medicine – Page 2 – Site Title

SPICE UP YOUR DAY!

Feeling down? Nothing’s going right? You’re in a down phase? The world’s a cruel place? Prince Charming is a no show?

You’re not alone. Give it time, work on yourself but in the meantime here are some tips to pep up your mood and get you soaring again.

MEDITATION

It’s been around for a long long time and it still works today. Just five minutes a day will quiet the mind and send those endorphins spiraling upwards. Try it. Close your eyes, go within. Take a breath, hold for 4 counts and let it out for six. Watch the transformation take place. You’ve got to keep at it to reap the benefits.

NATURE

It is my all-time favorite activity. Nature soothes, nature calms and it teaches how to give those stress hormones a run for the money. Just 10 minutes a day should do it. You’ll come back feeling refreshed and ready to tackle anything the world throws your way. A cup of coffee later and I’m raring to go!

GRATITUDE

This is an important mood booster. Never underestimate the power of gratitude. It has the power to change your mindset and to take you from the glass is half empty to the glass is all kinds of full! Try it. Think of three things you are grateful for right now. Not that bad is it?

LAUGHTER

Find something to laugh about everyday. It has been said, laughter is the best medicine. It really is. I watch standup comedies or funny movies to boost my mood and to release stress. Laughter also strengthens the immune system and releases cortisol and adrenaline, two main stress hormones. Chronic stress puts your health at risk so laugh it away. Aim for a dose of laughter each day.

JOURNALING

It is “the practice of regularly writing down your thoughts, feelings, experiences, and reflections.” This is my way of getting my pent up emotions out in the open. Believe me, it’s a miracle worker and once you get them out, you do feel a lot lighter. Write it down, get it out, do the dance and set it free! It’s a definite pep me up!

SMILE

This one comes naturally to me. I smile a lot. Just having a smile on your face tricks your brain into thinking you’re happy and it releases the “feel-good” chemicals like dopamine and serotonin. These are needed in your arsenal to add to your overall well-being. So, SMILE for all you’re worth!

Just a few tips to rev up your mood. These methods work for me and I hope it does for you as well.

“Be so positive that negative people don’t want to be near you.”

I say, “Aye, aye Captain!”

Have an amazing day.

LOL!

Three men were out golfing one day and one of them hit his ball into the woods. He went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to him, “If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes on one condition to be named later.”

The man freed the frog and the frog said, “Thank you, but the condition is that whatever you wish for, your wife will get 10 times more or better!” The man said, “Oh, that would be okay,” and for his first wish he wanted to be the most handsome man in the world. The frog warned him, “You do realize this wish will also make your wife ten times better looking and the most beautiful woman in the world, and that men will flock to her.” The man replied, “That is okay, because I will be the most handsome man and she will only have eyes for me.” So, poof – he’s the most handsome in the world!

For his second wish, he wanted to be the richest man in the world. The frog said, “That will make your wife ten times richer, thus the richest person in the world.” The man said, “That is okay, because what is mine is hers, and what is hers is mine.” So, poof – he’s the richest man in the world!

The frog then inquired about his third wish and the man answered, “I’d like a mild heart attack….”

I want to find that frog!

A man gets on an airplane and sits next to a beautiful woman. He asks her where she is going. Her reply is that she is going to a nymphomaniac convention. He asks, “What do you learn at a convention like that?”

She says, “I have learned about many myths. Like the myth that Frenchmen are the best lovers. Jewish men are the best lovers. Another myth that I’ve learned about is that African men have the largest sex organs. It’s not African. It’s the American Indian, but I feel a little strange telling you all this when I don’t even know you. What is your name?”

The man thought for a minute and said, “Tonto, Tonto Goldstein.”

Smart guy!

LOL!

ADAM AND EVE

God was just about done creating humans. He was feeling pretty satisfied with his work, but he had two parts left over.

He couldn’t decide how to split them between Adam and Eve, so he thought he might just as well ask them.

“I’ve got two things for you, but you’ll have to decide who gets what. The first thing is the ability to pee standing up….”

Adam interrupted, “Oh please give that to me! I’d love to be able to do that! It seems like just the sort of thing men should have. Please! Give it to me Pleeease!”

On and on he went like an excited little boy, bouncing up and down. Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, he could have it. So God gave Adam the ability to pee standing up.

Adam was so excited that he just started whizzing all over the place – first on the side of a rock, then he wrote his name on the sand, and then he ‘did the helicopter’ with his thing.

“Look Eve, I’m a sprinkler!”

God and Eve watched him with amusement and then God said to Eve, “Well, I guess you’re kind of stuck with the last thing I have left.”

Eve asked, “What’s that?”

God said, “BRAINS.”

Ladies be happy we didn’t get that thing and how do you do a helicopter anyway?!!

Have an amazing day.

LOL!

Here are two more jokes to tickle your funny bone. I think they are funny but you may think otherwise.

A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decides to test it at dinner. He asks his son, “Son, where were you today during school hours?”

Son: “At school.”

The robot slaps the son. “Okay, I went to the movies!” The fathers asks, “Which one?”

Son: “Harry Potter.”

The robot slaps the son again. “Okay, I was watching porn!” The father replies, “What?” When I was your age I didn’t even know what porn was!” The robot slaps the father. The mom chimes in, “Haha! After all, he is your son!” The robot slaps the mother.

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A man is driving down the road. A woman is driving down the same road from the opposite direction. As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window and yells, “PIG!” The man immediately leans out his window and yells, “BITCH!” They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next curve, he crashes into a huge PIG in the middle of the road.

MORAL OF THE STORY:

If only men would listen.

Amen to that!

LOL!

I wasn’t in a good mood yesterday so I went looking for something to lighten the mood and came up with these. It sure did the job so thought I’d share.

Wife: “How would you describe me?”

Husband: “ABCDEFGHIJK”

Wife: “What does that mean?”

Husband: “Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot.”

Wife: “Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?”

Husband: “I’m just kidding!”

Do you think he lived through it?

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Q: Is Google male or female?

A: Female, because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.

Hmm?

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A lady comes home from her doctor’s appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, “Why are you so happy?” She says, “The doctor told me that for a forty-five-year-old woman I have the breasts of an eighteen year old.”

“Oh yeah?” quipped her husband. “What did he say about your forty-five-year- old a**?

Wife: “Your name never came up in the conversation.”

That’ll teach him to be quiet the next time around.

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Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn’t wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn’t wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said “Happy Birthday boss!” I felt so special. She asked me out to lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, “Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?”

“Okay,” I said.

She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, and my colleagues all yelling, “SURPRISE!!!” while I was waiting on the sofa…..naked.

Obviously she wasn’t that kind of secretary but he obviously was that kind of boss!

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Have an amazing day.

LOL!

A child asked his father, “How were people born?” So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.”

The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.”

The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me!” His father replied, “No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.”

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Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him, “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!”

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back to the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

Yup that will do it!

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A woman was taking an afternoon nap. When she woke up, she told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace. What do you think it means?”

“You’ll know tonight,” he said. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled, “The Meaning of Dreams.”

I bet he’s missing too!

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Have a day filled with laughter.

LOL! (7)

English For Both Sexes

The Man’s Guide to Female English

We need = I want

Do what you want = You’ll pay for it later.

You’re so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

You’re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for something expensive.

I’ll be ready in a minute = kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.

Yes = No

No = No

Maybe = No

I’m sorry = You’ll be sorry.

Is my b**t fat? = Be careful here. Tell her she’s beautiful no matter what!

The Woman’s Guide to Male English...

Do you want to go to a movie? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you.

Can I take you to dinner? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you.

Can I call you sometime? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you.

Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

What’s wrong? = What meaningless, self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?

What’s wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.

I’m bored = Do you want to have sex now?

I love you = Let’s have sex now.

Let’s talk = I’m trying to impress you then maybe you’d like to have sex with me.

Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for other men to have sex with you.

Do you see a trend here? Men!!

LOL! (4)

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

It’s the start of another brand new week and what better way to get it going than with a bit of laughter. I found the jokes below hilarious and it certainly tickled my funny bone! Hope it lightens the load.

When women fall ill:

“It’s ok. I’m just a little tired.”

When men fall ill:

“Listen to me carefully woman, these are my last words.”

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Men used to say, “Why marry the cow when the milk is free?”

Ladies, these days I think the real question is: “Why take home the whole pig when all you want is a bit of sausage?”

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One big difference between men and women is that if a woman says, “Smell this, it usually smells nice.”

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A husband asks his wife, “Will you marry after I die?”

The wife responds: “No, I will live with my sister.”

The wife asks: “Will you marry after I die?”

Husband: “No, I will also live with your sister.”

Guess who died first!!!

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I got all dewy-eyed when I saw my husband looking at our marriage certificate for half an hour. Then I found out he’s been searching for the expiry date!

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A wife texts her husband on a cold winter morning.

“Windows frozen, won’t open.”

Husband: Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and tap the edges with a hammer.”

Five minutes later

Wife: “Computer really messed up now.”

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Have an amazing day.

LOL! (2)

Did you know that women use about 30,000 words a day while men use only 15,000?

Woman: Yes because we have to repeat everything!

Man: What?

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The Woman’s Guide To Love AND Lasting Relationships

Find a man who makes you laugh.

Find a man who has a good job and can cook.

Find a man who is honest.

Find a man who will pamper you and give you gifts.

Find a man who is awesome in the bedroom.

Most of all it is very important that these five men never meet!

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Nurse: The doctor would like a stool sample, a urine sample, and a sperm sample.

Husband: What did she say?

Wife: They want your underwear.

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A good man can make you feel sexy, strong and able to take on the world…..oh sorry……that’s wine……wine does that.

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A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mentioned it.

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What women think of their a**:

10% think it is too small.

30% think it is too big.

AND

60% said they love it and wouldn’t trade HIM for anything!

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Ladies, have you ever noticed that all your problems start with Men?

MEN-opause

MEN-strual cramps

MEN-tal illness

MEN-tal breakdown

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Have a great day.

Laughter is the Best Medicine (Archives)

Experts say “that laughter might raise the pain threshold and improve glucose tolerance, have positive effects on the immune system, and lower blood pressure.” Furthermore, “it enhances your intake of oxygen-rich air, stimulates your heart, lungs and muscles, and increases the endorphins that are released by your brain.”

However, humor can’t cure all ailments but according to the mayoclinic.org, it has the ability to stimulate many organs, it helps to activate and relieve your stress response and it can soothe tension. These are just some short-term effects. The long-term effects can improve your immune system, help to relieve pain by releasing natural pain killers, increase personal satisfaction and improve the mood.

A daily dose of laughter can do wonders it seems. So here are a few jokes to get you started.

Police Inspector: Why didn’t you report your stolen credit card?

Husband: The thief was spending less than my wife.

Police Inspector: Then why are you reporting it now?

Husband: I think now the thief’s wife has started using it.

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Two men were talking about their wives. The first man says, “My wife is an angel..” The second man says, “You’re lucky! Mine’s still alive.”

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You know you’re getting old when your wife says, “Honey, let’s run upstairs and make love,” and your answer, “I can’t do both.”

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Doctor: “Do you do dangerous sports?”

Patient: “Well, sometimes I talk back to my wife.”

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When a wife says, “Do what you want” – seriously dude, don’t do what you want. Instead, stand still and do not even blink.“

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And now for all the single men out there.

Dear Grooms, once you get married, remember that when you discuss with your wife, always get the last two words right. ”Yes, dear.”

Feel better? I am feeling much better.