you complicit in their mistreatment of you. According to Matthew, it is done to hide their emotional unavailability. This tactic is psychologically damaging because you find yourself in a game of not knowing where you stand and that is part of the plan. They’ll keep you guessing as long as you serve a purpose, one of boosting their ego. The cruelty is that you cater to their needs hoping that they will see you as this caring person and they will eventually choose you. The truth is YOU ARE NOT THE ONE! Instead of being honest, they dance around and pull you into the fray disregarding the hurt they will cause when they take off in another direction later on. RUN!

Matthew is quick to point out that not all men are like that. However, speaking from experience, I say there are plenty out there who are. Take it slow, keep your eyes open, observe carefully and if you see any of those signs above, do not hesitate. just do this. RUN!

Have an amazing day.

Scammer Update

A few days ago I wrote about this guy who contacted me from a dating website. He seemed alright. His ammo, well-heeled, has a good job, humble, nice- looking and so on….

If you want to see what that was about, read my post, “Dating Sinkholes.” Anyway, I had more than a hunch that he was a scammer but he turned the tables on me for a little while anyway. He’s not your normal fly-by-night scammer. This guy was well-versed in the art of scamming. He came across as this awfully sweet guy who wanted to meet up.

He knew how to keep the charade going. Messages were exchanged and he was supposedly on a business trip and would be back over the weekend. Then I received a message saying, “I just got my haircut. Hopefully you will approve.” Hmm…why send that to a stranger? The one other guy who sent me a message like that was when he got that haircut because he had a date with another woman that day! I didn’t know it at the time. Yes, I do attract the same kinds. Must be something in the water or in my DNA!

Moving on….then I got a message that he had just finished dinner and was standing at the harbor looking at a beautiful sunset. He said, “If I had your Whatsapp, I could share this with you.” Right….I had told him I do not give out any personal information until I get to know the person better. Another ploy to work on a woman’s heart. I ignored that remark.

It went on…sweet messages coming from an absolute stranger but he was acting like we had something going. Saturday rolls around and I get this message. He was totally pooped from traveling and needed a day off to recuperate. Normal? Could be or he was accepting the fact that the live fish he thought he had wasn’t biting!

Here’s the thing. Scammers have a well-rehearsed script. Romance scammers try to work on your heart. They usually try to paddle sorry stories and they are pros at it. They will try to get as much personal information as they can use. The first thing is to get your Whatsapp information. They can do a lot with this. My advice, never ever give it out to someone you don’t know. The more important aspect of a scammer is that they will never meet up in person. They will agree to make a date but they will always make excuses as to why they can’t show up. Their pics are usually blurry and they won’t have more than one on there. If they do, the other person may look different like this loser’s profile pics showed.

Scammers are evolving rapidly and they are coming in with more sophisticated methods of conning or rather scamming you. Their goal is to make you part with your well-earned money. If a guy comes calling and he is too good to be true, it is probably a SCAM!

Be careful out there if you are on the dating circuit. Keep your eyes and ears open and definitely pay attention to your intuition. Take small steps and if something smells fishy…..throw it back into the water!

Have an amazing day.

The Dating Sinkhole!

Being on dating websites or portals is hard enough without having to wade through the minefield of “scammers” who come across as the nicest guys on the planet!

It started out as a nice day yesterday until I looked at one of the dating website I was on to see what was going on. Surprisingly, I had many invites. Boys who could be as young as my son, men professing love without even having met me and one guy who seemed like a viable candidate. He was tall, nice-looking and his profile read well or rather, it got my atttention. He was very interested just from reading my profile and my pic which is normal I guess. There is nothing else to go on. Anyway, he was much YOUNGER and I told him, “Sorry, you seem nice but I don’t go for younger men.”

HIM: “Just a few years makes no difference and I don’t care about age. There is something about you that touches me.”

Hmm…..good line and to a lesser individual one not well-versed in “scamming” this would definitely be a pull to jump into that sinkhole! He was dealing with someone else but he wasn’t aware of it yet.

HIM: “Tell me something about yourself and PLEASE give us a chance.!”

So I did tell him a little about myself but kept it general.

HIM: “I like you! There is just something about you, I don’t know what.”

The “something” could be that I am a pro in seeking out and discarding scammers!

HIM: “I am a Director of……a big job and I have a lot of responsibility.”

ME: “That seems like a big job so why interested in me? I’m sure you have a lot of women interested in you. My ex did. Just his job alone brought women out of the woodwork.”

HIM: “Please don’t tar all men with the same brush! I am honest, loyal and I don’t run around!”

This said with righteous indignation. The “I don’t run around part” did appeal to me but there was SOMETHING that wasn’t quite right about this guy. One thing, in one pic he had light hair and in the other he had dark hair! His explanation, when I spend time in the sun, it gets lighter and when not, it is darker. Hmm….but the dark-haired guy doesn’t even look like you! I kept that to myself.

Anyway, to make a long story short, I said alright let’s talk on the phone. Silence from his side. This morning I got a message which told a sad story about him and that he wasn’t in town BUT if I sent him my Whatsapp number, we can stay in touch until he gets back home.

My answer: “Sorry, I don’t give out my number to strangers!”

Nothing so far but I am sure he is plotting something. Scammers! They make online dating a nightmare and a half! However, it is not just the scammers that make traipsing around the dating minefield a horror but the others wearing the mantle of narcissist, married and dating, affair seekers and young men looking for experience! If it is not one, then it is the other.

Lord have mercy!

Update: He just wrote and he says he understands that I am cautious. In today’s world, you can’t be too careful.

HIM: “I’ll be back in town at the weekend. Let’s meet for coffee. We’ll do it your way.”

Hmm….threw me for a loop that one. A nice guy? Should I meet him? What if scammers have evolved and are doing the “meeting” thing now? I don’t know folks but this is perplexing. I’ll keep you updated.

SINGLEDOM (Archives)

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Being “single” is cringeworthy to some, unbelievable to others, unbearable to those who think “single” is a bad word and a “no go” in today’s society of settling for anything even if it means you are with the wrong person just so long as you have someone to boost your image.

Single is defined as “the state of being unmarried or not involved in a long-term relationship.”

I’m both right now but I have to say it’s working out for me. I love spending time by myself and I’m learning that I like who I am. All the clutter that clouds my mind in a relationship is gone and for a change there is peace and clarity within.

“You’re single not because you are not good enough for one, it’s that you’re too good for the wrong one.” Chris Burkmein

Sometimes we make the wrong choices and wind up in relationships that are not good for us. Taking the time as I am doing to find out why I keep falling for the wrong types is a necessary move on my part. Making a promise to do better the next time around is an integral part of the journey I’m on. It’s a journey of self-discovery and I’m not rushing things. I’m taking my time going within to weed out all the destructive bits that lead me on the self-same journey over and over again.

“It takes a strong person to remain single in a world that is accustomed to settling with anything just to say they have something.” Unknown

Settling is not my thing and never has been and I’m stubborn to a fault. Put the two together and you have someone who may never find the right one and “single” is in her cards forever! However, I’m not giving up hope. Working on myself is a priority this year and when and if the “new” someone shows up, I hope I’ll be ready to lower the banner I have around my heart which says, “Do Not Disturb, Work in Progress!“

It has been said:

“A season of loneliness and isolation is when the caterpillar gets its wings. Remember that next time you feel alone.” Parade

AND

“I’ve been single for a while and I have to say, it’s going very well.

Like…..It’s working out.

I think I’m the one.”

Unknown

All jokes aside, being “single” is nothing to be ashamed of. It just means you are taking time out for yourself, learning who you are, loving yourself, working on your self-worth and when the time is right, you’ll get your wings and you’ll learn to fly with the right person.

“Be strong enough to let go and wise enough to wait for what you deserve.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

Mr. Right!

I met up with my girlfriend yesterday. It was our usual weekly meeting to catch up on stuff and to let the conversation take us to where it wants to go. Two cups of coffee and a simple breakfast of eggs, a bread roll and a side salad usually accompanies the meeting.

Yesterday was no different. It started out with small talk and then it did a major U-Turn! The conversation went to men and in particular about Mr. Right. Don’t ask me why but it just did.

“Very few women wait for Mr. Right. Most women take the first and worst Mr. Wrong.” Elfriede Jelinek

Ring any bells? It does with me. Anyway, she was on this path of destruction. According to her, Mr. Right does not exist. I’ll add that’s because in her world, she’s into fun and nothing more. Mr. Right can stay in Africa for all she cares!

I was hanging onto my ideals for dear life. Fun is the last thing on my mind and getting anywhere is next to impossible. She decided to give me a lesson on how to find Mr. Right. Chachi, the cat, tried yesterday but he didn’t get anywhere but I didn’t tell her that.

HER: “You’re doing it all wrong. If you don’t give an inch, you’ll never find him!

ME: “It doesn’t work that way with me.”

HER: “Sure it can. Live a little or rather take that “stick” and send it packing!”

ME: “Can’t. It’s my constant companion.”

HER: “You see what the problem is don’t you? Men like some fun and you’re NO FUN!”

Okay guys, you get the drift. I wanted to point out to her that her method doesn’t work either. She’s always moaning about how the men she dates are the “here today and gone tomorrow,” variety. I wanted to tell her why but decided to keep it to myself. It goes on the lines of, “easy come, easy go.” She was on a rant fest and I let her have her way.

Friends are allowed to rant now and then. I’m allowed to let it go in one ear and out the other. It is exactly what I did. Coming back to Mr. Right, experts say, “the focus should be on building a fulfilling relationship with the person you are with.” Finding the right fit is important and someone who matches your lifestyle is also important. They don’t have to be perfect and imperfections are allowed as well.

“Find a heart that loves you at your worst, and arms that will hold you at your weakest.” Unknown

AND

“When you stop trying to find the right man and start becoming the right woman, the right man will eventually find his way to you.”

Something to bear in mind and as for Chachi and my girlfriend, I do things my way. Unfortunately, you become “dangerous” after being on the path of self-discovery because the wrong ones tend to disappear and the right ones? Well, it will take a little time before they start appearing. One can only hope!

Have an amazing day.

This Thing Called Love (3)

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We know that love is elusive. We also know that it morphs and changes shape and just when you think you’ve found the one and only, it goes and shows you something different.

If you’ve got both feet firmly planted in the dating scene, you’re bound to meet one of the following types who give love a bad name sooner than later.

The Egoist

This guy is full of himself. Good looks are his calling card and he thinks the world revolves around him or rather he has women swooning at his feet. Well, the truth is they are at his beck and call because in a world where looks matter, he’s all the rage. However, peel away the outer layer and you’ll find more often than not that he’s sorely lacking in a couple of very important aspects. Sometimes looks disguise what is not there. If you’re a smart woman, it takes but a couple of dates to find out that the man of your dreams has an empty shell. If you’re looking for intelligent conversation and looking to hang on to his every word, THIS GUY IS NOT IT! Move on.

Mr. Trigger-Happy

This type may seem to have it all at first glance but that is where it ends. Give him a little time and some rope and he’ll gladly hang himself! All it takes with this dude to show his true self is to have a normal conversation, well what others might call normal but with this guy it’s like playing the Russian roulette. You’ll never know what rubbed him up the wrong way because everything does! He’s just waiting to unload all the years of repressed anger he’s held back and BOOM he’s off and running. Mostly not in your direction because he’s looking for someone to blame for all his problems. Love is the last thing on his mind. RUN and don’t look back!

The Conundrum

This guy is a headache and a half. He walks in like a hurricane, falls like a ton of bricks and is talking the “M” word before the first date is over! You’ll be wondering what hit you! Certainly not love but a corrupted form of something else. He’ll look into your eyes and ask, “Why don’t I see sparkles in them?” Or he’ll want to stick to you like glue and you can only take a breath until he does! If you’re looking for the nice, easy, relaxing type of love, it’s not with him. It’ll only get worse so move on and keep on walking and don’t look back!

Mr. Past & Present

Okay, this is one to watch out for. He has one foot firmly planted in the past. I mean it is cemented to the past. However, he is looking to connect with someone in the present. You’ll find he is either hung up on his dead wife, a past love or just about anything in the PAST as an excuse as to why he can’t fall in love again but if it comes to doing everything else he is willing and ready. Bring up the “M” word and he’s off and running. Scary? It is. Tread carefully because his true self doesn’t show up until you’re fully in and just when you think things are going great and there’s a future, he’ll pull the rug from under your feet. You’ll be left asking, what happened? It’s not you, it’s him. Move with caution or better still RUN!

This thing called love is impossible at times and at other times, it takes a lot of work to land what you’re looking for. Unfortunately, you’ll have to fall a few times, pick yourself back up, kiss more than a few frogs, dance the Tango with those I mentioned above, and when the clock strikes 12, be thankful that you survived to live another day.

“Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.” Joan Crawford

With that in mind, proceed with caution and always with your eyes wide open and tell your heart to sit this one out until you’ve got it down pat. Getting it down to a science is next to impossible but arming yourself with the knowledge to outplay some of the no good types out there is a must!

Have an amazing day.