I think it is that you have everything within you to overcome what life throws your way. We have this insane power within that goes untapped most times because our first line of defense when adversity strikes is to howl at the moon and cry, “Why me?” Sure it gets the frustration out at the time or it is a way of letting out steam but in the long run, it is nothing compared to going within to bring that undefeatable power to the forefront, the one that can slay dragons if you let it.
There is tremendous power and strength within and I have tapped into this potential only to find that it is limitless. It is not easy I agree because human nature is weak and we are complainers more than anything else but if we can just understand that there is an untapped potential within and it can be used to overcome whatever it is that seems impossible at first but if given time and a single-minded focus, it is doable. I’ve fallen flat on my face many times over but these days, I don’t stay there. I go within to find the answers and the strength to move on. Standing still in one place is not an option, not for long anyway but moving on is. It may sound like mumbo jumbo to some but you were built to survive anything that life throws your way and you are equipped to do just that.
We’ve all heard it whenever we do something wrong, or think we have done something wrong. We hear it when we take a fall, when we fail or when we know it is wrong and still do it only to find out that it was the wrong thing to do. It is at these times that the “inner critic” within is the loudest.
It yells, “Are you stupid? Why did you do that?”
It shouts, “You knew better but YOU still had to do that! WHY?”
“Your inner critic is the voice of your fear with a megaphone.” Unknown
There are other such moments but you get the picture. According to http://www.imermelbpsychology.com.au., your inner critic is that voice in your head that has a cold, demanding, harsh, punishing or mean quality to it,” and if you look deeper or further, “It is usually experienced as an inner voice attacking a person, saying that they are bad, wrong, inadequate, worthless, guilty and so on.” wikipedia.org
It is not a nice little voice and sometimes it booms when it wants to be heard. It has a tendency to make you feel anxious and often it magnifies the bad and minimizes the good in our lives. However, the inner critic is not something you’re born with but it is developed during childhood when a child often hears harsh criticism from “parents, caretakers, teachers and peers,” and it can change the way the brain develops. When it is given constant reinforcement of such negativity it helps to internalize self-judgment and a critical stance of oneself. The unhealthy inner critic leans towards destructive criticism and it can produce feelings of shame, low self-esteem, depression, self-doubt and it can undermine your self-confidence.
“Your inner critic re-affirms untruths about yourself that you have internalized to be true.” Athena Laz
This little big voice is not your cheerleader but it is very adapt at giving you the constant thumbs-down whenever you question something you’ve done or have thought about. Instead of bolstering you up, it joins in to tear you down and dances to the tune with glee. It is also exhausting, demoralizing and tells you in its loudest voice that you are not enough.
“The negative self-talk from your inner critic can be soothed by increasing your self-compassion and self kindness.” @heytiffanyroe
According to jessicaabel.com, you can soften that harsh and demanding voice. “When you access your inner critic and give it space and self-compassion, it will be more likely to ease up on you. When we slow down, ask questions, and take a breath; when we stop and don’t try to overwhelm and undermine that voice, we’re likely to find a little bit of wisdom about something that needs to be healed.”
“Understanding how the critical inner voice has affected your actions and held you back from opportunities will open your eyes to the power you have given to your inner critic.” Usha Maharaj
Turning down the volume on all that criticism, sort of taking away that megaphone to hush that loud and critical voice is one way to do it. Slaying it is not the answer because a little bit of “inner critic” is a good thing. Letting it get out of hand is another thing altogether and learning to respond to it is a good thing as well. This takes a lot of practice because you have to switch from silencing your inner critic to listening to it with empathy. Recruit it and add it your team. That seems like a good idea because we can all use some extra help in building us up and I think it (the inner critic) wants to help but unlike your intuition which has your best interest at heart, this spoiled and often loud voice just needs some taming to make it work for you.
If all else fails, you can:
“Press the switch off button to your inner critic and start being awesome.” Unknown
It doesn’t matter these days as I am taking time out to get a book published and another one is in the works. However, as a former Fashion Editor for a fashion magazine, I didn’t do the mundane task of putting the articles together. There were others who were computer savvy or rather tech savvy who did the job of getting the articles ready for publication. I just did the writing part but the rest was left to a team which was a good thing because I am a technology klutz or rather I hate anything new that creeps in while I am not looking and disrupts my day to day existence!
I’m sure technology has added to and made things easier in the publication world and the world of writing but I still dig in my heels when I see something new that needs me to brush up on computer technology. Just this morning, I wanted to log into WordPress and I got a white screen. Nothing more! I later found out it was called the Death Screen! I had to Google putting my frustration aside and it gave some tips on how to rectify that problem. One was to clear the Cache. What the hell was that?!! Anyway, I found out and cleared the Cache whatever that is and got it to work. Not a klutz after all but I hate new technology and I also understand that it is needed in today’s fast paced of ours.
I am learning that each new day is a reminder to do better.
I am learning that I am fully capable of dealing with everything life throws my way.
I am learning that I need to practice gratefulness and to be thankful for all that I have.
I am learning to accept me as I am and to make changes if some of those things don’t work to my greater good.
I am learning to let go of things that don’t serve me and I am making room for those that do.
I am learning that I can’t change people, I can only change myself.
I am learning that life is a journey full of ups and downs and nothing stays the same forever.
I am learning that there is no such thing as forever, just the here and now.
I am learning that love is fleeting at its best and at its worst, it has the potential to turn your world upside down and inside out. Tread carefully.
I am learning that cheaters never change. They are repeat offenders. Integrity is just another word to them. A relationship with such an individual is like throwing pearls at pigs.
I am learning that today is a blessing, a gift and I have it in my power to make it an amazing day.
I am learning that life is ever-changing. It is a learning curve and mistakes are made to show us a new way of handling things and to learn and to grow from it. Perhaps that is what life is all about.
“But most of all, I am slowly learning how to just be in this moment. How to exist. How to understand that I cannot control life, that I can only experience it in both its light and its dark stages. I am slowly learning how to laugh and cry and feel through it all, how to welcome the confusion and the joy that come with loving and living and breaking. I am slowly learning how to accept where I am”
“I am slowly learning how to simply believe in the person I am becoming.” Unknown
Good question but the answer depends on what it is I am doing at the time. Saying “no” is sporadic and it doesn’t happen often. I am a goal-oriented person so I do not procrastinate. I usually take the bull by the horns and get things done.
However, last week was a different story altogether. Call it spring fever but I’ve been taking a very lazy attitude towards getting things done. The only thing that has been a regular is the “Daily Prompt.” Otherwise, writing has been put on the backburner. I received my revised manuscript from the publisher and instead of looking it up, it is still sitting on my desk! My mind doesn’t want to cooperate but it gets that way sometimes. Some days I have so many ideas and at other times I draw blanks. This is one of those times. I hope it changes because all I want to do right now is to sit out back and just listen to the birds chirping and the bees buzzing around! Spring fever at its best? Probably.
Coming back to your question, I do say “no” to things that would interfere with my goals but the good thing is, I know when to get off that “pot” and start moving again. It is a very temporary thing.
Daily writing prompt
How often do you say “no” to things that would interfere with your goals?
Everyone knows that being out there in the dating scene is hard and not always an easy path to navigate. Not only is it filled with unknowns but meeting the right guy is made harder by the following characters who give ‘love’ a bad name.
The Scammers
If you’ve never met them, consider yourself lucky. Some of us are not that fortunate. They come across as ‘nice guys’ who had faced some form of tragedy in their lives. It is usually the loss of a loved one through an accident or illness. They often have a child they are raising alone and are usually well-heeled (or so they say) meaning they have BIG jobs and money to throw out the window. Here’s where it starts getting iffy. They fall in love immediately without having met you and they want to spend the rest of their lives with you. At some point they will hit you up for cash. It could come as a medical emergency, an oil-rig disaster or something as simple as leaving their credit card at home. Play it smart and give these losers a wide berth. The only thing they’re interested in is your hard-earned cash and nothing more.
The Volatile Type
This loose cannon should be in anger management training but he’s out there, more like a wolf in sheep’s clothing. At first glance a regular guy, but on closer inspection, a bomb waiting to explode. It doesn’t take but the slightest nudge and he’s off and running spewing volcanic ash in his wake. Here again, keep your distance and DO NOT ENGAGE! You’ll be in a losing battle if you do.
The Egomaniac
An egomaniac is “someone who thinks only of themselves and does not care if they harm other people in order to get what they want.” He usually walks in like he has the world at his feet and thinks it is all about him. Beautiful women are his target but he’ll settle for less if they’ll spruce up his ego in return. He thinks the world of himself and his over-inflated ego is his best buddy. Together they’re an unbeatable team so stay away if you want to walk away with your heart intact.
The Sugar Daddies (aka Sugar Grand Daddy)
I’m sure you’ve heard of Sugar Daddies, they are defined as “a rich, older man who gives money, gifts, etc., to someone (such as a young woman) in exchange for sex, friendship, etc.” They’re out there but I’m talking about the new breed of old men. They’re are in their 80’s and looking for the last “Hurrah!” They want much younger women or YOUNGER-looking women and they’re up front by saying, “I don’t want the ‘Grandma’ types. They are like J. Howard Marshall looking for their Anna Nicole Smith types or Rupert Murdoch, where young, beautiful, and nothing up there will do. The problem with these types is that in actuality they’re looking for a nurse to take them to the end of the road. They don’t like being alone, no one does, so they’re in a rush to batten down the hatches before it is too late. Money is no problem and if a few wrinkles and loose skin get in the way, so what is their motto. Be very clear about what you’re getting into. Most times, they have children who are waiting in the fringes ready to pounce when ‘daddy’ dearest says goodbye so it may not always go as planned, if you’re waiting for that big pay day which might never come. It’s not always a win-win situation with these guys.
There you have it, four more types to watch out for. Dating is not for the weak of heart and neither can you go in with your eyes closed. It takes ‘smarts’ to find the right guy and chutzpah to wiggle your way out if he turns out to be the wrong one. Stay safe.
“If dating a wrong person was a talent, I would be at Paris Olympics representing my country.” Unknown
Update:
I’m still looking for the needle in the haystack but currently taking a break from the dating scene to go within and to find out why I keep making the same mistakes like falling for the wrong types. I am finding some answers but clarity is not there yet. So until I do, dating is on the backburner.
I wish I had a crystal ball that did my bidding! It would show me the future with no questions asked like an obedient little puppy AND I can then go about changing the outcome!
It would be an amazing power to have at my fingertips but then again too much power in the wrong hands can be destructive and frightening if not used wisely. I have this fear factor that runs rampant at times and holds me hostage so a crystal ball might be the perfect anti-dote to keep it at bay or so I think. If I knew the future I would handle life better is my mantra but as we all know, life dictates and there is no handling it just learning how to do the best we can with what is handed down to us. I need to change my mantra.
Do I really want to know the future? YES and NO! However, a crystal ball showing the way would be a tremendous power to have, don’t you think?
Daily writing prompt
What’s a secret skill or ability you have or wish you had?
“Spring is the time of the year, when it is summer in the sun and winter in the shade.” Charles Dickens
This is exactly the kind of weather I love! I don’t like really hot weather so this is the perfect time of year to get out there and to enjoy walks without sweating up a storm and it is what we are having right now. Bright blue skies, cold in the shade but warm and sunny out in the open. A light coat is needed but nothing more. The birds are chirping in the trees and nature is coming alive in more ways than one. I can feel myself doing the same after a long and cold winter and my senses are revving up to go! It is, in my opinion, the most beautiful time of the year and there is more to come and I can’t wait till the trees bloom and everything has a mesmerizing effect. Just a matter of time now.
Dear old man winter,
“I think you need a vacation. You have worked really hard this year. It’s time to let spring start pulling some weight around here too.”
A group of girlfriends go on vacation and see a five story hotel with a sign that reads, “for women only.” Since they are without their boyfriends, they decide to go in.
The doorman, a very attractive guy explains to them how it works. “We have five floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you’re looking for, you can stay there. It’s easy to decide since each floor has signs telling you what’s on the floor. The only rule is, once you leave a floor, you can’t return to it.”
The women talk it over and decide to go for it.
They start going up, and on the first floor the sign reads, “All the men here are horrible lovers but they are kind and sensitive.”
The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.
The sign on the second floor reads, “All the men here are wonderful lovers, but they treat women badly.”
This wasn’t going to do, so again they head up the stairs.
The friends move up to the third floor where the sign reads, “All the men here are great lovers and sensitive to the needs of women.”
This was good but there are still two more floors so…..
So on to the fourth floor, and this sign seems perfect. “All the men here have perfect builds, are sensitive and attentive to women, are perfect lovers, they are also single, rich and straight.”
The women are really pleased, but they decide that they would rather see what the FIFTH floor has to offer before they settle.
When they reach the fifth floor, there is only a sign that reads: “There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is simply no way to please a woman.”
I remember her well. She was young and beautiful but more than that she had a great smile and a quiet way about her. I loved being in her class and somehow I had caught her attention. She would give me an encouraging nod and sometimes outright praise. This stoked my young ego and got me interested in English and in writing in particular. I made it my mission to excel in it!
I was in elementary school and the homework was to write a story, a fictional one. Mine was about a lion, that’s all I can remember but she held it up to the class and said, “This is a beautiful story.” It was the start of my writing career. The lady had no idea that she had set a fire ablaze. Then one day she said, “Tia, come on up and show them how it’s done.” Believe me I was oozing with pride as I walked to the front of the classroom and started writing on the board. Afterwards, she patted me on the head and said, “Well done!” My passion for writing had an outlet and I was on my way.
The English teacher didn’t know it at the time but her kind words, her motivation and her ability to bring forth the talent within me had set the wheels in motion. I became a whizz at writing. My first story made front cover and I was 16 at the time and since then I have written and published thousands of articles. I got my start in a classroom a long time ago from a person who nudged me gently in that direction and nurturing that potential she give me the tools to move ahead. Sometimes it takes just one person to see potential and to light that flame and she did.
Her impact on my writing career was tremendous so thank you.
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