One of my favorite hymns. Enjoy.
Tag: god
A Week to Go!
This time next week, I will be changing into a hospital gown, you know the kind that leaves things exposed in the back! I’m not looking forward to that at all and neither am I looking forward to meeting the team who will be assisting the surgeon, one who will walk in like God to do what he needs to do to get me back on track.
I’ve been climbing walls, sleep has been eluding me, and I’m jittery and feeling like the lamb being led to the slaughter! Yesterday, I prepared the living room for my return back from the hospital. This house has four floors. A lot of room you say? You are right. However, it is not cut out for recuperating after a hospital stay. I usually sleep on the 1st floor and I love it. This time around, I will have to move to the ground floor so that I can avoid going up and down the stairs. The week of recuperation means no stairs, and no workouts! Light walking is absolutely fine, like 10 to 15 steps and that is it! Will I survive it? I have to. My willpower is strong and my mindset is too. The goal is to survive the operation and to work hard at getting my body stronger and better than before.
First, I have to survive the operation. The “angel” the lady who is going to be helping me and who works at that hospital told me that I will be kept in the intensive care unit after the OP. Why?!! “Nothing to worry about. It’s so they can keep a watchful eye on you.”
I keep telling people that I’m going to die and I did the same when a friend called last night. We are close, well we were very close meaning we had a thing going. We were going back and forth with the relationship thing and now we are friends, but in his words, “We are very close.” Anyway, the point is, I told him that if I survive this next week, we should go away together.
HIM: “You mean travel together?”
ME: “Yes, I’m changing my mind on traveling. I don’t want to just exist, I want to live life.”
HIM: “Existing is no fun. You have to live life.”
ME: “I’m thinking Vietnam. Seems like a great place to visit.”
He has traveled the world.
HIM: “Yes, the world has so many beautiful places to visit and experience.”
ME: “That is if you want to go with me.”
HIM: “Of course, I would go with you. Sri Lanka is another great place.”
ME: “Oh yes, a week in paradise with lots of Ayurvedic treatments sounds great to me.”
Then I came in with, “That is if I don’t DIE before that!”
See where my mind is going and staying? I don’t know why but I’ve been preparing for the worst case scenario. I’ve also had visions of me walking into the operating room with Mike (my angel) holding one hand, and Jesus holding my other hand! Not a bad vision since one of those two has the power to move mountains and more!
Until then, I am preparing the living room for my stay there. I am converting the couch into a bed, and have everything close by. I don’t have a TV downstairs so I will have to make do with my iPhone, books, magazines, and writing materials close at hand. The garden is right outside the door so that is great. I can sit outside and listen to the birds, and let nature do its healing thing. The “angel” lady is going to come by and check on me twice a day. She will also do what needs to be done. I am truly grateful for her help.
Again, all of this comes down to if I make it out of that operating room and if I do, the next step is the intensive care unit. OKAY, I’m not going to think about dying! I’m going to think that it is all going to go according to the PERFECT PLAN. I will let go of control and accept what comes next.
AMEN TO THAT!
Beautiful Country Gospel Song
HE”LL CARRY YOU THROUGH.
Take My Hand, Lord
I think I’ve said this many times over but I’ll say it again. He is my kind of guy! Beautiful hymn that helps to stay the fear.
Lord, Walk with Me Today
A little less than two weeks to go before I go in and a surgeon will have control over my body and I am struggling again. Am I scared? I am. I try not to think about it and I am preparing everything that needs to be done before then. I keep telling friends, “I’m going to die!” Another voice says, “Have Faith.” So I will have faith and hope all goes well and that the surgeon knows what he is doing and I don’t get one with shaky hands! Until then, I will hang on to faith and pray that my God will see me through.
Elias Grace
This is one of the most beautiful hymns of all time. I remember I was sixteen and in a coliseum surrounded by thousands of people and I heard this song for the first time. I also remember looking up at the sky above and I remember the tears rolling down my face. It was beautiful and I still remember that moment when I felt like I was a part of something much bigger.
Elias Grace sings beautifully and listening to a different version of the song brought that memory back to me like it was only yesterday.
Simply beautiful!
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
Simply beautiful. The guy is not that bad either!
Religion
My early days as a young girl was all about religion. I couldn’t get away from it even if I had wanted to! Dad was a Bible-toting believer and mom was right behind him getting us in line to do as we were told and the uncle was head of the churches. I really didn’t have a choice.
It meant evenings of Bible study with all of us gathered in the living room listening to dad drone on about some verse he had painstakingly picked out. Then followed gratitude. I learned this one early, there was no escaping it! Each one of us would have to say what we were grateful for and SOME of us had a long long list! Most kids my age were watching TV or relaxing but that wasn’t our way.
I remember when I was 18 I had to teach Bible study and Sunday school. Not that I wanted to but it was a must as far as my parents were concerned. I did do that like an obedient girl but inside I was ready to throw the mantel off and take off to less familiar places. University gave me a reprieve. I became my own person and I had a chance to really figure out what I wanted in life. Religion was still a big part of my life and learning to live the way my parents had taught me was never far away. It still is even after all these years. I guess once it is instilled in you, it never leaves. Not a bad thing really but it was a tough upbringing.
I am learning to let my son decide for himself as to religion and his beliefs. Unfortunately, he is choosing to go a whole different direction! God is the last thing on his mind but perhaps that is normal for young people these days.
Yes, I practice religion but not in the way I was told to do so. I believe there is a higher power and I do turn to prayer when times get tough. I don’t go to church as often as I used to but that is okay. I can talk to god anywhere and whenever I want to. Oh, and I don’t read the Bible as I used to either but I don’t need to because some of those scripture versus are still ingrained in my mind!
Predators of Another Kind
I have come to the conclusion that in order to get to where I’m going or want to go, I need to take a look within and clean house so to speak. On this journey of mine, I have to leave some things behind, throw some things away that have been living rent-free in my head and take only the good along with the lessons I have learned with me.
One of the things that I have struggled with for a long time is the knowledge that nothing is permanent, it may have a semblance of permanency but it only takes one puff from the wolf’s mouth to blow the house down. A house of cards that stands on shaky ground is not stable and when you built your hopes on that house, you are taking a chance, a very risky one as I found out.
I came across a blog on rifenbay.com which speaks to the heart of the matter. Harsh but true.
“A human predator has no morality other than what they believe to be moral for their own benefit. If they can emotionally, sexually and materialistically gain their way by being destructive, then in their own mind it is the morally right thing to do.”
It goes on to add that these narcissistic sociopaths put forth enormous energy into conquering their prey.
I met one such sociopath and watched helplessly as she, the other woman or more appropriately the predator walked into my life and not single-handedly but with the help of my than husband destroy what had taken 17 years to build. The aftermath left us in shambles. She was brash, full of herself, bold and unattractive to boot. If Popeye’s Olive Oyl had a body double than this was it. Add pumped up red lips and you have the picture of ugliness in more ways than one. Contrary to popular belief, they are not always better looking than you are. It took six months to wreak havoc and when it was over, so was our marriage.
One might say that nothing could have rocked a solid marriage but is there ever a solid one? Years of being together makes it seem ordinary and the day to day existing together does take its toll on even the most stalwart of marriages. This often makes it fertile ground for these sociopathic types whose only goal is to land a man, any man at any cost. Along with their arsenal of “anything goes” mentality, they will dive to the bottom of the barrel to scrap up whatever they can to hold court as she did.
“If someone is willing to cheat with you, they will cheat on you, as much as you hate to believe it, you’re not the exception to the rule.” Unknown
More often than not, it was the beginning of an unillustrious relationship wrought out of insecurities, lies, anger and jealousy knowing full well that what goes around may just come back around and in her case, it took 3 weeks after the split and she was out the door. However, I had learned by then that I no longer wanted the man, the one with the feet of clay. I deserved better.
I have met a few more homewreckers or as I would like to call them predators along the way. They stoop to everything to get their man, oops not their man but someone else’s. Desperation is not the word for it. I have a word for them but it is beneath me to say it here. Decency, it seems, is not in their make-up and neither is respect. If a man says, “I’m married, “I’m taken,” or “I’m in a committed relationship, hands off is the message. Unfortunately, it gives them more fuel and motivation to conquer and destroy.
Here’s the thing.
“Your soulmate is not another person’s spouse.” Unknown
Got it? Not really? There are enough homewreckers out there and enough men who will fall for their bait and that is the honest truth. Permanency in today’s world is built on shaky ground and that is the sad truth but if you’re lucky enough to have found the man who will show these women the door than more power to you. I’m learning that I will no longer do battle to hold on to someone who is not worth holding on to. Who knows I may just find that someone who offers permanency of the unbreakable kind. There is still hope.
One last parting shot:
“Behind every homewrecker is a mother who failed to teach her daughter basic table manners, respect and the right amount of decency.” Unknown
