love – Page 18 – Site Title

Love is….

I took a walk in nature today to clear my mind and somehow came back home with love on my mind. What is it? Is it just a feeling or something more? Don’t ask me why or how I got on this topic but it crossed my mind and here I am ready to see what it’s all about it.

“Love is a set of emotions and behaviors characterized by intimacy, passion, and commitment. It involves care, closeness, protectiveness, attraction, affection and trust.” http://www.verywellmind.com

I decided to look a little deeper and found some quotes that describe love in all its entirety and here are some of my favorites.

“So, I love you because the entire universe conspired to help me find you.” Paulo Coelho

“Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times.” Ann Landers

I like the next one a lot. Why? Because I am a romantic at heart and it speaks to my soul. See what I mean?

“Love is when he gives you a piece of your soul, that you never knew was missing.” Torquato Tasso

“I don’t want a perfect person. I just want someone to act silly with, someone who treats me well and loves being with me more than anything.” Unknown

“You don’t love someone for their looks, or their clothes or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear.” Oscar Wilde

Oscar said it well, don’t you think? Simply beautiful.

“The real lover is a man who can thrill you by kissing your forehead or smiling into your eyes or just staring into space.” Marilyn Monroe

Who knew Ms. Monroe had it in her. The blonde bombshell went deeper than her looks and I love that quote.

Next is my girl, Carrie Bradshaw. She knows her love material well.

“I am someone who is looking for real love; ridiculous. inconvenient. consuming. can’t-live-without-each other love.”

“I’d like to think that people have more than one soulmate. If you miss one, along comes another. Like cabs.”

I am not too sure about that one. Perhaps they won’t be called soulmates anymore. Just run of the mill types who walk in and out of your life and that might be a more appropriate description.

My favorite of them all is this one below.

“The heart that’s meant to love you will fight for you when you want to give up, pick you up when you’re feeling down, and will give their smile when it’s hard for you to find yours. They will NEVER get strength from seeing you weak, power from seeing you hurt, or joy from seeing you cry. The heart that’s meant to love you wants to see the best of you, not the hurt you! Never forget that.” Trent Shelton

Feeling all loved up? I know I am. Enjoy your day.

Have an amazing day.

Feeling Loved?

People aside, I would say I feel loved when I see the look in Chachi, the cat’s eyes. When the little guy glances at me, I see it. What? I see the “look of love” and it is unmistakable. A soft purr, a wink and a softness signals his way of saying “I love you.” It is often followed by him rubbing his body up against my leg and hunching his back waiting to be picked up.

I say the little guy is a mommy’s boy. Just last night, he cuddled up close in bed. Then he turned his head sideways to look at me and when I planted a kiss on his soft furry cheek, the “purr” took on a life of its own and went to new heights. It went from soft to a high shrill purr. Happy? I suppose so. It takes very little to make him happy but his love is unconditional and the best part, there are no mind games and no guessing games either! What you see is what you get and I like that a lot. So yes, the little bundle of joy in a fur coat makes me feel loved and that is putting it mildly!

Daily writing prompt

Can you share a positive example of where you’ve felt loved?

View all responses

Cheaters Anonymous

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“Cheating is the most disrespectful thing one human being can do to another. If you aren’t happy in a relationship, end it before starting another one.” Abhishek Tiwari

It is also known as infidelity and defined as “when a person in a monogamous romantic relationship has an emotional or sexual relationship with someone else without their partner’s consent.” I can talk about this till the cow’s come home but cheating on someone, especially someone who loves you is disrespectful, hurtful and the antithesis of love. I was on the receiving end of such a relationship.

He was everything I wanted at that time. Sweet, gentle, loving, down-to-earth and it just felt like we belonged together. A marriage, a son and seventeen years later, I was staring at a blank page. He was successful in his career earning more than most and suddenly the gentle, sweet and nondescript guy had suddenly turned into every girl’s dream guy. His self-worth blew up like a balloon that not even a pin could deflate and he was floating on a bed of arrogance. I was still the girl he had met at the university dance, fell in love with and married. Suddenly I realized and to my dismay that he had moved on without looking back and I was left carrying the bag, the bag of broken dreams and relegated to the role of “lady-in-waiting.” The “nobody” was front and center and his priority.

According to Kiki Strack, “A man can love you from the bottom of his heart, and still find room at the top for somebody he claimed was nobody.”

Kiki speaks to the heart of the matter. Cheaters do not have a problem with this concept. The “nobody” will shine until the glitter wears off and he is ready to move to the next conquest. The problem is cheaters learn that they can have the best of both worlds without being held accountable for their actions. It is only when they get caught and their so called dream world comes crashing down and they have to pay the piper that facing the truth becomes a problem for them.. Unfortunately few learn from their mistakes. Once you take a bite from the apple of sin, there is no going back.

Melissa Edwards says it well. “Once a cheater, always a repeater.”

Looking back, it is not the cheater who has to pay a price but the victims who find themselves in a place that they don’t want to be in. There is nothing that can describe the pain of watching the trust you placed in one specific person be broken into a million pieces. No there is no putting back what was destroyed and no matter how hard you try, a patched heart is not a pretty sight. Years after I walked away, the walls are still up. Someone once asked me, “How can there be love without trust?” Good question but I have no answers.

“Trust once lost, could not be easily found. Not in a year, perhaps not even in a lifetime.” J.E.B Spredemann

I am learning to spread my wings, yes the same wings that got clipped when I learned about his infidelity. It has been a long, slow and painful journey forward. One slow step at a time and along the way, I have met many more like him. Men who cheat because they can. These days I have learned to spot the signs before it is too late. I listen to what it tells me. They say there is a tendency to fall for the same types over and over again. Why? Maybe the heart gravitates to what it has known and it is comfortable in that space. It is hard to believe but that may be the case. I do know that I have learned from my mistakes. I also know that I am valuable, a priority and my self-worth matters. I will not be someone’s lady-in-waiting especially when a “nobody” is relegated to a place of power.

Finally this.

“I am learning to love the sound of my feet walking away from things not meant for me.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

SINGLEDOM

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Being “single” is cringeworthy to some, unbelievable to others, unbearable to those who think “single” is a bad word and a “no go” in today’s society of settling for anything even if it means you are with the wrong person just so long as you have someone to boost your image.

Single is defined as “the state of being unmarried or not involved in a long-term relationship.”

I’m both right now but I have to say it’s working out for me. I love spending time by myself and I’m learning that I like who I am. All the clutter that clouds my mind in a relationship is gone and for a change there is peace and clarity within.

“You’re single not because you are not good enough for one, it’s that you’re too good for the wrong one.” Chris Burkmein

Sometimes we make the wrong choices and wind up in relationships that are not good for us. Taking the time as I am doing to find out why I keep falling for the wrong types is a necessary move on my part. Making a promise to do better the next time around is an integral part of the journey I’m on. It’s a journey of self-discovery and I’m not rushing things. I’m taking my time going within to weed out all the destructive bits that lead me on the self-same journey over and over again.

“It takes a strong person to remain single in a world that is accustomed to settling with anything just to say they have something.” Unknown

Settling is not my thing and never has been and I’m stubborn to a fault. Put the two together and you have someone who may never find the right one and “single” is in her cards forever! However, I’m not giving up hope. Working on myself is a priority this year and when and if the “new” someone shows up, I hope I’ll be ready to lower the banner I have around my heart which says, “Do Not Disturb, Work in Progress!“

It has been said:

“A season of loneliness and isolation is when the caterpillar gets its wings. Remember that next time you feel alone.” Parade

AND

“I’ve been single for a while and I have to say, it’s going very well.

Like…..It’s working out.

I think I’m the one.”

Unknown

All jokes aside, being “single” is nothing to be ashamed of. It just means you are taking time out for yourself, learning who you are, loving yourself, working on your self-worth and when the time is right, you’ll get your wings and you’ll learn to fly with the right person.

“Be strong enough to let go and wise enough to wait for what you deserve.” Unknown

Have an amazing day.

Sunday Blues

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I hate Sundays! Sure, it is a day for rest and restoration but it is also the last bit of hurdle after Saturday and the day before everything opens back up and life returns to normal again and the “fields” become mine alone sans the usual Sunday crowd. The way I love it.

Yesterday was no different. I had my intentions set for the day and I was going to take it easy, relax, meditate, watch “reality” on TV and play with Chachi, the cat. However, it didn’t turn out that way. I was bored stiff! It doesn’t happen often but somehow it was different yesterday. I couldn’t stand my own company anymore.

It was time to get out and about. The “Cheesecake Guy” came to the rescue. If you don’t know who he is, read my article the, “Cheesecake Dilemma.” Anyway, he invited me over to watch movies with him and it sounded like a perfect plan so I took him up on it.

We decided on a Charles Bronson movie, The Telefon. It was an old movie but since I had had my fill of horror movies, we settled on it. My said friend is a horror movie aficionado! Once the movie got going, I couldn’t get into it. It seemed to drag on but my friend was fixated on it so I bit my teeth and kept my patience in check. Halfway through, he suggested stopping for coffee. I agreed enthusiastically. He made the coffee and set the table and there right in the middle holding a place of honor was my nemesis staring back at me! Not one but two! A cherry cheesecake and a raisin cheesecake. He, the friend, had a twinkle in his eye but mine was filled with dread, fear and disbelief.

I’ve been trying to get off this addiction for cheesecake and it was working sporadically but here it was again and I just can’t seem to keep my distance away from it. He said, “Cut as big a slice as you want.” I swear the cheesecakes were nodding in agreeance! I let myself be led meekly to the table. You guessed it! I had two slices and my willpower was nowhere to be seen. It said, “It’s Sunday and I’m taking a day off! You’re on your own!”

Long story short, I had my fix and it felt good going down. Today is another day to get it in grip again. Did I tell you, “I hate Sundays!”

Have an amazing day.

Healing

The Oxford Dictionary defines healing as, “the process of making or becoming sound or healthy again.”

There are different kinds of healing depending on what caused the pain in the first place. It could be a broken heart, losing a special person, walking away, or trying to repair something that has no chance of being repaired. How do you heal, that is the question. How long will it take is the more important question here. There are no right or wrong answers. The only thing that matters is that you survive what life has thrown your way.

In the beginning, you’ll wear “sackcloth and ashes” for days on end and you’ll let life go by as you stand at the water’s edge and watch it move on without you. Your life will come to a standstill. However, it doesn’t last forever. You’ll have to get back on to the circle of life because it is expected of you. Grieving, let me tell you, is a lonely affair. You can talk about it, share your feelings, seek the shoulder of someone who cares but the ‘doing’ and the ‘letting go’ part is yours alone.

“Your wound is probably not your fault but your healing is your responsibility.” Unknown

There is no specified time limit as to how long it takes to heal. You’ll hear different versions from people who are not walking or have not walked in your shoes. They’ll make you feel guilty for not letting go sooner and you’ll wonder if all is well with you. YOU are fine. Take the time BUT letting go and healing needs to happen at some point. Life is waiting and so you must get going and do what is expected of you.

You’ll have to get up each morning and get dressed even if you don’t feel like it.

You’ll have to practice self-care even when you want to let it all go to hell.

You’ll have to eat healthier because you matter.

You’ll have to practice self-love because no one else is going to do it for you.

You’ll have to get those feelings of despair out in the open even if you have to scream, shout or bang on the walls to do it. If that is not possible, keep a journal, write it all down and mark your progress.

YOU will have to find the strength within you to move forward and to keep moving forward. You’ve heard the saying, “Time stands still for no man,” well, that’s the absolute truth. It doesn’t.

Get back into life at your own pace but it has to happen at some point.

“It’s your road, and yours alone. Others may walk it with you, but no one can walk it for you.” Unknown

The great Sufi teacher, philosopher and poet, Rumi, put it this way:

I said: What about my heart?

He said: Tell me what you hold inside it?

I said: Pain and sorrow.

He said: Stay with it. The wound is the place where the light enters you.”

Strange because all I was feeling at that point in time was total darkness at the region of my heart. There was no light there. Rumi, in his wisdom, was pointing out that “pain reveals and helps us cherish what truly matters and this pain and suffering can lead to personal growth and enlightenment.”

So it was a learning curve again? The concept and explanation is good BUT healing that wound is a personal thing, light or no light. Do it your way. Embrace the pain, cry it out, howl to the moon if you have to, sleep it off but get back up. You have a life to live and that right there is the message.

HAVE AN AMAZING DAY

It’s Grooming Day!

I’ve got everything laid out on the table along with towels to dry Chachi, the cat’s wet fur after giving him a thorough cleaning. The little rascal is eyeing me suspiciously!

Grooming Your Cat

Although most cats spend their time grooming themselves, they sometimes need some extra help from us. This includes:

Brushing Your Cat

Bathing Your Cat

Brushing Your Cat’s Teeth

Cleaning Your Cat’s Ears

Clipping Your Cat’s Nails

It has been said that cats typically spend between 30 to 50 percent of their day grooming themselves and the rest of the time they sleep! Unbelievable? Mine loves cleaning himself and right before bedtime, he has a ritual that begins from the top of his head to the tips of his paws! The little guy is fastidious as he gives each part of his anatomy the attention it deserves and it’s all done with the help of his hard-working tongue. It must be exhausting so today I’ve decided to give him a little help in that direction.

The little macho is not dumb. He’s been sitting on the stairs watching my every move and each time I head towards him, he dashes up the stairs! We’ve been through this before and he knows exactly what is coming up.

Once I get him on the table, he lets out a loud meow showing disdain and apprehension for the process. It’s his way of saying, “I can do this myself human, I don’t need your help!” I agree but from time to time he needs a little help of the human kind so to speak or even an over-obsessive human going bonkers where he is concerned. Whatever the case maybe, it is happening and he needs to take it like the “sweetheart” he is.

I have to say that Chachi doesn’t put up much of a fight or much of a resistance either and takes it all in stride, even the nail clipping part so long as I coo softly and mumble gibberish. The kisses help as well. When it is all said and done, he looks like he’s been through a wind tunnel, his fur standing on end but smelling wonderful.

To this he says: “I’m a cat and smelling sweet is not in my department!”

Once done, he shoots up the stairs to hide from me in case, I have other ideas. Like rubbing his teeth with a tiny gloved finger to clean them. Today, I’m sparing him that part although I did spray some plaque remover in his mouth, it’s supposed to cut down on the pesky plaque and keep his mouth smelling fresh and minty.

Oh, Lord have mercy! Exactly what he says too!

Cuddling tonight will be a pleasant experience although I love holding him close every night. I really don’t think cats smell bad, perhaps because they know how to keep themselves clean. “Cookie Dough” is back downstairs meowing softly. Perhaps he is saying, “I thought I’m the master and you the slave.” True but once in a while we reverse roles and that is alright too!

Have an amazing day.

Terms of Endearment

“That’s a gesture of endearment in some cultures. Some hug, some kiss, some set each other on fire in small patches of woodland.” Jonathan Stroud

I guess that last part comes in when the relationship goes down south! Closer to home and of the less insane variety, we dish them out like there’s no tomorrow when it comes to endearing terms. It’s meant to show the newly significant other that they are dear to us and laying it on thick and heavy with such “words” is the way to go about doing it. Be it “Angel” “Sweetheart” “Babe” “Lovebug” “Sweetie Pie” “Cupcake” “Sweetie” or as Daenerys (Khaleesi) referred to her husband, Khal Drogo, as “my sun and stars” and he referred to her as, “moon of my life.” Swoonworthy right? However, Daenerys smothers him with a pillow to save him from misery in the end. It was love but celestial bodies do take a dive now and then.

“Because I’ve got a lot more terms of endearment to use. Honeypie. Sugarplum. Bread pudding. “Why are they all high-calorie foods?” Richelle Mead

That’s what I would like to know but you forgot cheesecake! Some of them border on the ridiculous and yet it is part and parcel of the dating world and into the relationship existence. My friend, the one who passed away, used to call me “Lovely,” and at times “Babe.” It was an automatic response and I don’t think he gave it much thought.

Terms of endearment is defined as, “a word or phrase used to address or describe a person, animal or inanimate object which the speaker feels love or affection for.” Another explanation is that it is used “to put people at ease and is a form of approval, empathy, and to show interest.” All fine and good but what happens when the relationship goes south? You guessed it. There are terms for that too but needless to say I’m not going to get into them. Let’s just say that they are not of the nice variety and oftentimes it negates all the “sweet” stuff that we pour on in a fast and furious manner as in the beginning of the relationship. Ones that take you to places you don’t want to go.

Here’s a tip:

“Cheesecake” is my favorite so if you want to get anywhere with me and see my eyes light up, you know what to say!

Update: I’m on Day 4 of no cheesecake and I’m doing okay so far. I still hear it calling but nope, it’s a done deal! Read my article, “The Cheesecake Dilemma” to know what I’m talking about.

Finally, terms of endearment are flitting at best. Permanency doesn’t define its lifespan but spur of the moment does. With that in mind, I’m signing off to go see what “Buttercup,” is doing. That’s my TOE for my cat, Chachi. I’ve got a ton of other names for him and the repertoire is growing everyday! Good that the love shine hasn’t worn off yet.

Have an amazing day.

2024 in Recap

Should old acquaintance be forgot

And never brought to mind?

Should old acquaintance be forgot

In the days of auld lang syne?

For auld lang syne, my dear

For auld lang syne

We’ll drink a cup of kindness yet

For the sake of auld lang syne

I never quite understood what the lyrics are trying to say but each year when the year rolls to an end, we raise our glasses to this time-worn and popular song as if our lives and the new year depended on it AND bid Adieu to the year that will soon become a memory as the new year takes its place.

It is tradition some may say but there are also other traditions. How about those well-meant resolutions that we painstakingly jot down meaning every word of it only to let it gather dust in some dusty corner of your desk or room. Or if you’re like me, I have every intention of working on every single one of them but as the year comes to a close, I realize I’ve managed to keep up with only half of them. What about the other half? Well, they’re left forgotten or if I’m honest enough, too difficult to even take it a quarter of the way!

Let’s see. This year has been one of ups and downs. I’ve managed to keep a hold on what is necessary to move forward by working on myself. What does that mean? I’ve been using the three-pronged attack method but before you rush off to Google this, it is something I came up with myself. The three are your mental, physical and emotional health. I’ve taken my physical and mental self to task. Daily walks, meditation, deep breathing, workouts and writing not to mention a few visits to the beauty salon to keep that skin glowing have all helped with mental acuity and to keep my physical form in the best shape ever. What about the cheesecake fetish? Well, I should have added a few more pounds on my small frame but the workouts and the walks have done wonders in that respect. However, cheesecake is on the chopping block for the new year!

The emotional side has been harder. I’ve had to cut ties with some people who did not or were not contributing to my overall well-being. I had to let go of what did not serve me in order to find out what does. It was hard but I need to trust in the process and believe that doing so is to my best interest. I’m worthy, worthy of respect, love and friendships of a better variety.

No, this year did not bring me the “love” I was looking for but it did teach me that not everyone brings love into your life. Some come to teach you that there is a “better” out there. A better someone who will respect , love and accept you for who you are and that’s worth waiting for.

So, this year has been an eye-opener. I know that I’m set in my ways and as stubborn as a mule at times. I know I need to set my standards a little lower and not to take on losing battles. I know that I need to be grateful for all the lessons I’ve learned this year and as I move on to the next, those same lessons will help to catapult me to a “NEW YEAR” filled with possibilities, love and most of all peace I HOPE.

WISHING ALL OF YOU AND TO MY READERS (you are much appreciated) A NEW YEAR FILLED WITH WONDROUS POSSIBILITIES.!

Have an amazing day.

The Questions

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Why do we keep repeating the same mistakes when it comes to relationships? Why do we gravitate to the same types of people?

These are the questions I ask myself over and over again. It seems that I am drawn to the same types I left behind. It’s been a never-ending cycle and it seems like Groundhog’s Day over and over again to the point that it is horrific and mind-boggling to say the least.

Liars, cheaters and emotionally-unavailable men seem to draw me in like they’re magnetized and I have no willpower when it comes to these types. I walk in gladly like a lamb to the slaughter.

There is a reason so say the experts. They say “opposites attract” and “we are drawn to people who are strong in areas we are weak.” Hmm….there is more to this concept according to them. Two people who have an abusive past will be attracted to each other because they are viewed as equals. However, an abuser is not necessarily attracted to another abuser. He’s attracted to an “abusee” – or someone who will tolerate and enable his abuse. So to make it short and to the point, the “abusee” is familiar with abuse, be it physical, sexual or emotional abuse and so she is attracted to someone who gives her what she’s already comfortable with it.”

Lord have mercy!

Is there no way out of this pattern? There is but first you need to know that:

“Simplicity and Complexity need each other.” Unknown

However, there is a way out but not an easy one. You have to work at it with a narrow-minded focus.

Here goes. If you want to attract better, you must be better meaning you need to discard what is within you, the cause for your need to be abused. Find out where it stems from. Your childhood? Adulthood? The experts say look for patterns and don’t sweep what you find under the rug. The only way to learn from it, get past it, is to go through it. Otherwise, you’re doomed to repeat and attract the same types only in a different body!

This is exactly what I’m trying to avoid. As I have said in one of my other article, I am like a heat-seeking missile when it comes to the types I mentioned above. I find them!

Here are some tips from beyourownbrandofsexy.com on how to attract quality or high-value men. First, know yourself well and know what you need in a relationship and what matters to you.

Identify your Needs

Know what works and won’t work for you. Be selective and be ready to discard if something shows up as a red flag. “Loving the wrong person teaches you the red flags to watch out for the next time around.”

Don’t Settle

This is important. We tend to settle when we know that the person is the wrong type only because we tell ourselves that he will change or I can make him change. They don’t change, what they show you is what you get. So how do you stop attracting narcissists and the wrong men? DO NOT let them get close to you. Know what your non-negotiable dealbreakers are and stick to them.

Be your Own Person

This means be your own true authentic self. Say “no” to bad matches. Become your true, authentic self which helps you to gravitate to people who are better matches for you.

Be Persistent

If you want to end up in a solid relationship, persistence pays. This doesn’t mean being persistent in chasing the wrong types but staying true and waiting for the right one to show up. Dating is a learning experience and unfortunately, you’ll have rejections, bad dates and disappointments AND you’ll have to kiss some frogs but if you keep at it and know what you want, you might just land the man of your dreams.

While you’re working on that, take care of yourself as well. No point letting yourself go because that is not going to do it. Lose some weight if you have to, get fit both mentally and physically, take care of your skin and teeth because one guy did ask me to show him my teeth on our first date! They’re out there. Just know that physical appearance matters so present the best version of yourself.

Now, I have to go figure out the patterns in my life which make me attract the same types over and over again. That’s the cycle I need to break! I definitely want to break this cycle of attracting low-value men and having to kiss frogs and hoping that they’ll turn into Prince Charming. Time to get working to put my best self forward armed with the knowledge of exactly what I’ll settle for.

I swear if this doesn’t work I’m giving up altogether!

Have an amazing day.