What is human nature? One explanation refers to “the fundamental characteristics, ways of thinking, feeling, and acting that are generally considered to be inherent to human beings.” One can say we are pre-programmed to act in a certain way when faced with certain situations but nurture and social experiences do play a part in shaping individual behaviors as to how we react to certain outside stimuli.
Here are some quotes that speak to the heart of the matter.
“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity and I ‘m not sure about the universe.” Albert Einstein
“It is human nature to think wisely and act in an absurd fashion.” Anatole France
I totally agree with this assumption. Been there and done that many times over!
“Human nature is deeply ingrained despite our best efforts difficult to change.” Unknown
This one shines the spotlight on the problem itself. Stupidity and stubbornness sometimes or often go hand-in-hand making it a lose-lose situation.
“It’s human nature to remember only what you want to remember and forget what you want to forget, or transform it into a different story.” Unknown
We are all good storytellers so I definitely agree with the transformation part so much so to our own detriment.
“I hate it when people argue in public and I’ve missed the beginning so I don’t know whose side I’m on.” Unknown
This too is human nature.
“People will question all the good things they hear about you but believe all the bad without a second thought.” Unknown
Human nature at its best?
“I chose the road less traveled and now I don’t know where I am.” Unknown
ME TOO!
“Even if you give them everything that they ask for, it’ll never be enough.” Unknown
Are we talking about men here?
Finally….
THE LAWS OF HUMAN NATURE
“You are not a pawn in a game controlled by others; you are an active player who can move the pieces at will and even rewrite the rules.” Robert Greene
There you go. You are not stuck where you are and you have the ability to change your life. You just need to start moving in the right direction. What about human nature? Tell it to take a hike!
Those high-pressurized days are over with. I’ve taken time off to concentrate on writing and I have all the time in the world to work on what I’m working on. No more churning out articles to meet deadlines and all the pressure that comes with it. These days the only form of stress that comes my way is dealing with what needs to be fixed around the house, Chachi, the cat’s demands, and stress of my own making!
So if that happens my go to method of unwinding is to take a walk in the garden which is geared for relaxation. It has a whimsical quality about it and just watching the butterflies fleeting from flower to flower is soothing and calming. Listening to the birds is something that helps me unwind as well. The bedroom is an oasis for relaxation and it is kept dark and cool. I never have the heat on in the bedroom, I like it cold with lots of blankets! Sometimes listening to music helps but nothing jarring. It has to be soft and mood inducing. If that fails, stand-up comedy helps to bring out the laughter and this definitely does the job of soothing a frazzled nerve.
Meditation and yoga are two of my current methods of winding down for the evening. I’ve always turned to yoga but took a break after hurting myself doing a pretzel move! No more twisting and turning or headstands for that matter. These days I listen to my body so 30 minutes of slow languid moves helps to tone the body, calm the mind and to restore the soul. Meditation and deep breathing combined are major when it comes to getting ready for bed. It never fails to calm my mind and to put it to bed. Not always an easy thing to do since my mind has a mind of its own!
According to the Collins Dictionary, it is defined as “not showing or done with due care for the consequences of one’s actions or attitudes.”
Basically it points to reckless behavior with no thought for the well-being of someone else and not thinking or worrying about the possible results of said actions. It often stems from a lack of self-discipline amongst other things.
“An irresponsible person has no consideration for others.” Unknown
I have put up with irresponsible behavior for most of my life. I think many of us do. We are known as enablers. We do not hold people accountable for their actions but instead make excuses for them so that they can continue on their merry way wrecking havoc as they go along their path of no consequences and move on with no accountability. One can say, the path to hell is often littered with irresponsible behavior.
“Enabling is a significant part of a codependent relationship. It involves supporting the unhealthy behaviors of someone through action or inaction.” Nedra Glover Tawab
It is a sort of give and take so to speak but only in this case you wind up giving more than you’ll ever receive.
Case in Point:
I have a so-called friend who takes irresponsible behavior to a new high. Let’s just say she walks to her own drumbeat one of no consequences AND recklessness should have been her middle name. Anyway, I’ve enabled some of that behavior by putting up with her actions. It has been mostly showing up late for appointments. In the beginning, it was five or ten minutes late. No big deal right? Now, it has escalated to 30 minutes with a stop to do some shopping in between before she arrives with a smile on her face and no apology whatsoever. Still I let it go. Yes, “enabler” should have been my middle name!
However, what she pulled this past week has brought me to a screeching halt and it is time to step back and reevaluate the situation.
I was invited to her place for coffee and breakfast. I told her I would bring the bread rolls and she said, “Looking forward to it.” I was looking forward to some girl talk and a nice breakfast in a quiet atmosphere and I got both but with an unexpected guest! I showed up at the stipulated time bread rolls in hand. By the way, you can add, “Ms. Punctuality” to my last name! Anyway, she walks to the gate, we exchange pleasantries and walk to the front door. Still nothing was said. She opens the door, I step inside and she turns around and says, “I’ve been sick, very sick.” I stop in my tracks all alarm bells going off. I ask, “What with?”
She says, “Everything!”
Me: “What do you mean everything?”
She answers, “COVID!”
Me, croaking, “When did it start?”
She says nonchalantly, “It started last Thursday.”
Now, I am not good at Math but even I could figure out that it was less than a week ago! I was in the house with all windows and doors closed. Not only was there no means of escape but the bacteria or rather the virus was getting ready to pounce on me!
I could see that the table was set for breakfast. What should I do? Should I flee? Should I tell her that this is irresponsible behavior of the highest form? She says, “Let’s make some eggs. You can show me how you make scramble eggs.”
I mumbled, “No, I don’t want eggs thanks,” feeling like the sheep being led to the slaughter. Then she says, “I did the test this morning, it showed one stroke which means I am ok.” I wanted to scream, “I don’t bloody well care!”
Did I tell you I am a hypochondriac as well?
It went downhill from there. I had a cup of coffee probably tinged with bacteria. I refused the ham and cheese and had 1/2 a bread roll with some butter and marmalade all the time thinking, “It doesn’t matter, I’m going to die anyway!!” I stayed for an hour, yes an hour because of the “enabler” issue and also because leaving any sooner would have been rude on my part. The conversation was stunted to say the least and I tolerated the coughing which was part and parcel of this breakfast date. When I finally got out into fresh air, I took big gulps as if that was going to stop the virus that was making headway into my system shouting gleefully, “Another one bites the dust!”
It has been four days since and I’ve been downing tea laced with Moringa and spiked with lemon and doing an extra dose of meditation everyday. So far, so good. I googled the incubation period and it says 2-14 days after exposure to the virus! Lord, have mercy!
“Two things I can’t stand – Irresponsible behavior and Disloyalty.” Unknown
Emotionally irresponsible behavior is another form of irresponsible behavior. This one points to an “individual who lacks empathy for a loved one, and one who is frequently insensitive to those whom he or she is closest to.”
I’ve enabled such behavior not once, not twice, but more times than I can count on my fingers. To make a long story short, such partners lack the ability to accept responsibility, they lack empathy, they have a fear of commitment, everything is about them, conversations are usually one-sided, they avoid relationship discussions and last but not least, YOU feel alone in the relationship. One such example is a narcissist. A narcissist is an emotionally immature person who often displays all of the symptoms of emotionally irresponsible behavior. They are self-preoccupied and they are “perfect” in their own eyes.
How do you deal with such people. Dr. Henry Cloud has some suggestions as far as “Name Your Boundaries” and standing by them.
I will not allow myself to be constantly criticized or infected with toxic emotional treatment that damages me. If the situation cannot be resolved, I will not expose myself to it.
I will not allow myself to be yelled at or be verbally abused. If that happens, I will distance myself from the relationship until it stops.
I will not allow myself to trust a liar or a cheat. The lying must stop before I trust the person again.
I will not take responsibility for the irresponsible behavior of others.
I will not tolerate any abuse of any kind.
AND MY OWN:
I will not let anyone treat me as if I don’t matter!
I feel a cough and a headache coming on. Time to Google again!
I’ve backed off from social media usage simply because my life doesn’t revolve around it anymore. Gone are the days of constantly reaching for my phone to see what is going on and replying to every unnecessary tweet! I don’t need those strokes anymore.
I’m no longer on Facebook, Instagram is not my thing and X, well I’m still on there but I rarely contribute. None of these things have the pull they used to have. Don’t ask me why. Perhaps, it’s because I’m evolving in a different way or rather marching to my own drumbeat. Did I tell you I’m a recluse? Sure looks that way and somehow I’m loving it! There is a certain kind of peace from knowing that you don’t need outside stimulation from the likes of social media to feel good about yourself.
I’m here and that is my social media interaction. It seems to be working fine. I say what I’ve got to say and I wrap it up for the day until tomorrow rolls around and the Daily Prompt stares me in the face again! Boring? I guess but I’m loving it and that is what matters.
I wanted to say peace but it is nowhere to be seen today. Instead anxiety is taking its place. Why? I don’t know why. It shows up when it sees fit and makes my life a place of unrest and my head fills with unruly thoughts.
The night was fine. I slept like a baby after having done two bouts of yoga, one of the Yin variety and the other to calm the mind down. Both did wonders but here I am again feeling like something is not quite right. Anxiety is defined as an “emotion characterised by an unpleasant state of inner turmoil and includes feelings of dread over anticipated events.”
Perhaps it is just my mind playing tricks on me. It doesn’t like peace because everything moves on an even keel and that doesn’t set too well with it. It likes turmoil when my thoughts churn and move like the waves on a choppy ocean and somehow this movement seems to suit my mind because it is a “monkey” that loves the constant chatter of non-stop movement! Well, it is time to do another round of yoga to calm the mind, get the creative juices flowing and to get into a nirvana state of mind. Wish me luck!
It’s going to cost you your comfort zone and your sense of direction.
It’s going to cost you relationships and friends. It’s going to cost you being liked, and understood. But it doesn’t matter. Because the people who are meant for you are going to meet you on the other side. And you’re going to build a new comfort zone around the things that actually move you forward.
And instead of liked, you’re going to be loved. Instead of understood, you’re going to be seen. All you’re going to lose is what was built for a person you no longer are. Let it go.” Brianna West
Change is never-ending. It is scary but it brings you one step closer to who or what you want to be. It moves you out of your comfort zone and at times it will feel like you are being thrown into the deep end of the pool, sink or swim is your choice. I hope you swim.
Looking back at my life and the things that have held me back, I realize much of it was tied in with stupidity and emotions I could have done without. I could have learned the lessons in a shorter period of time instead of dragging it on but I didn’t.
This thing called love could have been easier on me. I could have made it easier but I wasn’t strong enough. I was in a vulnerable state and it seemed to attract the wrong types because vulnerability is often an invitation which says, “Here I am, come break me!” I should have walked when I saw that it was a foregone conclusion and my holding on would not change the outcome. It never did. I will do better I promise myself. I will let go when I see the truth staring me in the face and walk away with my dignity intact and with my heart back in my chest. I will let go before it drags me down to where I often find myself, right down at ground zero but the changes took a long time coming.
I am stronger today than I was yesterday. My heart still speaks the language of love but it no longer speaks stupid. This journey I am on has changed me. The weak or vulnerable one has been replaced with one who is confident, capable and someone who knows who she is and what she wants out of life. Something inside me screams, “I am woman, hear me roar!” Scary? Well, if you’re the type of man I am accustomed to, then you should be. I am looking to be loved but with eyes open this time. Working on myself is a mindful and daily affair and when I finally step out of my comfort zone, the journey will be complete but change is a lifelong journey and it will be a never-ending one. I can handle it I tell myself because I am no longer who I used to be.
“A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.” James Keller
I don’t remember his name but it is not important. The meeting took place while I was in high school. He was the caretaker’s son and I met him one day during break time. We were playing some silly game and there he was sitting on a bench staring into space. I recall the smile on his face as he sensed my presence. It was big and bold and somehow didn’t quite fit that small face. I stopped and stared and he said, “Hello!” and that was the beginning.
He was born blind and his eyes looked clouded like there was a veil over them. I was fascinated by them and we talked for a while. The friendship took off and everyday at break time, I was at his place asking questions and listening to him play the piano. One day he played this beautiful melody and called it my song. He had dreams of being a famous pianist and I could see him achieve that dream. He was very talented. We talked about many things and I think I was the only friend he had. Some days after school, I would practice walking around the house with my eyes closed just to see what it felt like to be him. Summer rolled around and there was a break for some time. When school started back up, I couldn’t wait to see him again. The bench where he usually sat was empty. I looked around and there was no sign of him. Then his mother told me he was gone. I didn’t know what that meant at the time but I felt the pain of losing a friend.
Looking back, it was the awakening of compassion and empathy within me. I didn’t know him well but there was a definite connection between us. A chance meeting that would change my life for the better. I would go on to help others but it all began right there when compassion took hold for a fellow human being and empathy did the rest.
Daily writing prompt
Describe a random encounter with a stranger that stuck out positively to you.
“If everything around seems dark, look again, you may be the light.” Rumi
Sometimes it burns brightly and at other times it flickers and there are times when it is extinguished and there is only darkness to be found. Finding your way becomes hard as darkness spreads its wings and envelops everything in its wake but that light within can be relit again. It is there and waiting for you to light that light again.
“No degree of worldly darkness can extinguish the glow of a soul’s inner light.” Wes Fesler
You, my friend, are a powerful being. You have everything within you to make it through that “worldly darkness.” Did you lose someone close and your light is dimmed? Did someone walk away leaving you to find your way again? Do you feel like you don’t belong? Did someone put you down and make you feel smaller than you are? Did all these things make you feel like you are not enough? If so, reach for that light within. It is powerful and it takes more than a careless word or two, a breakup or ugliness to put out the light. Even if you take a temporary leave of absence, it waits patiently till you come back ready to burn brightly again.
“Let your light shine so brightly that others can see their way out of the dark.” Katrina Mayer
How do you get the light within to burn brightly?
It has been said through, “meditation, mindfulness, self-reflection, and acts of kindness towards oneself and others.” Practicing kindness and compassion towards others is one surefire way to light that light within and to keep it burning brightly. I give out smiles and it is a daily practice I engage in. Whenever I meet a stranger and our eyes meet, that “high-voltage” smile turns on! It has brought some unwanted attention but that aside, a smile or two comes back accompanied by this warm and fuzzy feeling and I’m ready to embrace a stranger!
“Kindness is igniting a light in someone else for no reason other than to watch them enjoy the glow.” Raktivisit.
So, my friend, be that light. It is within you and waiting to show you the way.
Did you know that, “Within your being is a source of light…..with unlimitedwattage.” Put it to good use. You are powerful, you are magical, you are capable, you are beautiful and you are ENOUGH as you are. Turn on that light and step into its brightness and watch your life transform….
One decision I made in the past that has helped me to learn and to grow is to let go of a relationship that wasn’t working. Holding on is human nature and letting go is too but I tend to hold on longer than it is necessary sometimes until I am blue in the face or till the cows come home!
Therein lies all my problems. I knew it wasn’t working, I could see it for what it was but still I held on for dear life. However, the journey of self-discovery I am on taught me some lessons and one of them is that not all breakups are bad. Sometimes it is needed to teach you that “better” exists and it is not only in your mind. Once I started moving forward, I realized that I had it within me to pick and choose the right person I wanted in my life. My heart has all these romantic notions of how a love should be but I am learning that there is more to it than butterflies in your stomach. I tend to wear rose-colored glasses where love is concerned and when that tint wears off, I am left holding the remnants of a broken love affair. It’s off with those glasses and on to what it is really about. It is now about knowing what I want, what I won’t settle for and a love that is “all in” and not the fading kind. I mean, “the here today and gone tomorrow” variety.
Breaking off and going it alone has taught me many lessons but the most important one that has helped me to learn and grow is that I AM ENOUGH as I am. No embellishments needed! Version 2.0 is stronger and more capable at looking for love in all the right places and a royal pain in the you know what!
Daily writing prompt
Describe a decision you made in the past that helped you learn or grow.
I’m reposting this again because what Nate White had to say about Trump still stands true. The man (not king) is on a path of destruction. Rule of law does not apply where he is concerned but then again why should it? He is a convicted felon with 34 counts to his name so how did he make it to the highest office in the land? A question many are asking over and over again. Ask Elon Musk is my answer. Watching Trump talk about criminals (the immigrant variety) and the home-grown ones is nothing short of ironic. People with tattoos and if you’re brown-skinned you’re a gang member no due process required. That was Abrego Garcia’s fate who is sitting somewhere in a Salvadorian Gulag. Is he still alive? No one knows for sure. However, the one with the tattoos is now the Defense Secretary and the “criminal” is talking about sending people off to Salvador to meet their fate while rule of law is going to hell in a handbasket!
Here is the best description of Trump ever and it was penned by Nate White, an articulate and witty writer from England.
“Trump lacks certain qualities which the British traditionally esteem. He has no class, no charm, no coolness, no credibility, no compassion, no wit, no warmth, no wisdom, no subtlety, no sensitivity, no self-awareness, no humility, no honour and no grace.”
He goes on to add:
“And in Britain we traditionally side with David not Goliath. All our heroes are plucky underdogs; Robin Hood, Dick Whittington, Oliver Twist. Trump is neither plucky, nor an underdog. He is the exact opposite of that. He’s not even a spoiled rich-boy, or a greedy fat-cat. He’s more of a fat white slug. A Jabba the Hutt of privilege.”
There’s more to this epic takedown and it goes like this:
“his faults seem pretty bloody hard to miss. After all, it’s impossible to read a single tweet, or hear him speak a sentence or two, without staring deep into the abyss. He turns being artless into an art form; he is a Picasso of pettiness; a Shakespeare of shit…..He makes Nixon look trustworthy and George W. look smart….if Frankenstein decided to make a monster assembled entirely from human flaws…..he would make a Trump….If being a twat was a TV show, Trump would be a boxed set.”
Hands up if you disagree. Perfectly put together and it was an epic takedown if there ever was one!
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